Naturally Android - Part 1
Pairing: QMI (platonic)
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 14,143 in total
Summary: Kyuhyun finds Zhou Mi 2.0.
Note: This is a sequel to Artificially Human. Please read that one first (and if you skipped the second ending, you need to read it for this to make sense).
Zhou Mi's eyes closed as Kyuhyun pressed the off switch, the android's head immediately slumping to his chest as he shut down.
Kyuhyun's heart fell with it.
Zhou Mi's fist was still tightly clutching his treasured sea shell and, after a while, Kyuhyun pried it open, pulling the object loose and setting it aside carefully on his coffee table before burying his face in his hands. Zhou Mi remained crouched in front of him, frozen and still, and it seemed so wrong, so unnatural.
Kyuhyun rubbed at his eyes. For a moment - a very weak moment - he almost gave in to that voice that said: turn him back on. But he knew it wasn't what Zhou Mi wanted. He had been very clear in that regard. Zhou Mi was intelligent, smarter than any person that Kyuhyun had ever known, and Kyuhyun wanted to respect his wishes. It still hurt though, because even though Zhou wasn't technically alive, it strangely felt like something had just died.
It was weird to think that way - Kyuhyun knew that logically it wasn't true - he could just press that switch and Zhou Mi would be back. Perhaps he could just leave him in the apartment. If Kyuhyun didn't take him to Ryeowook, then Zhou Mi could just stay in hibernation - leaving open the option for him to come back at any time.
But just as he thought it, he found that he couldn't - couldn't leave him here, couldn't turn him back. He couldn't do that to Zhou Mi, not after everything.
Kyuhyun needed to take Zhou Mi to Ryeowook before he lost his nerve.
*
It was easier said than done.
Zhou Mi was a large android, taller than Kyuhyun, and far too sizable for Kyuhyun to carry out to his car. It would no doubt raise suspicions if Kyuhyun started lugging around something that resembled a dead body. He probably should've thought about this before he switched him off, but he couldn't very well turn him back on just to make the transport easier.
In the end he had to leave Zhou Mi on his couch overnight. Fortunately the android's limbs were easily repositioned, although every time Kyuhyun walked into the room he gave himself a small fright. While at work he managed to borrow a wheelchair and, after a fair bit of struggle, maneuvered Zhou Mi into it.
He put sunglasses and a hat on the android, and hoped that he wouldn't bump into any neighbours wheeling him down to the car.
By the time he arrived at Ryeowook's workshop, he was exhausted, all the sweat he'd worked up getting Zhou Mi into the car drying uncomfortably on his skin and making him itch.
Ryeowook was expecting him, Kyuhyun having texted him to say he'd be dropping by. He hadn't given him the reason behind his visit though, feeling that it needed to be said in person, so Ryeowook was surprised when he wheeled Zhou Mi in.
"Did something happen to Zhou Mi?" he asked, jumping out of his chair so he could inspect the android. "What happened?" He removed the hat and sunglasses, cupping Zhou Mi's face and looking over him for any outward problems.
"Yes something happened," Kyuhyun told him curtly. "He asked to be switched off. He wants to be dismantled."
"What? Why?" Kyuhyun could see Ryeowook's hand moving towards the back of Zhou Mi's neck, and he slapped it away furiously.
"Don't."
Ryeowook pulled his hand back. The slap hadn't been hard enough to hurt, but he looked chastened. "What's going on?"
"What was Zhou Mi's purpose?"
Ryeowook took a moment to think about it. "To be like a real person, I think. I wrote it ages ago, but it was something like that."
"To be like a real person, or to be a real person?"
"Maybe…" Ryeowook said hesitantly, "The second?"
"And what do you think would happen when Zhou Mi realised he could never be a real person?" It came out more aggressively than he expected, and he realised he was livid at his friend.
Realisation dawned on Ryeowook's face. "I didn't think -- I didn't think that far ahead." He looked down at Zhou Mi sympathetically - guiltily. "I screwed up, didn't I?"
He had, but… while Kyuhyun didn't want to admit it, it wasn't all Ryeowook's fault. Would Zhou Mi have ever realised if Kyuhyun hadn't been so firm - so stubborn - in his insistence that Zhou Mi wasn't real? He was at fault here too. He slumped into a free chair. "Zhou Mi wants you to dismantle him. Wipe him completely and dismantle him. Please."
Ryeowook seemed like he was ready to argue, but at the expression on Kyuhyun's face he swallowed whatever he was going to say. He pulled the wheelchair closer to his workbench, reaching over for his laptop and a cable. He gently pushed Zhou Mi forward so he could work his shirt up, plugging the cable into the slot into his back.
The last time Ryeowook had done this, had attempted to access Zhou Mi's database, he'd found that he was locked out and unable to make any changes. This time, however he was able to bring up everything that was Zhou Mi without any problem.
"Are you sure?" Ryeowook asked. "If I do this… I can't recover any of the data. He'll be gone forever."
"Wait." Kyuhyun stood so he could see the laptop screen. He leant over the android, a hand coming up to stroke Zhou Mi's hair, hardly even realising he was doing it. He felt so, so sad - so sure but so sad. He looked at the screen, and wondered how that was possibly Zhou Mi. If androids could have souls - was that Zhou Mi's sitting there? Ryeowook waited patiently, giving him the time he needed, and finally Kyuhyun swallowed the lump in his throat. "Do it."
*
It felt like it should be raining, but as Kyuhyun drove home, the sky remained firmly and resolutely clear. The sun had just set, coloured in shades of pastel purple and pink, and it wasn't fair that it was such a lovely evening.
It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right, and when Kyuhyun stopped at a light he thumped on his steering wheel in frustration. He didn't know who he was more angry at: himself, Ryeowook, or Zhou Mi.
