Stay, and I'll Wipe Your Tears Away (by miangel)
Title : Stay, and I’ll Wipe Your Tears Away
Author : miangel
Pairing : Kris/Tao (with very subtle hints of a few other pairings)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : angst, with bits of fluff and the occasional crack (slight hospital AU with Yifan being a young doctor)
Word Count : 11,547 words
Summary : Yifan’s monotonous night shift at the hospital was broken by the arrival of an unexpected patient. It would become the first of several nighttime encounters where Yifan would help the hurt boy. But with each encounter, Yifan found himself just wanting more and more for the boy to stay by his side.
Written for the SNCJ Reverse Big Bang here for toomuchblue's artwork:
***
Yifan couldn’t say he was surprised when he found his bed empty the next morning. Disappointment, however, was a harder emotion to keep discreet and the second Yixing had caught sight of Yifan’s upset look (and determined it was genuine, in contrast to Yifan’s unconscious default displeased expression), he began to fret. It would have been easier for Yifan to fib through the morning by blaming his work suspension had it not been for the bloody sheets, towels and shirt he had put in the laundry hamper. Yifan had spent the entire morning convincing a teary-eyed Yixing that he was not hurt and no one had died.
For the next few days, Yifan tried to make the best out of his liberal time. He found himself falling into a pattern of lethargy quite easily, choosing to enjoy himself as much as possible rather than stress himself over the things worrying him. Yixing spoiling him with food certainly attributed to Yifan’s new couch potato days. Joonmyun also called at least twice a day to update him on what went on in the hospital (Sehun occasionally chipping in a “hello” and “hyung, when will you be back?”), making Yifan anticipate the day he’d return to drowning in those pristine white walls and antiseptic scent despite all the comfort his off-time was giving him.
A constant thought continued to haunt him though and different from other worrying thoughts that crossed his mind, this one was a lot harder to settle: how was Tao? It was odd and it both perplexed and terrified Yifan to no end. He had met the boy twice, had not exactly made the best of impressions with the trouble he had caused, but Yifan couldn’t help the way those midnight dark eyes imprinted itself into his constant thoughts. And it wasn’t just the endless depths of shadows that were Tao’s eyes that stole Yifan’s mind, but the memory of being so physically close with the boy, feeling that warmth when he heard his laugh for the first time.
Yifan would’ve admitted he was (kinda, maybe, sorta) attracted to Tao had it not been for the reality that he might never actually see Tao ever again. They had met upon twice, both times completely random, unplanned and entirely coincidental. Yifan didn’t dare hope for a third time. And even if, by some bout of unexpected chance, their coincidental meeting came thrice, it was bordering on foolish to hope Tao would stay. He had left both times without a single word of goodbye and Yifan doubted a third time would change anything.
Yet still, Yifan’s mind was driven to think about the boy, bothered by the question of his well-being, curious as to why he seemed to have such a self-destructive habit of hurting himself. Everything he’d done for the boy seemed insufficient. He wanted to do more, offer more than just his professional skills.
The opportunity to do so came in the third night of his free week.
Jongdae had come running into Yifan’s room late that night, disrupting his reading (the occasional thoughts of Tao infiltrating the circling information of recent common ailments he was reading through) with frenzied words tumbling out of his mouth:
“Kid. Outside. Front door. Hurt. Wants. You.”
There was hope and panic when Yifan dropped his book and rushed towards their door, leaving a panting Jongdae to flatten himself on the doorway to avoid getting run down by Yifan. He knew it could be no other person than Tao, was elated when the flop of black hair and lean limbs sitting by his front door was all too familiar. Yet at the same time, Yifan’s worry clutched tightly at his insides: if Tao was back, then that meant he was hurt again.
The sound of footsteps made Tao look up from where he was sitting. His eyes met Yifan’s, a millisecond flicker of self-doubt flashing through them as though Tao himself was questioning why he was there as much as Yifan was. Yifan didn’t waste another second pondering upon the mysteries that were Tao’s emotions, crouching down level to Tao and beginning to carry out what was now becoming an almost habitual check of his body for injuries and wounds.
“You seem fine,” Yifan commented, noting that Tao had a lot more colour to his face than the last time they’d met and his breathing, while heavy, was not labored from pain. Nevertheless, he continued his thorough check of Tao. “Why do you like getting yourself hurt so much? Geez.” There were new cuts and scrapes that Yifan was certain hadn’t been there two nights ago.
Tao didn’t say anything, keeping quiet but wincing everytime Yifan’s hand would brush against a fresh cut. But then Yifan noticed the left hand he was cradling almost protectively with his other hand. He could see it trembling and Tao drew it tighter to his chest when Yifan made an attempt to touch it. Yifan paused, looking at the grimacing face, bottom lip tightly bit, eyes tearing.
“Did you fracture your wrist?”
Tao didn’t reply, but the second cry he emitted when Tao slowly allowed Yifan to gently put pressure on his wrist told him more than he needed to know.
“Let’s get inside,” Yifan said.
He squatted down in front of Tao, back towards him and it was a familiar maneuvering of arms and legs as Tao fell comfortably into place on Yifan’s back. Yifan had to bend down a little more to accommodate the one good arm Tao was using to keep himself in place. He wasted no time bringing Tao into his room, ignoring Jongdae’s rapidly fired questions and Yixing’s sleepy inquiring look.
It took a few moments for Yifan to locate the supporting arm brace he kept in his supplies, Tao watching him run around his room frantically in search of it as he lay comfortably on the bed. By the time Yifan returned to the bedside, Tao had situated himself against the headboard. Yifan had to pause, momentarily freezing up at the image of Tao sitting up, seeming so at ease and like he belonged there. On Yifan’s bed. Watching him with those intense, dark eyes as Yifan approached. Tao’s eyes were on his and Yifan knew he had been caught staring, but he made no attempt to look away or be embarrassed about it.
The trembling of Tao’s hand broke him out of his trance. Yifan slipped into his doctor role once more.
“Whatever I say to make you stop fighting or whatever it is that gets you hurt so bad every time is just useless, huh?” Yifan asked. “Give me your hand.”
Tao’s eyes widened considerably in fear at the order, his body slightly turned away to shield his hand away from Yifan. Yifan blinked, perplexed at the behaviour Tao was demonstrating.
“Tao, I need to put this brace on your wrist,” Yifan said.
He shook his head vigorously, face completely turned away from Yifan.
“Seriously Tao, you need to let me take care of that wrist before it gets any worse.”
Another shake of the head, slower this time, but it was accompanied by a choked out sob. “But it hurts.”
