When 'I Do' Hurts the Most - Fly and Fall Excerpts (by miangel)
Title: When 'I Do' Hurts the Most
Author: miangel
Pairing: Kris/Tao
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Guardian Angel AU (two short, drabble excerpts of some sorts from the fic I wrote for the Secret Santa exchange: Fly and Fall)
Summary:
Drabble 1 (Kris/Tao): There’s a ring that will never see its owner. Not now, not ever. (833 words)
Drabble 2 (Suho/Kyungsoo, Kai/Kyungsoo): He’s held on for this long, maybe it’s finally time to let go. (873 words)
A/N: Not trying to promote my fic or anything, but it is highly advised you read Fly and Fall first before you read these drabbles because a lot of things won’t make sense if you don’t. Then again, it’s a pretty long story, so I won’t hold it against anyone if you just read these. Hopefully it’ll still hold some semblance of sense :S
***
Tao/Kris
Ten years. Ten light purple feathers, the tenth slowly making its descent from where their owner resided in the heavens to the mortal world below. A man, age approaching his forties, the lines becoming apparent on his face, a mark of the years he’s lived yet doing nothing to mar his good looks, paused in his typing to look up and watch that single feather flutter from seemingly nowhere. His palms opened to receive it, a warm smile decorating his face as his fingers closed around it, the framed picture on his desk catching his attention and the sight of that face allowing warmth to seep into him.
Tao watched Yifan trace his free hand on the picture of them, finger decidedly following his face, his cheeks, his smile and it was as if Yifan’s touch really was against his face, the gesture making Tao sigh.
“I miss you, Taozi,” he heard Yifan mutter, voice almost echoing in the Seeing Pool.
Tears glistened in Tao’s eyes, his body quivering with the urge to run into Yifan’s arms and feel the tenderness of his touch on his own skin. It was with great self control that he managed to maintain his stance by the pool and not reach out into the pool to create that single connection that would allow him to talk to YIfan. Dropping feathers was risky enough, he couldn’t dream what Suho would do to him if he ever found out he’d braved such a thing.
“It’s been ten years, I see,” Yifan continued, glancing at the desk calendar next to the portrait. “Well, eleven years since you left, but ten since my angel came to me.”
He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head as though thinking himself foolish for reminiscing in solitude and talking to a person long gone. It rarely happened though, only on the one day he’d receive Tao’s feather, as though Yifan knew that Tao was watching, as though he knew that Tao would hear every single word he said.
Yifan pulled a tiny key out of his pocket, opening his locked bottom drawer with it. Tao saw the familiar purple velvet box he pulled out, not the least bit surprised to see Yifan drop the lone feather along with nine others sitting idly inside, still all perfectly intact, almost brand new. Yifan had ensured these extensions of Tao were well-kept, the only thing left he had of a love still burning deeply between them.
He paused, though, as he placed the box back into its corner in the drawer, something catching his eye and making him inhale sharply. Tao, watched, frowning in both curiosity and confusion, as Yifan, with bated breath, pulled out an inconspicuous-looking small, white box, dirtied from accumulating dust, turning the colour almost grey.
“Taozi,” Yifan said with a sigh, settling the box in front of him and looking at it with such longing, such yearning, a regret he hadn’t seen in years. “Taozi, I never told you this, but the day we moved in together….”
Yifan flipped the box open and Tao felt his breath leave him.
“…I bought this.” He delicately picked up the thin golden band. “I just…I wanted to give you this.” The smile on Yifan’s face was trembling with emotion. “I wanted to promise you forever. A forever of you and me.”
Yifan chuckled bitterly, placing the ring back in its place.
“I kept waiting for the right moment, but it just never came,” he confessed, voice breaking. “It’ll never come.” Yifan closed the box, sealing the ring in its confines once more. “If you hadn’t left, I would’ve proposed.”
His hands cupped the box, the treasure that held all possibilities of their future hurting Yifan much more than the reality of Tao’s passing. He let himself fall into a contemplative silence, memories of warm dates, quiet nights, lively conversations showing him the many opportunities he’d missed. Yet as many a chance as Yifan had to propose, he knew he could never change how it all ended. He knew it wouldn’t have made any difference. Tao would still be gone and a ring couldn’t change that.