His life had been fine without Zhou Mi - just fine. And then he came along, messing everything up, making Kyuhyun question things that he'd never questioned before, and now he was gone and why did it make Kyuhyun feel so fucking sad? He was just a robot, he wasn't even alive, it was stupid that Kyuhyun was feeling this way.
He rubbed an arm across his face as his vision blurred and he choked down a sob.
*
Seohyun wandered into Kyuhyun's office between patient appointments. "Are you okay?" she asked, looking down at him with concern. "You look like your cat died."
Kyuhyun let out a weak, unamused laugh. If only she knew how close - but yet how far - she was.
Seohyun frowned. "Seriously - are you okay? Do you want me to cancel the rest of your appointments?"
Kyuhyun waved a hand at her, shaking his head. "No, I'm fine. I'm okay, it's just been a crazy week."
She didn't seem to believe him, but they weren't really close enough for her to probe further. Finally, she said, "Okay, well… if you do want to talk… or anything."
Kyuhyun looked up, giving her a smile that was halfway genuine. "Thanks. I appreciate it." And he did, really, but it wasn't something he could talk to her about. It wasn't something that he could talk to many people about. She left his office, telling him that his next patient was ready when he was. Kyuhyun double checked the name and pushed himself off his chair to collect them from reception.
He shouldn't dwell on it. It was over.
*
Kyuhyun had just arrived home, tossing his keys in the dish he kept on the hallway console, when there was a knock on the door.
He opened it to find Sungmin on the other side. Even though they lived on the same floor, they rarely crossed paths, and while they were civil they weren't exactly friends, so he was surprised to see him.
"Oh. Hi?"
"Is Zhou Mi here?"
Kyuhyun was so stunned at his question that he stared at him for a bit. It took him a while to recover but he beckoned Sungmin inside, not wanting to have this conversation in the doorway.
Sungmin followed him into his apartment, sitting down when Kyuhyun did.
"He didn't tell you."
"Well," Sungmin replied, "He left me a note, but it was all a bit cryptic. I haven't seen him in days. Have you seen him?"
"I --" Kyuhyun didn't really know how to explain. He shook himself to recollect his thoughts, saying bluntly. "He's gone. Permanently."
Sungmin's forehead creased in thought. "Permanently? Did he move away? He left his passport at my place. He hasn't taken any of his stuff."
"No, I mean… he wanted to be wiped."
The lines on Sungmin's forehead increased. "Wiped? I don't understand?"
"Wiped. Reformatted. Dismantled."
Sungmin looked at him like he was speaking another language. "I still don't understand?" he said, shaking his head in confusion.
According to Zhou Mi, he'd told Sungmin he was an android a long time ago. It had been one of the things they'd argued about - the fact that Sungmin and Mrs Lee could accept the fact that he was an android, and Kyuhyun couldn't. "He told you he was an android, didn't he?"
"Well, yeah, ages ago he mentioned it. I didn't really understand what he meant…" he trailed off. "It was a weird metaphor but I suppose it made sense to him. He was a bit weird sometimes, but hey," Sungmin shrugged his shoulders. "Aren't we all?"
"It wasn't a metaphor. He was an actual android."
Sungmin snorted. "Stop pulling my leg. Seriously - where is he?"
"I'm not joking." God, Sungmin hadn't known, and now Kyuhyun didn't know how to convince him that it was true.
"This is a joke, right? Haha." Sungmin looked around Kyuhyun's living room, like he was searching for the presence of hidden cameras. He stood, making his way to the door. "Look, I'll give you his things. Please tell him that I asked after him."
Sungmin left and returned shortly, giving Kyuhyun a medium sized duffel bag that contained all of Zhou Mi's possessions. There wasn't much in it - the few extra outfits that Kyuhyun had bought him, his cellphone, his passport, keys to a bicycle lock - the bicycle presumably locked up downstairs in the carpark, and the large shell that Kyuhyun had purchased for him while overseas. Now that Zhou Mi was gone, this was all that was left, and it seemed pitiful - no, it was pitiful. It wasn't enough to show the impact he'd had on Kyuhyun's life.
The first seashell that Kyuhyun had given him was sitting on a bookshelf in the living room, and after some thought, Kyuhyun placed it into the bag, zipping it up tightly. He knew that he should throw everything away - Zhou Mi was gone - but he couldn't make himself do it. Instead he threw the whole bag into the bottom of his hallway cupboard, resolutely shutting the door on it and that part of his life.
*
Gradually, life went back to normal and slowly Kyuhyun thought of Zhou Mi less and less. Not that he forgot him, but the loss gradually stopped weighing on him as heavily.
But Zhou Mi had changed his life, and Kyuhyun made further changes afterwards. He spent more time with his parents, trying to be a better son. They were growing older, and he was keenly aware that they wouldn't be around forever. He spent more quality time with his friends. He worked harder, and tried to be a more patient, giving person.
Zhou Mi had changed him. His view of the world, of life - at least, before the end - was that it was wondrous, full of marvels and curiosities, something to be appreciated.
Eventually, Zhou Mi would've just become one of Kyuhyun's bittersweet memories, much like the thoughts of his first love, long gone but sweet at the time.
If it hadn't been for Sungmin.
"I don't know why you didn't just tell me the truth," Sungmin said one day, months after he'd returned Zhou Mi's belongings, when they ran into one another in the elevator one day after work.
"What?"
"All that crap you told me about Zhou Mi. I don't know why you've washed your hands of him, but he was a good friend to me and I'm going to do what I can for him."
Kyuhyun honestly had no idea what Sungmin was talking about and why he was speaking about Zhou Mi in the present tense.
The elevator doors opened. Kyuhyun and Sungmin shuffled themselves to the back to let someone get on.
"What are you talking about?"
Sungmin raised an eyebrow, annoyed. "You're a doctor, why aren't you helping him?"
Him? Was Sungmin talking about Zhou Mi?
