The Edge of Darkness (1/7)
MASTERPOST
The Edge of Darkness
As the door closed behind his father, Arthur wanted to jump out of bed and throw everything he could get his hands on, but decided that was a bad idea. His head already felt as if someone was beating it with a cudgel from inside. In reality, a huge dragon had knocked him across a field and slammed him on his head only hours ago. He settled for throwing all the pillows on his bed except the one he was using.
Sometimes his father made him feel like he was two years old again. Along with that feeling, usually came the desire to act like said two year old child and lie on the floor, kick, and scream his frustrations away. Throwing the soft pillows had barely made a dent in his anger and frustration. Arthur wondered if all sons felt this much frustration from their fathers or if it was worse for him because he was a Prince being groomed to take over the Kingdom.
After he and Merlin had returned earlier in the night from defeating the dragon, Uther had demanded that Gaius examine him. Gaius had tended to his numerous bruises, cuts, scrapes, and burns before telling him that the knock on the head had caused some damage to his brain that would require him to rest for the next few days until the headaches went away, but no sleep for a few hours to make sure that he wasn't worse than he seemed. His father had volunteered to sit with him to keep him awake. Arthur wished that Merlin had sat with him instead. Now wasn't there a thought; that he would choose his idiot of a manservant over his father. At least Merlin had a sense of humor. He would have made up jokes and stories or prattled on endlessly about nothing instead of spending the time grilling Arthur on why he didn’t bring the dragon's head or a tooth or something back to show that he had defeated it.
The fact that there was no dead dragon present when he woke up had not seemed a vital fact until his father asked about it. Arthur had been so relieved that the dragon was gone, not to mention being a bit addled from hitting his head that he just hadn’t given it much thought. Merlin said he dealt it a killing blow, which was good enough for Arthur. Checking all his men to see if anyone was alive had seemed to be the priority of the moment.
Uther had not accepted any of those excuses. The usual lectures about what he had done wrong, what he should have done, and what he needed to improve on had taken up the hours until dawn had been painting the sky outside his chamber window. Uther had covered all the usual "I was barely older than you when I captured Camelot and what have you got to show but mistakes, why can't you just be more like me" speech that he knew so well. There were times during the long uncomfortable hours that Arthur wondered if his father ever recognized the things that he did right or if he only saw the things that he considered wrong. Would his father ever feel pride in anything but Arthur's ability in combat or would he always be lacking? He had never been so glad to see Gaius as when he came to examine him again and tell his father that he could go and let Arthur sleep. Gaius had said that he needed to assess Arthur's condition again before he knew which potion to mix for him. He assured Arthur that he would send Merlin up with it as soon as he got it mixed and to sit with him, I but it was fine if he fell asleep in the meantime. Arthur didn’t know why someone needed to be there to watch him sleep.
Still feeling the need to vent and not having anything nearby to throw, he decided to try the two year old method. He started kicking his feet and pounding his fists on the bed. Unfortunately, he only managed to make the blankets slide off the bed to the floor and make the headache that much worse. Leaning over to snag the blankets with an outstretched hand resulted in a wave of dizziness, nausea, and even more pounding in his head. Lying back with his eyes closed, he waited until the worst of it eased up then sat up carefully, untied the bed curtains and let them enclose him in near darkness. Pulling the blankets up over himself as he laid back down, he curled up in a fetal position and shut his eyes as he tried to calm himself. He made himself a vow to renew his efforts to make his father proud of him. He was going to pour everything he had into everything that he did from now on. He would make his choices based on what his father would do or what he knew his father would have him do. He could be a good ruler, a good King. He would show his father.
Minutes later, he felt even more like a toddler when it occurred to him that he was humming the nursery rhyme that his nursemaid had sung to him at bedtime, albeit only in his mind, being afraid that humming it out loud would make his head hurt worse. Infantile or not, the song seemed to calm his frustrations; combined with lack of sleep and fighting a dragon for several nights, he soon started drifting into sleep. Someday, he thought drowsily, he would make his father proud of him.
Just before sleep completely enfolded him, he heard voices.
"Goodnight, Son," came the smooth timbre.
Was his father back? He couldn’t be bothered to roll over to look.
"Goodnight, Son."
"Sle...sleep well, Father," was the quiet reply.
Sleep claimed him before he could puzzle that out.
* * * * *
"Only a Dragonlord."
"There is one."
"His name is Balinor."
"There is one."
"Only a Dragonlord can kill a dragon."
"Arthur, where is the dragon's body if you killed it?"
"How do you know you killed the dragon, Arthur?"
"Where is the body of the dragon, Arthur?"
"You are not a Dragonlord."
"Maybe it is not dead."
Arthur opened his eyes to a world of dancing shadows and confusion. He realized that he had been dreaming. What was he dreaming? Oh, yes, the dragon, the one that gave him this knock on the head. No wonder he was dreaming about it.
"Hello" He heard a soft voice and turned his head trying to find Merlin in the shadows.
"How are you feeling this time?" Merlin leaned forward over the bed, separating himself from the deeper shadows enough to allow Arthur to make out his face in the dim candlelight.
'This time?’ He had been awake other times? It was good to see Merlin and not his father.
"I'm glad that you are here."
Merlin beamed his goofy smile. "That hit on your head may be worse than we thought if you are talking like that."
What? Had he said that out loud?
"I feel like the dragon left its dung in my mouth."
That brought a soft chuckle from Merlin. "That is from the pain potion." Arthur heard the sound of water splashing into a cup then Merlin was sliding an arm under him and helping him lean up enough to drink. "Just a few sips right now. You can have more in a few minutes. We don’t want it to upset your stomach. Is your head better, worse, or about the same?"
Arthur thought about that. "I think I felt better before the potion, maybe a bit better as far as the pain, but I feel all fuzzy and unbalanced."
"That is the pain potion, too. As your head gets better and you stop taking it, the fuzzy should wear away. I have some soup that a serving girl just brought up. It should still be warm. Can you eat a few bites before you have your potion?"
"I would rather use the chamber pot."
"Er, yes. I'll just get it for you then we will get you up. Just lie right there." Merlin dashed off toward the screened area and came back seconds later with his chamber pot and a low stool. "Do you think it will hurt your head to light some more candles so you can, um, see where you are aiming?"
"That should be fine." The candles burning now did not seem to make his head hurt worse.
He waited while Merlin lit the candles in the candle stand near the bed.
"You may be a bit dizzy sitting up, so I want to help you then lean you against the headboard of the bed. I will get everything situated in front of you and unlace your breeches then I can turn my back and give you privacy."
It sounded simple, but Arthur didn’t realize how dizzy he would feel when he tried to sit up. He had barely gotten into a sitting position when he had to stop and lean against Merlin's chest because it felt as if the world was going to throw him off the way his war horse had done the first time he had tried to ride it.
Merlin patiently waited until Arthur thought that he could manage moving again and helped him put his feet on the floor. He was embarrassed to have to lean against Merlin again before the world stopped lurching.
Merlin held him with one hand and reached out to move the pillows out of the way.
"Better now? On three, I'm going to give you a bit of pull and I want you to shift your rear closer to the top of the bed. One. Two. Three." Merlin tugged and Arthur did his best to shift. As the world lurched again, he almost toppled over on top of Merlin. He grabbed hold of Merlin's forearms until things settled again. He looked up to see Merlin with his eyes closed, a strained expression on his face.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was holding your arms so tight. Now you will probably have bruises." Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath, wanting to just crawl under the coverlet and go back to sleep. Not only was he as weak as a newborn colt and could not even go to the bathroom by himself, he seemed incapable of concealing neither his concern regarding Merlin, nor embarrassment from him.
"No, it's fine." Arthur thought Merlin's voice sounded a bit funny which made him think that he had actually hurt Merlin more than he realized, but the glimpse of a flush on Merlin’s cheeks when he looked up at him through his lashes made him wonder if Merlin was embarrassed, too. What did Merlin have to be embarrassed about? He wasn’t the one that couldn’t stand up by himself. Maybe he was embarrassed because he was as delicate as a girl and could not tolerate a little grabbing. Somehow, that thought helped soothe Arthur’s anxiety a bit.
“You ready?” Merlin started unlacing his breeches, refusing to look at him the whole time. Arthur was glad that he wasn’t looking at him. Somehow, after all the times Merlin had dressed and undressed him this seemed more intimate.
Merlin placed the low stool on the floor between his feet, put the chamberpot on top of it and remove lid.When he had done that, he moved right beside Arthur and turned his back. He was close enough that if Arthur leaned away from the head of the bed he would be leaning on Merlin. That seemed even more intimate to Arthur, too inimate. Arthur got the wretched business over with as soon as he could, but he felt his face heating up. He quickly fumbled his clothes back into placed to cover himself.
“Let’s get you back into bed, shall we?” Merlin had quickly put the top on the chamber pot and moved the stool, pot and all, out of he way. His fingers were clumsy when they tied the laces back. He reached across Arthur for a pillow that he had flung aside minutes earlier, bringing their faces close enough that Arthur could see the fine pores, leaned Arthur against his chest again and put the pillow against the head of the bed. He pushed Arthur back against the pillow, then bent to lift his legs and swing them back onto the bed. Arthur simply closed his eyes and waited for the dizziness to pass and allowed it.
