To the end, we will be (4/4)
Pairing: QMI
Rating: PG-13 (one scene possibly R in part 3)
Wordcount: 32,685 in total
Summary: When Kyuhyun first meets Zhou Mi in the orphanage as a child, he never could have guessed the journey it would take him on.
Perhaps he should've.
Warning: homophobia
Notes: written for the 2015 round of the QMi exchange for baekhoes-garden. Also while this is inspired by the His Dark Materials series, this fic is set in its own universe rather than the HDM one.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
---
In the inn's main room, a couple of days after they'd arrived, Kyuhyun struck up conversation with someone while he waited for Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi was washing up before dinner and Kyuhyun had gone ahead of him. The inn was full, and all the tables in the hall were already occupied, though Kyuhyun managed to get the last two spare seats together.
He nodded a greeting at the guys already sitting there. One of them, middle aged with a large pot belly, struck up a conversation, asking Kyuhyun about his plans.
"You're heading through the pass?" the man said when Kyuhyun told him. "That's brave of you."
"Brave?" Kyuhyun fidgeted a little. "What do you mean?"
"It's dangerous - y'know?"
"In what way?" Kyuhyun hadn't even considered the fact that it might be dangerous. Zhou Mi always talked about it as if it was no big deal.
"Well the pass itself isn't dangerous - just getting there is. There's bandits on the lower slopes, plus wolves and bears. Often people get lost too," the man said. "The weather in the mountains changes," he clicked his fingers, Like that. People die up there all the time."
"Oh." Now Kyuhyun was concerned. He didn't doubt Zhou Mi, but maybe he didn't know what he was getting them into. Neither of them had first hand knowledge about this region or about the mountains.
"I'm sure you'll be alright though," the man continued, taking a deep sip from the earthen mug in front of him. "I mean - you have a guide, right?"
They didn't actually. Kyuhyun hadn't realised that they needed one.
At that point Zhou Mi joined them, sitting down next to Kyuhyun. "You okay?" he asked Kyuhyun. "You look worried." Then he noticed that he'd interrupted a conversation. "Oh, sorry! Hi, I'm Zhou Mi," he greeted the man.
The man nodded, giving him a smile and cleaning his hand on his pants before reaching it across the table for a handshake. "Nice to meet you."
At that, Kyuhyun realised he hadn't introduced himself, so he did so, before turning to Zhou Mi. "Apparently the mountains are dangerous. Do we need to get a guide?"
The man had started eating, chewing and slurping noisily, and Zhou Mi shot him a glance before he replied. "I'm sure we'll be okay without one…"
"But…" Kyuhyun protested. "Neither of us have been through it before. Maybe we do need help."
The man piped up. "I highly recommend it," before turning his attention back to his meal.
---
Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun talked about it afterwards in their shared room, and Kyuhyun did his best to convince Zhou Mi to listen to the man's advice.
"But," Zhou Mi frowned, "Surely it can't be that difficult?"
"Ask around then," Kyuhyun insisted. "Ask the innkeeper. Because if it is dangerous, I don't want to go." I don't want to risk you, he thought.
Zhou Mi relented at that.
After some investigation, it turned out that it was true. While many people did trek the mountains without guides, it was highly recommended that they hire one. The innkeeper introduced them to one of his other guests - a guy named Tony, who often took people into the mountains. Tony looked to be a few years older than Zhou Mi, with a deep voice but an oddly childish face.
They agreed on a fee with Tony to guide them through. It was lower than either of them had been expecting, which gave Zhou Mi some comfort that it wasn't just a big conspiracy to rip them off.
They set off together one bright day, after procuring all the supplies that Tony had suggested. He was full of useful tips and Kyuhyun was glad that he'd managed to talk Zhou Mi into hiring someone. Their packs were loaded but Zhou Mi walked easily, a spring in his step, happy and excited to finally be on their way.
The only bad part of having Tony with them was having to hide their relationship. Kyuhyun wanted to hold Zhou Mi, to take his hand, to sit in his lap during rest stops and feed him berries that they'd picked as they walked, like he'd done when it was just the two of them. It was hard to hold back sometimes, and often Kyuhyun caught himself reaching for Zhou Mi before he realised that he couldn't.
They trekked for a couple of days. Here, the altitude was still low enough that the trees were tall and strong, and Tony used his knife to cut a path for them where the undergrowth had grown too thick. In the forest, the air was cooler than on the plains, which was a welcome relief as it was much harder work than their previous travels. Their packs were well stocked and therefore heavy, and Kyuhyun's leg muscles ached with the climbing. Despite this, Zhou Mi was in a good mood and it was infectious, and Kyuhyun found that he didn't mind the physical exertion.
Tony was useful too, having grown up in this region and spending much of his time in the mountains. He was a keen hunter, mostly deer and boar, and as they travelled he managed to shoot down the occasional bird who had the misfortune of getting in range of the slingshot he carried on his hip. His survival skills were well ahead of theirs, and he was happy to share his knowledge, teaching them which plants and fruits were edible, the fastest way to start a fire, and even how to construct better shelters. The more Tony taught them, the more Kyuhyun realised how wholly unprepared they'd been.
On day 3 of being in the mountains, they came across a waterfall. It fell from high above them, several stories tall, the waters plunging off a steep cliff into a deep pool surrounded by smooth boulders, before continuing its way down the mountain as a meandering river, twisting its way down through the forest.
It was beautiful.
Both Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi gasped in excitement when the waterfall came into view. They shared a glance, then their pace picked up, out walking Tony, eventually racing one another to the edge of the pool. They dumped their packs down on the rocks, and looked up at the waterfall in awe.
Tony caught up to them, chuckling and shaking his head. "You two act like you've never seen a waterfall before."
They hadn't actually, and despite Tony going on to tell them how this one was tiny in comparison to others, they were both impressed by how gorgeous it was. The water plunged deep into the catching pool, sending mist and spray off the rocks, and little rainbows gleamed where it caught in the sun.
Tony looked up at the sky, judging the approximate time, and told them, "Want to take a break for the day? We could stay here tonight." It was mid afternoon, and normally they would walk for several more hours before setting up a temporary camp, but neither Zhou Mi nor Kyuhyun were going to say no to that offer.
They quickly set up their camp not far from the edge of the pool, and then Tony excused himself, saying he was going to try and catch a rabbit for dinner. Kyuhyun looked at the water and then at Zhou Mi, and grinned.
"Feel like a swim?"
Lya and Shi didn't even wait for them, jumping into the waters together. Shi belly flopped in, sending up a huge splash of water, and both Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun laughed. Zhou Mi's daemon normally acted rather serious and it was amusing to see her paddling around like an oversized kitten.
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi stripped off their clothing, leaving it in a tidy, dry place, well clear of any potential splashes, and - after looking around to make sure Tony had truly left - Kyuhyun reached for Zhou Mi's hand. "Hey."
"Hey," Zhou Mi grinned back, before letting go and ducking down to lift Kyuhyun over his shoulder. He staggered the few steps to the pool, Kyuhyun screeching at him, and dumped him in.
Kyuhyun sputtered, rising to the surface, as Zhou Mi jumped in beside him. The water was relatively cool compared to the air temperature and goose bumps prickled his skin.
"You were right about getting a guide, but," Zhou Mi told him, "I miss you."
"I miss you too," Kyuhyun told him, wrapping his arms around Zhou Mi's neck. Zhou Mi almost sunk under his weight before he regained his equilibrium, legs treading water to keep them both afloat. Three days of not being able to touch and hug one another was far too long. They both moved in for a kiss at the same time, laughing as they realised they were both as eager as each other.
"How long until we're over the pass?" Kyuhyun asked, managing to pull away for a second from kissing. Zhou Mi chased his mouth, nipping demandingly at his lower lip, and Kyuhyun smacked him gently on the back, sending up a splash of water. "How long?" It had been agreed with Tony that he would accompany them up to the pass, but they would make the descent on the other side by themselves.
"About five days, I think," Zhou Mi replied and Kyuhyun groaned. "I know, I know," Zhou Mi said at that. His words sounded reassuring but his tone was laced with disappointment.
The only consolation was that they were in it together and finally - finally - Zhou Mi wanted Kyuhyun as much as Kyuhyun wanted him.
The medallion resting on Kyuhyun's chest seemed to vibrate, and on impulse he unhooked it from around his neck, draping it over Zhou Mi's neck. "It's time for you to wear it again," Kyuhyun told him, leaning in for another kiss.
Now that they had some time alone together, Kyuhyun noticed how tired Zhou Mi was looking, dark circles underneath his eyes. While he was still in good spirits he'd been having a bit of trouble with nosebleeds and exhaustion, probably to do with the altitude, and his cough had never truly gone away. Kyuhyun had managed to get more herbs in the town but they seemed to be having less and less effect.
