Suju's Next Top Bed Master
Title: Suju's Next Top Bed Master Ep1 Pt1
Authors:
miangel_zezchic and tees2mai
Genre: Crack
Rating: R to the extreme
Disclaimer: Crackpot Productions and Smracks Productions owns this show
Authors' Note: Enjoy!
*booming voice* A show like no other, a combination of crack, smut and… *pauses, returns to normal voice* OK. That’s all we have actually. But anyway. *clears throat and returns to booming voice* A one of a kind show, yet to be challenged by any other...
Two men. One prize. Pure sex. Who will be…Suju’s Next Top Bed Master?!
(theme song plays)
Banks Dong Hee steps into view. He’s in the middle of a food court with waiters bustling about getting and delivering orders. The sounds of pots and pans clanking about can be heard and the fizzling of food being fried, steamed, poached, baked, practically cooked in any way possible. There was an evident drool creeping on the side of Banks Dong’s mouth as he glanced around at his surroundings. But he immediately grins widely when the camera catches his face.
Shindong: Welcome, viewers, to Suju’s Next Top Burger...I mean, Bed Master. Last time you got to know the cheese…I mean, contestant’s a little better. Today, we will get the competition up and cooking…I mean, running. As you can see, I am right now in heaven…I mean, a fast food central square where a display of my one and only love…I mean, weakness is all around….
A guy with a tray filled with a Big Mac, large fries, ice cream waffles, chocolate sundae, and a bubblegum smoothie passes by. Shindong’s eyes follow him for a moment before he closes his eyes for a few seconds, breathing deeply before he opens his eyes and grins again.
Shindong: Food. Yes. It distracts me from everything else. In this episode, we will see how the contestants each cope with their most desirous distractions as they attempt to complete the first task. Now, before I explain the first task, let us call out the contestants. You’ve met them last episode and they’ve each received tremendous support. Here they are: Kyuhyun and Sungmin!
Kyuhyun and Sungmin enter: Kyuhyun still has his PSP in his hand and is completely focused on it as he walks, Sungmin gives a short wave and a cute smile.
Shindong: Are you guys, ready?
Sungmin: Ready as I’ll ever be!
Kyuhyun: *grunt*
Shindong: Alright. In this first task, all you have to do is go to the Sex Store at the very end of this mall and retrieve this tube of pink lube *holds up bottle, Sungmin squeals in delight*. You have fifteen minutes to find the store, retrieve the lube and return here…*voice lowers* where I’ll be getting my work’s worth of food…*clears throat* Is that clear?
Sungmin: Crystal!
Kyuhyun: *rolls eyes*
Shindong: OK. Your time starts…now! *runs off himself in the direction of McDonalds*
Sungmin dashes off immediately right into the mall with the camera following him. He sprints at full speed, ignoring the scandalized looks from people he passes. With credit to his amazing sense of direction (it was a mall, you know, his turf), he had found the Sex Store within five minutes. Puffed yet satisfied with himself and sure of the easy victory he would claim (because last he looked, Kyuhyun was still glued to his PSP), he skips happily towards the store.
A few mere feet away from the store, Sungmin comes to a dead halt. To his left was a store that had it not already had a name, he would’ve named after himself. It was pink from the very entrance to the very corner of the store. Sungmin had stars in his eyes as he stepped closer, entranced. Heavenly music played in his mind as a godly light seemed to shine on the store and lead him there. The pink store, the bright neon pink sign read Hello Kitty, was calling out to him and he wasn’t refusing. His eyes landed on a display and his jaw dropped. A bright pink, very suggestive underwear was practically drawing him to it.
Sungmin: *muttering* I think I just found the purpose of my life….
And without a second thought, he stepped inside.
Meanwhile….
Back at the starting point, Kyuhyun is still playing away on his PSP, unaware of anything going on around him.
PD: Er…Kyuhyun, the task has started.
Kyuhyun: *grunt, but starts walking anyway*
The camera follows Kyuhyun as he walks through the mall, not even lifting his head up for a single second and eventually finds the Sex Store in record time. Just before the store, however, was a game store filled to the brim with different games and gadgets and electronics that would make any game nerd like Kyuhyun himself, fall to their knees in worship. But Kyuhyun merely glanced up-
PD: Thank God! I thought we would never get a shot of his face!
-and gave a snigger.