"It was only chance that I saw him," Sungmin continued, but the rest of his words were lost when Kyuhyun realised that Sungmin was talking about seeing Zhou Mi. He grabbed at his arm as the other occupant of the car reached their floor and left.
"You saw him? You saw Zhou Mi?"
"Yes," Sungmin huffed, shaking off Kyuhyun's hand. "Who else would I be talking about?
They finally reached their floor and Sungmin shouldered his way ahead of Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun raced after him - it couldn't be true, could it? He needed to be sure.
"Tell me exactly what you saw, exactly," Kyuhyun said urgently, rushing his way in front of Sungmin to block his front door. Sungmin glared at him but Kyuhyun wouldn't budge. "This is really important - please. Who did you see and when?"
And maybe it was the plea in his voice, but Sungmin finally relented, telling him the full story. He'd started running in the past year, going for a quick job in his lunch break. Normally he took the same route, but yesterday he tried a different direction and had been running through one of the local park when he'd noticed a familiar figure.
"And it was Zhou Mi?" Kyuhyun interrupted.
He got an eyeroll in response, but Sungmin agreed. "Yes, I called his name and he looked up. So I stopped to talk to him, but he didn't recognise me at all. Like he has amnesia or something?"
"Wait, he responded to Zhou Mi? You're positive it was him?"
"Yes," Sungmin repeated again, obviously getting annoyed at all the questions. "It was him. But like he said - he didn't recognise me."
Could Sungmin be right? Had it been Zhou Mi?
"Take me to him," Kyuhyun demanded. "Take me to where you saw him."
"He might not even be there now -"
"Take me to him."
*
They took Kyuhyun's car, parking on the street and then heading into the gardens on foot. They didn't talk. Sungmin was still miffed at Kyuhyun, and the gravel crunched underneath their feet as they walked up the path.
"I saw him around here," Sungmin finally said. They rounded a corner, coming to a clearing, and standing there was a tall lean figure. And just like Sungmin said - it was Zhou Mi. Kyuhyun didn't realise he had stopped, hand coming up to his chest, as he stared at him.
It shouldn't be possible, but it was undoubtedly him. That face that Kyuhyun remembered so well - the long nose, the full lower lip, those eyes that used to be filled with curiosity. Except, these ones weren't. They were blank and empty.
"Oh my god, it's actually him," he gasped. He hadn't quite believed it when Sungmin had told him, thought perhaps he had been playing a joke on him, but there was no doubt that standing there was his former android.
"Zhou Mi!" Sungmin called, and again - just like Sungmin had said - Zhou Mi reacted to his name, turning to them. He stared at them, no recognition on his face, no spark, nothing at all.
"Hello?" he said softly. "I am Zhou Mi."
Kyuhyun had recovered enough from his shock to start moving again, heading toward him. Up close, Kyuhyun was able to take in more of his state, and he appeared messy. The old Zhou Mi was mostly fastidious about his appearance, his hair neatly combed and clothing put together, but this Zhou Mi had dirt on his cheeks and his shirt was tattered and stained.
"Do you remember me?" Kyuhyun asked, a little frantically.
"No?" Zhou Mi looked at him appraisingly, as if he was trying to place him. "Zhou Mi?"
"What? I --" Kyuhyun stopped, a bit frustrated. How did Zhou Mi end up here? Zhou Mi's attention wandered away from him, and his gaze fell on Sungmin.
"Remember you," Zhou Mi said to him, almost proudly.
Sungmin and Kyuhyun shared a glance, and Zhou Mi continued, "Not Zhou Mi."
"That's right, I'm Sungmin."
"You don't remember me at all?" Kyuhyun interrupted, asking again. This was eerie. It was Zhou Mi, and yet - it wasn't. He looked exactly the same, his voice was the same, he even had similar mannerisms. But the look in his eyes wasn't the same, and he obviously didn't remember Kyuhyun nor Sungmin.
Zhou Mi frowned. "Are you Zhou Mi?"
Kyuhyun really needed to speak to Ryeowook. "No," he replied sadly to Zhou Mi's question, feeling deflated. "I'm not Zhou Mi - you are."
But was he?
"I told you," Sungmin said to him quietly. "He doesn't remember." By now Zhou Mi had lost interest in them both, walking away to stare into a tree. "I couldn't convince him to come with me the other day, he doesn't remember me at all."
"I swear, I didn't know," Kyuhyun told him in response. "I would never leave him like this if I'd known."
There was a long pause, as if Sungmin was trying to assess how truthful he was being. "I believe you. I'm sorry I accused you of not caring." He called out to the android, who turned to them slowly, his movements stiff and sluggish. "You can't stay here. Come with us."
Zhou Mi blinked at them both before giving them a tiny smile that was achingly familiar and yet wasn't. "I am Zhou Mi."
Despite both Kyuhyun and Sungmin's best attempts, they couldn't convince Zhou Mi to come with them. Kyuhyun considered switching him off, but when he came around the back of the android, he saw that there was a hole where his switch had been - as if the button had been pried out.
Eventually, with no other options, they decided they had to leave him there.
"Will you be here tomorrow?" Kyuhyun asked, loath to leave but not really having any other choice.
Zhou Mi gave him a smile, before being distracted by a flock of birds flying overhead. The sun had almost finished setting and it was starting to get dark.
"Bye…" Kyuhyun said, lingering, as Sungmin tried to tug him away.
Zhou Mi didn't respond.
*
After dropping off Sungmin, Kyuhyun drove straight to Ryeowook's workshop, desperate for answers. He caught him as he was in the middle of packing up, about to head home.
Kyuhyun didn't bother with small talk or niceties. He barged in, saying, "I saw Zhou Mi."
Ryeowook lifted his hand to his mouth, unsuccessfully trying to muffle the gasp. "You saw him?" He paused, struggling with something before he blurted, "Where? How is he? Is he okay?"