They were so caught up in each other that Kyuhyun only heard the rustling of Tony returning at the last minute. Zhou Mi heard him at the same time, quickly releasing Kyuhyun, which sent him flying backwards into the water. When he came back to the surface, Tony was in view.
Kyuhyun's heart was racing, convinced that Tony had caught them, but he didn't say anything. Once he was close enough, he held up two rabbits. "Got ourselves some dinner," he said in his usual cheerful manner. "Having a nice swim?" His badger daemon came to the side of the pool to peek at Lya and Shi, perhaps wanting to join them.
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi both nodded, although the swim wasn't quite as pleasant after nearly being caught.
They climbed out not long afterwards, fingers all wrinkly and pruney, drying themselves off with a spare shirt. By the time they were dressed, Tony had already started a fire and had cleaned the rabbits, and they had just started roasting above the flames.
Dinner was delicious - the meat a bit stringy but tasty, and a welcome addition to their rations. Kyuhyun sucked his fingers clean of the grease, then tossed the bone he was holding into the fire. Above them the sky was clear, the stars twinkling away.
Tony was telling them about his travels, and Zhou Mi was listening intently, rapt. "And you've been to the ocean?" he asked. Kyuhyun smiled to himself - it always came back to that with Zhou Mi.
Tony let out a burp before leaning back against a rock, his legs crossed in front of him, and nodded. "Once. Went on a ship even - but never again. I prefer the land myself. That's where you're headed after you cross the pass?"
"Yup!" Zhou Mi confirmed.
"What's wrong with the land? The forest?"
"I don't know…" Zhou Mi confessed. "I've just always felt a pull… like I need to see it."
"Huh." Tony obviously thought that was strange. He turned to Kyuhyun. "What about you?"
Kyuhyun sat straighter in surprise, not expecting to be asked. "Me? Ahh… yeah. Me too." He was really only going there because Zhou Mi wanted to, but Tony didn't need to know that.
Tony eyed him for a moment and then clapped his hands together. "I'm going to sleep. Night boys."
---
The longer and higher they travelled, the more difficult the trek was, and the more tired they both felt. They left the trees and forest behind, with the altitude getting too high for them to grow. It was colder too, and it was fortunate that they were doing this trek during the summer - though that was more by luck than by preplanning. The walk became increasingly steeper, until in some parts they were climbing hand by hand up the rocks. Tony did his best to select the easiest path for them, and again Kyuhyun was thankful that he was there. Without him, truly, they might not have made it so far.
At one point Kyuhyun showed interest in Tony's slingshot. It was a simple weapon, its handle constructed from a thick Y shaped branch, the bark removed and the wood smoothed down, and small grooves cut in the end of the forks to hold the elastic band in place. Tony seemed to take this passing interest as an excuse to teach him how to use it, and every time they had a spare moment he made Kyuhyun practice shooting at targets.
"It's all about the flick of the wrist," Tony advised. "Don't aim directly for the target but just above it."
Kyuhyun managed to pick up the skill, although he wasn't very accurate, often sending a stone too high or too low, but over a few days his accuracy improved significantly.
"Not bad, not bad," Tony told him after Kyuhyun managed to successfully hit a target three times in a row. "But now you have to learn how to hit something that's moving."
And that was much, much, more difficult. Lya laughed so hard at his attempts that she fell over, and would've gone rolling down the mountain if Shi hadn't caught her in time. Kyuhyun even caught Zhou Mi stifling a laugh, and instead of shooting his next stone, he threw it at him. "I'd like to see you try!"
This caused Zhou Mi to tip over backwards in his effort to dodge it, now laughing loudly. Kyuhyun picked up another pebble, chucking at him again, and caught Tony shaking his head at them both in amusement. "Children. Please."
In response, Tony had a stone thrown at him too, the mood between them light. But it darkened when Tony said, "How long have you been together?"
Kyuhyun swallowed hard, and it was Zhou Mi who answered, tentatively saying, "Together?"
Tony was stroking the head of his badger demon. "Look - you're pretty obvious. I'm okay with it, but you need to be more careful." He appeared to be deliberately not looking them. "Not everyone is accepting. Don't trust others. You two are..." he sighed, shaking his head before continuing, "...so green. You don't belong here."
Kyuhyun's blood ran cold, and he knew that Zhou Mi had tensed up too. Finally, Zhou Mi spoke. "Thanks for the warning."
"Maybe one day things will be different," Tony said musingly. "Maybe the world will change."
Kyuhyun took a deep swallow, past the knot in his throat. Could it be different one day? Or would this how it would be forever - always having to hide themselves and their relationship? To Kyuhyun it was worth it - would always be worth it - but did Zhou Mi feel the same? He hated the fact that he had a twinge of doubt.
"I hope so," Zhou Mi told him, eyes downcast, his good mood completely gone.
---
Kyuhyun could tell that Zhou Mi was visibly doing his best to forget the conversation with Tony about their relationship, so Kyuhyun took the cue from him and did the same. It was easy when Tony didn't mention it either. In any event, the last day of ascending the mountain was the most difficult - the gradient steep and the air thin - and there wasn't much time or energy for conversation. It was several hours to nightfall when they came up a crest and Tony stopped them.
He turned around, beckoning them to do the same. "Look."
Kyuhyun looked back at the view. There were a few clouds in the sky and on the horizon but mostly the view was uninterrupted. Below, the mountain sloped downwards, ending at the plains, covered by a patchwork of villages, farms, and forests. Kyuhyun even thought - though he wasn't sure - that he could see the lake they had stopped at that fateful day weeks and weeks ago - far in the distance.
"Wow," Zhou Mi breathed in awe from next to him. "It's so pretty."
Tony came behind them, clapping them both on the back. "And this is where I leave you."
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi turned to him at the same time, mouths dropping in surprise. "What?"
"But!"
Tony pointed in the direction they'd been walking in, away from the cliff. "There's the pass. You should be okay from here."
"Oh." Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi's disappointed reactions mirrored each other. While they had known that this was coming, somehow it felt like it was too soon. Kyuhyun wasn't sure if they would be alright without him.
Tony unhooked the slingshot from his belt, placing it in Kyuhyun's hands. "This is for you. Keep practicing with it. Look after yourselves - you'll be okay." He squinted at the clouds on the horizon, gathering and darkening slowly. "Looks like a storm might be headed this way. You should get going while the weather is clear." He gave them a few last minute directions and tips, and also a reminder that descending a mountain was more dangerous than ascending. "After you're through the pass, just keep following the mountain down. Be careful and don't rush - remember to go slow so you don't slip."
With his warnings in mind, they bid Tony farewell, waving sadly and watching as he left the way they had come.
"Guess it's just us," Zhou Mi told Kyuhyun when Tony eventually disappeared from view, the tail of his badger daemon the last thing they saw.
Kyuhyun gave him a smile. "I guess so." A gust of wind blew its way up the mountain, swirling around them, giving them the nudge they needed to start moving. Kyuhyun pulled his outer coat more tightly around him as he followed Zhou Mi, right behind him as they headed towards the pass.
As they neared, they could see how there was a split in the middle of the mountain - a narrow gap about two horses wide. On either side the mountain peak continued upwards steeply, almost vertically, so high it was covered in cloud and they couldn't see the top. Zhou Mi waited for Kyuhyun, linking their arms together, and they walked through together.
On the other side, they took the descent slowly, trying to find a safe path down the mountain, keeping Tony's warnings in mind as they picked their way down the loose rocks. They didn't talk much for several hours, concentrating on descending safely. They were mostly in single file with Shi leading the way, Zhou Mi behind her, and Kyuhyun and Lya following behind closely.
There was a note of anxiousness in Kyuhyun's stomach that grew stronger with every step they took. After a while the anxiety grew so much that he couldn't ignore it. He reached out for Zhou Mi. "Hey - can we stop for a while?"
Zhou Mi immediately stopped, turning to check on him in concern. "Is everything okay? Are you feeling alright?"
"Yes, I just ---" Kyuhyun couldn't explain it - he just had a feeling that something bad was going to happen. Even Lya was looking uncharacteristically nervous. "I think I just need a break," he offered.
It was starting to get dark anyway, so they decided to find a place to stop for the evening. Not too long afterwards, they found a flattish part of the slope, letting their packs drop to the ground. Kyuhyun rolled his shoulders, trying to relax his muscles, and watched as Zhou Mi attempted to start a small fire.
The elevation was still high enough that there were no trees, only short tuffs of grass, so Zhou Mi's fire was pitiful and small due to a lack of burnable material. Still, it was comforting to have the tiny amount of warmth and light that it produced. Zhou Mi sat down by the fire and pulled Kyuhyun into the V between his outstretched legs. Kyuhyun leaned back into him, feeling slightly better with the physical closeness.
"Are you feeling better?" Zhou Mi rested his chin on Kyuhyun's shoulder, rubbing at his arms before handing him one of the water bottles so he could drink.