He was startled when another lavender feather landed on top of his closed palm securing the ring and its box inside. He looked up, only seeing the white ceiling of his office, light almost burning his eyes, but knowing, understanding that Tao was watching from where he was, that Tao wanted him to know how he felt, that Tao would have said yes.
Yifan let a single tear escape him, the smile breaking onto his face no longer bitter. His fingers clutched at the feather tightly.
“I know, Taozi,” he said, opening the ring’s box once more with trembling fingers. “I know you would’ve said yes.” He placed this special feather tenderly inside the ring’s band as though a replacement of how he would’ve liked to put the ring on Tao’s finger, eventually closing the box with a deep exhale.
***
Suho/Kyungsoo, Kai/Kyungsoo
When Joonmyun had left, Kyungsoo never mourned for too long, he never let himself drown in the loss he’d suffered, he let a smile grace his face, he let people assume he had come to an acceptance of things, was courageously moving on. What people didn’t see was how hard Kyungsoo tried to stem the flow trickling from the open wound in his heart, how he fought each day to bandage the steadily flowing crack of his feelings, of his emotions. Kyungsoo was, in a way, fine, and on some level, he had come to terms that moping around would do him no good, he needed to live his life, knowing Joonmyun’s death was no reason for him to die as well. And maybe his closest friends knew, maybe his family could see the flickers of pain tarnishing Kyungsoo’s expression at unexpected moments, but they chose silence, seeing how Kyungsoo was faring very well in pursuing the dream restaurant he and Joonmyun had worked hard to start, knowing only Kyungsoo himself would know when he was ready to start healing that wound.
Kyungsoo never expected his new trainee waiter, the young man who, for all he was worth, seemed more fitting on a runway rather than wearing an apron and serving tables, to be the one brave (or perhaps rash?) enough to hold Kyungsoo’s hand (quite literally, in some cases) and help him encase his feelings, his memories for Joonmyun. And for Kyungsoo to make new room for this young man’s beautiful heart.
A man who, eight years later, would be reciting heartfelt vows and exchanging rings with Kyungsoo in the presence of their closest friends and relatives.
“Do you, Kim Jongin, take Do Kyungsoo as your lawfully wedded husband to cherish and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
Jongin looked down at Kyungsoo, his usual smirk gone, one of his rare gentle smiles radiating but the tip of an iceberg of how much he loved the man before him. “I do,” he promised.
“And do you, Do Kyungsoo, take Kim Jongin as your lawfully wedded husband to cherish and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
Kyungsoo thought about the eight years he and Jongin had been together, their first meeting, the first time he found himself relenting to Jongin’s persistent requests for a date, their first kiss, the first time they moved in together, the night Jongin proposed…then he thought of the years before Jongin, of Joonmyun, of their promises for forever, of the day that horrid accident had taken him away, of his return as an angel, of his promise to watch over Kyungsoo. And as Kyungsoo opened his mouth to answer, as he felt his heart wholly willing to seal himself in commitment, slight movement at the corner of his eyes caught his attention.
A white angel stood by, wings spread wide, presence bright and shining. He was crying, the tears running free down his face as he made no attempt to stop them, his gaze fixed solely on Kyungsoo. If things had been different, if fate hadn't been so cruel, perhaps it would be that man holding Kyungsoo's hand right now, it would be that soothing, comforting face that would be looking down at Kyungsoo, but that was another reality, perhaps another lifetime for them. He smiled and Kyungsoo’s heart warmed with something he hadn’t felt in a long time, a different warmth to Jongin, a warmth that seeped into his core almost effortlessly.
A squeeze of his hand brought Kyungsoo back to the present situation. Jongin was frowning slightly and Kyungsoo immediately felt guilty because though he never spoke of it, he felt Jongin knew that a part of him still couldn’t let go of Joonmyun, some part of him was still tied to Joonmyun, and on days when Joonmyun visited, he felt Jongin could sense Kyungsoo’s slightly distant behavior. But he never spoke of it, he never accused Kyungsoo, his trust in Kyungsoo was indefinite, his love for Kyungsoo was unconditional.