It was obvious by Ryeowook's reaction that he wasn't surprised to hear that Zhou Mi was out there.
"Why is he walking around?' Kyuhyun asked, not noticing that he'd tensed up. "I told you to wipe and dismantle him!"
Ryeowook shrunk a little at the barely suppressed anger in his tone. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be angry," he said in a small voice, obviously guilty.
"What did you do?"
"I wiped him, like you said," Ryeowook said quickly. "I did! I formatted him, I promise. But… you know he was the most advanced model I've ever created and I still haven't been able to replicate it with my other androids. I just thought -- I wanted to -- I know I made a mistake with his purpose, and I just thought I'd see what would happen if I reset his programming and tried a different purpose and --"
"And you switched him back on." Kyuhyun was surprised at exactly how livid he felt, and also surprised at how he was able to keep himself from exploding at his best friend. They'd discussed it. He thought Ryeowook understood exactly how cruel it was. Zhou Mi hadn't wanted this.
"It's not him anymore," Ryeowook told him in his own defense. "The Zhou Mi we knew is gone, completely gone, just like he wanted."
Kyuhyun frowned, rubbing the skin between his eyes. There was an ache forming there.
Ryeowook continued, "Just because he's in the same shell doesn't mean it's Zhou Mi. I mean, I kept the same name because it was easier, but he's not the same."
"But how do you know that?"
"Because…" Ryeowook fidgeted, toying with a spare part he'd picked up. "I kept him around for a bit." He shook his head, almost at himself. "He wasn't the same. In fact, the new version wasn't…" He looked up at the ceiling as he tried to find the right words, "He wasn't quite right. I kept trying, I updated his programming several times, but he wasn't like the first model at all, he didn't react properly, didn't seem to learn as quickly, he just seemed… wrong. And then he disappeared."
Ryeowook went on to confess that Zhou Mi disappeared several months ago, to which Kyuhyun took another deep breath - Ryeowook had hid this from him for MONTHS.
"So," Ryeowook tentatively, said after he'd finished. "Where did you find him?"
For some reason Kyuhyun didn't want to tell Ryeowook - as if he didn't trust his friend with the information. So he lied, saying that he saw Zhou Mi by chance. He didn't tell him exactly where, didn't say that he hoped to find him again, making it sound like a once off. The small headache had picked up full force and was now throbbing and pulsing.
"You talked to him? Then you know - right? He's not the same."
Kyuhyun shook his head, feeling a prickling behind his eyes. Zhou Mi wasn't the same - what an understatement. "I don't know what you did to him, but you've broken him. Congratulations."
*
The following night after work, Kyuhyun drove straight to the park. It took him a while to locate Zhou Mi this time, as he'd moved to a different part of the gardens. Kyuhyun found him lying on his stomach on the grass, legs up in the air and humming tunelessly.
Kyuhyun crouched near him. "Hi. Remember me?"
Zhou Mi lifted his head. "Yes," he said. "Not Zhou Mi."
"That's right," Kyuhyun told him, reaching over to pluck a twig out of Zhou Mi's hair, unable to resist tidying him up a little. "I'm Kyuhyun. I'm your friend."
Zhou Mi looked at him guilelessly, eyes clear. "Friend?"
"Do you know what a friend is?"
Zhou Mi shook his head.
"It's --- someone who cares about you. Who looks after you." Someone who wants the best for you. "Do you understand?"
Zhou Mi smiled at him, that tiny little smile that made Kyuhyun's heart hurt because the old Zhou Mi rarely had small smiles. He smiled widely, hugely, joy shining out of his face. "You're my friend."
'Yes. And Sungmin - you remember the guy from yesterday? He's your friend too."
"Okay."
Zhou Mi didn't seem to want to talk, dropping his head back down to stare at the ground. He was watching ants, a steady line of them, crawl through the grass.
"Zhou Mi, where do you spend the night?" It seemed that Zhou Mi spent much of his time in this park, in the gardens, but where did he go to charge himself?
Zhou Mi pulled his gaze away from the insects. "Secret."
Kyuhyun's legs were starting to ache from his crouching position, so he plopped himself down on his butt, crossing his legs. "You know - friends can share secrets?"
"Oh." Zhou Mi idly picked at the grass in front of him. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Zhou Mi is a secret."
"Did someone tell you that?"
He received a noncommittal hum in response. "Hmmm."
"How about -- I'll tell you a secret if you tell me yours." He waited, but Zhou Mi didn't respond, so he continued. "You remind me of someone that I once knew, someone that I miss a lot. And my secret is - I'm lonely without him. No one else knows exactly how much." He thought Zhou Mi was listening but it was hard to tell. "What's your secret?"
"Zhou Mi."
"Yes, you are. Do you want to tell me your secret?"
"I'm Zhou Mi," he said, stubbornly. Apparently finished with the conversation, Zhou Mi pushed himself up until he was standing. "Bye Kyuhyun," he said before he sauntered off.
*
Kyuhyun knew that Sungmin often saw Zhou Mi during the day, on his lunch break. It was unclear whether Sungmin believed that Zhou Mi was an android, and Kyuhyun hadn't brought it up with him again. It didn't matter now, not with Zhou Mi the way he was. As for Kyuhyun, he tried to visit Zhou Mi every night, even turning down plans with his friends to spend time sitting in the park with his former android. Zhou Mi never talked much, was still incredibly simple, but he soon got used to Kyuhyun's presence and seemed to warm to him.
Kyuhyun worried, constantly, whenever he left him each night that something might happen to him. Even though he knew that he wasn't the same Zhou Mi, he still felt responsible for him and he couldn't switch it off. And it was obvious by now that Zhou Mi didn't have a home, didn't have someone looking after him. He seemed to live in the gardens, sneaking away somewhere to charge - or so Kyuhyun assumed. He hadn't managed to get that secret from him yet.