"A little," Kyuhyun admitted. They sat together for a while, talking idly and chewing on a piece of dried meat from their food rations. They didn't have much food left, but in the next couple of days they would be off the mountain and should be able to restock their supplies. Kyuhyun also remembered that Tony had pointed out edible plants, which they would be able to find as they travelled lower.
Night fell around them, the air cool, and the moon rose slowly into the sky.
It was Zhou Mi who noticed it first. "Hey - look at that," he said, pointing upwards. "Isn't that weird?" The moon was full, hanging large and shining brightly, and as they watched a red shadow crept slowly across its face, almost as if it was bleeding.
Kyuhyun gulped, that horrible feeling returning no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.
Because they were sitting together so closely, Kyuhyun was able to feel the whole body shiver that went through Zhou Mi. He pushed Kyuhyun forward so he could hunch over, clutching at his stomach.
"Mi? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Zhou Mi dry heaved into the grass. He retched for minutes before stopping, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
"Mi?"
Zhou Mi took the water bottle from Kyuhyun, giving him a weak smile. "Sorry. I'm fine. Must be something I ate."
---
The further they went, the more Zhou Mi seemed to struggle, each step seeming to cost him more and more effort. He remained in his usual good mood, but his breathing was laboured, and skin pale. He had to stop occasionally, being beset by coughing fits to the point that Kyuhyun took to leading them down. The further they descended, the more nervous and anxious Kyuhyun became.
"I'll be fine once we're off the mountain," Zhou Mi told him, waving his hand as if that would dispel Kyuhyun's concerns. "I think I'm just tired. Hey - when we come to a town, perhaps we could go to a bathhouse. It would be nice to have a warm bath." He smiled widely at the thought, but it was a poor imitation of his usual one.
A day or so later they finally reached the bottom, coming out into a valley with a meadow filled with yellow wild flowers. The flowers and grass were tall, almost waist high, and bobbed about about in the breeze. Zhou Mi brightened when he saw the flowers, picking up his pace until he was ahead of Kyuhyun for the first time in days.
Zhou Mi came back to him after only a few steps, tucking a flower behind his ear and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek as Shi bumped Kyuhyun's leg with her nose. "Lovely. It's nice here, isn't it? It's not long now until the end."
The end. All of the air squeezed out of Kyuhyun's lungs at his words. Even though he knew that wasn't what Zhou Mi meant, they seemed ominous. Kyuhyun could almost feel time ticking down.
Kyuhyun swallowed hard. "I love you."
"I love you so much," Zhou Mi told him, smiling, leaning in for another kiss and Kyuhyun told himself that he was just being silly, that it was nothing. But then Zhou Mi started coughing again, so violently that it seemed as if his body was rejecting his lungs.
Kyuhyun sat him down, forcing him to take a break. "Let's stop for the day," he suggested. "You rest. Do you want to lie down?"
Kyuhyun retrieved the blankets from their packs, stamping down an area in the grass, and laying them down. "Just stay here, okay?" he told Zhou Mi. "I'm going to get some wood for a fire." Zhou Mi nodded, coughing weakly, looking too tired to protest.
There was a grove of trees not too far from the meadow, and Kyuhyun headed that way to collect branches. He worked quickly, grabbing any dry wood that he could find, so he could return to Zhou Mi.
"I'm worried," Lya told him. "Shi isn't well either." She was prevented in saying any more when she decided to help by picking up branches in her mouth.
They took the wood back to Zhou Mi and Shi, both curled up with one another on the blanket that Kyuhyun had spread on the ground. Kyuhyun found some rocks to build a circle in which he could start a fire, and then he gave Zhou Mi a gentle nudge.
"Do you want some water?"
Zhou Mi shook his head, murmuring sleepily, "No thanks."
It was hours until nightfall, but Kyuhyun laid down with Zhou Mi, hooking an arm around his waist and pressing his nose to the back of Zhou Mi's neck. He tried not to worry but it was a fruitless attempt.
The wind rustled the grass around them and Kyuhyun trembled.
---
Another couple of days of walking and they reached a city. Their pace had slowed so much that they were barely covering half the distance they used to each day, and Kyuhyun was relieved when they came across the city because that meant a place to buy food. They had completely run out of their rations, and it was fortunate that Tony had given Kyuhyun his slingshot as that had been keeping them fed for the past few days.
Zhou Mi blinked drowsily at the city's gates, pressing his face into Kyuhyun's shoulder. "I don't want to stay here," he murmured. "Too loud." Even from outside the walls, they could hear the noise of the city rising up in a clanging dischord.
"We need to buy food," Kyuhyun told him. "And it's been awhile since we slept in a real bed - that would be nice, wouldn't it?"
"No, no, no," Zhou Mi murmured, clinging to him in a way he hadn't done since he was young, when he'd first arrived at the orphanage and Kyuhyun had been the one protecting him. "It smells weird and it's too loud."
"You want to keep going?"
"Can we? We don't have far to go - right?"
"What if we only stay one night? We'll leave early tomorrow. Okay?"
"Suppose." He could feel Zhou Mi shrugging, the movement half hearted. He'd been like this ever since they came through the pass, and he wasn't improving. Kyuhyun didn't know what to do. It was frightening how helpless he felt. For so long it had been Zhou Mi pushing them forward, and now Kyuhyun had to take the lead.
Kyuhyun chose the closest inn to the gates as possible, supporting Zhou Mi inside. When he asked the innkeeper for a single room, the innkeeper practically glared at the way Zhou Mi was slumped against him.
"A single room? We don't allow that here."
Kyuhyun stuttered, knowing what he was referring to. "He's sick, that's all," he said. It wasn't a complete lie and yet Kyuhyun felt ill about it. The innkeeper gave him a steady look.
"You've come from the south?" At Kyuhyun's nod, the innkeeper told him sternly, "I don't know what's permissible there, but things up north are different, you get me?"
Kyuhyun nodded but tried again. "We've been travelling for a while and don't have much money." That was true too. In addition to running low on other supplies, their money pouch was also feeling too light. It was just another thing to add to his pile of worries.
"Fine," the innkeeper finally conceded. But he made sure to give Kyuhyun a warning. "Nothing odd, or you're out, you get it? I don't care how sick he is."
As soon as Kyuhyun helped Zhou Mi into their room, Zhou Mi collapsed on the bed, pulling his knees up and curling in on himself. Shi joined him on the bed, flopping herself over him.
When Kyuhyun ran a hand over his forehead to check on his temperature, he found Zhou Mi's hair soaked with sweat. He felt far too hot, burning up with a fever, and at his touch Zhou Mi opened his eyes, his gaze drowsy but fond.
"Hey. How're you feeling?"
"Great," Zhou Mi said, smiling up at him, saying it with sincerity even as it was obviously untrue. "Stop frowning so much, you'll get wrinkles," he chided gently, reaching up to poke Kyuhyun's cheek. "I can always tell when you're fretting, you know. Do you want to talk about it?"
Kyuhyun was worried about many, many things. Where was he even meant to start? "Not really." But when Zhou Mi just laid there and waited, Kyuhyun finally conceded. "I'm just worried about you. Are you sure you're okay to keep going? If we stayed for a few days I could look for a healer and ---"
"No, no, we have to keep moving." Zhou Mi was interrupted by a cough and then he said, "I can feel it - we're not far from the end. I have to keep going."
---
They left early the next morning, the innkeeper giving them a black look as they walked out. Zhou Mi seemed oblivious - at least, Kyuhyun hoped so. He 'd been zoned out when they'd met the innkeeper the day before, and Kyuhyun hoped that he hadn't heard the things that had been said.
Spending a night indoors, in a proper bed, seemed to have helped, and Zhou Mi was brighter, more energetic than before. When they were well free from the city, clear of any other people, Zhou Mi reached down for Kyuhyun's hand as they walked, swinging them a little.
Kyuhyun's heart swelled. Maybe everything would be okay.
Not too long afterwards, the wind carried a scent towards them, one that Kyuhyun found unfamiliar but Zhou Mi breathed it in deeply.
"That smells like…" he said wonderingly, trailing off.
And then the crashing of water became apparent. They'd been closer to the ocean than they'd realised. Zhou Mi grinned brightly, squeezing Kyuhyun's hand, and it filled Kyuhyun with joy to see him acting like his usual self.
Their pace became faster, until they came above a small crest, and then it was spread out below them - the sea. Kyuhyun expected Zhou Mi to be excited, but instead he found him frowning as he stared at it.
"What is it?"
"It's not…" Zhou Mi said slowly, forehead creased in confusion. "It's not what I thought… it doesn't look…" he trailed off and they made their way down to the beach. "It's not right."
The beach was made of tiny stone pebbles, worn smooth by the water, and the sea itself was a murky green-grey. When they reached the beach, Zhou Mi leaned down to pick up a handful of the pebbly sand, rubbing it in his fingers.