He would always love Joonmyun, he knew. That treasured part of him would never let him forget what they had shared. But a bigger part of Kyungsoo, a part of him that forced him to tear his eyes away from the crying figure that was Joonmyun and to look into the eyes of the man standing before him, could only yearn for Jongin.
Kyungsoo squeezed Jongin’s hand, a wide, assuring smile sent his fiancé’s way as he, too, promised, “I do.”
The kiss sealed their vows, a promise of a new forever for Kyungsoo, one he would be spending, not with Joonmyun as he had long believed, but with Jongin, who kissed him with such fervor, with such a strong promise of his feelings, who held him as though cherishing and protecting the man in his arms. And as Kyungsoo glanced over his shoulder, tears of happiness starting to trickle from his eyes, he saw a winged figure disappearing into the skies, bright even against the clear skies.
Kyungsoo couldn’t help the rush of tears that hit him, incapable of holding back the onslaught of feelings overcoming him, allowing people to think he was merely overwhelmed with wedded bliss. But really, as happy as he was that he was now officially married to Jongin, a part of him knew, without another word or look exchanged with the angel, that this would be the last time he would ever see Joonmyun.
***
I fell in love with this AU so much that I couldn’t resist writing short pieces of it. I know this is uber short but I have no energy to commit to writing another really long fic (even though I have like a million ideas running in my head). Still gonna work on that sequel to Stay cuz I’m also very emotionally-invested and so attached to that fic, but that might take quite a while.
Also, a little technical note here that I'm not assuming that gay marriage is legal in South Korea. I was gonna make Luhan get himself redained online and act as priest for Kaisoo, but I thought putting that little bit of info in would ruin the tone of the story, so I guess that'll be another story in the making about Kaisoo's wedding preparation or something. But yeah, that'll be another time ^^
Anyway, hope you liked these! Do let me know what you think and comment! :D
xoxox
miangel
Author: miangel
Pairing: Kris/Tao
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Guardian Angel AU (two short, drabble excerpts of some sorts from the fic I wrote for the Secret Santa exchange: Fly and Fall)
Summary:
Drabble 1 (Kris/Tao): There’s a ring that will never see its owner. Not now, not ever. (833 words)
Drabble 2 (Suho/Kyungsoo, Kai/Kyungsoo): He’s held on for this long, maybe it’s finally time to let go. (873 words)
A/N: Not trying to promote my fic or anything, but it is highly advised you read Fly and Fall first before you read these drabbles because a lot of things won’t make sense if you don’t. Then again, it’s a pretty long story, so I won’t hold it against anyone if you just read these. Hopefully it’ll still hold some semblance of sense :S
***
Tao/Kris
Ten years. Ten light purple feathers, the tenth slowly making its descent from where their owner resided in the heavens to the mortal world below. A man, age approaching his forties, the lines becoming apparent on his face, a mark of the years he’s lived yet doing nothing to mar his good looks, paused in his typing to look up and watch that single feather flutter from seemingly nowhere. His palms opened to receive it, a warm smile decorating his face as his fingers closed around it, the framed picture on his desk catching his attention and the sight of that face allowing warmth to seep into him.
Tao watched Yifan trace his free hand on the picture of them, finger decidedly following his face, his cheeks, his smile and it was as if Yifan’s touch really was against his face, the gesture making Tao sigh.
“I miss you, Taozi,” he heard Yifan mutter, voice almost echoing in the Seeing Pool.
Tears glistened in Tao’s eyes, his body quivering with the urge to run into Yifan’s arms and feel the tenderness of his touch on his own skin. It was with great self control that he managed to maintain his stance by the pool and not reach out into the pool to create that single connection that would allow him to talk to YIfan. Dropping feathers was risky enough, he couldn’t dream what Suho would do to him if he ever found out he’d braved such a thing.