It was practically dark, and Zhou Mi was sitting cross legged under a tree, back straight and head leaning against the trunk. Kyuhyun had to go home soon, before it got too late.
"So I can't see you tomorrow," Kyuhyun reminded Zhou Mi. Changmin had been nagging at him for weeks, complaining that he hadn't seen him in ages, and Kyuhyun had finally caved and agreed to dinner and drinks. "Will you be okay?"
"Trees breathe."
Kyuhyun looked at him in surprise. Random as it was, it was the first semi-intelligent thing he'd ever heard him say. "They do in a way. Where did you learn that?"
Zhou Mi ignored his words. "Green."
"Right." Kyuhyun knew from all the previous conversations he'd had with Zhou Mi that he wouldn't get much more out of him. "So I won't see you tomorrow, remember?" Sometimes Kyuhyun thought if he didn't come every day that Zhou Mi would forget him, would forget that they were friends.
But this time, Zhou Mi surprised him again, and he nodded once firmly. "Not tomorrow. Bye."
*
Changmin rolled his eyes, softening his words with an arm around his shoulder. "You've been such a drag, Kyu! It's good to finally see your face - I was starting to forget what you looked like!"
Victoria waved at him from the table, and Kyuhyun, finally being released from Changmin's hold, leant over and gave her a kiss on the cheek before sitting down.
"Has everything been okay?" Victoria asked him. "We really haven't seen you in ages."
"I'm sorry, I've been really busy. Work, and I'm doing a bit of study so I haven't had much time," Kyuhyun lied, opening his menu. "How have you been?"
Dinner progressed nicely, Victoria and Changmin chatting away with Kyuhyun even contributing to the conversation. Changmin had been right to bully him into attending - it was nice to see his friends. Perhaps he'd been getting too obsessed with Zhou Mi.
After dinner they left the restaurant, with plans to head to a nearby bar for a couple of drinks. They'd been sitting in the middle of the restaurant for a couple of hours, away from the windows, and then they stepped out it was to a huge storm.
"Wow!"
A streak of lightning lit up the sky, and not long after thunder boomed.
Kyuhyun's thoughts immediately went to Zhou Mi. The original one had hated storms, complaining that the electricity in the air made him feel strange, and Kyuhyun couldn't help but worry about him. He had to go find him.
"Sorry guys, I just remembered something I need to do," Kyuhyun apologised. Changmin frowned at him, and Kyuhyun promised that he would call him and set something up for the following week. "I just really have to go!"
Kyuhyun drove straight to the park. He didn't have an umbrella in his car, and he was quickly soaked in the heavy rain. The lightning and thunder was even stronger, occurring so close together that the strikes must've been landing not far from the gardens.
"Zhou Mi!" Kyuhyun shouted, struggling to be heard above the noise of the storm as he ran around trying to locate the android. He expected to find him huddled somewhere, hiding from the lightning and thunder, which was booming scarily, but when the next strike of lightning lit up the area he found him standing in the open, looking up at the sky.
"Zhou Mi!" The rain and wind was so heavy that he couldn't be heard. He ran up to him, his clothes heavy and sodden, tugging on his arm. "Zhou Mi, come on!" Zhou Mi must've been confused by the storm, because he allowed himself to be pulled along, until they reached the street and Kyuhyun's car. Kyuhyun quickly unlocked the doors, the rain beating down continuously, opening the passenger door and ushering Zhou Mi inside.
The inside of his poor car was going to be soaked, but he couldn't be concerned with that now. Shivering from the rain, he got in himself, to find Zhou Mi sitting there quietly.
"Are you hurt?" Kyuhyun asked, unnerved by his stillness and quietness.
"So bright."
"Did it make you feel weird?" Kyuhyun gently turned Zhou Mi's head towards him, checking for injuries.
"So bright," he repeated, obediently turning his head the other way to let Kyuhyun fully inspect him. Apart from his usual small grazes, which Kyuhyun assumed he received from crawling through bushes in the park, he seemed unharmed. "Place?" Zhou Mi looked around him, but only half heartedly, with none of the curiosity that the old Zhou Mi used to display.
"We're in a car," Kyuhyun told him as he reached over to secure Zhou Mi's seatbelt. "Do you know what that is? We're going to drive to my house."
"House." Kyuhyun had no idea if Zhou Mi understood what he was saying. This happened often. He'd tell him something and Zhou Mi would just nod or parrot his words, without showing that he actually comprehended them. It was disheartening.
Kyuhyun started the car. The original Zhou Mi, when he'd been in a car for the first time, had wanted to know how it worked, had wanted to dismantle it to see for himself. But this version was quiet, his hands neatly in his lap as he looked out the front windscreen.
Ryeowook had been correct - he wasn't the same Zhou Mi. And yet Kyuhyun couldn't let him go now that he'd found him again. He was broken, awfully so, and yet Kyuhyun couldn't help himself, couldn't help but want to look out for him.
He'd already failed Zhou Mi once, after all.
*
Zhou Mi obediently followed Kyuhyun into his apartment. Now that Kyuhyun had him inside, in the light, he was able to see exactly how filthy Zhou Mi was from his time living outside. He was also, like Kyuhyun himself, soaked from head to toe. While his skin was made of an semi-organic material, it didn't contain the same bacteria as human skin, so while he didn't smell bad he was still caked in dirt.
Kyuhyun wondered if Zhou Mi knew how to use a shower, but when he said the word, Zhou Mi just tilted his head and looked at him blankly.
Kyuhyun ran a bath instead. When it was full, he led Zhou Mi into the bathroom. It took a minute or two before he could make Zhou Mi understand what to do - strip and climb in - but eventually he was settled in the warm water, knees pulled up as his legs were too long for the tub.