"This isn't right," he repeated, bewildered. "Why isn't this right? I thought…" He stopped, looking around, coughing a little, before he pointed up the beach. "Maybe we have to keep going further."
"What are you looking for?" Kyuhyun asked as he trudged after him, the movement difficult on the shifting sand. "Zhou Mi! Maybe we need to stop. We should head back to the city so you can rest. You were better this morning." Although, Kyuhyun noted with concern, he seemed to be deteriorating again, rubbing at his chest as if it was bothering him.
"I'll know when I see it," Zhou Mi said over his shoulder, stubbornly continuing on. While his persistence was one of the things that Kyuhyun both loved and was exasperated by, today it was definitely the latter.
Kyuhyun followed him until Zhou Mi reached a secluded cove, tucked in on the coastline. It was small and circular, with a thin sliver of sand that hugged the rocks surrounding it, allowing them to walk inside.
"I'm sorry," Zhou Mi began after Kyuhyun sat down next to him. "I'm sorry I dragged you all this way. All this way and it's not even --" Zhou Mi sighed to himself, looking so disappointed that Kyuhyun reached over to hug him tightly, and even Lya butted his leg in sympathy.
"You don't have to apologise."
"Yes, I --" Zhou Mi was interrupted by a cough again, this time a fit that seemed to last minutes. When he finally recovered, pulling his hand away from his mouth, it was red.
---
Zhou Mi was fast asleep, head pillowed on his arms, and Kyuhyun freed a blanket from their packs to drape over him.
"What am I going to do with you?" Kyuhyun wondered, laying down next to him. It wasn't even noon, but he could feel his eyes droop in the warmth of the summer day and Zhou Mi's steady breathing next to him eventually lulled him to sleep.
---
Kyuhyun jolted awake.
He'd been dreaming, and in it Zhou Mi had kissed him like it was the last one they'd ever share. Then he'd asked, "Do you trust me?"
"Yes - of course!" Kyuhyun had replied immediately, "Why?"
"Then follow me." Zhou Mi took his hand, and despite his confusion Kyuhyun followed, ran with him to the edge of the sea. "Follow me," Zhou Mi repeated as they entered the water, waves ebbing around their ankles and rising up as they continued in. "Follow me," Zhou Mi said again as a wave knocked them both off their feet, forcing them both under, into the depths of the sea.
Kyuhyun pressed a hand to his heart, his pulse thumping wildly. Even though it had only been a dream it had felt so real. Dying had been painful, more painful than he'd thought possible.
Then he realised that there was something missing, at the moment Lya asked, somewhat frantically, "Where's Zhou Mi? Shi?"
They searched for the pair for hours, walking up and down the beach calling their names. Finally, exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed, Kyuhyun collapsed onto the sand, pulling his knees up and tucking his face into them. The sea surged upwards, foamy and lacey, almost lapping at his toes. He'd taken his shoes off earlier before he fell asleep, and under hours of sunshine the sand was hot and almost burning.
But he could barely feel it. He was numb.
"We'll find them," Lya told him, forcing herself in between his legs and resting her head on his shoulder. She didn't sound very convincing.
Kyuhyun had no idea how much time passed, possibly an eternity, when an object nudged his feet, brought up by the ocean.
Zhou Mi's medallion.
Kyuhyun picked it up, hand trembling as he brushed the sand off it, rubbing his thumb over the familiar markings. He was no longer numb. His heart was in freefall, afraid of the moment it would hit the ground and splatter, and he was more frightened than he'd ever been before.
And then it came to him in a jolt, a flash of clarity, and Kyuhyun knew what he had to do.
---
There was roughness underneath Kyuhyun's cheek, below his hands as they clutched the ground beneath him.
His entire body seized with painful coughs as it rejected the brackish water in his lungs.
The ocean, cold and briney, ebbed up around him as Kyuhyun cracked open his eyes. He dug his fingers into the sand, scooping up a palmful. It was fine grained and golden, trickling through his fingers easily.
"Lya?" he called, pushing himself to his knees, and then to his feet before looking around.
He was on a beach, a golden sandy beach. Several metres away a turquoise ocean gleamed in the sunshine. Lya pounced on him, jumping up and he only just managed to catch her in his arms, clutching her tightly until she began to squirm.
Where was he? Kyuhyun's head ached, a pounding in his skull that mimicked the crashing of the waves against the rocks on the shore.
The beach was empty, stretching as far as he could see, and although he shouted out 'hello?' there was no response. He was afraid, becoming more so, and he didn't understand why he was expecting a reply. He rubbed at his eyes, his lungs still burning from the remnants of the water he'd inhaled, his clothes sodden and heavy.
Kyuhyun walked until he started to leave the beach behind, up the sand dunes and through the coastal grass to a dirt path.
Lya cocked her head and took the lead. "This way!"
They followed the path, coming across a sign post. It was a wooden pole, faded and blasted by the elements, with two signs pointing in opposite directions, equally faded. For some reason Kyuhyun knelt to inspect it.
He found, carved in messy script, the initials 'ZM'. He ran his fingers over it wonderingly. The carving was old - smoothed down by the years and the ocean air. It meant nothing to him, and yet..
"C'mon," Lya huffed, head over her shoulder as she waited impatiently for him.
They trudged up the dirt path. The air here was humid and moist, and again Kyuhyun wondered where the hell they were. The heat grew so sapping that Kyuhyun could feel sweat roll uncomfortably down his back, and his damp hair fell into his eyes.
Lya came to a sudden stop and Kyuhyun pushed his hair away from his face to see what had caught her attention. In front of them was a building, single storey, but unlike any building that Kyuhyun had ever seen. It was white and made of sleek sharp lines, and an expanse of glass that glinted under the sun, so much that it appeared like it was an entire wall of glass. Kyuhyun's head was fuzzy but he couldn't recall if he'd ever seen anything like it before.
There was a low fence surrounding the building's grounds, with a gate that was ajar. Lya ran straight through, ignoring Kyuhyun's yells at her to wait, bounding her way up to what looked like the front door.
"Knock!" she demanded, tail lashing from side to side. "Hurry up!"
Unsure, Kyuhyun lifted his hand to give the door a tentative rap with his knuckles.
"Louder," Lya insisted.
"But we don't know where we are," Kyuhyun protested.
He was interrupted by the door opening. A lady stood there, tall and elegant, older than him, cradling a pure white rabbit daemon in her arms. "Yes?" she asked, looking him up and down. "Can I help you?"
Kyuhyun must've made quite a sight - he was still wet despite the walk up the beach as the air had been so humid, and he surely looked a complete and utter mess. "Sorry," he apologised. "I'm not sure --- my daemon --" His shoulders dropped, suddenly overcome by the events of the day. He had a feeling as if he'd forgotten something important. "I'm not sure, I think I'm lost," he said, sniffling a little. "Sorry to bother you."
"Hey, wait. It's okay," she said kindly. "Come in - do you want to use the phone?"
"Phone?"
Kyuhyun had no idea what she was talking about, but despite how stupid he probably looked she ushered him inside into the hallway.
"Darling," she called out. "Get a towel, will you? And a glass of water?"
"Yes Ma," was the response, and after a few minutes that was followed by someone coming around the corner with the two items. He was tall, lean, his features sharp but somewhat handsome, so when he came into sight, Kyuhyun stared at him, dumbfounded. The man had warm brown eyes that Kyuhyun could've sworn he had seen before.
"Hi?" the man said, giving him a tentative smile, no doubt unnerved by his reaction. "Here." He held out the glass of water and Kyuhyun took it on autopilot, holding it in the air and continuing to stare at him until Lya nudged him.
"Umm… thanks," Kyuhyun stuttered, finally snapping out of it.
The guy bit his lip, frowning a little, before asking, "Have we met before?"
Kyuhyun thought that the correct answer was no, but his automatic response was, "Yes, I think we have," even though he couldn't recall it, couldn't recall much of anything, except there was something deep inside him that felt as if he could map out every inch of that man's skin, his mind, his heart. Would follow him through all eternity, a multitude of universes, forever and forever, until time ended and there was nothing left but the two of them.
The guy shook his head, suddenly realising he was still holding the towel. He thrust it out towards Kyuhyun awkwardly, his lips curling up in an oddly shy smile. "The towel."
Their hands brushed when Kyuhyun took it, and although he didn't know why, for some reason he felt as if he'd come home.
---
I broke the Night's primeval bars,
I dared the old abysmal curse,
And flashed through ranks of frightened stars
Suddenly on the universe!
The eternal silences were broken;
Hell became Heaven as I passed. --
What shall I give you as a token?
A sign that we have met, at last?
I'll break and forge the stars anew
Shatter the heavens with a song;
Immortal in my love for you,
Because I love you, very strong.
(The Call, Rupert Brooke.)
