Chapter 43
A/N: So, it's been a little over two months since I last updated which I do believe is a record for me. 
This chapter has been a pain in my side. Knowing what I wanted to happen but so unsure of how to put into words, the block broke last night and I have a new chapter to add. Still a little unsure if it's what it should be, I've decided that the wait has been long enough. So here we go........
........................................................................................
Chapter 43
The London flat was quiet as I sat in its living room. The dull light of the small lamp bringing a small comfort to the dark room. I looked about, the blanket from earlier still draped along the back of the sofa, my heels discarded at the door and a trail of clothes following, proof of our celebration.
Curling my feet under me, I held onto the glass of water sitting it next to me, a spot of water appearing on my shirt as the condensation rolled down the glass. My mind drifted, caught in a ridiculous loop as images of today replayed themselves. Johnny’s surprise, his question, his look of pure happiness. They ran rampant warming me instantly, tingling over every inch of my body. I was happy beyond words, my ever after had arrived. I got lost in the reverie of the day, a small smile forming.
Pleasing as it is, it’s only short-lived as the wet of the t-shirt gets to me snapping me awake to the less pleasing parts of the day. Its counter completely, I remember Paris, the small café, and a daughters request. The fall happening abruptly I shift uncomfortably in the seriousness at the memory.
Step aside. It hit me all at once. How was I to honor her plea? How was I not to? It was his family. Family such a strong bond, not one to be messed with, it seemed as if there was only one choice. One decision. This wasn’t a double sided answer and yet I still couldn’t get my mind to wrap around it. To honor not to honor? How cliché it all seemed, borrowing words straight from the Bard, living out scenes of a daytime soap. Her reservations were getting the better of me and I felt myself cracking, the thought of ever after quickly dissipating into the night air. Grabbing onto my forgotten glass, I traced a finger along the rim my mind drifting away once more.
………………………………………………………………………….
Stepping off the last step, he looked around the lower level of their shared apartment, the soft glow of the living room light catches his attention and he makes his way for it sure of its cause. He had woken to an empty bed, flashbacks of the prior months darted across his mind. Nights spent alone with a pillow. Sitting up he had to remind himself that she was here, missing but here.
Rounding the corner he found her curled in the arm of the sofa, her legs pulled beneath her as she stared out mindlessly caught in another world she made no move as he approached her.
“Mandy?”
He watches her head turning slightly silently acknowledging him, she smiles a small forced smile before turning away. Afraid of losing her to another trance, he sits beside her, placing a hand on her hip.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine”
Her answer came too fast. It was too prepared too memorized. She was reciting lines, she knew it and he knew it. Something was more than a little off here. Reaching his hand out to her, he grabbed hold of her hand feeling the ring he had given her only a few hours earlier graze the inside of his palm.
“Why is it that whenever you say you’re fine, you’re not?”
He could feel her tense at his question and he pursed his lips realizing that his stab at lightening the mood had failed miserably. Trying only for a small smile, a sign that perhaps this worry he felt was nonsense. Symptoms of a worrywart and nothing more. But as his joke fell on deaf ears, he squeezed onto her hand, waiting for her next move.
Turning to him, he saw the tears that nipped at the sides of her eyes and for the first time he noticed the slow dried streams of tears that marked her face. She had been crying. She had been sitting down here in the dark, crying. Something was more than wrong. He could feel his gut react violently, knotting as he reached for her, grabbing for her soft cheek to hold. She turned away and the knotting doubled, feeling as if it could cripple him as it spread through him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Couldn’t sleep. Needed something to drink.”
Shrugging, her answer came soft and the red flares continued to go off within him. He stared at her waiting for some kind of answer. Hoping that her small answer was not all she intended on giving to him for the night. He watched her stare out again, her eyes momentarily shifting to her hands that held the water. The drink that she said she needed. He grew anxious, finally taking the full glass from her. Setting it down on the table before them, she gave in looking back at him. He silently pleaded his question waiting for some form of admission.
She sighed, chewing on her cheek as she looked up at him with her sad eyes. She looked so vulnerable, her young age finally showing as she fought a second bout of tears from falling. He pulled her to him, placing her head against his chest as a wave of lover’s instinct took over and the need to comfort her resounded through him. Stroking her back, he felt her sniffle into the front of his t-shirt.