Kyuhyun: Pffft, I set the records in that store last year.
And without further ado, his face once again immersed in his PSP (PD: Crap…), he stepped into the Sex Store. Without lifting his head out of the game and using one hand to play while the other to administer his task, Kyuhyun emerged out of the store with the lube in hand and a nonchalant _expression on his face.
Not surprisingly, Kyuhyun returned to where Shindong was stuffing himself with junk food with more than five minutes to spare.
Shindong: *mouth full of food* Blet’s hwait por Sungbmin….
Sungmin returned no less than an hour later, laden with no less than ten bright pink shopping bags.
Sungmin: I’m sorry I’m late. I lost track of time. That store had everything. Anyway, here’s the lube.
Shindong stuffs the last of his food and stands, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
Shindong: Sungmin, you were forty-five minutes late of the time limit. Even though you managed to retrieve the lube, Kyuhyun had arrived within the time limit. And so, Kyuhyun is the winner of this first task!
Sungmin groans deeply and pouts while Kyuhyun merely throws him a smirk.
Shindong: And because he has won the first task, Kyuhyun will be first in trying his luck with the first challenge! What exactly is the first task? Stay tuned to find out…!
***
Sungmin and Kyuhyun are at the house; Kyuhyun has taken over the TV and plugged in his Playstation and was deeply focused on the game while Sungmin was shown lying on the bed in his room with his headphones on, reading a book titled “Ten Signs Showing Your Lover is Cheating On You with a Chinese Man”. Suddenly the doorbell rings.
Sungmin: Kyuhyun-shi! Could you get that?
Kyuhyun: …(focused on game)
Sungmin: Kyuhyun-shi, someone’s at the door, could you please answer?
Kyuhyun:…
Sungmin: Kyuhyun-shi?
Kyuhyun: DIE, SUCKAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sungmin: *curses and gets up, taking his headphones off*
Sungmin walks out of his room, sees Kyuhyun still playing furiously, sighs, and then goes to answer the door. A pizza delivery guy stands there and grins at him. Sungmin immediately cringes.
Sungmin: Urgh…I don’t eat all this greasy, artery-clogging, toxic cheese. Kyuhyun-shi! Your pizza is here!
Pizza delivery guy: This isn’t pizza.
Sungmin: *raises eyebrows* Dude, you’ve got a pizza-shaped hat on your head, a flat carton with a picture of disgustingly fattening dough and cheese and you’re gonna tell me you sell nachos?
Pizza delivery guy: This is special pizza.
Sungmin: Whatever. It’ll make you obese and kill you all the same.
Pizza delivery guy: *shoves box in Sungmin’s hands* Banks Dong Delivery, at your service. (guy drives off)
Sungmin blinks for one moment before rushing into the house in hysterics.
Sungmin: Banks Dong Delivery! Banks Dong Delivery!
Kyuhyun: *waves Sungmin away*
Sungmin rolls his eyes at Kyuhyun and sets the box down on the kitchen counter before opening it. Inside, there is a pizza-shaped card with a picture of Banks Dong taking a large bite out of a pizza. Sungmin reads the card.
Sungmin: This boy may seem childish and possibly weird, but win him over in bed and you’ll be in the lead! Enter the Challenge Room and be prepared, because what lies ahead may not be easy to bed…. Kyuhyun-shi! Our first challenge *jumps up and down ecstatically*!
Kyuhyun: Take that, you ugly brute!
Sungmin sighs and walks off.
Sungmin Self Cam:
Sungmin sits on the sofa Indian style.
Sungmin: Okay like, so apparently Kyuhyun owns the, um...task thing. Which is, like, whatever fine *rolls eyes, waves hand away*. Because OMG *eyes widen and voice raises* what was I supposed to do, let those panties go? That would’ve been scandalous! They were sooooooooo cute! *jumps a little in an excited manner* And anyways, so, like, now we have the first challenge and they gave us a list of this guy’s interest right. And gosh. He is so weird! *scrunches face up* Like Monkeys? Aliens? I mean, kink’s one thing, but he’s just…weird. Well whatever, he isn’t as weird as Kyuhyun.... That weirdo has not left that thing in his hand since he’s gotten here. And he’s totally ignored me the whole day. I mean, I’m trying to be nice and all and he’s all, like, no way. Tsk. Sure I get we’re competing against each other, but, like, we could be civil towards each other you know? Talk about anti-social! Anyways so I was thinking, because last Halloween my brother’s ex-girlfriend’s boss wore this costume thing to this totally raving party we had that year, oh my gosh you should so come to this year’s party-it will be MAD! *laughs* But yeah, he wore this thing and claimed it was an alien costume but no one was believing him, he’s all into that outer space thing but yea, I can totally borrow that costume off of him and like....oh my gosh! You know some guys have like a dress up kink, maybe this Donghae guy will dig it you know?