“It’s been ten years, I see,” Yifan continued, glancing at the desk calendar next to the portrait. “Well, eleven years since you left, but ten since my angel came to me.”
He let out a small chuckle, shaking his head as though thinking himself foolish for reminiscing in solitude and talking to a person long gone. It rarely happened though, only on the one day he’d receive Tao’s feather, as though Yifan knew that Tao was watching, as though he knew that Tao would hear every single word he said.
Yifan pulled a tiny key out of his pocket, opening his locked bottom drawer with it. Tao saw the familiar purple velvet box he pulled out, not the least bit surprised to see Yifan drop the lone feather along with nine others sitting idly inside, still all perfectly intact, almost brand new. Yifan had ensured these extensions of Tao were well-kept, the only thing left he had of a love still burning deeply between them.
He paused, though, as he placed the box back into its corner in the drawer, something catching his eye and making him inhale sharply. Tao, watched, frowning in both curiosity and confusion, as Yifan, with bated breath, pulled out an inconspicuous-looking small, white box, dirtied from accumulating dust, turning the colour almost grey.
“Taozi,” Yifan said with a sigh, settling the box in front of him and looking at it with such longing, such yearning, a regret he hadn’t seen in years. “Taozi, I never told you this, but the day we moved in together….”
Yifan flipped the box open and Tao felt his breath leave him.
“…I bought this.” He delicately picked up the thin golden band. “I just…I wanted to give you this.” The smile on Yifan’s face was trembling with emotion. “I wanted to promise you forever. A forever of you and me.”
Yifan chuckled bitterly, placing the ring back in its place.
“I kept waiting for the right moment, but it just never came,” he confessed, voice breaking. “It’ll never come.” Yifan closed the box, sealing the ring in its confines once more. “If you hadn’t left, I would’ve proposed.”
His hands cupped the box, the treasure that held all possibilities of their future hurting Yifan much more than the reality of Tao’s passing. He let himself fall into a contemplative silence, memories of warm dates, quiet nights, lively conversations showing him the many opportunities he’d missed. Yet as many a chance as Yifan had to propose, he knew he could never change how it all ended. He knew it wouldn’t have made any difference. Tao would still be gone and a ring couldn’t change that.
He was startled when another lavender feather landed on top of his closed palm securing the ring and its box inside. He looked up, only seeing the white ceiling of his office, light almost burning his eyes, but knowing, understanding that Tao was watching from where he was, that Tao wanted him to know how he felt, that Tao would have said yes.
Yifan let a single tear escape him, the smile breaking onto his face no longer bitter. His fingers clutched at the feather tightly.
“I know, Taozi,” he said, opening the ring’s box once more with trembling fingers. “I know you would’ve said yes.” He placed this special feather tenderly inside the ring’s band as though a replacement of how he would’ve liked to put the ring on Tao’s finger, eventually closing the box with a deep exhale.
***
Suho/Kyungsoo, Kai/Kyungsoo
When Joonmyun had left, Kyungsoo never mourned for too long, he never let himself drown in the loss he’d suffered, he let a smile grace his face, he let people assume he had come to an acceptance of things, was courageously moving on. What people didn’t see was how hard Kyungsoo tried to stem the flow trickling from the open wound in his heart, how he fought each day to bandage the steadily flowing crack of his feelings, of his emotions. Kyungsoo was, in a way, fine, and on some level, he had come to terms that moping around would do him no good, he needed to live his life, knowing Joonmyun’s death was no reason for him to die as well. And maybe his closest friends knew, maybe his family could see the flickers of pain tarnishing Kyungsoo’s expression at unexpected moments, but they chose silence, seeing how Kyungsoo was faring very well in pursuing the dream restaurant he and Joonmyun had worked hard to start, knowing only Kyungsoo himself would know when he was ready to start healing that wound.
Kyungsoo never expected his new trainee waiter, the young man who, for all he was worth, seemed more fitting on a runway rather than wearing an apron and serving tables, to be the one brave (or perhaps rash?) enough to hold Kyungsoo’s hand (quite literally, in some cases) and help him encase his feelings, his memories for Joonmyun. And for Kyungsoo to make new room for this young man’s beautiful heart.