They sat together, his hand passing over her, his touch trying its damnedest at calming her. Reasons for her thought-induced insomnia no longer important. They were secondary to what he saw in front of him. His girl visibly troubled, her sadness coming out of nowhere and taking both of them.
“I had lunch with Lily yesterday.”
He looked down unsure if he had fully heard her muffled response before answering with a simple okay. Seeing her leave the comfort of his shirt, he waited again realizing that this was how the night was to play itself out. A game of start and stop. At the moment she held the control of the conversation, she set the pace and he only needed to wait. The answers would come.
“She…she asked me to step aside.”
This time sure of what she said, he shifted staring down at her. A small ‘what’ escaped him, not as a question but a confusion. He had understood his daughter’s reservations. She had made sure to make them known during his stopover in Paris a week prior, the wit and passion that he had admired in her coming out in full force as she fought her father’s decision. Sitting down with her, both he and Nessa assured her that this in no way changed the relationship they had as a family. They loved each other, and loved their kids. Mandy wasn’t going to break that. He had hoped that she understood and as he left, kissing his family goodbye, that he carried their blessing in tow. Yet here he was now, feeling the repercussions of his daughter’s disapproval.
“I understand. I mean she’s going through a lot. My parents can be a little crazy but if they ever…It’s just…”
She stopped again and he readied himself for another stint of silence. Watching her, he tried piecing all the information that rumbled through his mind moving at a constant rate now. The desire to comfort his new fiancé still present and the need to deal with Lily sitting on the backburner, slowly boiling over. He wasn’t sure how to deal with this, this kind of situation never before presenting itself. His past experiences proved no help, there were no guidelines he could follow. Never having had a child involved, his child, his usual breakup rules didn’t cover this.
Feeling her move from his embrace, he snapped back seeing her sit across from him, legs crossed in front of her. She looked prepared, ready for whatever her next move might bring. He sat up reading the serious direction in which this conversation was heading.
“I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to lose you.” She looked down as the last of it left her lips. He clenched, his heart screaming to disprove her, show her that as far as he was concerned that was an impossibility. Making his way to prove his point, he stopped as she continued.
“Neither of us have had the best of luck when it’s come to this marriage thing. And if your own daughter doesn’t even approve… maybe it’s a sign.”
That did it. His mind and heart went into a frenzy. His mind lost in its analytical playground, running over everything, grasping for an answer to her suggestion. His heart seizing, its thumping in time coming harder as it refused to accept her comment.
“F* it. As I recall, your parents weren’t too accepting of us either.”
“It’s not the same. She’s your daughter…I can’t.”
He felt the uneasy well up in him and he fought the want to lapse into his nervous ticks. He could have never imagined that this night would have ended up here. Hours earlier they had celebrated their new engagement. She had been so enthused by it, actively taking part in their celebration, giving herself to him completely and here she sat now on the verge of taking it back. He felt the need to fight for her. The words of a plea burned at his tongue and he tried to reign himself in. She looked tired, the sadness of her deliberation obviously having drained her. She was putting up a front and behind the tears and her stuttered speech was the truth. She didn’t want this. A fight wasn’t what she wanted, she was looking for reassurance. Sighing, he looked down at his hands before staring back at her. He started slowly and spoke softly.
“She is my daughter. I love her and I love you.” He watched as she looked up at him.
“You can’t always please everyone but I have a feeling that this has little to do with Lily. Ma petite, you can’t mess this up. I love you. I want to marry you.” A sparkle in her eyes grew as the sadness retreated in its glow. He smiled pulling her to him, resting her against him once again.
“I want to hold you like this. I want to feel you like this. You’re not going to lose me.”
Her body finally relaxed, it letting out a sigh of relief as she grabbed onto him. Feeling her cling to his waist, he felt the distress of earlier fall away as he pulled her to him tighter.
“I’m sorry.”
Her whispered apology buried within in his chest, he bent down leaving a kiss within her hair. She sighed at his action, her body snuggling further into him. Hugging her to his body, he lay back on the couch, her body resting above him he grabbed the blanket slung across the back of the sofa and covered the two of them. Rubbing the small of her back, they slowly fell asleep holding onto each other.
...............................................................................................................................................
Been awhile but there it is. Thanks to anyone who's still reading. Now if I could make a small request. Can you guys check out the Johnny site that I first joined and keep this story at. http://johnnydeppendent.com/board/viewforum.php?f=6 It's a great site and has other amazing stories for the reading. So that's my little plug. Enjoy!