“It’s better if you keep your eyes open and find a focus. Makes it go aways faster.”
How had Merlin gotten all the way over to the table without him knowing he had moved? Usually Merlin sounded like a herd of horses when he moved around.
“Do you feel like eating a bit of soup now?”
“Not really interested in food. I’d like some water.”
Merlin set the tray over his lap and lifted the cup to his lips again. Arthur sipped automatically as his eyes met Merlin’s over the rim. He didn’t know why he was being so docile and letting Merlin treat him like a baby. It had to stop.
He pushed the cup away. "I'm not a child you know? I walked up here with this head injury. I can do things myself. I am just a bit dizzy when I move around."
"I know." Merlin dipped the spoon into the soup and raised it to his lips. He automatically took a bite before he thought about it.
"Merlin, I can do that myself."
"I know." Another spoon full of soup was at his lips and he opened them.
"One thing you have to realize, Arthur, is that it is not always about you. You do not always have to be strong by doing everything yourself. Sometimes it takes more strength to sit back and allow those who care about you to do things for you because they need to for their peace of mind."
The comment took Arthur by surprise. Staring at Merlin's face, he wished Merlin would look at him. He found that he wanted to see his eyes after that comment.
The spoon was back and Arthur opened his mouth. Merlin kept raising the spoon to his lips and he kept opening them without further discussion.
"That's enough." He was surprised to realize that he had eaten over half the soup.
Merlin uncorked a bottle and handed it to him. "One swallow should be enough then we will get you situated for sleep."
Arthur dutifully swallowed the foul concoction and wondered if Gaius found the worst tasting things in the world to mix on purpose.
Merlin took the bottle and sat it aside then helped him sip more water. The water helped get the taste out of his mouth a bit. After Merlin had set the cup on the tray, he put the tray on the floor. "Can you slide down in the bed?"
"Of course, I w..."
"I know," Merlin interrupted. "You walked up here." He waited until Arthur was prone and adjusted the pillow under his head and the blankets over him.
"Anything else you need?"
"No, just more sleep."
Merlin blew out the candles nearby, leaving the ones further away, and sat back down in the chair that he had been sitting in when Arthur awoke.
"Merlin, you can go to bed now. I will call you if I need you."
"I am fine. Besides, I didn’t bring any bedding to lie down. I will just sit here."
"That is ridiculous! This bed is big enough. Lie on the other side."
"I will be fine in this chair Arthur."
"Sometimes you just have to allow those that care about you to do things for you for their peace of mind. Get in the bed Merlin. You might want to make sure the door is locked first so the King doesn’t barge in and you wake up beheaded for being in my bed."
"How could I wake up if I was beheaded?"
Arthur didn’t bother to answer as he waited to feel the bed dip under Merlin's weight at his back. A feeling of contentment settled over him and he was asleep before he could question it.
* * * * *
"Arthur, it is good to see you feeling better. I have been worried over your condition. Take a seat and we can be served." Uther motioned Arthur into a seat.
"Thank you, Father." Arthur gave his father a short nod and seated himself in the seat that he had been occupying during family meals since he was old enough to see above the table. He thought it not prudent to mention that his father couldn’t have been very worried about him since he hadn’t been back to check on him a single time since leaving the first morning. Not that Arthur had really wanted him back, but the fact that he did not come spoke volumes to Arthur about how worried he was. It only seemed to solidify the suspicion that his father had only stayed the first night in order to berate him for his failings in the whole dragon incident. He didn’t doubt for one minute that his father had also taken perverse pleasure in keeping him awake when he was so exhausted.
Merlin caught his attention as he set Arthur's filled water goblet down. "Merlin just set the water pitcher down on the table near me. I will not require you for the rest of the night. Turn down my bed and bank the fire and you may be dismissed. I will see you in the morning."
"Yes, Sire." Merlin spoke in a quiet voice and gave his head a single small nod toward Arthur to acknowledge his orders, turned to give a bit more exaggerated bob that could not really be called a bow to Uther then took his leave. Arthur hadn’t missed the slight look of confusion on Merlin's face, but when he looked at Uther, his father was looking back with a look on his face similar to the one that Arthur was sure he would wear if Arthur made Merlin a Knight.
"What ever possessed you to do that?" Uther questioned, almost making each word a complete sentence in the way he enunciated it.
"I have been in the same room with him for three days and nights. I needed a break from his ever-present company."
"Arthur, it is his job to attend you. If his presence annoys you use some discipline on him or get another servant."
It was all Arthur could do not to sigh. "I think that any person would annoy me when both of us are locked into the same room for days." What Arthur did not tell Uther was that Arthur was sure that he was going to be taken to task over something again since his father had practically commanded his appearance at dinner. He did not wish Merlin to be here while his father was berating him. It was bad enough that other servants hear it; they acted as if they were deaf. Merlin didn't even make a pretense of it.
His father did not even try to hold back his sigh and Arthur knew that he had just made whatever was coming worse. "Then you are the one that needs to learn more discipline. It pains me that I have failed at teaching you the things that you need to know to be King."
* * * * *
He had certainly been right about how bad the dinner was going to be Arthur reflected as he made slow progress back to his room. Uther had expounded at length about the relationship that he should maintain with his manservant and that he had to keep a firm control at all times. He had insisted that dismissing Merlin early had made Arthur appear weak to the servant and would ultimately make him a bad servant. Arthur wondered briefly how Merlin could get any worse than the worst manservant ever. Even as the thought crossed Arthur's mind he knew that it was just something he said, not something he really believed. Merlin still had a few problems, namely being subservient, but he had gotten much better than when he first became Arthur's servant. Merlin was loyal to a fault and could be amusing. Arthur simply couldn’t imagine trying to replace him and did not feel the need for the measures that his father thought he needed to employ to make sure that Merlin stayed loyal to him.
Uther switched topics and went back to the dragon, as Arthur had known he would, continuing to berate him in that tone of voice that induced guilt and anger in Arthur every time his father used it. He also used the same old story again that without a trophy of the dragon after he killed it the people would have doubts and fears that it would heal itself and come back. His father had assured him that these were difficult times. Camelot and those who ruled could not afford to appear weak to anyone or they would begin taking advantage.
Arthur reached his rooms and was surprised at the feeling of exhaustion that swamped him when the door closed behind him. He went over to sit on the edge of his bed to take off his boots, but found himself slumping over resting his elbows on his spread knees, clasping his hands and allowing his head to fall forward as he stared at the toe of one boot instead. Arthur had often felt as if his father was disappointed with him as a son, but it had become so much worse lately. Arthur missed Morgana being there and running interference for him. Morgana had always understood his father better than he did and could defuse volatile situations before they blew up. Arthur knew that Uther was missing her, too. He had insisted tonight that Arthur send another group of men out to look for her, although with so many of his men dying lately, he could hardly afford to spare more men for a search party. He would put every man that he could spare on it. He wanted to go himself, but Gaius still insisted that he not ride. As exhausted as a simple thing like walking to his father's chambers and back made, him he knew that Gaius was right. He also needed to stay close to the citadel for a while to keep an eye on his father to see if there was actually something wrong with him or if it was just worry over Morgana. Sighing, Arthur pulled his boots off and tossed them across the room in the direction of the wardrobe for Merlin to deal with in the morning. His jacket then shirt followed a similar path when he had taken them off. He fumbled the laces loose and stood to slide the breeches down his legs. After quickly getting into his nightclothes that Merlin had remembered to lay out without being told, he crawled beneath his coverlet. Only moments later, he was sound asleep.
* * * * *
"Only a Dragonlord can kill a dragon."
Over and over it echoed. "Only a Dragonlord. Only a Dragonlord. Only a Dragonlord."
Then his father's voice, "Then we are doomed for there are no more Dragonlords."
"It is possible that there is one left alive. His name is Balinor."
"Only a Dragonlord."
"Only a Dragonlord."
"There is one."
"His name is Balinor."
"There is one."
"Only a Dragonlord can kill a dragon."
"Arthur, where is the dragon's body if you killed it?"
"How do you know you killed the dragon, Arthur?"
"Where is the body of the dragon, Arthur?"
"You are not a Dragonlord."
"Maybe it is not dead"
Arthur jerked awake with the sound of his father's voice screaming at him that the dragon was not dead because he was not a Dragonlord. He lay still until his heart had stopped pounding so hard and looked around. By the faint light cast by the glowing coals in his fireplace, he realized that he was in his bed and he had been having a nightmare. He turned over and thumped his pillow into submission and tried to go back to sleep. He reminded himself that he needed to have a talk with Merlin in the morning about what happened with the dragon again and where the body might be. Not only had Uther demanded that he use some of remaining Knights to search for Morgana but also he wanted some going out to look for the Great Dragon’s body. Arthur only hoped that there was no trouble in the Kingdom in the near future with his troops so decimated. He would have to make sure to get to the practice field tomorrow and watch some of the new Squires that were training. He really would like to fight them himself instead of just watching to determine if they were ready to be Knighted, but he didn’t know how long it would be before Gaius would allow him to fight again. He needed to get some new men Knighted very soon. He would rather send new men out with a couple seasoned Knights for searches that should not prove very dangerous and keep most of the seasoned Knights where they could provide the most protection.