A man who, eight years later, would be reciting heartfelt vows and exchanging rings with Kyungsoo in the presence of their closest friends and relatives.
“Do you, Kim Jongin, take Do Kyungsoo as your lawfully wedded husband to cherish and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
Jongin looked down at Kyungsoo, his usual smirk gone, one of his rare gentle smiles radiating but the tip of an iceberg of how much he loved the man before him. “I do,” he promised.
“And do you, Do Kyungsoo, take Kim Jongin as your lawfully wedded husband to cherish and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”
Kyungsoo thought about the eight years he and Jongin had been together, their first meeting, the first time he found himself relenting to Jongin’s persistent requests for a date, their first kiss, the first time they moved in together, the night Jongin proposed…then he thought of the years before Jongin, of Joonmyun, of their promises for forever, of the day that horrid accident had taken him away, of his return as an angel, of his promise to watch over Kyungsoo. And as Kyungsoo opened his mouth to answer, as he felt his heart wholly willing to seal himself in commitment, slight movement at the corner of his eyes caught his attention.
A white angel stood by, wings spread wide, presence bright and shining. He was crying, the tears running free down his face as he made no attempt to stop them, his gaze fixed solely on Kyungsoo. If things had been different, if fate hadn't been so cruel, perhaps it would be that man holding Kyungsoo's hand right now, it would be that soothing, comforting face that would be looking down at Kyungsoo, but that was another reality, perhaps another lifetime for them. He smiled and Kyungsoo’s heart warmed with something he hadn’t felt in a long time, a different warmth to Jongin, a warmth that seeped into his core almost effortlessly.
A squeeze of his hand brought Kyungsoo back to the present situation. Jongin was frowning slightly and Kyungsoo immediately felt guilty because though he never spoke of it, he felt Jongin knew that a part of him still couldn’t let go of Joonmyun, some part of him was still tied to Joonmyun, and on days when Joonmyun visited, he felt Jongin could sense Kyungsoo’s slightly distant behavior. But he never spoke of it, he never accused Kyungsoo, his trust in Kyungsoo was indefinite, his love for Kyungsoo was unconditional.
He would always love Joonmyun, he knew. That treasured part of him would never let him forget what they had shared. But a bigger part of Kyungsoo, a part of him that forced him to tear his eyes away from the crying figure that was Joonmyun and to look into the eyes of the man standing before him, could only yearn for Jongin.
Kyungsoo squeezed Jongin’s hand, a wide, assuring smile sent his fiancé’s way as he, too, promised, “I do.”
The kiss sealed their vows, a promise of a new forever for Kyungsoo, one he would be spending, not with Joonmyun as he had long believed, but with Jongin, who kissed him with such fervor, with such a strong promise of his feelings, who held him as though cherishing and protecting the man in his arms. And as Kyungsoo glanced over his shoulder, tears of happiness starting to trickle from his eyes, he saw a winged figure disappearing into the skies, bright even against the clear skies.
Kyungsoo couldn’t help the rush of tears that hit him, incapable of holding back the onslaught of feelings overcoming him, allowing people to think he was merely overwhelmed with wedded bliss. But really, as happy as he was that he was now officially married to Jongin, a part of him knew, without another word or look exchanged with the angel, that this would be the last time he would ever see Joonmyun.
***
I fell in love with this AU so much that I couldn’t resist writing short pieces of it. I know this is uber short but I have no energy to commit to writing another really long fic (even though I have like a million ideas running in my head). Still gonna work on that sequel to Stay cuz I’m also very emotionally-invested and so attached to that fic, but that might take quite a while.
Also, a little technical note here that I'm not assuming that gay marriage is legal in South Korea. I was gonna make Luhan get himself redained online and act as priest for Kaisoo, but I thought putting that little bit of info in would ruin the tone of the story, so I guess that'll be another story in the making about Kaisoo's wedding preparation or something. But yeah, that'll be another time ^^
Anyway, hope you liked these! Do let me know what you think and comment! :D
xoxox
miangel