---
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
Rating: PG-13 (one scene possibly R in part 3)
Wordcount: 32,685 in total
Summary: When Kyuhyun first meets Zhou Mi in the orphanage as a child, he never could have guessed the journey it would take him on.
Perhaps he should've.
Warning: homophobia
Notes: written for the 2015 round of the QMi exchange for baekhoes-garden. Also while this is inspired by the His Dark Materials series, this fic is set in its own universe rather than the HDM one.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
---
In the inn's main room, a couple of days after they'd arrived, Kyuhyun struck up conversation with someone while he waited for Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi was washing up before dinner and Kyuhyun had gone ahead of him. The inn was full, and all the tables in the hall were already occupied, though Kyuhyun managed to get the last two spare seats together.
He nodded a greeting at the guys already sitting there. One of them, middle aged with a large pot belly, struck up a conversation, asking Kyuhyun about his plans.
"You're heading through the pass?" the man said when Kyuhyun told him. "That's brave of you."
"Brave?" Kyuhyun fidgeted a little. "What do you mean?"
"It's dangerous - y'know?"
"In what way?" Kyuhyun hadn't even considered the fact that it might be dangerous. Zhou Mi always talked about it as if it was no big deal.
"Well the pass itself isn't dangerous - just getting there is. There's bandits on the lower slopes, plus wolves and bears. Often people get lost too," the man said. "The weather in the mountains changes," he clicked his fingers, Like that. People die up there all the time."
"Oh." Now Kyuhyun was concerned. He didn't doubt Zhou Mi, but maybe he didn't know what he was getting them into. Neither of them had first hand knowledge about this region or about the mountains.
"I'm sure you'll be alright though," the man continued, taking a deep sip from the earthen mug in front of him. "I mean - you have a guide, right?"
They didn't actually. Kyuhyun hadn't realised that they needed one.
At that point Zhou Mi joined them, sitting down next to Kyuhyun. "You okay?" he asked Kyuhyun. "You look worried." Then he noticed that he'd interrupted a conversation. "Oh, sorry! Hi, I'm Zhou Mi," he greeted the man.
The man nodded, giving him a smile and cleaning his hand on his pants before reaching it across the table for a handshake. "Nice to meet you."
At that, Kyuhyun realised he hadn't introduced himself, so he did so, before turning to Zhou Mi. "Apparently the mountains are dangerous. Do we need to get a guide?"
The man had started eating, chewing and slurping noisily, and Zhou Mi shot him a glance before he replied. "I'm sure we'll be okay without one…"
"But…" Kyuhyun protested. "Neither of us have been through it before. Maybe we do need help."
The man piped up. "I highly recommend it," before turning his attention back to his meal.
---
Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun talked about it afterwards in their shared room, and Kyuhyun did his best to convince Zhou Mi to listen to the man's advice.
"But," Zhou Mi frowned, "Surely it can't be that difficult?"
"Ask around then," Kyuhyun insisted. "Ask the innkeeper. Because if it is dangerous, I don't want to go." I don't want to risk you, he thought.
Zhou Mi relented at that.
After some investigation, it turned out that it was true. While many people did trek the mountains without guides, it was highly recommended that they hire one. The innkeeper introduced them to one of his other guests - a guy named Tony, who often took people into the mountains. Tony looked to be a few years older than Zhou Mi, with a deep voice but an oddly childish face.
They agreed on a fee with Tony to guide them through. It was lower than either of them had been expecting, which gave Zhou Mi some comfort that it wasn't just a big conspiracy to rip them off.
They set off together one bright day, after procuring all the supplies that Tony had suggested. He was full of useful tips and Kyuhyun was glad that he'd managed to talk Zhou Mi into hiring someone. Their packs were loaded but Zhou Mi walked easily, a spring in his step, happy and excited to finally be on their way.
The only bad part of having Tony with them was having to hide their relationship. Kyuhyun wanted to hold Zhou Mi, to take his hand, to sit in his lap during rest stops and feed him berries that they'd picked as they walked, like he'd done when it was just the two of them. It was hard to hold back sometimes, and often Kyuhyun caught himself reaching for Zhou Mi before he realised that he couldn't.
They trekked for a couple of days. Here, the altitude was still low enough that the trees were tall and strong, and Tony used his knife to cut a path for them where the undergrowth had grown too thick. In the forest, the air was cooler than on the plains, which was a welcome relief as it was much harder work than their previous travels. Their packs were well stocked and therefore heavy, and Kyuhyun's leg muscles ached with the climbing. Despite this, Zhou Mi was in a good mood and it was infectious, and Kyuhyun found that he didn't mind the physical exertion.
Tony was useful too, having grown up in this region and spending much of his time in the mountains. He was a keen hunter, mostly deer and boar, and as they travelled he managed to shoot down the occasional bird who had the misfortune of getting in range of the slingshot he carried on his hip. His survival skills were well ahead of theirs, and he was happy to share his knowledge, teaching them which plants and fruits were edible, the fastest way to start a fire, and even how to construct better shelters. The more Tony taught them, the more Kyuhyun realised how wholly unprepared they'd been.
On day 3 of being in the mountains, they came across a waterfall. It fell from high above them, several stories tall, the waters plunging off a steep cliff into a deep pool surrounded by smooth boulders, before continuing its way down the mountain as a meandering river, twisting its way down through the forest.
It was beautiful.
Both Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi gasped in excitement when the waterfall came into view. They shared a glance, then their pace picked up, out walking Tony, eventually racing one another to the edge of the pool. They dumped their packs down on the rocks, and looked up at the waterfall in awe.
Tony caught up to them, chuckling and shaking his head. "You two act like you've never seen a waterfall before."
They hadn't actually, and despite Tony going on to tell them how this one was tiny in comparison to others, they were both impressed by how gorgeous it was. The water plunged deep into the catching pool, sending mist and spray off the rocks, and little rainbows gleamed where it caught in the sun.
Tony looked up at the sky, judging the approximate time, and told them, "Want to take a break for the day? We could stay here tonight." It was mid afternoon, and normally they would walk for several more hours before setting up a temporary camp, but neither Zhou Mi nor Kyuhyun were going to say no to that offer.
They quickly set up their camp not far from the edge of the pool, and then Tony excused himself, saying he was going to try and catch a rabbit for dinner. Kyuhyun looked at the water and then at Zhou Mi, and grinned.
"Feel like a swim?"
Lya and Shi didn't even wait for them, jumping into the waters together. Shi belly flopped in, sending up a huge splash of water, and both Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun laughed. Zhou Mi's daemon normally acted rather serious and it was amusing to see her paddling around like an oversized kitten.
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi stripped off their clothing, leaving it in a tidy, dry place, well clear of any potential splashes, and - after looking around to make sure Tony had truly left - Kyuhyun reached for Zhou Mi's hand. "Hey."
"Hey," Zhou Mi grinned back, before letting go and ducking down to lift Kyuhyun over his shoulder. He staggered the few steps to the pool, Kyuhyun screeching at him, and dumped him in.
Kyuhyun sputtered, rising to the surface, as Zhou Mi jumped in beside him. The water was relatively cool compared to the air temperature and goose bumps prickled his skin.
"You were right about getting a guide, but," Zhou Mi told him, "I miss you."
"I miss you too," Kyuhyun told him, wrapping his arms around Zhou Mi's neck. Zhou Mi almost sunk under his weight before he regained his equilibrium, legs treading water to keep them both afloat. Three days of not being able to touch and hug one another was far too long. They both moved in for a kiss at the same time, laughing as they realised they were both as eager as each other.
"How long until we're over the pass?" Kyuhyun asked, managing to pull away for a second from kissing. Zhou Mi chased his mouth, nipping demandingly at his lower lip, and Kyuhyun smacked him gently on the back, sending up a splash of water. "How long?" It had been agreed with Tony that he would accompany them up to the pass, but they would make the descent on the other side by themselves.
"About five days, I think," Zhou Mi replied and Kyuhyun groaned. "I know, I know," Zhou Mi said at that. His words sounded reassuring but his tone was laced with disappointment.
The only consolation was that they were in it together and finally - finally - Zhou Mi wanted Kyuhyun as much as Kyuhyun wanted him.
The medallion resting on Kyuhyun's chest seemed to vibrate, and on impulse he unhooked it from around his neck, draping it over Zhou Mi's neck. "It's time for you to wear it again," Kyuhyun told him, leaning in for another kiss.
Now that they had some time alone together, Kyuhyun noticed how tired Zhou Mi was looking, dark circles underneath his eyes. While he was still in good spirits he'd been having a bit of trouble with nosebleeds and exhaustion, probably to do with the altitude, and his cough had never truly gone away. Kyuhyun had managed to get more herbs in the town but they seemed to be having less and less effect.