This chapter has been a pain in my side. Knowing what I wanted to happen but so unsure of how to put into words, the block broke last night and I have a new chapter to add. Still a little unsure if it's what it should be, I've decided that the wait has been long enough. So here we go........
........................................................................................
Chapter 43
The London flat was quiet as I sat in its living room. The dull light of the small lamp bringing a small comfort to the dark room. I looked about, the blanket from earlier still draped along the back of the sofa, my heels discarded at the door and a trail of clothes following, proof of our celebration.
Curling my feet under me, I held onto the glass of water sitting it next to me, a spot of water appearing on my shirt as the condensation rolled down the glass. My mind drifted, caught in a ridiculous loop as images of today replayed themselves. Johnny’s surprise, his question, his look of pure happiness. They ran rampant warming me instantly, tingling over every inch of my body. I was happy beyond words, my ever after had arrived. I got lost in the reverie of the day, a small smile forming.
Pleasing as it is, it’s only short-lived as the wet of the t-shirt gets to me snapping me awake to the less pleasing parts of the day. Its counter completely, I remember Paris, the small café, and a daughters request. The fall happening abruptly I shift uncomfortably in the seriousness at the memory.
Step aside. It hit me all at once. How was I to honor her plea? How was I not to? It was his family. Family such a strong bond, not one to be messed with, it seemed as if there was only one choice. One decision. This wasn’t a double sided answer and yet I still couldn’t get my mind to wrap around it. To honor not to honor? How cliché it all seemed, borrowing words straight from the Bard, living out scenes of a daytime soap. Her reservations were getting the better of me and I felt myself cracking, the thought of ever after quickly dissipating into the night air. Grabbing onto my forgotten glass, I traced a finger along the rim my mind drifting away once more.
………………………………………………………………………….
Stepping off the last step, he looked around the lower level of their shared apartment, the soft glow of the living room light catches his attention and he makes his way for it sure of its cause. He had woken to an empty bed, flashbacks of the prior months darted across his mind. Nights spent alone with a pillow. Sitting up he had to remind himself that she was here, missing but here.
Rounding the corner he found her curled in the arm of the sofa, her legs pulled beneath her as she stared out mindlessly caught in another world she made no move as he approached her.
“Mandy?”
He watches her head turning slightly silently acknowledging him, she smiles a small forced smile before turning away. Afraid of losing her to another trance, he sits beside her, placing a hand on her hip.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine”
Her answer came too fast. It was too prepared too memorized. She was reciting lines, she knew it and he knew it. Something was more than a little off here. Reaching his hand out to her, he grabbed hold of her hand feeling the ring he had given her only a few hours earlier graze the inside of his palm.
“Why is it that whenever you say you’re fine, you’re not?”
He could feel her tense at his question and he pursed his lips realizing that his stab at lightening the mood had failed miserably. Trying only for a small smile, a sign that perhaps this worry he felt was nonsense. Symptoms of a worrywart and nothing more. But as his joke fell on deaf ears, he squeezed onto her hand, waiting for her next move.
Turning to him, he saw the tears that nipped at the sides of her eyes and for the first time he noticed the slow dried streams of tears that marked her face. She had been crying. She had been sitting down here in the dark, crying. Something was more than wrong. He could feel his gut react violently, knotting as he reached for her, grabbing for her soft cheek to hold. She turned away and the knotting doubled, feeling as if it could cripple him as it spread through him.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Couldn’t sleep. Needed something to drink.”
Shrugging, her answer came soft and the red flares continued to go off within him. He stared at her waiting for some kind of answer. Hoping that her small answer was not all she intended on giving to him for the night. He watched her stare out again, her eyes momentarily shifting to her hands that held the water. The drink that she said she needed. He grew anxious, finally taking the full glass from her. Setting it down on the table before them, she gave in looking back at him. He silently pleaded his question waiting for some form of admission.
She sighed, chewing on her cheek as she looked up at him with her sad eyes. She looked so vulnerable, her young age finally showing as she fought a second bout of tears from falling. He pulled her to him, placing her head against his chest as a wave of lover’s instinct took over and the need to comfort her resounded through him. Stroking her back, he felt her sniffle into the front of his t-shirt.
They sat together, his hand passing over her, his touch trying its damnedest at calming her. Reasons for her thought-induced insomnia no longer important. They were secondary to what he saw in front of him. His girl visibly troubled, her sadness coming out of nowhere and taking both of them.