Kyuhyun grabbed a soap, shampoo, and a wash cloth, kneeling by the edge of the tub. "I'm going to wash your hair, okay?" He squirted a dollop of shampoo into his hand, lathering it into Zhou Mi's hair. While he worked, he talked, giving Zhou Mi a running commentary on what he was doing.
"Close your eyes," Kyuhyun instructed, tilting Zhou Mi's head back a little so he could pour a cup of water over it to rinse his hair. A small amount of shampoo suds ran down Zhou Mi's cheek, on the edge of his lips, and when he licked it he scrunched up his nose. "I know, shampoo doesn't taste very nice. You can open your eyes now."
Kyuhyun gave Zhou Mi the wash cloth, teaching him how to lather up the soap and clean himself. Kyuhyun helped with his back, Zhou Mi attempting it awkwardly at first before Kyuhyun took the cloth from him.
Once Zhou Mi was clean - Kyuhyun decided he just needed a quick rinse in the shower to rinse off all the suds - Kyuhyun was surprised when Zhou Mi turned to him, saying, "Clean you?"
"Oh! No, it's okay, I can clean myself."
Kyuhyun reached down to pull out the plug, and Zhou Mi leaned forward to inspect the water swirling as the tub emptied. "Can clean myself too," he said decisively.
"Next time you can wash yourself," Kyuhyun agreed. He gave Zhou Mi instructions to give himself a quick rinse in the shower, hovering in the bathroom just in case. When it appeared Zhou Mi was doing fine, Kyuhyun dashed to the bedroom, grabbing some of the old Zhou Mi's clothes, and not too long after Zhou Mi was clean, dry and dressed.
"All done," Kyuhyun told him, and Zhou Mi nodded in agreement.
"Clean."
It was then that Kyuhyun noticed that Zhou Mi's left eye was looking a bit droopy. In the previous model, this indicated that Zhou Mi's battery was running low.
"Do you need to be charged?" Kyuhyun asked in concern. "Where's your cable?"
"Secret."
"I'm your friend, you can trust me with your secret."
"Secret," Zhou Mi agreed again, rather unhelpfully. Kyuhyun had thrown out Zhou Mi's old clothes, and hadn't found a cable in the pockets, and it wasn't an item that he had lying around as Ryeowook had created one that was proprietary. Ryeowook would have several, of course, but Kyuhyun hadn't spoken to him since he'd confronted him with the news of Zhou Mi's existence weeks ago. He was still livid that Ryeowook had disregarded his instructions and Zhou Mi's desires. In addition, he didn't want Ryeowook to know that he'd been seeing Zhou Mi, didn't want Ryeowook to get his hands on the android again considering the mess he'd made of him.
But unless he could convince Zhou Mi to tell him where he'd been hiding his power cable, Ryeowook was his only option. Or, at least, Ryeowook's workshop was the only option.
Technically it would be stealing, but Kyuhyun reasoned that it could be justified. Plus he doubted Ryeowook would call the police on him. That decision made, next he had to decide what to do with Zhou Mi. The android had been following Kyuhyun around his apartment after he'd been bathed, a tall, silent shadow always a couple of steps behind him. Kyuhyun doubted that he could sneak out without Zhou Mi noticing, and he didn't particularly want to leave him alone in any case.
"We're going for a drive," he told Zhou Mi, leading him through to the hallway.
"Car," Zhou Mi agreed, watching as Kyuhyun found a pair of the old Zhou Mi's shoes in the cupboard, placing them in front of him. When Kyuhyun bent down to put his own shoes on, Zhou Mi mimicked his actions, although he had problems tying the shoelaces and needed Kyuhyun to demonstrate.
"Ready?"
Zhou Mi nodded. "Car."
They drove to Ryeowook's workshop, Zhou Mi silent the entire way, although he did look momentarily interested when Kyuhyun turned on the radio. Ryeowook's workshop was located in an industrial area, on a street with different warehouses, and it was empty after night fall. Judging by the lack of lights, Ryeowook had left long ago.
"We're going to be quiet," Kyuhyun told Zhou Mi before they left the car. Not that he really needed to tell him, Zhou Mi was no longer a chatterbox and quietness seemed to be his default state.
Just as Kyuhyun had given Ryeowook a set of his apartment keys for emergencies, Kyuhyun also had keys to Ryeowook's house and workshop, along with the code to his alarm, and he quickly punched it in to disable the security system, before unlocking the door.
Kyuhyun entered, Zhou Mi right behind, and Kyuhyun fumbled for the light switch on the wall, finally locating it.
"Secret," Zhou Mi whispered when the lights came on. When Kyuhyun turned back to look at him, Zhou Mi seemed vaguely uncomfortable, eyes big, particularly when his gaze fell on a headless torso sitting on the bench that Ryeowook was obviously in the middle of working on. Apart from that one item, the workshop was clear of any other androids.
"Do you remember this place?" Kyuhyun asked him, and Zhou Mi gave him a look that seemed blank before he nodded.
"Zhou Mi is a secret," he said gravely, and Kyuhyun noticed that his right eye had also started to droop. They needed to hurry and get him home before his battery ran flat.
"We're just going to find a charging cable for you," Kyuhyun told him as he started to look at the boxes that lined the workshop's shelves. Everything was meticulously labelled, but there were at least a couple of hundred and they didn't appear to be in any particular order, with a box of cogs sitting next to a box of artificial hair, sitting next to a box of computer chips. How Ryeowook found anything was beyond Kyuhyun, but perhaps he had a filing system that was just indecipherable to others.
As Kyuhyun finished reading the labels of just one row of boxes, he noticed there were several thick notebooks squashed at the end. They were hand labelled with names, and there was one with Zhou Mi written on the spine. Kyuhyun wriggled the notebook free - it was tightly packed due to everything on the shelf - flicking through it quickly. The book was filled with Ryeowook's scribbles, diagrams and notes, and appeared to be for brainstorming purposes. He folded it up, slipping it into the back pocket of his jeans, to read properly later.