* * * * *
"I don't know. Where do magical creatures go when they die? It just...it just vanished." Merlin spilled some of the water he was attempting to pour into Arthur's glass as he answered the question Arthur had asked him.
"Merlin!" Arthur jumped back from the table to keep the water flowing toward the edge from cascading into his lap, and winced as the quick movement and his own raised voice made his head pound for a few beats. He didn’t fancy changing clothes, he had just gotten into the ones he had on.
"Vanished, did it?" Arthur got back to the earlier topic of conversation as Merlin grabbed the shirt Arthur had worn the night before from the back of a chair and started dabbing at the water on the table and floor. "Merlin, that happens to be one of my best dress shirts, not a cleaning rag."
"It's just water and it'll clean," was Merlin's untroubled answer.
Arthur rolled his eyes at yet another example of his manservant's ineptitude. Having wakened this morning without his head pounding had made Arthur think that his head was better, but if he were around Merlin much longer, the headache would be back in full force. "And you saw all this?" Arthur pursued the earlier topic of conversation. "You saw the dragon die and vanish?" Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.
"Well, not really."
Arthur's head jerked up to look at Merlin just as Merlin shrugged. "Oh, not really?" Arthur drawled out loudly, while pausing and looking at Merlin then scooting his chair back toward the table. "Not really?” He spoke more softly, but succinctly.
"Well, see." Merlin was now flitting around the room and Arthur watched him collecting dirty clothes and flinging them into the basket with the now wet shirt. "I was so busy trying to get to you to see if you were all right that I wasn't paying close attention, but I was trying to keep a watch out of the corner of my eye in case it moved."
"You were trying to keep a watch out of the corner of your eye, while you were distracted by getting to me after that dragon had killed so many people? Merlin did you even have a weapon?" Merlin glanced at him then looked away again. Arthur's voice had risen in exasperation and he paused a moment to moderate it before his head started a drumbeat inside again. It was hard to speak quietly when faced with such an idiot.
"Well, what were you going to do if it did move, Merlin? You didn't have a sword or any kind of protection and, if you were trying to get to me, my sword wouldn't have done you much good, since it was a good deal away from me on the other side than the one you were on when I woke up."
"I don't know. I guess I would have flung my body over yours and prayed to all the gods and goddesses that if the dragon decided to breath flames that it wouldn't cook you through me." Merlin shrugged and went over to the bed to start plumping pillows. Arthur thought he heard him mummer petulantly, "It didn't matter anyway, if it disappeared."
Arthur sat and contemplated Merlin with a quizzical expression. Merlin was willing to throw his body over Arthur and hope to save him. Flashes of other times, when Merlin did save Arthur with no thought for himself, made Arthur believe that Merlin would have done just that, useless as it might have been.
He glanced at Merlin, still fiddling with the pillows, thinking that was the reason he kept Merlin around. He was loyal to a fault, as loyal as any Knight was and as brave. Just thinking about how he had demanded to go along to try to kill the dragon, knowing all along that he probably wouldn’t be coming back had to take a lot of bravery. It wasn’t even the first time he had been willing to die for Arthur. It seemed to be getting to be a habit with him.
It was disconcerting to think that the fumbling, bumbling man who acted so idiotic at times was probably braver than his Knights were; because he didn’t even have the training to protect himself. On the other hand, maybe he was just that much of an idiot. Either way, he was an idiot that chose to stand staunchly beside Arthur no matter what. Arthur decided to make sure that Merlin had more training in combat so that he would have some protection, or at least know what to do and not have to have instruction in every instance.
With a shake of his head, Arthur used his foot to scoot the chair Merlin always used out from the table. "There was way too much food this morning. Come sit down and eat." He invited. A while back, after he had caught Merlin stealing his food and realized that he seemed to be swimming around in his clothes more than usual, Arthur had stopped by the kitchens and asked that they start sending more food to his rooms. He was sure that Gaius fed Merlin, but obviously, it was not enough for someone still growing. Now there was always enough for Merlin and he found that he enjoyed sharing his meals with him.
Arthur returned to eating his breakfast as Merlin took his chair and reached for the food Arthur had put aside for him. Arthur looked long and hard at Merlin. There was still something wrong that Merlin did not seem ready to divulge to him. As Arthur picked up a piece of meat, he wondered what could be so bad that it bothered Merlin so much, yet still he didn’t want to talk about. He wished that Merlin felt that he could trust him with whatever it was. Merlin not wanting to confide in him felt almost like an open wound. Deciding to leave it for the time being, Arthur continued with his meal.
"So what have you decided to do today?" Merlin asked.
"There are so many people waiting to see the King that my father has decided to hold court both this morning and this afternoon. I shall attend the morning session and see how I feel when the afternoon session comes along. I seem to feel much better today, so I think I shall be fine to attend both. I shall expect you there, of course, in case I need anything."
Arthur almost managed to hide his smile as Merlin made a face. He knew how much Merlin hated standing there waiting to serve him if needed, while his father heard the grievances of the people. The entertainment value of watching Merlin was sometimes all that got him through and he felt that he was going to need it today.
* * * * *
Arthur shifted in his chair trying to find a more comfortable position. He had been sitting for hours, while an endless line of people sought audience with the king. Arthur chaffed to be out on the grounds training what was left of his Knights and helping to repair the damages left from the dragon attack. Gaius seemed to think that he needed to forgo training for a few more days and ease back into activity by sitting in council and listening to grievances brought before the king. The slight thumping behind his eyes made him think that Gaius might be right. He was sure that he could train with a headache but Gaius had explained many times that a brain injury was a very delicate matter and had to be treated as such until healed or it could cause permanent afflictions or death. As much as he chaffed to be back in action, Arthur knew that he would not be effective if he had some affliction brought about by brain injury. He had seen men like that and hoped never to be one of them.
The lines of people bringing their complaints to the king seemed to be getting longer as the days passed. Many had lost their livelihoods in the dragon attack. They wouldn’t be able to earn money until they were able to repair or rebuild their homes or places of work and replace tools and merchandise destroyed by the dragon. They came seeking various kinds of help. They were growing weary and tempers were flaring. The Knights were busy with numerous fights breaking out. The King was trying to deal with too many accusations that would seem petty at any other time, but at a time like this, strife could lead to the townspeople battling each other if the King didn’t help to control the situation. Camelot could not seem vulnerable to her neighbors or they would mount an attack to try to take over.
Arthur flicked a glance at Merlin, who was standing to the side waiting on anything that he might need. He indicated his cup slightly and Merlin moved behind him to lift the cup. He heard a bit of fiddling behind his chair before he heard the water splashing.
“I’ve put a mild pain potion in it. Be sure you drink it all.” Merlin said directly in his ear in a quiet voice as he sat the cup down.
Struggling to contain the shiver the hot puff of air in his ear had caused and keep his face impassive at the same time, Arthur reached for the cup. Catching Merlin’s glance after he was back in position, he offered an almost imperceptible nod of thanks for the potion.
Arthur sat up straight in his chair beside his father and stared in disbelief as two guards dragged in a beautiful little girl that looked to be about nine or ten, but Arthur wasn’t an expert at guessing children's ages. She was screaming and crying, twisting and writhing in the guards’ hands. With mussed blond curls and her blue dress twisted around her body it looked as if she had been struggling for some length of time. Arthur barely hid a smile as she bit one of the guards, almost managing freedom before the guard she had bitten grabbed her around the waist from behind, allowing the other guard to try to control her lashing feet. He wondered what mischief had landed her in the King's Court. Her spirited actions reminded him of Morgana as a child, a thought he pushed away hurriedly because, although he would claim otherwise, he missed Morgana and worried about her since she had disappeared with Morgause. He wished he could find young men with such determination and fight in them to train to be Knights. It was going to be difficult to replace the Knights he had lost to the dragon and the Knights of Medhir.
"Why has this child been brought before me?" asked Uther, bringing Arthur back to what was happening in the room, before his thoughts could continue.
A woman pushed her way to the front and screamed, "She's a sorcerer. I saw her doing magic."
Arthur saw his father sit up straighter in his chair, his body going rigid. "Magic? Are you sure? What kind of magic?"
"She made a deer come out of the woods and walk right up to her. Then she made it talk to her. I could..."
"Liar" Shrieked another voice from a woman held back by two guards that Arthur assumed was the girl’s mother from the resemblance and her quick defense.
"Silence," boomed Uther then looked toward the woman making the accusations to continue as the girl's crying became nothing more than sniffs and the woman Arthur had now labeled in his head as Girl's Mother quieted and stopped struggling, seeming to hang limply between the guards.
"I couldn't hear what the deer was saying, but I heard a voice and saw its mouth move."
Raising an eyebrow, Arthur looked at his father as the King simply sat there looking between the little girl and her accuser.
In the silence except for the occasional sniffle from the girl, another woman timidly spoke up. "I saw her riding a unicorn through the edge of the forest."