Yifan frowned. The words had come out so soft, alike to a child who refused to let a scratch be cleaned by iodine for the simple fact that it stung. He hadn’t expected that sort of behaviour from Tao.
“Well you should’ve thought about that before getting your wrist broken,” Yifan said, his words holding no bite but merely pointing out a fact.
Yifan shifted out of his chair and sat himself down on the bed. He reached over with a hand to each of Tao’s shoulder and gently brought him out of his protective hunch. It took some coaxing and reassurances, but Tao eventually let himself be turned to face Yifan even if he determinedly kept his face down. Yifan was surprised Tao made no attempt to pull his hand away when Yifan took it into his hold and began checking the damage that was done.
“I’d tell you to go to the hospital to get this x-rayed, but you’d just say no, wouldn’t you?” Yifan said. He received no reply, but continued on. “It doesn’t look that bad but I’ll have to clean up your open wounds first, then I’ll put the brace on.”
The slightest of nods gave Yifan the affirmative.
“You should take off your shirt. I need to check that chest wound of yours and change the bandages.”
Yifan had expected some sort of protest, another bout of having to convince the boy to do as he said, but Tao was quietly compliant, not saying a single word as they worked to remove his t-shirt, being extra gentle when Tao had to lift his left arm. He didn’t even look up, eyes trained on his lap the entire time, refusing to meet Yifan’s gaze. He didn’t know what to make out of Tao’s suddenly timid behaviour. Sure the boy had been reserved and unwilling to share any part of himself to Yifan, but it had always been with a mask of courage, of audacity, hard expression always challenging Yifan. It almost made Yifan question whether the boy in front of him was the same Tao he knew.
The stitches, Yifan was more than relieved to see, were still very much intact. There were new cuts around it, but it was nothing that worried Yifan. He set to work on those new cuts, cleansing them with alcohol and patching the bigger ones with a sterile gauze pad. He was so focused on his work that it wasn’t until the third cut he patched up that he realized the body he was tending was quivering. Yifan paused. He watched those shoulders shake and it was then that he realized low sobs accompanied each tremble.
“Tao, are you OK?”
The body tensed immediately, almost petrified in its immobility. Yifan gently placed the gauze he held over one particularly nasty cut and pressed it into place. The shudders returned and an unmistakably sharp intake of breath was heard. Yifan’s hand froze in place.
“Tao?”
A sniffle, a deep intake of breath and several moments of silence later, an answer came. “It hurts….”
Yifan was startled at how weak and broken Tao’s voice sounded, nothing like the usual piercing tone he used. His disbelief almost became a verbal taunt, but upon seeing Tao’s posture, the vulnerability they spoke of and the trembles he tried to control, he felt something clutch at his chest. For all his tough demeanor, despite the fact that he proudly got into fights, Tao was undoubtedly just another fragile teen at heart. One whose mask of bravery finally slipped after two times he had come to Yifan with a body covered in reasons for him to cry.
Against all better judgment, releasing any form of restraint he had willed upon himself, Yifan placed his free hand to the back of Tao’s neck and before he could react or reject the gesture, Yifan drew him into an embrace. He slipped his other arm around Tao’s waist, securing his body against Yifan’s. Tao tensed at the sudden gesture, stunned more than anything. But he didn’t need much more cajoling, accepting the comfort Yifan offered and fell heavily into the hug. He buried his face into Yifan’s shoulder, unaware of how the action made Yifan’s face flush a deep crimson. His sobs became even more undistinguished and stifled, but the dampness seeping into Yifan’s shirt was undeniable.
He tore his wandering mind away from how much he just wanted to let Tao find solace in his arms, returning to what was now the hardest task he had ever attempted. He didn’t want Tao to shed anymore tears, but he had to work on those cuts and wounds. Tao’s well-being depended on it. As heartbroken as he felt to hear each gasp, each more intense sob, Yifan continued tending to Tao’s injuries.
Working from his back, to his arms, making sure he didn’t overlook anything. It was slow work, having only one hand mobile while the other remained securely in place around Tao. But Yifan was grateful for the leisure pace: it gave him more time to be so close to Tao, at the same time allowing Yifan moments to compose himself. The tears seemed to flow faster with each mended wound and the sobs had now turned into a steady stream of cries. Yifan grimaced with every reaction Tao was making.
He let Tao cry himself to sleep, leaving the chest wounds and fractured wrist to attend to last. He couldn’t and wouldn’t push Tao away from the sanctuary he’d apparently found in Yifan’s arms. He tried to tell himself that it was for Tao’s sake, that he was comforting the boy from the pain. But he knew that his reasons were a lot more selfish than that.
When Yifan felt the figure in his arms grow heavier and the sobs eventually quiet down in place for a slow, steady rhythm of breaths, warm against Yifan’s shoulder, he knew Tao had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He allowed himself a few selfish moments of stroking Tao’s hair and back, pretending that it would be the first of many moments he’d have the boy in his arms. His reluctance to let Tao go made him savour every second used to lay Tao down onto the bed. He finished his work quickly, changing the bandages on Tao’s torso and securing the brace into place.
He made no attempt to clear up his supplies and merely sat back down on his chair by the bedside. He had met the boy all of three times including that night. It wasn’t rational that he’d be overwhelmed with so much affection for him. And yet as he gazed at the sleeping figure on his bed, heart clenching at the sight of all the white pads on his body, numerous cuts and bruises adorning his skin, he couldn’t help the way he longed to be something more to the boy than just a person who happened to have medical supplies and was willing to help. He wanted to know Tao, wanted to learn everything there was about him, wanted to enjoy discovering his quirks.
He wanted that chance. He wanted the boy to stay. Yifan hoped he would still be there when dawn broke. But as he stared in almost revere at the mess of black hair framing the serenely sleeping face, he knew it was a little too much to hope for. He tried to stay awake and stop Tao from leaving. But fatigue, both emotional and physical, caught up with him. He proved himself right when the morning came and Yifan woke up to an empty bed.
***
“Ge?”
“Hm?”
“I know this is probably none of my business, but…who was that kid that came here a few nights ago?”
“What kid?”
“The one with black hair, strong build, looked like he was really hurt. You know, the one you piggybacked to your room.”
Yifan’s chopsticks fell to the floor in a loud clatter. It was the last night of Yifan’s suspension (Joonmyun’s half a dozen excited calls to him throughout the day made sure Yifan didn’t forget that). They’d been celebrating his return to work the next day with a special grill of beef Yixing had cooked. Jongdae had chosen to take his food in front of the TV to set up their Friday movie night while Yifan and Yixing remained in the kitchen. He hadn’t expected Yixing to bring up that question when Jongdae had left them alone.