They were so caught up in each other that Kyuhyun only heard the rustling of Tony returning at the last minute. Zhou Mi heard him at the same time, quickly releasing Kyuhyun, which sent him flying backwards into the water. When he came back to the surface, Tony was in view.
Kyuhyun's heart was racing, convinced that Tony had caught them, but he didn't say anything. Once he was close enough, he held up two rabbits. "Got ourselves some dinner," he said in his usual cheerful manner. "Having a nice swim?" His badger daemon came to the side of the pool to peek at Lya and Shi, perhaps wanting to join them.
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi both nodded, although the swim wasn't quite as pleasant after nearly being caught.
They climbed out not long afterwards, fingers all wrinkly and pruney, drying themselves off with a spare shirt. By the time they were dressed, Tony had already started a fire and had cleaned the rabbits, and they had just started roasting above the flames.
Dinner was delicious - the meat a bit stringy but tasty, and a welcome addition to their rations. Kyuhyun sucked his fingers clean of the grease, then tossed the bone he was holding into the fire. Above them the sky was clear, the stars twinkling away.
Tony was telling them about his travels, and Zhou Mi was listening intently, rapt. "And you've been to the ocean?" he asked. Kyuhyun smiled to himself - it always came back to that with Zhou Mi.
Tony let out a burp before leaning back against a rock, his legs crossed in front of him, and nodded. "Once. Went on a ship even - but never again. I prefer the land myself. That's where you're headed after you cross the pass?"
"Yup!" Zhou Mi confirmed.
"What's wrong with the land? The forest?"
"I don't know…" Zhou Mi confessed. "I've just always felt a pull… like I need to see it."
"Huh." Tony obviously thought that was strange. He turned to Kyuhyun. "What about you?"
Kyuhyun sat straighter in surprise, not expecting to be asked. "Me? Ahh… yeah. Me too." He was really only going there because Zhou Mi wanted to, but Tony didn't need to know that.
Tony eyed him for a moment and then clapped his hands together. "I'm going to sleep. Night boys."
---
The longer and higher they travelled, the more difficult the trek was, and the more tired they both felt. They left the trees and forest behind, with the altitude getting too high for them to grow. It was colder too, and it was fortunate that they were doing this trek during the summer - though that was more by luck than by preplanning. The walk became increasingly steeper, until in some parts they were climbing hand by hand up the rocks. Tony did his best to select the easiest path for them, and again Kyuhyun was thankful that he was there. Without him, truly, they might not have made it so far.
At one point Kyuhyun showed interest in Tony's slingshot. It was a simple weapon, its handle constructed from a thick Y shaped branch, the bark removed and the wood smoothed down, and small grooves cut in the end of the forks to hold the elastic band in place. Tony seemed to take this passing interest as an excuse to teach him how to use it, and every time they had a spare moment he made Kyuhyun practice shooting at targets.
"It's all about the flick of the wrist," Tony advised. "Don't aim directly for the target but just above it."
Kyuhyun managed to pick up the skill, although he wasn't very accurate, often sending a stone too high or too low, but over a few days his accuracy improved significantly.
"Not bad, not bad," Tony told him after Kyuhyun managed to successfully hit a target three times in a row. "But now you have to learn how to hit something that's moving."
And that was much, much, more difficult. Lya laughed so hard at his attempts that she fell over, and would've gone rolling down the mountain if Shi hadn't caught her in time. Kyuhyun even caught Zhou Mi stifling a laugh, and instead of shooting his next stone, he threw it at him. "I'd like to see you try!"
This caused Zhou Mi to tip over backwards in his effort to dodge it, now laughing loudly. Kyuhyun picked up another pebble, chucking at him again, and caught Tony shaking his head at them both in amusement. "Children. Please."
In response, Tony had a stone thrown at him too, the mood between them light. But it darkened when Tony said, "How long have you been together?"
Kyuhyun swallowed hard, and it was Zhou Mi who answered, tentatively saying, "Together?"
Tony was stroking the head of his badger demon. "Look - you're pretty obvious. I'm okay with it, but you need to be more careful." He appeared to be deliberately not looking them. "Not everyone is accepting. Don't trust others. You two are..." he sighed, shaking his head before continuing, "...so green. You don't belong here."
Kyuhyun's blood ran cold, and he knew that Zhou Mi had tensed up too. Finally, Zhou Mi spoke. "Thanks for the warning."
"Maybe one day things will be different," Tony said musingly. "Maybe the world will change."
Kyuhyun took a deep swallow, past the knot in his throat. Could it be different one day? Or would this how it would be forever - always having to hide themselves and their relationship? To Kyuhyun it was worth it - would always be worth it - but did Zhou Mi feel the same? He hated the fact that he had a twinge of doubt.
"I hope so," Zhou Mi told him, eyes downcast, his good mood completely gone.
---
Kyuhyun could tell that Zhou Mi was visibly doing his best to forget the conversation with Tony about their relationship, so Kyuhyun took the cue from him and did the same. It was easy when Tony didn't mention it either. In any event, the last day of ascending the mountain was the most difficult - the gradient steep and the air thin - and there wasn't much time or energy for conversation. It was several hours to nightfall when they came up a crest and Tony stopped them.
He turned around, beckoning them to do the same. "Look."
Kyuhyun looked back at the view. There were a few clouds in the sky and on the horizon but mostly the view was uninterrupted. Below, the mountain sloped downwards, ending at the plains, covered by a patchwork of villages, farms, and forests. Kyuhyun even thought - though he wasn't sure - that he could see the lake they had stopped at that fateful day weeks and weeks ago - far in the distance.
"Wow," Zhou Mi breathed in awe from next to him. "It's so pretty."
Tony came behind them, clapping them both on the back. "And this is where I leave you."
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi turned to him at the same time, mouths dropping in surprise. "What?"
"But!"
Tony pointed in the direction they'd been walking in, away from the cliff. "There's the pass. You should be okay from here."
"Oh." Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi's disappointed reactions mirrored each other. While they had known that this was coming, somehow it felt like it was too soon. Kyuhyun wasn't sure if they would be alright without him.
Tony unhooked the slingshot from his belt, placing it in Kyuhyun's hands. "This is for you. Keep practicing with it. Look after yourselves - you'll be okay." He squinted at the clouds on the horizon, gathering and darkening slowly. "Looks like a storm might be headed this way. You should get going while the weather is clear." He gave them a few last minute directions and tips, and also a reminder that descending a mountain was more dangerous than ascending. "After you're through the pass, just keep following the mountain down. Be careful and don't rush - remember to go slow so you don't slip."
With his warnings in mind, they bid Tony farewell, waving sadly and watching as he left the way they had come.
"Guess it's just us," Zhou Mi told Kyuhyun when Tony eventually disappeared from view, the tail of his badger daemon the last thing they saw.
Kyuhyun gave him a smile. "I guess so." A gust of wind blew its way up the mountain, swirling around them, giving them the nudge they needed to start moving. Kyuhyun pulled his outer coat more tightly around him as he followed Zhou Mi, right behind him as they headed towards the pass.
As they neared, they could see how there was a split in the middle of the mountain - a narrow gap about two horses wide. On either side the mountain peak continued upwards steeply, almost vertically, so high it was covered in cloud and they couldn't see the top. Zhou Mi waited for Kyuhyun, linking their arms together, and they walked through together.
On the other side, they took the descent slowly, trying to find a safe path down the mountain, keeping Tony's warnings in mind as they picked their way down the loose rocks. They didn't talk much for several hours, concentrating on descending safely. They were mostly in single file with Shi leading the way, Zhou Mi behind her, and Kyuhyun and Lya following behind closely.
There was a note of anxiousness in Kyuhyun's stomach that grew stronger with every step they took. After a while the anxiety grew so much that he couldn't ignore it. He reached out for Zhou Mi. "Hey - can we stop for a while?"
Zhou Mi immediately stopped, turning to check on him in concern. "Is everything okay? Are you feeling alright?"
"Yes, I just ---" Kyuhyun couldn't explain it - he just had a feeling that something bad was going to happen. Even Lya was looking uncharacteristically nervous. "I think I just need a break," he offered.
It was starting to get dark anyway, so they decided to find a place to stop for the evening. Not too long afterwards, they found a flattish part of the slope, letting their packs drop to the ground. Kyuhyun rolled his shoulders, trying to relax his muscles, and watched as Zhou Mi attempted to start a small fire.
The elevation was still high enough that there were no trees, only short tuffs of grass, so Zhou Mi's fire was pitiful and small due to a lack of burnable material. Still, it was comforting to have the tiny amount of warmth and light that it produced. Zhou Mi sat down by the fire and pulled Kyuhyun into the V between his outstretched legs. Kyuhyun leaned back into him, feeling slightly better with the physical closeness.
"Are you feeling better?" Zhou Mi rested his chin on Kyuhyun's shoulder, rubbing at his arms before handing him one of the water bottles so he could drink.