At hearing the word unicorn Arthur winced inwardly, at least he hoped it didn’t show, and glanced toward Merlin, but he replied to the woman. "Perhaps some people just have a way with wild animals, a gift. Is it a crime to make pets of wild animals?" He asked.
"She don't." groaned Girl's Mother.
"I have warned you." Uther admonished the woman. "If you speak again I will have you locked in the dungeons." The woman collapsed in a sobbing heap on the floor.
The accuser seemed to struggle against a smirk appearing on her face as she turned toward Arthur to answer his question. "Sure, people can talk to animals, but who but a sorcerer could make them talk? Normal people don’t ever see a unicorn in their life.
Arthur's brow twitched at that and he fought to control another glance toward Merlin. "I have seen a unicorn." Arthur broke in.
A look of consternation crossed the woman's face as she realized that she had just said that the Prince wasn’t normal.
"Well, begging your pardon, Sire, most don't. No normal person could ride one"
"Sire, if I may speak."
Uther looked toward Gaius. "Gaius?"
Gaius gave his head a bob to the King. “Well, actually Sire, a unicorn represents purity in the Old Religion. Only those completely pure of heart are said to be able to touch one. Even if it could be proven that the girl had magic, if she had been able to touch or ride a unicorn it would mean that there was no evil in her."
With a shock, Arthur jerked a look back toward Merlin and away again as he thought about seeing Merlin petting the unicorn. Did that mean that Merlin was pure of heart? Then he remembered Merlin trying to shoo it away so Arthur couldn’t shoot it. Naturally, that led to him thinking about how the unicorn had refused to leave Merlin and Arthur had managed to kill it which had brought down all kinds of havoc for the Kingdom. He pulled his thoughts back from that road and realized that his father and Gaius seemed locked in some sort of wordless communication.
"Well, I have certainly seen men with a gift like that working with horses. They are invaluable to the Kingdom," said Arthur.
The woman looked a bit uncertain for a moment then her face seemed to light up as another woman stepped forward and spoke.
"She cursed a dog that chased after her and it ran in front of a cart was run over. It died two days later."
"Aye," spoke a small girl in the back of the room. "I saw her curse the dog."
Uther made that almost imperceptible movement that Arthur had learned after years of watching him meant he was ready to pass sentence.
"Sire," Arthur started.
"Throw her in the dungeon while we sort this out." Uther commanded the guards. The woman on the floor was screaming more loudly than before. "Throw the woman in there with her." Uther demanded as he stood to leave. "You are all dismissed until after the lunch hour."
Arthur looked up to see Merlin look as if he was about to step forward to voice an objection and sent him a look to tell him to stay where he was, hoping that for once the idiot did as he was told, as he followed after his father.
"Father." Arthur called after Uther.
"Not now, Arthur. You know the laws. I cannot do anything but follow through with sentencing unless there is evidence that the woman and the other two witnesses were lying. You are welcome to see what you can find before morning." Uther kept on walking.
Arthur turned back into the room. As he passed Merlin, he noticed that he seemed paler than usual and had an expression on his face that he couldn’t exactly describe. It looked like he was stunned, disgusted, and fearful all at the same time, with a heavy dose of anger thrown in. Arthur wondered if his face looked the same because he certainly felt all those things.
Merlin fell into step a pace behind him. "How could you let him do that?" Merlin raged.
Arthur spun; putting a hand over Merlin’s mouth, he used his body to shove him into the wall behind a pillar and hold him there. Putting his mouth close to Merlin's ear he spoke quietly. "Merlin, you could land yourself in the dungeons facing death yourself if anyone hears you talk like that. That is treason. In fact, I should put you there myself. You are going to have to learn your place, for your own safety.”
Leaning back he looked Merlin in the eyes to see if he understood before dropping his hand and leaning forward again with his mouth to Merlin's ear he almost whispered, “If it is any consolation I agree with you." He felt a shudder go through Merlin's body; an answering shudder wanting to break free in his own body surprised him. He thanked all his training that it didn’t escape his control. Backing up a step, he raised his hand in an imperious warning as Merlin immediately opened his mouth to comment and continued quietly. "I will see what I can do. I need to do some thinking."
Arthur strode off with ground eating strides. When he realized he didn’t hear Merlin behind him he stopped and turned around to look back at him. "Coming, Merlin?" he threw out then turned and stalked on down the hall. After a few seconds, he heard Merlin trot up a pace behind his right elbow.
When they were in a field behind the stables, ostensibly checking the crop, Merlin didn’t even try to keep the anger from his voice as he asked, "What are we doing here? Are we going to try to help that little girl?"
Arthur sighed and gave Merlin an exasperated look. Slinging a brotherly arm around Merlin's shoulder, he turned him in a circle as he spoke condescendingly. "We are here Merlin, because as even you can see there are no people here to hear us and we have a clear view in all directions so that we can see any one coming long before they can hear us. Grain fields are always a good place to hold discussions."
Realizing where his arm was he gave Merlin a small shove that almost sent the clumsy servant face first to the ground. Crossing his arms over his chest as Merlin regained his balance and gave him a disgruntled look, he continued in a more normal tone. "We are here so that your temper can cool off. It won’t do any good dashing about spouting treason because of your emotions. It would be in the best interests of everyone involved if we clear our heads and make a plan without anyone overhearing.”
Merlin copied his crossed arm stance and asked. "Do you really believe that girl did some kind of evil curse? She is a child."
A feeling that he refused to identify assailed Arthur as the haunted look that Merlin had been wearing lately fell across his face again. He realized that the vibrant anger that had been there since they had left the throne room was the first time in ages that the haunted look had been gone from Merlin's face.
In the slight hesitation while that thought flew through Arthur's head, Merlin drew a breath to continue, but Arthur rushed ahead before he could. "Merlin, it doesn't matter what I think right now." He held a hand up to silence Merlin as he opened his mouth to draw another long breath to argue. "It is what the King says that will be carried out and I don't have enough influence to sway him when it comes to magic. I don’t know enough about magic to know how dangerous a child could be. All I know is that my father hates magic and those who use magic. He swears the magic takes hold of the people and turns them evil. He sees it as something to be wiped from the face of the world and is determined to make sure it is wiped from the face of the area of the world that he has control over."
"Arthur, you just said that you didn't know enough about magic. Don't you think that it would be better to try to learn more about it so that you can make up your mind what the truth is, instead of just taking Uther's word since one day you will be king? The other Kingdoms allow magic and they don't seem a worse place to be than Camelot, only stronger."
As Arthur opened, his mouth Merlin held up an imperious hand just as Arthur had done to him and continued his impassioned speech. "The only magic I have seen since I came to Camelot has been done by evil people who wanted power or people who had family members or other loved ones killed by Uther because of magic and wanted revenge. I think magic is like swords, neither good, nor bad, just tools to accomplish a means. The people who use them are good and evil. There are people who use a sword to kill people for their own means. They have an evil heart before they pick up the sword, the sword does not turn them. There are people like you, who use a sword to defend others from evil people. I feel that there must be good people out there who use magic for good, since other Kingdoms have no laws on magic. If it was that evil would all the Kingdoms not ban it? I just cannot see good people with magic coming to Camelot and offering their services to the King knowing they risk the certainty of execution, so we only ever see the evil kind here. Perhaps if you talked to Gaius he might be able to tell you something about magic. You know that he knows about magic. Your father depends on his counsel on magic. Maybe you could learn about magic from him. Perhaps you could find out things like whether a small child is evil or if someone is just trying to get revenge on the family by having her killed. If the laws were different perhaps someone with magic that had no need for power would be able to help strengthen the Kingdom and the evil people with magic could be overcome or at least wouldn’t show up so often. It seems that Uther's laws against magic are making Camelot vulnerable to the Kingdoms that allow magic."
Arthur had to remind himself to close his mouth. Sometimes the things that Merlin said astounded him in their small bits of wisdom. Except, he covered it by so much gibberish, it was often easy to miss it. "You know Merlin, I am not saying I agree with you, but you do bring up some good points that I have never thought of before. However, Uther is still King and he will always hate magic and want to wipe it out of Camelot.
“Right now that does not help that little girl locked in the dungeon. What we need to do is talk to the people of the village and find if anyone else has ever seen anything unusual from this girl or find out whether the other women might have reason to cause trouble for the girl or her family. We need more than feelings and beliefs when I go to talk to my father and we need to get it fast. He will make a decision tomorrow."
Arthur started back toward the village and Merlin followed him. "So we are going to just leave her in the dungeons tonight and not worry about it?" he asked, reaching out and snapping the head off the grain as they passed by and pulling the grains off one at a time. "You have been in that dungeon; you know it is no place for a child to spend the night."
"There is nothing we can do to get her out tonight, unless we have some kind of evidence to prove her innocence, so it would be best if we try not to think about it and concentrate on getting evidence. We have both spent time in the dungeons. It wasn’t pleasant, but it didn’t kill us. It is good that she has her mother," Arthur pointed out. "I would like to think that was an act of kindness rather than punishment."
Merlin's snort told him what he thought of the last statement.