“No one,” Yifan replied curtly. “Just a patient.”
“You never treat your patients at home though,” Yixing remarked.
Yifan kept his focus on his food. He knew Yixing was driving the conversation a certain way that would have Yifan coming out with what he really felt inside, but Yifan refused to give him that satisfaction. It had been four days since Tao had left a third time. He tried not to let it get to him, tried to ignore how much it hurt him, tried to pretend things were fine and he looked forward to returning to work, but Yixing saw through all that and that was probably the main reason why the interrogation was taking place.
“Obviously, I couldn’t treat him at the hospital while I was on suspension,” Yifan defended.
“So why didn’t he just go to the hospital and get himself treated where they have a more complete supply of facilities?”
Yifan shrugged. “Patients are picky.”
Yixing looked at Yifan, searching through his shadowed face for confirmation of his assumptions. “Yifan, is he-.”
The question was cut short by a buzzing of the door. Yifan took the distraction to its advantage, abandoning Yixing’s inquiry session to answer the door. Jongdae had gotten up to do so as well but stepped back with raised eyebrows when Yifan walked past him in the direction of the door. After one incident with a terrified delivery boy who almost peed his pants at the sight of Yifan, the roommates had come to an agreement that Yifan should never answer doors. Yifan was fully aware that the fact that he had gotten up to do exactly that only proved Yifan was deliberately avoiding his conversation with Yixing about the boy. It was a consequence he was willing to take if the alternative was having to answer Yixing’s probing questions. But as Yifan would soon find out upon opening the door, the act would only further fire Yixing’s suspicions of Yifan and the boy with the black hair.
“Tao,” Yifan said.
There was a mixture of both delight and ache running through Yifan simultaneously when he saw Tao leaning heavily on the wall just outside his door, body once again wracked with new cuts, braced wrist held tightly to his chest, eyes still as shadowy as ever, gaze intensely locked onto Yifan’s. He missed the boy so much, wanted more than anything to just hold him again and, this time, never let go. But the reminder that Tao would never stay, would always walk away from him, brought his frustration to the forefront of his expression.
“You know, I have every right to just close the door in your face.”
Yifan’s tone was flat but the hard look in his eyes was unmistakable. Tao barely flinched, keeping their gazes locked.
“So why don’t you?” Tao asked, sounding just as calm despite his shallow intakes of breath.
For the slightest of a second, Yifan saw something crumble behind Tao’s dark, obscure windows.
Yifan’s heart clenched with the truth of what he answered, the emotion he had caught he had seen in Tao’s eyes: “The same reason why you keep coming back,” he said, voice low, almost like a fearful whisper.
Some sort of silent agreement seemed to occur between the two. They didn’t speak another word as Yifan guided Tao to the privacy of his room. He was glad Yixing chose not to probe and Jongdae merely sent a curious glance at them. They both stayed silent even as Yifan began his usual inspections of both old and new wounds, preparing his supplies to tend to Tao as he had the previous three times.
Yifan avoided Tao’s gaze as Tao avoided his. They both knew they had seen something in each other’s eyes too similar and too familiar for them to simply ignore. It relieved them in a way, but brought more doubt to what they were feeling inside. Yifan at least knew what he wasn’t fighting a one-sided battle.
It was Tao’s strangled sobs and sudden drops of tears that finally broke through their silence. Yifan immediately recognized the pained expression that had overtaken Tao’s face and was torn between being more gentle and slow or hastening himself so to minimize the pain Tao had to suffer. He went with the former and had to will himself not to succumb to the desire of wanting to take Tao in his arms once more.
He need not fight that urge for very much longer because the moment Yifan put his supplies aside, Tao reached out for him.
“Yifan-ge….”
Arms found their way to Yifan’s back, one slightly stiff in its brace, but they nevertheless brought Yifan close to their owner, pulling Yifan close to Tao. He tightened his hold on Yifan, head resting on a familiar place on his shoulder. It was all Yifan could do to wrap his own arms around Tao and lock them in embrace. He knew it was a bad idea to let Tao get that close once more. He knew he’d just be hurt knowing he was only useful as a literal shoulder to cry on. But Yifan found himself not caring. Not when Tao was once again in his arms.
Tao clutched tighter onto Yifan even as his cries died down to breathless whispers. Yifan would never know what made him do it, but he shifted his head oh so slightly to the side, pulling back just enough so he could plant a soft, gentle kiss on Tao’s cheek. Tao visibly tensed, but made no move to pull apart. He let Yifan draw them out of the embrace and hold their faces level with each other.
Ebony eyes locked onto hazel ones. Yifan saw a fractured soul, a sea of insecurities, a young boy working hard just to maintain a façade. He saw his fragility, his vulnerability, a search for security. He saw fear of getting hurt.
Perhaps it was out of desperation, perhaps Yifan couldn’t find the right words to convey just how much he wanted to be the shield to protect him, but Tao never protested, didn’t reject him when Yifan leaned close and placed his lips on Tao’s in a chaste, warm kiss. They didn’t move, they barely breathed; just the pressing of lip on lip. But it warmed them both to the very core.
“Stay,” Yifan breathed against Tao’s lips. “Please…stay.”
Tao never replied.
It was the first night Yifan slept laying by Tao’s side. He let Tao pillow his head on Yifan’s chest, the gentle breath tickling Yifan. He kissed the top of Tao’s head, his arms wrapped protectively around the boy. He wouldn’t let go this time. He wouldn’t let Tao leave again. He would make sure he was still there when Yifan woke. He wanted to stay awake and ensure that but the warm body against him lulled him into such comfort that Yifan fell unconscious within minutes.
***
He couldn’t help the tears that escaped him when he awoke yet again to streaming sunlight and heart-wrenching emptiness.
***
1 month later
“Slow night?”
Yifan rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. “Isn’t it always?”
Joonmyun gave Yifan a worried look. “You’ve been looking really drained for the past month since your suspension. Are you OK?”
“Yeah, fine,” Yifan said, shrugging out of his white coat.
“Doctor Jung says you’ve been performing incredibly well after your suspension. You’re not working too hard, are you?”
Yifan shook his head. “Nah, just picked up some people’s slack and covered some extra shift.”
“Yifan, you’re overworking yourself,” Joonmyun reprimanded. “You need to take it easy.”
“Hyung needs to get laid.”