"A little," Kyuhyun admitted. They sat together for a while, talking idly and chewing on a piece of dried meat from their food rations. They didn't have much food left, but in the next couple of days they would be off the mountain and should be able to restock their supplies. Kyuhyun also remembered that Tony had pointed out edible plants, which they would be able to find as they travelled lower.
Night fell around them, the air cool, and the moon rose slowly into the sky.
It was Zhou Mi who noticed it first. "Hey - look at that," he said, pointing upwards. "Isn't that weird?" The moon was full, hanging large and shining brightly, and as they watched a red shadow crept slowly across its face, almost as if it was bleeding.
Kyuhyun gulped, that horrible feeling returning no matter how hard he tried to ignore it.
Because they were sitting together so closely, Kyuhyun was able to feel the whole body shiver that went through Zhou Mi. He pushed Kyuhyun forward so he could hunch over, clutching at his stomach.
"Mi? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Zhou Mi dry heaved into the grass. He retched for minutes before stopping, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.
"Mi?"
Zhou Mi took the water bottle from Kyuhyun, giving him a weak smile. "Sorry. I'm fine. Must be something I ate."
---
The further they went, the more Zhou Mi seemed to struggle, each step seeming to cost him more and more effort. He remained in his usual good mood, but his breathing was laboured, and skin pale. He had to stop occasionally, being beset by coughing fits to the point that Kyuhyun took to leading them down. The further they descended, the more nervous and anxious Kyuhyun became.
"I'll be fine once we're off the mountain," Zhou Mi told him, waving his hand as if that would dispel Kyuhyun's concerns. "I think I'm just tired. Hey - when we come to a town, perhaps we could go to a bathhouse. It would be nice to have a warm bath." He smiled widely at the thought, but it was a poor imitation of his usual one.
A day or so later they finally reached the bottom, coming out into a valley with a meadow filled with yellow wild flowers. The flowers and grass were tall, almost waist high, and bobbed about about in the breeze. Zhou Mi brightened when he saw the flowers, picking up his pace until he was ahead of Kyuhyun for the first time in days.
Zhou Mi came back to him after only a few steps, tucking a flower behind his ear and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek as Shi bumped Kyuhyun's leg with her nose. "Lovely. It's nice here, isn't it? It's not long now until the end."
The end. All of the air squeezed out of Kyuhyun's lungs at his words. Even though he knew that wasn't what Zhou Mi meant, they seemed ominous. Kyuhyun could almost feel time ticking down.
Kyuhyun swallowed hard. "I love you."
"I love you so much," Zhou Mi told him, smiling, leaning in for another kiss and Kyuhyun told himself that he was just being silly, that it was nothing. But then Zhou Mi started coughing again, so violently that it seemed as if his body was rejecting his lungs.
Kyuhyun sat him down, forcing him to take a break. "Let's stop for the day," he suggested. "You rest. Do you want to lie down?"
Kyuhyun retrieved the blankets from their packs, stamping down an area in the grass, and laying them down. "Just stay here, okay?" he told Zhou Mi. "I'm going to get some wood for a fire." Zhou Mi nodded, coughing weakly, looking too tired to protest.
There was a grove of trees not too far from the meadow, and Kyuhyun headed that way to collect branches. He worked quickly, grabbing any dry wood that he could find, so he could return to Zhou Mi.
"I'm worried," Lya told him. "Shi isn't well either." She was prevented in saying any more when she decided to help by picking up branches in her mouth.
They took the wood back to Zhou Mi and Shi, both curled up with one another on the blanket that Kyuhyun had spread on the ground. Kyuhyun found some rocks to build a circle in which he could start a fire, and then he gave Zhou Mi a gentle nudge.
"Do you want some water?"
Zhou Mi shook his head, murmuring sleepily, "No thanks."
It was hours until nightfall, but Kyuhyun laid down with Zhou Mi, hooking an arm around his waist and pressing his nose to the back of Zhou Mi's neck. He tried not to worry but it was a fruitless attempt.
The wind rustled the grass around them and Kyuhyun trembled.
---
Another couple of days of walking and they reached a city. Their pace had slowed so much that they were barely covering half the distance they used to each day, and Kyuhyun was relieved when they came across the city because that meant a place to buy food. They had completely run out of their rations, and it was fortunate that Tony had given Kyuhyun his slingshot as that had been keeping them fed for the past few days.
Zhou Mi blinked drowsily at the city's gates, pressing his face into Kyuhyun's shoulder. "I don't want to stay here," he murmured. "Too loud." Even from outside the walls, they could hear the noise of the city rising up in a clanging dischord.
"We need to buy food," Kyuhyun told him. "And it's been awhile since we slept in a real bed - that would be nice, wouldn't it?"
"No, no, no," Zhou Mi murmured, clinging to him in a way he hadn't done since he was young, when he'd first arrived at the orphanage and Kyuhyun had been the one protecting him. "It smells weird and it's too loud."
"You want to keep going?"
"Can we? We don't have far to go - right?"
"What if we only stay one night? We'll leave early tomorrow. Okay?"
"Suppose." He could feel Zhou Mi shrugging, the movement half hearted. He'd been like this ever since they came through the pass, and he wasn't improving. Kyuhyun didn't know what to do. It was frightening how helpless he felt. For so long it had been Zhou Mi pushing them forward, and now Kyuhyun had to take the lead.
Kyuhyun chose the closest inn to the gates as possible, supporting Zhou Mi inside. When he asked the innkeeper for a single room, the innkeeper practically glared at the way Zhou Mi was slumped against him.
"A single room? We don't allow that here."
Kyuhyun stuttered, knowing what he was referring to. "He's sick, that's all," he said. It wasn't a complete lie and yet Kyuhyun felt ill about it. The innkeeper gave him a steady look.
"You've come from the south?" At Kyuhyun's nod, the innkeeper told him sternly, "I don't know what's permissible there, but things up north are different, you get me?"
Kyuhyun nodded but tried again. "We've been travelling for a while and don't have much money." That was true too. In addition to running low on other supplies, their money pouch was also feeling too light. It was just another thing to add to his pile of worries.
"Fine," the innkeeper finally conceded. But he made sure to give Kyuhyun a warning. "Nothing odd, or you're out, you get it? I don't care how sick he is."
As soon as Kyuhyun helped Zhou Mi into their room, Zhou Mi collapsed on the bed, pulling his knees up and curling in on himself. Shi joined him on the bed, flopping herself over him.
When Kyuhyun ran a hand over his forehead to check on his temperature, he found Zhou Mi's hair soaked with sweat. He felt far too hot, burning up with a fever, and at his touch Zhou Mi opened his eyes, his gaze drowsy but fond.
"Hey. How're you feeling?"
"Great," Zhou Mi said, smiling up at him, saying it with sincerity even as it was obviously untrue. "Stop frowning so much, you'll get wrinkles," he chided gently, reaching up to poke Kyuhyun's cheek. "I can always tell when you're fretting, you know. Do you want to talk about it?"
Kyuhyun was worried about many, many things. Where was he even meant to start? "Not really." But when Zhou Mi just laid there and waited, Kyuhyun finally conceded. "I'm just worried about you. Are you sure you're okay to keep going? If we stayed for a few days I could look for a healer and ---"
"No, no, we have to keep moving." Zhou Mi was interrupted by a cough and then he said, "I can feel it - we're not far from the end. I have to keep going."
---
They left early the next morning, the innkeeper giving them a black look as they walked out. Zhou Mi seemed oblivious - at least, Kyuhyun hoped so. He 'd been zoned out when they'd met the innkeeper the day before, and Kyuhyun hoped that he hadn't heard the things that had been said.
Spending a night indoors, in a proper bed, seemed to have helped, and Zhou Mi was brighter, more energetic than before. When they were well free from the city, clear of any other people, Zhou Mi reached down for Kyuhyun's hand as they walked, swinging them a little.
Kyuhyun's heart swelled. Maybe everything would be okay.
Not too long afterwards, the wind carried a scent towards them, one that Kyuhyun found unfamiliar but Zhou Mi breathed it in deeply.
"That smells like…" he said wonderingly, trailing off.
And then the crashing of water became apparent. They'd been closer to the ocean than they'd realised. Zhou Mi grinned brightly, squeezing Kyuhyun's hand, and it filled Kyuhyun with joy to see him acting like his usual self.
Their pace became faster, until they came above a small crest, and then it was spread out below them - the sea. Kyuhyun expected Zhou Mi to be excited, but instead he found him frowning as he stared at it.
"What is it?"
"It's not…" Zhou Mi said slowly, forehead creased in confusion. "It's not what I thought… it doesn't look…" he trailed off and they made their way down to the beach. "It's not right."
The beach was made of tiny stone pebbles, worn smooth by the water, and the sea itself was a murky green-grey. When they reached the beach, Zhou Mi leaned down to pick up a handful of the pebbly sand, rubbing it in his fingers.