Part Two
The Edge of Darkness
As the door closed behind his father, Arthur wanted to jump out of bed and throw everything he could get his hands on, but decided that was a bad idea. His head already felt as if someone was beating it with a cudgel from inside. In reality, a huge dragon had knocked him across a field and slammed him on his head only hours ago. He settled for throwing all the pillows on his bed except the one he was using.
Sometimes his father made him feel like he was two years old again. Along with that feeling, usually came the desire to act like said two year old child and lie on the floor, kick, and scream his frustrations away. Throwing the soft pillows had barely made a dent in his anger and frustration. Arthur wondered if all sons felt this much frustration from their fathers or if it was worse for him because he was a Prince being groomed to take over the Kingdom.
After he and Merlin had returned earlier in the night from defeating the dragon, Uther had demanded that Gaius examine him. Gaius had tended to his numerous bruises, cuts, scrapes, and burns before telling him that the knock on the head had caused some damage to his brain that would require him to rest for the next few days until the headaches went away, but no sleep for a few hours to make sure that he wasn't worse than he seemed. His father had volunteered to sit with him to keep him awake. Arthur wished that Merlin had sat with him instead. Now wasn't there a thought; that he would choose his idiot of a manservant over his father. At least Merlin had a sense of humor. He would have made up jokes and stories or prattled on endlessly about nothing instead of spending the time grilling Arthur on why he didn’t bring the dragon's head or a tooth or something back to show that he had defeated it.
The fact that there was no dead dragon present when he woke up had not seemed a vital fact until his father asked about it. Arthur had been so relieved that the dragon was gone, not to mention being a bit addled from hitting his head that he just hadn’t given it much thought. Merlin said he dealt it a killing blow, which was good enough for Arthur. Checking all his men to see if anyone was alive had seemed to be the priority of the moment.
Uther had not accepted any of those excuses. The usual lectures about what he had done wrong, what he should have done, and what he needed to improve on had taken up the hours until dawn had been painting the sky outside his chamber window. Uther had covered all the usual "I was barely older than you when I captured Camelot and what have you got to show but mistakes, why can't you just be more like me" speech that he knew so well. There were times during the long uncomfortable hours that Arthur wondered if his father ever recognized the things that he did right or if he only saw the things that he considered wrong. Would his father ever feel pride in anything but Arthur's ability in combat or would he always be lacking? He had never been so glad to see Gaius as when he came to examine him again and tell his father that he could go and let Arthur sleep. Gaius had said that he needed to assess Arthur's condition again before he knew which potion to mix for him. He assured Arthur that he would send Merlin up with it as soon as he got it mixed and to sit with him, I but it was fine if he fell asleep in the meantime. Arthur didn’t know why someone needed to be there to watch him sleep.
Still feeling the need to vent and not having anything nearby to throw, he decided to try the two year old method. He started kicking his feet and pounding his fists on the bed. Unfortunately, he only managed to make the blankets slide off the bed to the floor and make the headache that much worse. Leaning over to snag the blankets with an outstretched hand resulted in a wave of dizziness, nausea, and even more pounding in his head. Lying back with his eyes closed, he waited until the worst of it eased up then sat up carefully, untied the bed curtains and let them enclose him in near darkness. Pulling the blankets up over himself as he laid back down, he curled up in a fetal position and shut his eyes as he tried to calm himself. He made himself a vow to renew his efforts to make his father proud of him. He was going to pour everything he had into everything that he did from now on. He would make his choices based on what his father would do or what he knew his father would have him do. He could be a good ruler, a good King. He would show his father.
Minutes later, he felt even more like a toddler when it occurred to him that he was humming the nursery rhyme that his nursemaid had sung to him at bedtime, albeit only in his mind, being afraid that humming it out loud would make his head hurt worse. Infantile or not, the song seemed to calm his frustrations; combined with lack of sleep and fighting a dragon for several nights, he soon started drifting into sleep. Someday, he thought drowsily, he would make his father proud of him.
Just before sleep completely enfolded him, he heard voices.
"Goodnight, Son," came the smooth timbre.
Was his father back? He couldn’t be bothered to roll over to look.
"Goodnight, Son."
"Sle...sleep well, Father," was the quiet reply.
Sleep claimed him before he could puzzle that out.
* * * * *
"Only a Dragonlord."
"There is one."
"His name is Balinor."
"There is one."
"Only a Dragonlord can kill a dragon."
"Arthur, where is the dragon's body if you killed it?"
"How do you know you killed the dragon, Arthur?"
"Where is the body of the dragon, Arthur?"
"You are not a Dragonlord."
"Maybe it is not dead."
Arthur opened his eyes to a world of dancing shadows and confusion. He realized that he had been dreaming. What was he dreaming? Oh, yes, the dragon, the one that gave him this knock on the head. No wonder he was dreaming about it.
"Hello" He heard a soft voice and turned his head trying to find Merlin in the shadows.
"How are you feeling this time?" Merlin leaned forward over the bed, separating himself from the deeper shadows enough to allow Arthur to make out his face in the dim candlelight.
'This time?’ He had been awake other times? It was good to see Merlin and not his father.
"I'm glad that you are here."
Merlin beamed his goofy smile. "That hit on your head may be worse than we thought if you are talking like that."
What? Had he said that out loud?
"I feel like the dragon left its dung in my mouth."
That brought a soft chuckle from Merlin. "That is from the pain potion." Arthur heard the sound of water splashing into a cup then Merlin was sliding an arm under him and helping him lean up enough to drink. "Just a few sips right now. You can have more in a few minutes. We don’t want it to upset your stomach. Is your head better, worse, or about the same?"
Arthur thought about that. "I think I felt better before the potion, maybe a bit better as far as the pain, but I feel all fuzzy and unbalanced."
"That is the pain potion, too. As your head gets better and you stop taking it, the fuzzy should wear away. I have some soup that a serving girl just brought up. It should still be warm. Can you eat a few bites before you have your potion?"
"I would rather use the chamber pot."
"Er, yes. I'll just get it for you then we will get you up. Just lie right there." Merlin dashed off toward the screened area and came back seconds later with his chamber pot and a low stool. "Do you think it will hurt your head to light some more candles so you can, um, see where you are aiming?"
"That should be fine." The candles burning now did not seem to make his head hurt worse.
He waited while Merlin lit the candles in the candle stand near the bed.
"You may be a bit dizzy sitting up, so I want to help you then lean you against the headboard of the bed. I will get everything situated in front of you and unlace your breeches then I can turn my back and give you privacy."
It sounded simple, but Arthur didn’t realize how dizzy he would feel when he tried to sit up. He had barely gotten into a sitting position when he had to stop and lean against Merlin's chest because it felt as if the world was going to throw him off the way his war horse had done the first time he had tried to ride it.
Merlin patiently waited until Arthur thought that he could manage moving again and helped him put his feet on the floor. He was embarrassed to have to lean against Merlin again before the world stopped lurching.
Merlin held him with one hand and reached out to move the pillows out of the way.
"Better now? On three, I'm going to give you a bit of pull and I want you to shift your rear closer to the top of the bed. One. Two. Three." Merlin tugged and Arthur did his best to shift. As the world lurched again, he almost toppled over on top of Merlin. He grabbed hold of Merlin's forearms until things settled again. He looked up to see Merlin with his eyes closed, a strained expression on his face.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was holding your arms so tight. Now you will probably have bruises." Arthur closed his eyes and took a deep breath, wanting to just crawl under the coverlet and go back to sleep. Not only was he as weak as a newborn colt and could not even go to the bathroom by himself, he seemed incapable of concealing neither his concern regarding Merlin, nor embarrassment from him.
"No, it's fine." Arthur thought Merlin's voice sounded a bit funny which made him think that he had actually hurt Merlin more than he realized, but the glimpse of a flush on Merlin’s cheeks when he looked up at him through his lashes made him wonder if Merlin was embarrassed, too. What did Merlin have to be embarrassed about? He wasn’t the one that couldn’t stand up by himself. Maybe he was embarrassed because he was as delicate as a girl and could not tolerate a little grabbing. Somehow, that thought helped soothe Arthur’s anxiety a bit.
“You ready?” Merlin started unlacing his breeches, refusing to look at him the whole time. Arthur was glad that he wasn’t looking at him. Somehow, after all the times Merlin had dressed and undressed him this seemed more intimate.
Merlin placed the low stool on the floor between his feet, put the chamberpot on top of it and remove lid.When he had done that, he moved right beside Arthur and turned his back. He was close enough that if Arthur leaned away from the head of the bed he would be leaning on Merlin. That seemed even more intimate to Arthur, too inimate. Arthur got the wretched business over with as soon as he could, but he felt his face heating up. He quickly fumbled his clothes back into placed to cover himself.
“Let’s get you back into bed, shall we?” Merlin had quickly put the top on the chamber pot and moved the stool, pot and all, out of he way. His fingers were clumsy when they tied the laces back. He reached across Arthur for a pillow that he had flung aside minutes earlier, bringing their faces close enough that Arthur could see the fine pores, leaned Arthur against his chest again and put the pillow against the head of the bed. He pushed Arthur back against the pillow, then bent to lift his legs and swing them back onto the bed. Arthur simply closed his eyes and waited for the dizziness to pass and allowed it.