Yifan and Joonmyun turned their attention to a sniggering Sehun who was hunched over his computer, Baekhyun standing next to him with a wide grin on his face. He looked at Yifan with an excited twinkling in his eyes.
“Sehun can set up an internet dating profile for you and find you a girlfriend in no time,” Baekhyun said with a mischievous grin.
“Boyfriend,” Joonmyun corrected almost automatically.
Baekhyun’s face could not have beamed brighter. “Oh! Boyfriend. Well that explains a lot.”
Yifan glared at Joonmyun but turned back to Baekhyun. “I am not going to be set up with some desperate creep on the internet! And I do not need to get laid!”
Sehun seemed to take special offense at this and looked up from his computer. “Not everyone who signs up for online dating are creeps,” he muttered. “There are some nice people…cute ones too….”
Yifan frowned at a blushing Sehun who had returned to burying his face in front of his computer.
“Sehun’s been ‘seeing’ this guy online,” Baekhyun elaborated. “Some Chinese exchange kid who’s in Seoul.”
Sehun made an indignant noise at Baekhyun’s revelation. Yifan rolled his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was get involved in other people’s love lives.
“I’m going home,” Yifan announced. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“Make sure you actually get some rest,” Joonmyun warned, briefly hugging his friend before he left.
Yifan nodded, incapable of finding the strength to argue against Joonmyun. He waved to the nurse and receptionist and left the hospital building to a thinning darkness, the early morning sky beginning to break through.
It had been a month and nothing had changed. Yifan still faced his mornings alone.
“Yifan-ge.”
Yifan halted to a stop. There had to be some sort of rational explanation to what he had just heard. Or what he thought he heard. He had missed that voice, had yearned so much to hear it for weeks, longed to see the face that spoke those words. Was his pining beginning to turn into delusions?
“Yifan-ge.”
The voice was closer this time, a mere few feet behind Yifan if he heard right. He wanted to turn around, he wanted to so badly, but there was doubt, there was fear that when he did, he’d be met with a barren street. He didn’t think he could take the sight of emptiness again.
“Yifan-ge.”
The words were spoken softer this time, but that was only because they were much, much closer. It hurt so, so much because Yifan wanted it to be true, wanted this to be real. When a hand softly grazed his shoulder, he whirled around, bracing himself for the worst.
He was anything but disappointed.
“Tao!”
The smile that lit up the boy’s face quite literally took Yifan’s breath away. It was so different from the Tao he was used to seeing (beat up, hurt, bleeding, bruised, in pain) that for a second he wondered whether he was looking at the same person. The dark eyes that always seemed so obscure, so suffocatingly shadowy now sparkled with a newfound joy. The brace still supported Tao’s wrist and his hair was still as unkempt as ever, but the boy’s broad grin made all the difference in the world.
Yifan was so stunned by his sudden appearance, so bewildered by the boy’s beaming smile that he never even noticed Tao moving in closer to him, hands placed on Yifan’s shoulder for support as he lifted himself the few inches difference in height they had. Not until he felt a familiar warm pressure on his lips, gentle as he had been, tentative as they still were.
“I never got to thank you for that,” Tao whispered, face so close to Yifan’s he felt himself blinded by Tao’s shining smile.
The memory of their last kiss only served to bring Yifan come crashing back down to the harsh, cold reality of what he deduced of those words. Tao wasn’t there to stay. He was only there to thank Yifan and leave once more, just like he always did. Yifan could have probably lived through forgetting Tao after the four times they met, but if he had to do so again, after seeing just how bright Tao could be and how much his presence warmed Yifan, he didn’t think he’d have the strength to do so.
Yifan placed his hands on top of Tao’s and slid them off his shoulders. He looked into the all too familiar endless seas of blackness with determination, willing himself to not fall weak to the confusion that marred them.
“I can’t do this again,” Yifan said.
Tao looked up at Yifan with a deep frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…you’ll just leave again…and you’ll leave me with nothing! You know just about everything there is to know about me: where I live, where I work, my roommates…but all I know about you is that your name is Tao. I can’t even be sure that’s your real name!” Yifan let out a deep breath. “I have about a million and one reasons why I should walk away from you right now just like how you walked away from me all those times before.”
Tao let Yifan take a step back, distancing themselves, but he kept his eyes unwaveringly locked on Yifan’s.
“Then why don’t you?”
A familiar challenge.
“Why don’t you walk away?” Tao asked.
A question of reason that Yifan himself could not properly explain because all better judgment, he really only had one reason in mind. The same answer he had once given Tao.
“The same reason why you came back again.”
And they both knew, without spoken confessions or verbal consent, that as damaged as whatever they had together already was to begin with, as unhealthy as it was for them to keep coming back together, they were weak to fight against it. Tao had found perhaps his only refuge in Yifan. Yifan had found a fragile soul he wanted nothing more than to protect. It was a formula bound to bring disaster, but the comfort they found with each other outweighed anything else.
Tao stepped closer to Yifan, eliminating the distance previously created. They both leaned in together and met each other’s lips halfway through. The contact lasted longer than any of their previous kisses, but remained gentle.
“Huang Zitao.”
Yifan blinked his eyes open, their proximity enabling him a more than intimate look at Tao’s face. “What?” he asked, surprised.
“My name is Huang Zitao,” Tao repeated, smile small but still bright. “And I promise, this time, I’ll stay.”
***
This journal has been like a ghost town for almost two years. My sister and I just pretty much don’t have the time to complete any fics and post them. I guess I needed something to push me to be productive in writing so I joined the SNCJ Reverse Big Bang. It’s my first EXO fic but I’ve been reading quite a few (as a silent reader, unfortunately) ever since I found myself an OTP and this was a great opportunity to start writing about them :D
So it was actually supposed to be a 3,000 word minimum piece of work, but anyone who knows my writing knows I tend to get carried away. To be honest, I’m not completely satisfied with the final result I submitted, but I was surprised that apparently this fic got linked to a lot of recommendations as fave reads on various fic list sites! I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t been on one of my Taoris tumblr searching nights XD
Hopefully this means the start of me writing again! I can’t really say the same for zezchic though cuz she’s at a crucial point in her school life and she’s buried in schoolwork. And yes, I am definitely considering a sequel to this. I have unwritten ideas in my head, a general idea of the plot and an urge to make sure Taoris get an actual, proper, happy ending, not the vague one here in this story :)
I’d love comments, though I know people have already commented at the SNCJ Reverse BB post. It’d be nice seeing people’s thoughts on the story for those who haven’t already shared.