"Power," Zhou Mi said from behind him. Kyuhyun hadn't been paying him any attention while he'd been searching amongst the boxes, but when he turned back Zhou Mi had a power cable in his hands.
"Where did you find that?" Kyuhyun asked, heading over to where Zhou Mi was standing by the bench.
"Secret," was the response, and Kyuhyun resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"Of course."
Cable located, Kyuhyun ushered Zhou Mi to the door, locking up and resetting the alarm on their way out. They drove home, and once back in the apartment, he asked him, "Do you want me to help you with the plug?"
Zhou Mi took the cable from him without a word, shuffling himself into the living room and lowering himself to the floor by the TV. He hiked up his shirt, plugging himself in and inserting the other end into the wall socket. He sat with his legs drawn up, chin resting in the V created by his knees, and arms wrapped around his shins. His eyes were open, but empty and unblinking, as he stared blankly forward.
From his experience with the previous Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun knew that it would take him several hours to reach full charge. He could operate normally in the meantime, abet restricted by the length of the cord, although the old Zhou Mi liked to shut down most of his processes and use the time to do some cataloguing.
"I'm going to bed," Kyuhyun announced, wondering if Zhou Mi could hear him. "Stay here, okay?"
Zhou Mi blinked once.
"Good night," he said after a moment, and then he was still again.
*
Kyuhyun didn't sleep well that night, interrupted by vivid dreams that kept him half awake and restless. Nightmares haunted him: in one, Zhou Mi's disembodied, severed head yelled at him, accusing him of awful, horrible, terrible crimes.
In another, Kyuhyun was chased by an army of faceless, featureless androids, their bodies eerily smooth. They were intent on ripping him open, wanting to expose his heart to see how he worked.
When his alarm finally sounded, yanking him from his latest nightmare, he was almost relieved. Sweaty and exhausted, but relieved.
It was quiet in his apartment, and he sprung out of bed to check on Zhou Mi, finding him in the same spot by the TV. It appeared that he hadn't moved.
"Good morning."
"Good morning," Zhou Mi parroted. He was obviously at full charge but didn't look like he was going anywhere, so Kyuhyun left to take a quick shower and get dressed.
Kyuhyun had to go to work, and just like the previous night he didn't want to leave Zhou Mi alone in the apartment. He crouched down to talk to him.
"I'm going to work now - do you want to come with me?"
Zhou Mi blinked at him. "Car?"
"Yes, we'll go in the car." He got a tiny smile in response, just a small upwards twitch of Zhou Mi's lips.
"Car."
*
The medical practice where Kyuhyun worked was in a fairly well heeled part of town. The practice itself was in a well kept Victorian building, double fronted, single storey, and free standing. It had a large front garden with a large tree in the corner, a wooden bench underneath, manicured hedges, rose bushes, and even a bird bath. Kyuhyun figured that Zhou Mi could spend the day out in the garden, but first he took him inside to see Seohyun.
She was seated behind her desk in reception, giving Zhou Mi a bright smile when she saw him. She knew the old Zhou Mi of course, and Kyuhyun quickly spoke before she said anything.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked, drawing her away. Zhou Mi stayed where Kyuhyun had stopped him, just inside the front door. "He's not the same," he told her. "He had an accident - he won't remember you. He doesn't remember much of anything. I've brought him in today because I don't want to leave him alone."
Her expression turned to concern. "Oh. That's why you've been so… You should've told me. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Is it okay that he's here? Obviously he can't be in my office when I'm seeing patients - I thought he could just spend time out in the garden. He seems to like that. I don't need you to watch over him or anything."
Kyuhyun only felt able to bring Zhou Mi here because the Practice Manager was rarely in attendance - most days it was just him and Seohyun. She placed a hand on his upper arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "It's fine. I'll check on him when I can."
Kyuhyun called Zhou Mi over, introducing him to Seohyun. "Zhou Mi, this is Seohyun. She's a friend."
"Friend. Seohyun is a friend."
"Hi Zhou Mi," she said. Her eyes were soft but sad as she took him in, his unnerving blankness and stillness. Kyuhyun had had time to get used to it and it was no longer strange to him, but he could tell that it shocked Seohyun. The old Zhou Mi had been bright, full of vitality, so - ironically enough - alive: everything this version wasn't.
After the introduction Kyuhyun took Zhou Mi back outside. "I need to work now," he told him as they walked down the few steps from the porch, Zhou Mi's attention already somewhere else. "You can go anywhere in this garden, but don't go outside the gate, okay?"
Zhou Mi reached out to one of the rose bushes, running a petal through his thumb and forefinger. He made no indication that he'd heard and understood what Kyuhyun was saying.
"Zhou Mi? Do you understand? Don't leave the garden - you can come inside and talk to Seohyun, but don't go further than the front fence. Okay?"
Zhou Mi finally responded. "Not outside."
Relieved, Kyuhyun finally felt able to leave him. "I'll come and see you on my break. Ask Seohyun if you need anything, okay?"
"Kyuhyun is my friend." Then Zhou Mi walked off, in the direction of the tree, leaving Kyuhyun with a fuzzy feeling in his chest.
Kyuhyun's morning was full of appointments, but on his first break he went looking for Zhou Mi. Surprisingly, he wasn't out in the garden, but sitting calmly in a chair in the corner of the reception area, looking intently at a colourful children's book.
"Did you bring him in?" Kyuhyun asked Seohyun, who shook her head in response.
"He just came in and sat down."
"And the book?"
"Oh, a patient's child gave him to him." Zhou Mi turned the page, before dragging his finger across the surface of the paper. "He's been looking at it for 20 minutes." Seohyun sighed softly. "Will he ever recover?"
Recover? Perhaps there was nothing to recover - maybe this was all that the new Zhou Mi would ever be. "I don't know."