“It’s better if you keep your eyes open and find a focus. Makes it go aways faster.”
How had Merlin gotten all the way over to the table without him knowing he had moved? Usually Merlin sounded like a herd of horses when he moved around.
“Do you feel like eating a bit of soup now?”
“Not really interested in food. I’d like some water.”
Merlin set the tray over his lap and lifted the cup to his lips again. Arthur sipped automatically as his eyes met Merlin’s over the rim. He didn’t know why he was being so docile and letting Merlin treat him like a baby. It had to stop.
He pushed the cup away. "I'm not a child you know? I walked up here with this head injury. I can do things myself. I am just a bit dizzy when I move around."
"I know." Merlin dipped the spoon into the soup and raised it to his lips. He automatically took a bite before he thought about it.
"Merlin, I can do that myself."
"I know." Another spoon full of soup was at his lips and he opened them.
"One thing you have to realize, Arthur, is that it is not always about you. You do not always have to be strong by doing everything yourself. Sometimes it takes more strength to sit back and allow those who care about you to do things for you because they need to for their peace of mind."
The comment took Arthur by surprise. Staring at Merlin's face, he wished Merlin would look at him. He found that he wanted to see his eyes after that comment.
The spoon was back and Arthur opened his mouth. Merlin kept raising the spoon to his lips and he kept opening them without further discussion.
"That's enough." He was surprised to realize that he had eaten over half the soup.
Merlin uncorked a bottle and handed it to him. "One swallow should be enough then we will get you situated for sleep."
Arthur dutifully swallowed the foul concoction and wondered if Gaius found the worst tasting things in the world to mix on purpose.
Merlin took the bottle and sat it aside then helped him sip more water. The water helped get the taste out of his mouth a bit. After Merlin had set the cup on the tray, he put the tray on the floor. "Can you slide down in the bed?"
"Of course, I w..."
"I know," Merlin interrupted. "You walked up here." He waited until Arthur was prone and adjusted the pillow under his head and the blankets over him.
"Anything else you need?"
"No, just more sleep."
Merlin blew out the candles nearby, leaving the ones further away, and sat back down in the chair that he had been sitting in when Arthur awoke.
"Merlin, you can go to bed now. I will call you if I need you."
"I am fine. Besides, I didn’t bring any bedding to lie down. I will just sit here."
"That is ridiculous! This bed is big enough. Lie on the other side."
"I will be fine in this chair Arthur."
"Sometimes you just have to allow those that care about you to do things for you for their peace of mind. Get in the bed Merlin. You might want to make sure the door is locked first so the King doesn’t barge in and you wake up beheaded for being in my bed."
"How could I wake up if I was beheaded?"
Arthur didn’t bother to answer as he waited to feel the bed dip under Merlin's weight at his back. A feeling of contentment settled over him and he was asleep before he could question it.
* * * * *
"Arthur, it is good to see you feeling better. I have been worried over your condition. Take a seat and we can be served." Uther motioned Arthur into a seat.
"Thank you, Father." Arthur gave his father a short nod and seated himself in the seat that he had been occupying during family meals since he was old enough to see above the table. He thought it not prudent to mention that his father couldn’t have been very worried about him since he hadn’t been back to check on him a single time since leaving the first morning. Not that Arthur had really wanted him back, but the fact that he did not come spoke volumes to Arthur about how worried he was. It only seemed to solidify the suspicion that his father had only stayed the first night in order to berate him for his failings in the whole dragon incident. He didn’t doubt for one minute that his father had also taken perverse pleasure in keeping him awake when he was so exhausted.
Merlin caught his attention as he set Arthur's filled water goblet down. "Merlin just set the water pitcher down on the table near me. I will not require you for the rest of the night. Turn down my bed and bank the fire and you may be dismissed. I will see you in the morning."
"Yes, Sire." Merlin spoke in a quiet voice and gave his head a single small nod toward Arthur to acknowledge his orders, turned to give a bit more exaggerated bob that could not really be called a bow to Uther then took his leave. Arthur hadn’t missed the slight look of confusion on Merlin's face, but when he looked at Uther, his father was looking back with a look on his face similar to the one that Arthur was sure he would wear if Arthur made Merlin a Knight.
"What ever possessed you to do that?" Uther questioned, almost making each word a complete sentence in the way he enunciated it.
"I have been in the same room with him for three days and nights. I needed a break from his ever-present company."
"Arthur, it is his job to attend you. If his presence annoys you use some discipline on him or get another servant."
It was all Arthur could do not to sigh. "I think that any person would annoy me when both of us are locked into the same room for days." What Arthur did not tell Uther was that Arthur was sure that he was going to be taken to task over something again since his father had practically commanded his appearance at dinner. He did not wish Merlin to be here while his father was berating him. It was bad enough that other servants hear it; they acted as if they were deaf. Merlin didn't even make a pretense of it.
His father did not even try to hold back his sigh and Arthur knew that he had just made whatever was coming worse. "Then you are the one that needs to learn more discipline. It pains me that I have failed at teaching you the things that you need to know to be King."
* * * * *
He had certainly been right about how bad the dinner was going to be Arthur reflected as he made slow progress back to his room. Uther had expounded at length about the relationship that he should maintain with his manservant and that he had to keep a firm control at all times. He had insisted that dismissing Merlin early had made Arthur appear weak to the servant and would ultimately make him a bad servant. Arthur wondered briefly how Merlin could get any worse than the worst manservant ever. Even as the thought crossed Arthur's mind he knew that it was just something he said, not something he really believed. Merlin still had a few problems, namely being subservient, but he had gotten much better than when he first became Arthur's servant. Merlin was loyal to a fault and could be amusing. Arthur simply couldn’t imagine trying to replace him and did not feel the need for the measures that his father thought he needed to employ to make sure that Merlin stayed loyal to him.
Uther switched topics and went back to the dragon, as Arthur had known he would, continuing to berate him in that tone of voice that induced guilt and anger in Arthur every time his father used it. He also used the same old story again that without a trophy of the dragon after he killed it the people would have doubts and fears that it would heal itself and come back. His father had assured him that these were difficult times. Camelot and those who ruled could not afford to appear weak to anyone or they would begin taking advantage.
Arthur reached his rooms and was surprised at the feeling of exhaustion that swamped him when the door closed behind him. He went over to sit on the edge of his bed to take off his boots, but found himself slumping over resting his elbows on his spread knees, clasping his hands and allowing his head to fall forward as he stared at the toe of one boot instead. Arthur had often felt as if his father was disappointed with him as a son, but it had become so much worse lately. Arthur missed Morgana being there and running interference for him. Morgana had always understood his father better than he did and could defuse volatile situations before they blew up. Arthur knew that Uther was missing her, too. He had insisted tonight that Arthur send another group of men out to look for her, although with so many of his men dying lately, he could hardly afford to spare more men for a search party. He would put every man that he could spare on it. He wanted to go himself, but Gaius still insisted that he not ride. As exhausted as a simple thing like walking to his father's chambers and back made, him he knew that Gaius was right. He also needed to stay close to the citadel for a while to keep an eye on his father to see if there was actually something wrong with him or if it was just worry over Morgana. Sighing, Arthur pulled his boots off and tossed them across the room in the direction of the wardrobe for Merlin to deal with in the morning. His jacket then shirt followed a similar path when he had taken them off. He fumbled the laces loose and stood to slide the breeches down his legs. After quickly getting into his nightclothes that Merlin had remembered to lay out without being told, he crawled beneath his coverlet. Only moments later, he was sound asleep.
* * * * *
"Only a Dragonlord can kill a dragon."
Over and over it echoed. "Only a Dragonlord. Only a Dragonlord. Only a Dragonlord."
Then his father's voice, "Then we are doomed for there are no more Dragonlords."
"It is possible that there is one left alive. His name is Balinor."
"Only a Dragonlord."
"Only a Dragonlord."
"There is one."
"His name is Balinor."
"There is one."
"Only a Dragonlord can kill a dragon."
"Arthur, where is the dragon's body if you killed it?"
"How do you know you killed the dragon, Arthur?"
"Where is the body of the dragon, Arthur?"
"You are not a Dragonlord."
"Maybe it is not dead"
Arthur jerked awake with the sound of his father's voice screaming at him that the dragon was not dead because he was not a Dragonlord. He lay still until his heart had stopped pounding so hard and looked around. By the faint light cast by the glowing coals in his fireplace, he realized that he was in his bed and he had been having a nightmare. He turned over and thumped his pillow into submission and tried to go back to sleep. He reminded himself that he needed to have a talk with Merlin in the morning about what happened with the dragon again and where the body might be. Not only had Uther demanded that he use some of remaining Knights to search for Morgana but also he wanted some going out to look for the Great Dragon’s body. Arthur only hoped that there was no trouble in the Kingdom in the near future with his troops so decimated. He would have to make sure to get to the practice field tomorrow and watch some of the new Squires that were training. He really would like to fight them himself instead of just watching to determine if they were ready to be Knighted, but he didn’t know how long it would be before Gaius would allow him to fight again. He needed to get some new men Knighted very soon. He would rather send new men out with a couple seasoned Knights for searches that should not prove very dangerous and keep most of the seasoned Knights where they could provide the most protection.