Thank you so much for reading and loving!
xoxox
miangel
Author : miangel
Pairing : Kris/Tao (with very subtle hints of a few other pairings)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : angst, with bits of fluff and the occasional crack (slight hospital AU with Yifan being a young doctor)
Word Count : 11,547 words
Summary : Yifan’s monotonous night shift at the hospital was broken by the arrival of an unexpected patient. It would become the first of several nighttime encounters where Yifan would help the hurt boy. But with each encounter, Yifan found himself just wanting more and more for the boy to stay by his side.
Written for the SNCJ Reverse Big Bang here for toomuchblue's artwork:
***
Yifan couldn’t say he was surprised when he found his bed empty the next morning. Disappointment, however, was a harder emotion to keep discreet and the second Yixing had caught sight of Yifan’s upset look (and determined it was genuine, in contrast to Yifan’s unconscious default displeased expression), he began to fret. It would have been easier for Yifan to fib through the morning by blaming his work suspension had it not been for the bloody sheets, towels and shirt he had put in the laundry hamper. Yifan had spent the entire morning convincing a teary-eyed Yixing that he was not hurt and no one had died.
For the next few days, Yifan tried to make the best out of his liberal time. He found himself falling into a pattern of lethargy quite easily, choosing to enjoy himself as much as possible rather than stress himself over the things worrying him. Yixing spoiling him with food certainly attributed to Yifan’s new couch potato days. Joonmyun also called at least twice a day to update him on what went on in the hospital (Sehun occasionally chipping in a “hello” and “hyung, when will you be back?”), making Yifan anticipate the day he’d return to drowning in those pristine white walls and antiseptic scent despite all the comfort his off-time was giving him.
A constant thought continued to haunt him though and different from other worrying thoughts that crossed his mind, this one was a lot harder to settle: how was Tao? It was odd and it both perplexed and terrified Yifan to no end. He had met the boy twice, had not exactly made the best of impressions with the trouble he had caused, but Yifan couldn’t help the way those midnight dark eyes imprinted itself into his constant thoughts. And it wasn’t just the endless depths of shadows that were Tao’s eyes that stole Yifan’s mind, but the memory of being so physically close with the boy, feeling that warmth when he heard his laugh for the first time.
Yifan would’ve admitted he was (kinda, maybe, sorta) attracted to Tao had it not been for the reality that he might never actually see Tao ever again. They had met upon twice, both times completely random, unplanned and entirely coincidental. Yifan didn’t dare hope for a third time. And even if, by some bout of unexpected chance, their coincidental meeting came thrice, it was bordering on foolish to hope Tao would stay. He had left both times without a single word of goodbye and Yifan doubted a third time would change anything.
Yet still, Yifan’s mind was driven to think about the boy, bothered by the question of his well-being, curious as to why he seemed to have such a self-destructive habit of hurting himself. Everything he’d done for the boy seemed insufficient. He wanted to do more, offer more than just his professional skills.
The opportunity to do so came in the third night of his free week.
Jongdae had come running into Yifan’s room late that night, disrupting his reading (the occasional thoughts of Tao infiltrating the circling information of recent common ailments he was reading through) with frenzied words tumbling out of his mouth:
“Kid. Outside. Front door. Hurt. Wants. You.”
There was hope and panic when Yifan dropped his book and rushed towards their door, leaving a panting Jongdae to flatten himself on the doorway to avoid getting run down by Yifan. He knew it could be no other person than Tao, was elated when the flop of black hair and lean limbs sitting by his front door was all too familiar. Yet at the same time, Yifan’s worry clutched tightly at his insides: if Tao was back, then that meant he was hurt again.
The sound of footsteps made Tao look up from where he was sitting. His eyes met Yifan’s, a millisecond flicker of self-doubt flashing through them as though Tao himself was questioning why he was there as much as Yifan was. Yifan didn’t waste another second pondering upon the mysteries that were Tao’s emotions, crouching down level to Tao and beginning to carry out what was now becoming an almost habitual check of his body for injuries and wounds.
“You seem fine,” Yifan commented, noting that Tao had a lot more colour to his face than the last time they’d met and his breathing, while heavy, was not labored from pain. Nevertheless, he continued his thorough check of Tao. “Why do you like getting yourself hurt so much? Geez.” There were new cuts and scrapes that Yifan was certain hadn’t been there two nights ago.
Tao didn’t say anything, keeping quiet but wincing everytime Yifan’s hand would brush against a fresh cut. But then Yifan noticed the left hand he was cradling almost protectively with his other hand. He could see it trembling and Tao drew it tighter to his chest when Yifan made an attempt to touch it. Yifan paused, looking at the grimacing face, bottom lip tightly bit, eyes tearing.
“Did you fracture your wrist?”
Tao didn’t reply, but the second cry he emitted when Tao slowly allowed Yifan to gently put pressure on his wrist told him more than he needed to know.
“Let’s get inside,” Yifan said.
He squatted down in front of Tao, back towards him and it was a familiar maneuvering of arms and legs as Tao fell comfortably into place on Yifan’s back. Yifan had to bend down a little more to accommodate the one good arm Tao was using to keep himself in place. He wasted no time bringing Tao into his room, ignoring Jongdae’s rapidly fired questions and Yixing’s sleepy inquiring look.
It took a few moments for Yifan to locate the supporting arm brace he kept in his supplies, Tao watching him run around his room frantically in search of it as he lay comfortably on the bed. By the time Yifan returned to the bedside, Tao had situated himself against the headboard. Yifan had to pause, momentarily freezing up at the image of Tao sitting up, seeming so at ease and like he belonged there. On Yifan’s bed. Watching him with those intense, dark eyes as Yifan approached. Tao’s eyes were on his and Yifan knew he had been caught staring, but he made no attempt to look away or be embarrassed about it.
The trembling of Tao’s hand broke him out of his trance. Yifan slipped into his doctor role once more.
“Whatever I say to make you stop fighting or whatever it is that gets you hurt so bad every time is just useless, huh?” Yifan asked. “Give me your hand.”
Tao’s eyes widened considerably in fear at the order, his body slightly turned away to shield his hand away from Yifan. Yifan blinked, perplexed at the behaviour Tao was demonstrating.
“Tao, I need to put this brace on your wrist,” Yifan said.
He shook his head vigorously, face completely turned away from Yifan.
“Seriously Tao, you need to let me take care of that wrist before it gets any worse.”
Another shake of the head, slower this time, but it was accompanied by a choked out sob. “But it hurts.”