*Sungmin runs out of the room with his pink cell phone in hands*
Kyuhyun Self Cam:
Kyuhyun sits in front of the television and Xbox. A few minutes pass where he continues playing. The PD coughs.
Kyuhyun: ...yeah! Yeah...give...me....just...one...se-BOOYAH! DID YOU SEE THAT SUCKER BLOW UP?!??!!
Kyuhyun chuckles evilly. Then he stops laughing and has a dead serious look. He looks dead into the camera, with evil filled eyes.
Kyuhyun:And just like that.... I will blow my competition, as they call it...away. *smirk* Don’t mess with The GameKyu.
Kyuhyun turns his back on the camera and goes back to his Xbox.
Kyuhyun: How much time do I have?
PD: T en minutes.
Kyuhyun: Okay...
Kyuhyun fiddles with the joystick a bit more before he stretches his arms and stands up.
PD: Aren’t you going to look at the list?
Kyuhyun: *snorts* I’m going to go eat something first.
Kyuhyun walks into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Sungmin runs excitedly into his room with a bundle of green in his hands.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Looking for some crack funny entertainment? Or some good heartwrenching angst? Tees2mai and miangel_zezchic have just the right thing for you! We will have you rolling around in health-concerning laughter or tears that would bring out the insanity in you! Get your taste of fun and tears NOW!
*low, fast-talking voice* Side-effectsincludeconstantlaughter, mentalretardness, ADDsymptons, smut-addictionandoverallirreversibleconsequences.Wearenotresponsibleforanyoftheside-effects.
Youhavebeenwarned.
END OF COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back to the show! (<-- Pt2 here! Yes, it's not over yet!)
Authors:
miangel_zezchic and tees2mai
Genre: Crack
Rating: R to the extreme
Disclaimer: Crackpot Productions and Smracks Productions owns this show
Authors' Note: Enjoy!
*booming voice* A show like no other, a combination of crack, smut and… *pauses, returns to normal voice* OK. That’s all we have actually. But anyway. *clears throat and returns to booming voice* A one of a kind show, yet to be challenged by any other...
Two men. One prize. Pure sex. Who will be…Suju’s Next Top Bed Master?!
(theme song plays)
Banks Dong Hee steps into view. He’s in the middle of a food court with waiters bustling about getting and delivering orders. The sounds of pots and pans clanking about can be heard and the fizzling of food being fried, steamed, poached, baked, practically cooked in any way possible. There was an evident drool creeping on the side of Banks Dong’s mouth as he glanced around at his surroundings. But he immediately grins widely when the camera catches his face.
Shindong: Welcome, viewers, to Suju’s Next Top Burger...I mean, Bed Master. Last time you got to know the cheese…I mean, contestant’s a little better. Today, we will get the competition up and cooking…I mean, running. As you can see, I am right now in heaven…I mean, a fast food central square where a display of my one and only love…I mean, weakness is all around….
A guy with a tray filled with a Big Mac, large fries, ice cream waffles, chocolate sundae, and a bubblegum smoothie passes by. Shindong’s eyes follow him for a moment before he closes his eyes for a few seconds, breathing deeply before he opens his eyes and grins again.
Shindong: Food. Yes. It distracts me from everything else. In this episode, we will see how the contestants each cope with their most desirous distractions as they attempt to complete the first task. Now, before I explain the first task, let us call out the contestants. You’ve met them last episode and they’ve each received tremendous support. Here they are: Kyuhyun and Sungmin!
Kyuhyun and Sungmin enter: Kyuhyun still has his PSP in his hand and is completely focused on it as he walks, Sungmin gives a short wave and a cute smile.
Shindong: Are you guys, ready?
Sungmin: Ready as I’ll ever be!