* * * * *
"I don't know. Where do magical creatures go when they die? It just...it just vanished." Merlin spilled some of the water he was attempting to pour into Arthur's glass as he answered the question Arthur had asked him.
"Merlin!" Arthur jumped back from the table to keep the water flowing toward the edge from cascading into his lap, and winced as the quick movement and his own raised voice made his head pound for a few beats. He didn’t fancy changing clothes, he had just gotten into the ones he had on.
"Vanished, did it?" Arthur got back to the earlier topic of conversation as Merlin grabbed the shirt Arthur had worn the night before from the back of a chair and started dabbing at the water on the table and floor. "Merlin, that happens to be one of my best dress shirts, not a cleaning rag."
"It's just water and it'll clean," was Merlin's untroubled answer.
Arthur rolled his eyes at yet another example of his manservant's ineptitude. Having wakened this morning without his head pounding had made Arthur think that his head was better, but if he were around Merlin much longer, the headache would be back in full force. "And you saw all this?" Arthur pursued the earlier topic of conversation. "You saw the dragon die and vanish?" Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.
"Well, not really."
Arthur's head jerked up to look at Merlin just as Merlin shrugged. "Oh, not really?" Arthur drawled out loudly, while pausing and looking at Merlin then scooting his chair back toward the table. "Not really?” He spoke more softly, but succinctly.
"Well, see." Merlin was now flitting around the room and Arthur watched him collecting dirty clothes and flinging them into the basket with the now wet shirt. "I was so busy trying to get to you to see if you were all right that I wasn't paying close attention, but I was trying to keep a watch out of the corner of my eye in case it moved."
"You were trying to keep a watch out of the corner of your eye, while you were distracted by getting to me after that dragon had killed so many people? Merlin did you even have a weapon?" Merlin glanced at him then looked away again. Arthur's voice had risen in exasperation and he paused a moment to moderate it before his head started a drumbeat inside again. It was hard to speak quietly when faced with such an idiot.
"Well, what were you going to do if it did move, Merlin? You didn't have a sword or any kind of protection and, if you were trying to get to me, my sword wouldn't have done you much good, since it was a good deal away from me on the other side than the one you were on when I woke up."
"I don't know. I guess I would have flung my body over yours and prayed to all the gods and goddesses that if the dragon decided to breath flames that it wouldn't cook you through me." Merlin shrugged and went over to the bed to start plumping pillows. Arthur thought he heard him mummer petulantly, "It didn't matter anyway, if it disappeared."
Arthur sat and contemplated Merlin with a quizzical expression. Merlin was willing to throw his body over Arthur and hope to save him. Flashes of other times, when Merlin did save Arthur with no thought for himself, made Arthur believe that Merlin would have done just that, useless as it might have been.
He glanced at Merlin, still fiddling with the pillows, thinking that was the reason he kept Merlin around. He was loyal to a fault, as loyal as any Knight was and as brave. Just thinking about how he had demanded to go along to try to kill the dragon, knowing all along that he probably wouldn’t be coming back had to take a lot of bravery. It wasn’t even the first time he had been willing to die for Arthur. It seemed to be getting to be a habit with him.
It was disconcerting to think that the fumbling, bumbling man who acted so idiotic at times was probably braver than his Knights were; because he didn’t even have the training to protect himself. On the other hand, maybe he was just that much of an idiot. Either way, he was an idiot that chose to stand staunchly beside Arthur no matter what. Arthur decided to make sure that Merlin had more training in combat so that he would have some protection, or at least know what to do and not have to have instruction in every instance.
With a shake of his head, Arthur used his foot to scoot the chair Merlin always used out from the table. "There was way too much food this morning. Come sit down and eat." He invited. A while back, after he had caught Merlin stealing his food and realized that he seemed to be swimming around in his clothes more than usual, Arthur had stopped by the kitchens and asked that they start sending more food to his rooms. He was sure that Gaius fed Merlin, but obviously, it was not enough for someone still growing. Now there was always enough for Merlin and he found that he enjoyed sharing his meals with him.
Arthur returned to eating his breakfast as Merlin took his chair and reached for the food Arthur had put aside for him. Arthur looked long and hard at Merlin. There was still something wrong that Merlin did not seem ready to divulge to him. As Arthur picked up a piece of meat, he wondered what could be so bad that it bothered Merlin so much, yet still he didn’t want to talk about. He wished that Merlin felt that he could trust him with whatever it was. Merlin not wanting to confide in him felt almost like an open wound. Deciding to leave it for the time being, Arthur continued with his meal.
"So what have you decided to do today?" Merlin asked.
"There are so many people waiting to see the King that my father has decided to hold court both this morning and this afternoon. I shall attend the morning session and see how I feel when the afternoon session comes along. I seem to feel much better today, so I think I shall be fine to attend both. I shall expect you there, of course, in case I need anything."
Arthur almost managed to hide his smile as Merlin made a face. He knew how much Merlin hated standing there waiting to serve him if needed, while his father heard the grievances of the people. The entertainment value of watching Merlin was sometimes all that got him through and he felt that he was going to need it today.
* * * * *
Arthur shifted in his chair trying to find a more comfortable position. He had been sitting for hours, while an endless line of people sought audience with the king. Arthur chaffed to be out on the grounds training what was left of his Knights and helping to repair the damages left from the dragon attack. Gaius seemed to think that he needed to forgo training for a few more days and ease back into activity by sitting in council and listening to grievances brought before the king. The slight thumping behind his eyes made him think that Gaius might be right. He was sure that he could train with a headache but Gaius had explained many times that a brain injury was a very delicate matter and had to be treated as such until healed or it could cause permanent afflictions or death. As much as he chaffed to be back in action, Arthur knew that he would not be effective if he had some affliction brought about by brain injury. He had seen men like that and hoped never to be one of them.
The lines of people bringing their complaints to the king seemed to be getting longer as the days passed. Many had lost their livelihoods in the dragon attack. They wouldn’t be able to earn money until they were able to repair or rebuild their homes or places of work and replace tools and merchandise destroyed by the dragon. They came seeking various kinds of help. They were growing weary and tempers were flaring. The Knights were busy with numerous fights breaking out. The King was trying to deal with too many accusations that would seem petty at any other time, but at a time like this, strife could lead to the townspeople battling each other if the King didn’t help to control the situation. Camelot could not seem vulnerable to her neighbors or they would mount an attack to try to take over.
Arthur flicked a glance at Merlin, who was standing to the side waiting on anything that he might need. He indicated his cup slightly and Merlin moved behind him to lift the cup. He heard a bit of fiddling behind his chair before he heard the water splashing.
“I’ve put a mild pain potion in it. Be sure you drink it all.” Merlin said directly in his ear in a quiet voice as he sat the cup down.
Struggling to contain the shiver the hot puff of air in his ear had caused and keep his face impassive at the same time, Arthur reached for the cup. Catching Merlin’s glance after he was back in position, he offered an almost imperceptible nod of thanks for the potion.
Arthur sat up straight in his chair beside his father and stared in disbelief as two guards dragged in a beautiful little girl that looked to be about nine or ten, but Arthur wasn’t an expert at guessing children's ages. She was screaming and crying, twisting and writhing in the guards’ hands. With mussed blond curls and her blue dress twisted around her body it looked as if she had been struggling for some length of time. Arthur barely hid a smile as she bit one of the guards, almost managing freedom before the guard she had bitten grabbed her around the waist from behind, allowing the other guard to try to control her lashing feet. He wondered what mischief had landed her in the King's Court. Her spirited actions reminded him of Morgana as a child, a thought he pushed away hurriedly because, although he would claim otherwise, he missed Morgana and worried about her since she had disappeared with Morgause. He wished he could find young men with such determination and fight in them to train to be Knights. It was going to be difficult to replace the Knights he had lost to the dragon and the Knights of Medhir.
"Why has this child been brought before me?" asked Uther, bringing Arthur back to what was happening in the room, before his thoughts could continue.
A woman pushed her way to the front and screamed, "She's a sorcerer. I saw her doing magic."
Arthur saw his father sit up straighter in his chair, his body going rigid. "Magic? Are you sure? What kind of magic?"
"She made a deer come out of the woods and walk right up to her. Then she made it talk to her. I could..."
"Liar" Shrieked another voice from a woman held back by two guards that Arthur assumed was the girl’s mother from the resemblance and her quick defense.
"Silence," boomed Uther then looked toward the woman making the accusations to continue as the girl's crying became nothing more than sniffs and the woman Arthur had now labeled in his head as Girl's Mother quieted and stopped struggling, seeming to hang limply between the guards.
"I couldn't hear what the deer was saying, but I heard a voice and saw its mouth move."
Raising an eyebrow, Arthur looked at his father as the King simply sat there looking between the little girl and her accuser.
In the silence except for the occasional sniffle from the girl, another woman timidly spoke up. "I saw her riding a unicorn through the edge of the forest."