Yifan frowned. The words had come out so soft, alike to a child who refused to let a scratch be cleaned by iodine for the simple fact that it stung. He hadn’t expected that sort of behaviour from Tao.
“Well you should’ve thought about that before getting your wrist broken,” Yifan said, his words holding no bite but merely pointing out a fact.
Yifan shifted out of his chair and sat himself down on the bed. He reached over with a hand to each of Tao’s shoulder and gently brought him out of his protective hunch. It took some coaxing and reassurances, but Tao eventually let himself be turned to face Yifan even if he determinedly kept his face down. Yifan was surprised Tao made no attempt to pull his hand away when Yifan took it into his hold and began checking the damage that was done.
“I’d tell you to go to the hospital to get this x-rayed, but you’d just say no, wouldn’t you?” Yifan said. He received no reply, but continued on. “It doesn’t look that bad but I’ll have to clean up your open wounds first, then I’ll put the brace on.”
The slightest of nods gave Yifan the affirmative.
“You should take off your shirt. I need to check that chest wound of yours and change the bandages.”
Yifan had expected some sort of protest, another bout of having to convince the boy to do as he said, but Tao was quietly compliant, not saying a single word as they worked to remove his t-shirt, being extra gentle when Tao had to lift his left arm. He didn’t even look up, eyes trained on his lap the entire time, refusing to meet Yifan’s gaze. He didn’t know what to make out of Tao’s suddenly timid behaviour. Sure the boy had been reserved and unwilling to share any part of himself to Yifan, but it had always been with a mask of courage, of audacity, hard expression always challenging Yifan. It almost made Yifan question whether the boy in front of him was the same Tao he knew.
The stitches, Yifan was more than relieved to see, were still very much intact. There were new cuts around it, but it was nothing that worried Yifan. He set to work on those new cuts, cleansing them with alcohol and patching the bigger ones with a sterile gauze pad. He was so focused on his work that it wasn’t until the third cut he patched up that he realized the body he was tending was quivering. Yifan paused. He watched those shoulders shake and it was then that he realized low sobs accompanied each tremble.
“Tao, are you OK?”
The body tensed immediately, almost petrified in its immobility. Yifan gently placed the gauze he held over one particularly nasty cut and pressed it into place. The shudders returned and an unmistakably sharp intake of breath was heard. Yifan’s hand froze in place.
“Tao?”
A sniffle, a deep intake of breath and several moments of silence later, an answer came. “It hurts….”
Yifan was startled at how weak and broken Tao’s voice sounded, nothing like the usual piercing tone he used. His disbelief almost became a verbal taunt, but upon seeing Tao’s posture, the vulnerability they spoke of and the trembles he tried to control, he felt something clutch at his chest. For all his tough demeanor, despite the fact that he proudly got into fights, Tao was undoubtedly just another fragile teen at heart. One whose mask of bravery finally slipped after two times he had come to Yifan with a body covered in reasons for him to cry.
Against all better judgment, releasing any form of restraint he had willed upon himself, Yifan placed his free hand to the back of Tao’s neck and before he could react or reject the gesture, Yifan drew him into an embrace. He slipped his other arm around Tao’s waist, securing his body against Yifan’s. Tao tensed at the sudden gesture, stunned more than anything. But he didn’t need much more cajoling, accepting the comfort Yifan offered and fell heavily into the hug. He buried his face into Yifan’s shoulder, unaware of how the action made Yifan’s face flush a deep crimson. His sobs became even more undistinguished and stifled, but the dampness seeping into Yifan’s shirt was undeniable.
He tore his wandering mind away from how much he just wanted to let Tao find solace in his arms, returning to what was now the hardest task he had ever attempted. He didn’t want Tao to shed anymore tears, but he had to work on those cuts and wounds. Tao’s well-being depended on it. As heartbroken as he felt to hear each gasp, each more intense sob, Yifan continued tending to Tao’s injuries.
Working from his back, to his arms, making sure he didn’t overlook anything. It was slow work, having only one hand mobile while the other remained securely in place around Tao. But Yifan was grateful for the leisure pace: it gave him more time to be so close to Tao, at the same time allowing Yifan moments to compose himself. The tears seemed to flow faster with each mended wound and the sobs had now turned into a steady stream of cries. Yifan grimaced with every reaction Tao was making.
He let Tao cry himself to sleep, leaving the chest wounds and fractured wrist to attend to last. He couldn’t and wouldn’t push Tao away from the sanctuary he’d apparently found in Yifan’s arms. He tried to tell himself that it was for Tao’s sake, that he was comforting the boy from the pain. But he knew that his reasons were a lot more selfish than that.
When Yifan felt the figure in his arms grow heavier and the sobs eventually quiet down in place for a slow, steady rhythm of breaths, warm against Yifan’s shoulder, he knew Tao had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He allowed himself a few selfish moments of stroking Tao’s hair and back, pretending that it would be the first of many moments he’d have the boy in his arms. His reluctance to let Tao go made him savour every second used to lay Tao down onto the bed. He finished his work quickly, changing the bandages on Tao’s torso and securing the brace into place.
He made no attempt to clear up his supplies and merely sat back down on his chair by the bedside. He had met the boy all of three times including that night. It wasn’t rational that he’d be overwhelmed with so much affection for him. And yet as he gazed at the sleeping figure on his bed, heart clenching at the sight of all the white pads on his body, numerous cuts and bruises adorning his skin, he couldn’t help the way he longed to be something more to the boy than just a person who happened to have medical supplies and was willing to help. He wanted to know Tao, wanted to learn everything there was about him, wanted to enjoy discovering his quirks.
He wanted that chance. He wanted the boy to stay. Yifan hoped he would still be there when dawn broke. But as he stared in almost revere at the mess of black hair framing the serenely sleeping face, he knew it was a little too much to hope for. He tried to stay awake and stop Tao from leaving. But fatigue, both emotional and physical, caught up with him. He proved himself right when the morning came and Yifan woke up to an empty bed.
***
“Ge?”
“Hm?”
“I know this is probably none of my business, but…who was that kid that came here a few nights ago?”
“What kid?”
“The one with black hair, strong build, looked like he was really hurt. You know, the one you piggybacked to your room.”
Yifan’s chopsticks fell to the floor in a loud clatter. It was the last night of Yifan’s suspension (Joonmyun’s half a dozen excited calls to him throughout the day made sure Yifan didn’t forget that). They’d been celebrating his return to work the next day with a special grill of beef Yixing had cooked. Jongdae had chosen to take his food in front of the TV to set up their Friday movie night while Yifan and Yixing remained in the kitchen. He hadn’t expected Yixing to bring up that question when Jongdae had left them alone.