Kyuhyun: *grunt*
Shindong: Alright. In this first task, all you have to do is go to the Sex Store at the very end of this mall and retrieve this tube of pink lube *holds up bottle, Sungmin squeals in delight*. You have fifteen minutes to find the store, retrieve the lube and return here…*voice lowers* where I’ll be getting my work’s worth of food…*clears throat* Is that clear?
Sungmin: Crystal!
Kyuhyun: *rolls eyes*
Shindong: OK. Your time starts…now! *runs off himself in the direction of McDonalds*
Sungmin dashes off immediately right into the mall with the camera following him. He sprints at full speed, ignoring the scandalized looks from people he passes. With credit to his amazing sense of direction (it was a mall, you know, his turf), he had found the Sex Store within five minutes. Puffed yet satisfied with himself and sure of the easy victory he would claim (because last he looked, Kyuhyun was still glued to his PSP), he skips happily towards the store.
A few mere feet away from the store, Sungmin comes to a dead halt. To his left was a store that had it not already had a name, he would’ve named after himself. It was pink from the very entrance to the very corner of the store. Sungmin had stars in his eyes as he stepped closer, entranced. Heavenly music played in his mind as a godly light seemed to shine on the store and lead him there. The pink store, the bright neon pink sign read Hello Kitty, was calling out to him and he wasn’t refusing. His eyes landed on a display and his jaw dropped. A bright pink, very suggestive underwear was practically drawing him to it.
Sungmin: *muttering* I think I just found the purpose of my life….
And without a second thought, he stepped inside.
Meanwhile….
Back at the starting point, Kyuhyun is still playing away on his PSP, unaware of anything going on around him.
PD: Er…Kyuhyun, the task has started.
Kyuhyun: *grunt, but starts walking anyway*
The camera follows Kyuhyun as he walks through the mall, not even lifting his head up for a single second and eventually finds the Sex Store in record time. Just before the store, however, was a game store filled to the brim with different games and gadgets and electronics that would make any game nerd like Kyuhyun himself, fall to their knees in worship. But Kyuhyun merely glanced up-
PD: Thank God! I thought we would never get a shot of his face!
-and gave a snigger.
Kyuhyun: Pffft, I set the records in that store last year.
And without further ado, his face once again immersed in his PSP (PD: Crap…), he stepped into the Sex Store. Without lifting his head out of the game and using one hand to play while the other to administer his task, Kyuhyun emerged out of the store with the lube in hand and a nonchalant _expression on his face.
Not surprisingly, Kyuhyun returned to where Shindong was stuffing himself with junk food with more than five minutes to spare.
Shindong: *mouth full of food* Blet’s hwait por Sungbmin….
Sungmin returned no less than an hour later, laden with no less than ten bright pink shopping bags.
Sungmin: I’m sorry I’m late. I lost track of time. That store had everything. Anyway, here’s the lube.
Shindong stuffs the last of his food and stands, wiping his mouth with a napkin.
Shindong: Sungmin, you were forty-five minutes late of the time limit. Even though you managed to retrieve the lube, Kyuhyun had arrived within the time limit. And so, Kyuhyun is the winner of this first task!
Sungmin groans deeply and pouts while Kyuhyun merely throws him a smirk.
Shindong: And because he has won the first task, Kyuhyun will be first in trying his luck with the first challenge! What exactly is the first task? Stay tuned to find out…!
***
Sungmin and Kyuhyun are at the house; Kyuhyun has taken over the TV and plugged in his Playstation and was deeply focused on the game while Sungmin was shown lying on the bed in his room with his headphones on, reading a book titled “Ten Signs Showing Your Lover is Cheating On You with a Chinese Man”. Suddenly the doorbell rings.
Sungmin: Kyuhyun-shi! Could you get that?
Kyuhyun: …(focused on game)
Sungmin: Kyuhyun-shi, someone’s at the door, could you please answer?
Kyuhyun:…
Sungmin: Kyuhyun-shi?
Kyuhyun: DIE, SUCKAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sungmin: *curses and gets up, taking his headphones off*
Sungmin walks out of his room, sees Kyuhyun still playing furiously, sighs, and then goes to answer the door. A pizza delivery guy stands there and grins at him. Sungmin immediately cringes.
Sungmin: Urgh…I don’t eat all this greasy, artery-clogging, toxic cheese. Kyuhyun-shi! Your pizza is here!