"This isn't right," he repeated, bewildered. "Why isn't this right? I thought…" He stopped, looking around, coughing a little, before he pointed up the beach. "Maybe we have to keep going further."
"What are you looking for?" Kyuhyun asked as he trudged after him, the movement difficult on the shifting sand. "Zhou Mi! Maybe we need to stop. We should head back to the city so you can rest. You were better this morning." Although, Kyuhyun noted with concern, he seemed to be deteriorating again, rubbing at his chest as if it was bothering him.
"I'll know when I see it," Zhou Mi said over his shoulder, stubbornly continuing on. While his persistence was one of the things that Kyuhyun both loved and was exasperated by, today it was definitely the latter.
Kyuhyun followed him until Zhou Mi reached a secluded cove, tucked in on the coastline. It was small and circular, with a thin sliver of sand that hugged the rocks surrounding it, allowing them to walk inside.
"I'm sorry," Zhou Mi began after Kyuhyun sat down next to him. "I'm sorry I dragged you all this way. All this way and it's not even --" Zhou Mi sighed to himself, looking so disappointed that Kyuhyun reached over to hug him tightly, and even Lya butted his leg in sympathy.
"You don't have to apologise."
"Yes, I --" Zhou Mi was interrupted by a cough again, this time a fit that seemed to last minutes. When he finally recovered, pulling his hand away from his mouth, it was red.
---
Zhou Mi was fast asleep, head pillowed on his arms, and Kyuhyun freed a blanket from their packs to drape over him.
"What am I going to do with you?" Kyuhyun wondered, laying down next to him. It wasn't even noon, but he could feel his eyes droop in the warmth of the summer day and Zhou Mi's steady breathing next to him eventually lulled him to sleep.
---
Kyuhyun jolted awake.
He'd been dreaming, and in it Zhou Mi had kissed him like it was the last one they'd ever share. Then he'd asked, "Do you trust me?"
"Yes - of course!" Kyuhyun had replied immediately, "Why?"
"Then follow me." Zhou Mi took his hand, and despite his confusion Kyuhyun followed, ran with him to the edge of the sea. "Follow me," Zhou Mi repeated as they entered the water, waves ebbing around their ankles and rising up as they continued in. "Follow me," Zhou Mi said again as a wave knocked them both off their feet, forcing them both under, into the depths of the sea.
Kyuhyun pressed a hand to his heart, his pulse thumping wildly. Even though it had only been a dream it had felt so real. Dying had been painful, more painful than he'd thought possible.
Then he realised that there was something missing, at the moment Lya asked, somewhat frantically, "Where's Zhou Mi? Shi?"
They searched for the pair for hours, walking up and down the beach calling their names. Finally, exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed, Kyuhyun collapsed onto the sand, pulling his knees up and tucking his face into them. The sea surged upwards, foamy and lacey, almost lapping at his toes. He'd taken his shoes off earlier before he fell asleep, and under hours of sunshine the sand was hot and almost burning.
But he could barely feel it. He was numb.
"We'll find them," Lya told him, forcing herself in between his legs and resting her head on his shoulder. She didn't sound very convincing.
Kyuhyun had no idea how much time passed, possibly an eternity, when an object nudged his feet, brought up by the ocean.
Zhou Mi's medallion.
Kyuhyun picked it up, hand trembling as he brushed the sand off it, rubbing his thumb over the familiar markings. He was no longer numb. His heart was in freefall, afraid of the moment it would hit the ground and splatter, and he was more frightened than he'd ever been before.
And then it came to him in a jolt, a flash of clarity, and Kyuhyun knew what he had to do.
---
There was roughness underneath Kyuhyun's cheek, below his hands as they clutched the ground beneath him.
His entire body seized with painful coughs as it rejected the brackish water in his lungs.
The ocean, cold and briney, ebbed up around him as Kyuhyun cracked open his eyes. He dug his fingers into the sand, scooping up a palmful. It was fine grained and golden, trickling through his fingers easily.
"Lya?" he called, pushing himself to his knees, and then to his feet before looking around.
He was on a beach, a golden sandy beach. Several metres away a turquoise ocean gleamed in the sunshine. Lya pounced on him, jumping up and he only just managed to catch her in his arms, clutching her tightly until she began to squirm.
Where was he? Kyuhyun's head ached, a pounding in his skull that mimicked the crashing of the waves against the rocks on the shore.
The beach was empty, stretching as far as he could see, and although he shouted out 'hello?' there was no response. He was afraid, becoming more so, and he didn't understand why he was expecting a reply. He rubbed at his eyes, his lungs still burning from the remnants of the water he'd inhaled, his clothes sodden and heavy.
Kyuhyun walked until he started to leave the beach behind, up the sand dunes and through the coastal grass to a dirt path.
Lya cocked her head and took the lead. "This way!"
They followed the path, coming across a sign post. It was a wooden pole, faded and blasted by the elements, with two signs pointing in opposite directions, equally faded. For some reason Kyuhyun knelt to inspect it.
He found, carved in messy script, the initials 'ZM'. He ran his fingers over it wonderingly. The carving was old - smoothed down by the years and the ocean air. It meant nothing to him, and yet..
"C'mon," Lya huffed, head over her shoulder as she waited impatiently for him.
They trudged up the dirt path. The air here was humid and moist, and again Kyuhyun wondered where the hell they were. The heat grew so sapping that Kyuhyun could feel sweat roll uncomfortably down his back, and his damp hair fell into his eyes.
Lya came to a sudden stop and Kyuhyun pushed his hair away from his face to see what had caught her attention. In front of them was a building, single storey, but unlike any building that Kyuhyun had ever seen. It was white and made of sleek sharp lines, and an expanse of glass that glinted under the sun, so much that it appeared like it was an entire wall of glass. Kyuhyun's head was fuzzy but he couldn't recall if he'd ever seen anything like it before.
There was a low fence surrounding the building's grounds, with a gate that was ajar. Lya ran straight through, ignoring Kyuhyun's yells at her to wait, bounding her way up to what looked like the front door.
"Knock!" she demanded, tail lashing from side to side. "Hurry up!"
Unsure, Kyuhyun lifted his hand to give the door a tentative rap with his knuckles.
"Louder," Lya insisted.
"But we don't know where we are," Kyuhyun protested.
He was interrupted by the door opening. A lady stood there, tall and elegant, older than him, cradling a pure white rabbit daemon in her arms. "Yes?" she asked, looking him up and down. "Can I help you?"
Kyuhyun must've made quite a sight - he was still wet despite the walk up the beach as the air had been so humid, and he surely looked a complete and utter mess. "Sorry," he apologised. "I'm not sure --- my daemon --" His shoulders dropped, suddenly overcome by the events of the day. He had a feeling as if he'd forgotten something important. "I'm not sure, I think I'm lost," he said, sniffling a little. "Sorry to bother you."
"Hey, wait. It's okay," she said kindly. "Come in - do you want to use the phone?"
"Phone?"
Kyuhyun had no idea what she was talking about, but despite how stupid he probably looked she ushered him inside into the hallway.
"Darling," she called out. "Get a towel, will you? And a glass of water?"
"Yes Ma," was the response, and after a few minutes that was followed by someone coming around the corner with the two items. He was tall, lean, his features sharp but somewhat handsome, so when he came into sight, Kyuhyun stared at him, dumbfounded. The man had warm brown eyes that Kyuhyun could've sworn he had seen before.
"Hi?" the man said, giving him a tentative smile, no doubt unnerved by his reaction. "Here." He held out the glass of water and Kyuhyun took it on autopilot, holding it in the air and continuing to stare at him until Lya nudged him.
"Umm… thanks," Kyuhyun stuttered, finally snapping out of it.
The guy bit his lip, frowning a little, before asking, "Have we met before?"
Kyuhyun thought that the correct answer was no, but his automatic response was, "Yes, I think we have," even though he couldn't recall it, couldn't recall much of anything, except there was something deep inside him that felt as if he could map out every inch of that man's skin, his mind, his heart. Would follow him through all eternity, a multitude of universes, forever and forever, until time ended and there was nothing left but the two of them.
The guy shook his head, suddenly realising he was still holding the towel. He thrust it out towards Kyuhyun awkwardly, his lips curling up in an oddly shy smile. "The towel."
Their hands brushed when Kyuhyun took it, and although he didn't know why, for some reason he felt as if he'd come home.
---
I broke the Night's primeval bars,
I dared the old abysmal curse,
And flashed through ranks of frightened stars
Suddenly on the universe!
The eternal silences were broken;
Hell became Heaven as I passed. --
What shall I give you as a token?
A sign that we have met, at last?
I'll break and forge the stars anew
Shatter the heavens with a song;
Immortal in my love for you,
Because I love you, very strong.
(The Call, Rupert Brooke.)
---
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4