“No one,” Yifan replied curtly. “Just a patient.”
“You never treat your patients at home though,” Yixing remarked.
Yifan kept his focus on his food. He knew Yixing was driving the conversation a certain way that would have Yifan coming out with what he really felt inside, but Yifan refused to give him that satisfaction. It had been four days since Tao had left a third time. He tried not to let it get to him, tried to ignore how much it hurt him, tried to pretend things were fine and he looked forward to returning to work, but Yixing saw through all that and that was probably the main reason why the interrogation was taking place.
“Obviously, I couldn’t treat him at the hospital while I was on suspension,” Yifan defended.
“So why didn’t he just go to the hospital and get himself treated where they have a more complete supply of facilities?”
Yifan shrugged. “Patients are picky.”
Yixing looked at Yifan, searching through his shadowed face for confirmation of his assumptions. “Yifan, is he-.”
The question was cut short by a buzzing of the door. Yifan took the distraction to its advantage, abandoning Yixing’s inquiry session to answer the door. Jongdae had gotten up to do so as well but stepped back with raised eyebrows when Yifan walked past him in the direction of the door. After one incident with a terrified delivery boy who almost peed his pants at the sight of Yifan, the roommates had come to an agreement that Yifan should never answer doors. Yifan was fully aware that the fact that he had gotten up to do exactly that only proved Yifan was deliberately avoiding his conversation with Yixing about the boy. It was a consequence he was willing to take if the alternative was having to answer Yixing’s probing questions. But as Yifan would soon find out upon opening the door, the act would only further fire Yixing’s suspicions of Yifan and the boy with the black hair.
“Tao,” Yifan said.
There was a mixture of both delight and ache running through Yifan simultaneously when he saw Tao leaning heavily on the wall just outside his door, body once again wracked with new cuts, braced wrist held tightly to his chest, eyes still as shadowy as ever, gaze intensely locked onto Yifan’s. He missed the boy so much, wanted more than anything to just hold him again and, this time, never let go. But the reminder that Tao would never stay, would always walk away from him, brought his frustration to the forefront of his expression.
“You know, I have every right to just close the door in your face.”
Yifan’s tone was flat but the hard look in his eyes was unmistakable. Tao barely flinched, keeping their gazes locked.
“So why don’t you?” Tao asked, sounding just as calm despite his shallow intakes of breath.
For the slightest of a second, Yifan saw something crumble behind Tao’s dark, obscure windows.
Yifan’s heart clenched with the truth of what he answered, the emotion he had caught he had seen in Tao’s eyes: “The same reason why you keep coming back,” he said, voice low, almost like a fearful whisper.
Some sort of silent agreement seemed to occur between the two. They didn’t speak another word as Yifan guided Tao to the privacy of his room. He was glad Yixing chose not to probe and Jongdae merely sent a curious glance at them. They both stayed silent even as Yifan began his usual inspections of both old and new wounds, preparing his supplies to tend to Tao as he had the previous three times.
Yifan avoided Tao’s gaze as Tao avoided his. They both knew they had seen something in each other’s eyes too similar and too familiar for them to simply ignore. It relieved them in a way, but brought more doubt to what they were feeling inside. Yifan at least knew what he wasn’t fighting a one-sided battle.
It was Tao’s strangled sobs and sudden drops of tears that finally broke through their silence. Yifan immediately recognized the pained expression that had overtaken Tao’s face and was torn between being more gentle and slow or hastening himself so to minimize the pain Tao had to suffer. He went with the former and had to will himself not to succumb to the desire of wanting to take Tao in his arms once more.
He need not fight that urge for very much longer because the moment Yifan put his supplies aside, Tao reached out for him.
“Yifan-ge….”
Arms found their way to Yifan’s back, one slightly stiff in its brace, but they nevertheless brought Yifan close to their owner, pulling Yifan close to Tao. He tightened his hold on Yifan, head resting on a familiar place on his shoulder. It was all Yifan could do to wrap his own arms around Tao and lock them in embrace. He knew it was a bad idea to let Tao get that close once more. He knew he’d just be hurt knowing he was only useful as a literal shoulder to cry on. But Yifan found himself not caring. Not when Tao was once again in his arms.
Tao clutched tighter onto Yifan even as his cries died down to breathless whispers. Yifan would never know what made him do it, but he shifted his head oh so slightly to the side, pulling back just enough so he could plant a soft, gentle kiss on Tao’s cheek. Tao visibly tensed, but made no move to pull apart. He let Yifan draw them out of the embrace and hold their faces level with each other.
Ebony eyes locked onto hazel ones. Yifan saw a fractured soul, a sea of insecurities, a young boy working hard just to maintain a façade. He saw his fragility, his vulnerability, a search for security. He saw fear of getting hurt.
Perhaps it was out of desperation, perhaps Yifan couldn’t find the right words to convey just how much he wanted to be the shield to protect him, but Tao never protested, didn’t reject him when Yifan leaned close and placed his lips on Tao’s in a chaste, warm kiss. They didn’t move, they barely breathed; just the pressing of lip on lip. But it warmed them both to the very core.
“Stay,” Yifan breathed against Tao’s lips. “Please…stay.”
Tao never replied.
It was the first night Yifan slept laying by Tao’s side. He let Tao pillow his head on Yifan’s chest, the gentle breath tickling Yifan. He kissed the top of Tao’s head, his arms wrapped protectively around the boy. He wouldn’t let go this time. He wouldn’t let Tao leave again. He would make sure he was still there when Yifan woke. He wanted to stay awake and ensure that but the warm body against him lulled him into such comfort that Yifan fell unconscious within minutes.
***
He couldn’t help the tears that escaped him when he awoke yet again to streaming sunlight and heart-wrenching emptiness.
***
1 month later
“Slow night?”
Yifan rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. “Isn’t it always?”
Joonmyun gave Yifan a worried look. “You’ve been looking really drained for the past month since your suspension. Are you OK?”
“Yeah, fine,” Yifan said, shrugging out of his white coat.
“Doctor Jung says you’ve been performing incredibly well after your suspension. You’re not working too hard, are you?”
Yifan shook his head. “Nah, just picked up some people’s slack and covered some extra shift.”
“Yifan, you’re overworking yourself,” Joonmyun reprimanded. “You need to take it easy.”
“Hyung needs to get laid.”