“I had lunch with Lily yesterday.”
He looked down unsure if he had fully heard her muffled response before answering with a simple okay. Seeing her leave the comfort of his shirt, he waited again realizing that this was how the night was to play itself out. A game of start and stop. At the moment she held the control of the conversation, she set the pace and he only needed to wait. The answers would come.
“She…she asked me to step aside.”
This time sure of what she said, he shifted staring down at her. A small ‘what’ escaped him, not as a question but a confusion. He had understood his daughter’s reservations. She had made sure to make them known during his stopover in Paris a week prior, the wit and passion that he had admired in her coming out in full force as she fought her father’s decision. Sitting down with her, both he and Nessa assured her that this in no way changed the relationship they had as a family. They loved each other, and loved their kids. Mandy wasn’t going to break that. He had hoped that she understood and as he left, kissing his family goodbye, that he carried their blessing in tow. Yet here he was now, feeling the repercussions of his daughter’s disapproval.
“I understand. I mean she’s going through a lot. My parents can be a little crazy but if they ever…It’s just…”
She stopped again and he readied himself for another stint of silence. Watching her, he tried piecing all the information that rumbled through his mind moving at a constant rate now. The desire to comfort his new fiancé still present and the need to deal with Lily sitting on the backburner, slowly boiling over. He wasn’t sure how to deal with this, this kind of situation never before presenting itself. His past experiences proved no help, there were no guidelines he could follow. Never having had a child involved, his child, his usual breakup rules didn’t cover this.
Feeling her move from his embrace, he snapped back seeing her sit across from him, legs crossed in front of her. She looked prepared, ready for whatever her next move might bring. He sat up reading the serious direction in which this conversation was heading.
“I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to lose you.” She looked down as the last of it left her lips. He clenched, his heart screaming to disprove her, show her that as far as he was concerned that was an impossibility. Making his way to prove his point, he stopped as she continued.
“Neither of us have had the best of luck when it’s come to this marriage thing. And if your own daughter doesn’t even approve… maybe it’s a sign.”
That did it. His mind and heart went into a frenzy. His mind lost in its analytical playground, running over everything, grasping for an answer to her suggestion. His heart seizing, its thumping in time coming harder as it refused to accept her comment.
“F* it. As I recall, your parents weren’t too accepting of us either.”
“It’s not the same. She’s your daughter…I can’t.”
He felt the uneasy well up in him and he fought the want to lapse into his nervous ticks. He could have never imagined that this night would have ended up here. Hours earlier they had celebrated their new engagement. She had been so enthused by it, actively taking part in their celebration, giving herself to him completely and here she sat now on the verge of taking it back. He felt the need to fight for her. The words of a plea burned at his tongue and he tried to reign himself in. She looked tired, the sadness of her deliberation obviously having drained her. She was putting up a front and behind the tears and her stuttered speech was the truth. She didn’t want this. A fight wasn’t what she wanted, she was looking for reassurance. Sighing, he looked down at his hands before staring back at her. He started slowly and spoke softly.
“She is my daughter. I love her and I love you.” He watched as she looked up at him.
“You can’t always please everyone but I have a feeling that this has little to do with Lily. Ma petite, you can’t mess this up. I love you. I want to marry you.” A sparkle in her eyes grew as the sadness retreated in its glow. He smiled pulling her to him, resting her against him once again.
“I want to hold you like this. I want to feel you like this. You’re not going to lose me.”
Her body finally relaxed, it letting out a sigh of relief as she grabbed onto him. Feeling her cling to his waist, he felt the distress of earlier fall away as he pulled her to him tighter.
“I’m sorry.”
Her whispered apology buried within in his chest, he bent down leaving a kiss within her hair. She sighed at his action, her body snuggling further into him. Hugging her to his body, he lay back on the couch, her body resting above him he grabbed the blanket slung across the back of the sofa and covered the two of them. Rubbing the small of her back, they slowly fell asleep holding onto each other.
...............................................................................................................................................
Been awhile but there it is. Thanks to anyone who's still reading. Now if I could make a small request. Can you guys check out the Johnny site that I first joined and keep this story at. http://johnnydeppendent.com/board/viewforum.php?f=6 It's a great site and has other amazing stories for the reading. So that's my little plug. Enjoy!