At hearing the word unicorn Arthur winced inwardly, at least he hoped it didn’t show, and glanced toward Merlin, but he replied to the woman. "Perhaps some people just have a way with wild animals, a gift. Is it a crime to make pets of wild animals?" He asked.
"She don't." groaned Girl's Mother.
"I have warned you." Uther admonished the woman. "If you speak again I will have you locked in the dungeons." The woman collapsed in a sobbing heap on the floor.
The accuser seemed to struggle against a smirk appearing on her face as she turned toward Arthur to answer his question. "Sure, people can talk to animals, but who but a sorcerer could make them talk? Normal people don’t ever see a unicorn in their life.
Arthur's brow twitched at that and he fought to control another glance toward Merlin. "I have seen a unicorn." Arthur broke in.
A look of consternation crossed the woman's face as she realized that she had just said that the Prince wasn’t normal.
"Well, begging your pardon, Sire, most don't. No normal person could ride one"
"Sire, if I may speak."
Uther looked toward Gaius. "Gaius?"
Gaius gave his head a bob to the King. “Well, actually Sire, a unicorn represents purity in the Old Religion. Only those completely pure of heart are said to be able to touch one. Even if it could be proven that the girl had magic, if she had been able to touch or ride a unicorn it would mean that there was no evil in her."
With a shock, Arthur jerked a look back toward Merlin and away again as he thought about seeing Merlin petting the unicorn. Did that mean that Merlin was pure of heart? Then he remembered Merlin trying to shoo it away so Arthur couldn’t shoot it. Naturally, that led to him thinking about how the unicorn had refused to leave Merlin and Arthur had managed to kill it which had brought down all kinds of havoc for the Kingdom. He pulled his thoughts back from that road and realized that his father and Gaius seemed locked in some sort of wordless communication.
"Well, I have certainly seen men with a gift like that working with horses. They are invaluable to the Kingdom," said Arthur.
The woman looked a bit uncertain for a moment then her face seemed to light up as another woman stepped forward and spoke.
"She cursed a dog that chased after her and it ran in front of a cart was run over. It died two days later."
"Aye," spoke a small girl in the back of the room. "I saw her curse the dog."
Uther made that almost imperceptible movement that Arthur had learned after years of watching him meant he was ready to pass sentence.
"Sire," Arthur started.
"Throw her in the dungeon while we sort this out." Uther commanded the guards. The woman on the floor was screaming more loudly than before. "Throw the woman in there with her." Uther demanded as he stood to leave. "You are all dismissed until after the lunch hour."
Arthur looked up to see Merlin look as if he was about to step forward to voice an objection and sent him a look to tell him to stay where he was, hoping that for once the idiot did as he was told, as he followed after his father.
"Father." Arthur called after Uther.
"Not now, Arthur. You know the laws. I cannot do anything but follow through with sentencing unless there is evidence that the woman and the other two witnesses were lying. You are welcome to see what you can find before morning." Uther kept on walking.
Arthur turned back into the room. As he passed Merlin, he noticed that he seemed paler than usual and had an expression on his face that he couldn’t exactly describe. It looked like he was stunned, disgusted, and fearful all at the same time, with a heavy dose of anger thrown in. Arthur wondered if his face looked the same because he certainly felt all those things.
Merlin fell into step a pace behind him. "How could you let him do that?" Merlin raged.
Arthur spun; putting a hand over Merlin’s mouth, he used his body to shove him into the wall behind a pillar and hold him there. Putting his mouth close to Merlin's ear he spoke quietly. "Merlin, you could land yourself in the dungeons facing death yourself if anyone hears you talk like that. That is treason. In fact, I should put you there myself. You are going to have to learn your place, for your own safety.”
Leaning back he looked Merlin in the eyes to see if he understood before dropping his hand and leaning forward again with his mouth to Merlin's ear he almost whispered, “If it is any consolation I agree with you." He felt a shudder go through Merlin's body; an answering shudder wanting to break free in his own body surprised him. He thanked all his training that it didn’t escape his control. Backing up a step, he raised his hand in an imperious warning as Merlin immediately opened his mouth to comment and continued quietly. "I will see what I can do. I need to do some thinking."
Arthur strode off with ground eating strides. When he realized he didn’t hear Merlin behind him he stopped and turned around to look back at him. "Coming, Merlin?" he threw out then turned and stalked on down the hall. After a few seconds, he heard Merlin trot up a pace behind his right elbow.
When they were in a field behind the stables, ostensibly checking the crop, Merlin didn’t even try to keep the anger from his voice as he asked, "What are we doing here? Are we going to try to help that little girl?"
Arthur sighed and gave Merlin an exasperated look. Slinging a brotherly arm around Merlin's shoulder, he turned him in a circle as he spoke condescendingly. "We are here Merlin, because as even you can see there are no people here to hear us and we have a clear view in all directions so that we can see any one coming long before they can hear us. Grain fields are always a good place to hold discussions."
Realizing where his arm was he gave Merlin a small shove that almost sent the clumsy servant face first to the ground. Crossing his arms over his chest as Merlin regained his balance and gave him a disgruntled look, he continued in a more normal tone. "We are here so that your temper can cool off. It won’t do any good dashing about spouting treason because of your emotions. It would be in the best interests of everyone involved if we clear our heads and make a plan without anyone overhearing.”
Merlin copied his crossed arm stance and asked. "Do you really believe that girl did some kind of evil curse? She is a child."
A feeling that he refused to identify assailed Arthur as the haunted look that Merlin had been wearing lately fell across his face again. He realized that the vibrant anger that had been there since they had left the throne room was the first time in ages that the haunted look had been gone from Merlin's face.
In the slight hesitation while that thought flew through Arthur's head, Merlin drew a breath to continue, but Arthur rushed ahead before he could. "Merlin, it doesn't matter what I think right now." He held a hand up to silence Merlin as he opened his mouth to draw another long breath to argue. "It is what the King says that will be carried out and I don't have enough influence to sway him when it comes to magic. I don’t know enough about magic to know how dangerous a child could be. All I know is that my father hates magic and those who use magic. He swears the magic takes hold of the people and turns them evil. He sees it as something to be wiped from the face of the world and is determined to make sure it is wiped from the face of the area of the world that he has control over."
"Arthur, you just said that you didn't know enough about magic. Don't you think that it would be better to try to learn more about it so that you can make up your mind what the truth is, instead of just taking Uther's word since one day you will be king? The other Kingdoms allow magic and they don't seem a worse place to be than Camelot, only stronger."
As Arthur opened, his mouth Merlin held up an imperious hand just as Arthur had done to him and continued his impassioned speech. "The only magic I have seen since I came to Camelot has been done by evil people who wanted power or people who had family members or other loved ones killed by Uther because of magic and wanted revenge. I think magic is like swords, neither good, nor bad, just tools to accomplish a means. The people who use them are good and evil. There are people who use a sword to kill people for their own means. They have an evil heart before they pick up the sword, the sword does not turn them. There are people like you, who use a sword to defend others from evil people. I feel that there must be good people out there who use magic for good, since other Kingdoms have no laws on magic. If it was that evil would all the Kingdoms not ban it? I just cannot see good people with magic coming to Camelot and offering their services to the King knowing they risk the certainty of execution, so we only ever see the evil kind here. Perhaps if you talked to Gaius he might be able to tell you something about magic. You know that he knows about magic. Your father depends on his counsel on magic. Maybe you could learn about magic from him. Perhaps you could find out things like whether a small child is evil or if someone is just trying to get revenge on the family by having her killed. If the laws were different perhaps someone with magic that had no need for power would be able to help strengthen the Kingdom and the evil people with magic could be overcome or at least wouldn’t show up so often. It seems that Uther's laws against magic are making Camelot vulnerable to the Kingdoms that allow magic."
Arthur had to remind himself to close his mouth. Sometimes the things that Merlin said astounded him in their small bits of wisdom. Except, he covered it by so much gibberish, it was often easy to miss it. "You know Merlin, I am not saying I agree with you, but you do bring up some good points that I have never thought of before. However, Uther is still King and he will always hate magic and want to wipe it out of Camelot.
“Right now that does not help that little girl locked in the dungeon. What we need to do is talk to the people of the village and find if anyone else has ever seen anything unusual from this girl or find out whether the other women might have reason to cause trouble for the girl or her family. We need more than feelings and beliefs when I go to talk to my father and we need to get it fast. He will make a decision tomorrow."
Arthur started back toward the village and Merlin followed him. "So we are going to just leave her in the dungeons tonight and not worry about it?" he asked, reaching out and snapping the head off the grain as they passed by and pulling the grains off one at a time. "You have been in that dungeon; you know it is no place for a child to spend the night."
"There is nothing we can do to get her out tonight, unless we have some kind of evidence to prove her innocence, so it would be best if we try not to think about it and concentrate on getting evidence. We have both spent time in the dungeons. It wasn’t pleasant, but it didn’t kill us. It is good that she has her mother," Arthur pointed out. "I would like to think that was an act of kindness rather than punishment."
Merlin's snort told him what he thought of the last statement.
Part Two