Yifan and Joonmyun turned their attention to a sniggering Sehun who was hunched over his computer, Baekhyun standing next to him with a wide grin on his face. He looked at Yifan with an excited twinkling in his eyes.
“Sehun can set up an internet dating profile for you and find you a girlfriend in no time,” Baekhyun said with a mischievous grin.
“Boyfriend,” Joonmyun corrected almost automatically.
Baekhyun’s face could not have beamed brighter. “Oh! Boyfriend. Well that explains a lot.”
Yifan glared at Joonmyun but turned back to Baekhyun. “I am not going to be set up with some desperate creep on the internet! And I do not need to get laid!”
Sehun seemed to take special offense at this and looked up from his computer. “Not everyone who signs up for online dating are creeps,” he muttered. “There are some nice people…cute ones too….”
Yifan frowned at a blushing Sehun who had returned to burying his face in front of his computer.
“Sehun’s been ‘seeing’ this guy online,” Baekhyun elaborated. “Some Chinese exchange kid who’s in Seoul.”
Sehun made an indignant noise at Baekhyun’s revelation. Yifan rolled his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was get involved in other people’s love lives.
“I’m going home,” Yifan announced. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“Make sure you actually get some rest,” Joonmyun warned, briefly hugging his friend before he left.
Yifan nodded, incapable of finding the strength to argue against Joonmyun. He waved to the nurse and receptionist and left the hospital building to a thinning darkness, the early morning sky beginning to break through.
It had been a month and nothing had changed. Yifan still faced his mornings alone.
“Yifan-ge.”
Yifan halted to a stop. There had to be some sort of rational explanation to what he had just heard. Or what he thought he heard. He had missed that voice, had yearned so much to hear it for weeks, longed to see the face that spoke those words. Was his pining beginning to turn into delusions?
“Yifan-ge.”
The voice was closer this time, a mere few feet behind Yifan if he heard right. He wanted to turn around, he wanted to so badly, but there was doubt, there was fear that when he did, he’d be met with a barren street. He didn’t think he could take the sight of emptiness again.
“Yifan-ge.”
The words were spoken softer this time, but that was only because they were much, much closer. It hurt so, so much because Yifan wanted it to be true, wanted this to be real. When a hand softly grazed his shoulder, he whirled around, bracing himself for the worst.
He was anything but disappointed.
“Tao!”
The smile that lit up the boy’s face quite literally took Yifan’s breath away. It was so different from the Tao he was used to seeing (beat up, hurt, bleeding, bruised, in pain) that for a second he wondered whether he was looking at the same person. The dark eyes that always seemed so obscure, so suffocatingly shadowy now sparkled with a newfound joy. The brace still supported Tao’s wrist and his hair was still as unkempt as ever, but the boy’s broad grin made all the difference in the world.
Yifan was so stunned by his sudden appearance, so bewildered by the boy’s beaming smile that he never even noticed Tao moving in closer to him, hands placed on Yifan’s shoulder for support as he lifted himself the few inches difference in height they had. Not until he felt a familiar warm pressure on his lips, gentle as he had been, tentative as they still were.
“I never got to thank you for that,” Tao whispered, face so close to Yifan’s he felt himself blinded by Tao’s shining smile.
The memory of their last kiss only served to bring Yifan come crashing back down to the harsh, cold reality of what he deduced of those words. Tao wasn’t there to stay. He was only there to thank Yifan and leave once more, just like he always did. Yifan could have probably lived through forgetting Tao after the four times they met, but if he had to do so again, after seeing just how bright Tao could be and how much his presence warmed Yifan, he didn’t think he’d have the strength to do so.
Yifan placed his hands on top of Tao’s and slid them off his shoulders. He looked into the all too familiar endless seas of blackness with determination, willing himself to not fall weak to the confusion that marred them.
“I can’t do this again,” Yifan said.
Tao looked up at Yifan with a deep frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…you’ll just leave again…and you’ll leave me with nothing! You know just about everything there is to know about me: where I live, where I work, my roommates…but all I know about you is that your name is Tao. I can’t even be sure that’s your real name!” Yifan let out a deep breath. “I have about a million and one reasons why I should walk away from you right now just like how you walked away from me all those times before.”
Tao let Yifan take a step back, distancing themselves, but he kept his eyes unwaveringly locked on Yifan’s.
“Then why don’t you?”
A familiar challenge.
“Why don’t you walk away?” Tao asked.
A question of reason that Yifan himself could not properly explain because all better judgment, he really only had one reason in mind. The same answer he had once given Tao.
“The same reason why you came back again.”
And they both knew, without spoken confessions or verbal consent, that as damaged as whatever they had together already was to begin with, as unhealthy as it was for them to keep coming back together, they were weak to fight against it. Tao had found perhaps his only refuge in Yifan. Yifan had found a fragile soul he wanted nothing more than to protect. It was a formula bound to bring disaster, but the comfort they found with each other outweighed anything else.
Tao stepped closer to Yifan, eliminating the distance previously created. They both leaned in together and met each other’s lips halfway through. The contact lasted longer than any of their previous kisses, but remained gentle.
“Huang Zitao.”
Yifan blinked his eyes open, their proximity enabling him a more than intimate look at Tao’s face. “What?” he asked, surprised.
“My name is Huang Zitao,” Tao repeated, smile small but still bright. “And I promise, this time, I’ll stay.”
***
This journal has been like a ghost town for almost two years. My sister and I just pretty much don’t have the time to complete any fics and post them. I guess I needed something to push me to be productive in writing so I joined the SNCJ Reverse Big Bang. It’s my first EXO fic but I’ve been reading quite a few (as a silent reader, unfortunately) ever since I found myself an OTP and this was a great opportunity to start writing about them :D
So it was actually supposed to be a 3,000 word minimum piece of work, but anyone who knows my writing knows I tend to get carried away. To be honest, I’m not completely satisfied with the final result I submitted, but I was surprised that apparently this fic got linked to a lot of recommendations as fave reads on various fic list sites! I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t been on one of my Taoris tumblr searching nights XD
Hopefully this means the start of me writing again! I can’t really say the same for zezchic though cuz she’s at a crucial point in her school life and she’s buried in schoolwork. And yes, I am definitely considering a sequel to this. I have unwritten ideas in my head, a general idea of the plot and an urge to make sure Taoris get an actual, proper, happy ending, not the vague one here in this story :)
I’d love comments, though I know people have already commented at the SNCJ Reverse BB post. It’d be nice seeing people’s thoughts on the story for those who haven’t already shared.
Thank you so much for reading and loving!
xoxox
miangel