Pizza delivery guy: This isn’t pizza.
Sungmin: *raises eyebrows* Dude, you’ve got a pizza-shaped hat on your head, a flat carton with a picture of disgustingly fattening dough and cheese and you’re gonna tell me you sell nachos?
Pizza delivery guy: This is special pizza.
Sungmin: Whatever. It’ll make you obese and kill you all the same.
Pizza delivery guy: *shoves box in Sungmin’s hands* Banks Dong Delivery, at your service. (guy drives off)
Sungmin blinks for one moment before rushing into the house in hysterics.
Sungmin: Banks Dong Delivery! Banks Dong Delivery!
Kyuhyun: *waves Sungmin away*
Sungmin rolls his eyes at Kyuhyun and sets the box down on the kitchen counter before opening it. Inside, there is a pizza-shaped card with a picture of Banks Dong taking a large bite out of a pizza. Sungmin reads the card.
Sungmin: This boy may seem childish and possibly weird, but win him over in bed and you’ll be in the lead! Enter the Challenge Room and be prepared, because what lies ahead may not be easy to bed…. Kyuhyun-shi! Our first challenge *jumps up and down ecstatically*!
Kyuhyun: Take that, you ugly brute!
Sungmin sighs and walks off.
Sungmin Self Cam:
Sungmin sits on the sofa Indian style.
Sungmin: Okay like, so apparently Kyuhyun owns the, um...task thing. Which is, like, whatever fine *rolls eyes, waves hand away*. Because OMG *eyes widen and voice raises* what was I supposed to do, let those panties go? That would’ve been scandalous! They were sooooooooo cute! *jumps a little in an excited manner* And anyways, so, like, now we have the first challenge and they gave us a list of this guy’s interest right. And gosh. He is so weird! *scrunches face up* Like Monkeys? Aliens? I mean, kink’s one thing, but he’s just…weird. Well whatever, he isn’t as weird as Kyuhyun.... That weirdo has not left that thing in his hand since he’s gotten here. And he’s totally ignored me the whole day. I mean, I’m trying to be nice and all and he’s all, like, no way. Tsk. Sure I get we’re competing against each other, but, like, we could be civil towards each other you know? Talk about anti-social! Anyways so I was thinking, because last Halloween my brother’s ex-girlfriend’s boss wore this costume thing to this totally raving party we had that year, oh my gosh you should so come to this year’s party-it will be MAD! *laughs* But yeah, he wore this thing and claimed it was an alien costume but no one was believing him, he’s all into that outer space thing but yea, I can totally borrow that costume off of him and like....oh my gosh! You know some guys have like a dress up kink, maybe this Donghae guy will dig it you know?
*Sungmin runs out of the room with his pink cell phone in hands*
Kyuhyun Self Cam:
Kyuhyun sits in front of the television and Xbox. A few minutes pass where he continues playing. The PD coughs.
Kyuhyun: ...yeah! Yeah...give...me....just...one...se-BOOYAH! DID YOU SEE THAT SUCKER BLOW UP?!??!!
Kyuhyun chuckles evilly. Then he stops laughing and has a dead serious look. He looks dead into the camera, with evil filled eyes.
Kyuhyun:And just like that.... I will blow my competition, as they call it...away. *smirk* Don’t mess with The GameKyu.
Kyuhyun turns his back on the camera and goes back to his Xbox.
Kyuhyun: How much time do I have?
PD: T en minutes.
Kyuhyun: Okay...
Kyuhyun fiddles with the joystick a bit more before he stretches his arms and stands up.
PD: Aren’t you going to look at the list?
Kyuhyun: *snorts* I’m going to go eat something first.
Kyuhyun walks into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Sungmin runs excitedly into his room with a bundle of green in his hands.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Looking for some crack funny entertainment? Or some good heartwrenching angst? Tees2mai and miangel_zezchic have just the right thing for you! We will have you rolling around in health-concerning laughter or tears that would bring out the insanity in you! Get your taste of fun and tears NOW!
*low, fast-talking voice* Side-effectsincludeconstantlaughter, mentalretardness, ADDsymptons, smut-addictionandoverallirreversibleconsequences.Wearenotresponsibleforanyoftheside-effects.
Youhavebeenwarned.
END OF COMMERCIAL BREAK
Back to the show! (<-- Pt2 here! Yes, it's not over yet!)