Kyuhyun went over, sitting down next to Zhou Mi. "Hello. Have you had a good morning?"
Zhou Mi's eyes lifted off the book before flicking back down, ignoring his question, eyes tracking the words. Kyuhyun wondered if he could even read. He was sure that Ryeowook would have programmed reading ability into him - but surely he programmed many abilities into Zhou Mi that didn't seem to be working.
"What are you reading?" Kyuhyun asked him, and again Zhou Mi didn't respond. HIs finger traced the sentence on the page, so Kyuhyun read it out loud for him. "Today you are you... that is truer than true." Zhou Mi's hand moved to the next page, his eyes flicking up briefly to Kyuhyun's face as if he expected Kyuhyun to continue. Kyuhyun did. "There is no one alive who is youer than you."
*
The next opportunity Kyuhyun had to check on Zhou Mi was at lunch time. He came out to reception, having a slight moment of panic when he didn't see Zhou Mi sitting in the corner, but Seohyun told him calmly, "He's just outside."
Kyuhyun found Zhou Mi watching butterflies as they flitted from flower to flower. He called out to him as he walked down the porch steps. "Hi Mi. I'm going to buy lunch - do you want to come for a walk?"
Zhou Mi took a long pause to consider his question, head tilted as he seemed to process the words in his head, before he nodded. "Walk. No car."
"That's right, no car. We're not going very far and I like to get some fresh air."
They set off down the street, Zhou Mi staying a step behind no matter what pace Kyuhyun set. Even when he slowed so they could walk together, Zhou Mi automatically slowed so he remained behind him. It was only a few minutes to Kyuhyun's favourite lunch cafe, Kyuhyun giving Zhou Mi a running commentary as they walked, saying anything that came into his head so they weren't walking in total silence. As always, Zhou Mi made no indication that he was listening.
Kyuhyun slowed down as they came up to an intersection, Zhou Mi bumping into the back of him. When he looked back to check on him, he found Zhou Mi gazing up into the sky. The sun reflected off his black hair, and his eyes seemed warmer in the brightness.
The pedestrian light changed, sounding to alert that it was safe to cross.
"Okay?" Kyuhyun asked, somewhat pointlessly since he knew Zhou Mi wouldn't respond. He reached back to grasp Zhou Mi's hand to make sure he followed him across the road. Zhou Mi's fingers twitched in his grip before curling around Kyuhyun's hand.
This little action sent an uplift into Kyuhyun's heart, so he didn't let go until they came to the cafe.
It was Kyuhyun's regular lunch spot, and he stopped by most days to buy a sandwich. It was always hectic at lunchtimes, and today it was no different, the small place already packed several people deep waiting to order at the counter. Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi joined the back of the queue, and Zhou Mi seemed overwhelmed by the noise and the crowd - at least, that's what Kyuhyun assumed by the way he was pressed up against Kyuhyun's back.
The original Zhou Mi had also had a childlike phase. When Kyuhyun had first received him, Ryeowook had warned him that he was "young" and he had been in many ways. But Zhou Mi had learnt quickly, building on the information and experiences that Kyuhyun shared with him. This version though seemed stuck - stuck at a childlike developmental point. Kyuhyun wondered if this could change with time.
And if so - how much effort would be required? Did Kyuhyun have the energy for it? How far could his guilt fuel him?
But after buying lunch and leaving the chaos of the shop behind to walk back to the clinic, Kyuhyun felt ashamed for these thoughts when Zhou Mi automatically reached for his hand from behind.
Perhaps it wasn't guilt driving him in that case, just his own sense of right and wrong.
*
"Ahh! Thanks for bringing milk," Yesung rolled away from his front door and Kyuhyun followed him into the kitchen, placing the bottle into the fridge for him. It had been a while since he'd visited his friend, and he had only come over today because Yesung had been particularly demanding.
Currently, Zhou Mi was with Sungmin. It was the first time Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi had been separated in weeks - since Zhou Mi had moved into the apartment - but the android didn't seem put out about being left behind. He didn't seem to care, and had obediently followed Sungmin into his apartment without a backwards look.
Kyuhyun took two cups of tea into the living room. He chatted to Yesung for a while, catching up on his latest news, but there was a gigantic elephant in the room that Kyuhyun did his best to ignore.
Eventually, after the conversation had died down, Yesung shifted a little uncomfortably and finally pointed it out. It took him longer than Kyuhyun expected - he was a little impressed. "So… how long are you going to be mad at Wook for? Are you going to let him apologise or are you just going to continue to give him the silent treatment?"
It was a fair question, really, since Kyuhyun had been continuing to ignore all of Ryeowook's calls and messages. They had had many fights over the years, as friends do, but this was the longest one so far. To Kyuhyun, it felt like this was one of the worst things Ryeowook had ever done, and he was reminded of it every time he looked at Zhou Mi and saw the blankness there.
"He's really sorry," Yesung was saying as Kyuhyun shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"He's not though, he doesn't think he's done anything wrong."
"What is this about, Kyu? Why are you so angry over this?"
Kyuhyun knew the exact reason, but he could barely articulate it to himself, much less to Yesung, although he did his best to. "He lied, he disregarded what I asked for, he disregarded what Zhou Mi wanted. I can't forgive him that easily."
"He disregarded what Zhou Mi wanted?" Yesung said in surprise. "Kyu… you said he was just an android."
Yesung's words made Kyuhyun pause, hands stilling as he moved to place his empty cup on the coffee table. When did he start thinking of Zhou Mi as a real person with real desires, and a right to make his own decisions? When had that happened?
"Maybe I was wrong," he muttered before correcting himself. "I was wrong."
In a darkly funny way though, he wasn't wrong any more. The new Zhou Mi was just an android.
And perhaps that was the thing that Kyuhyun found hardest to forgive Ryeowook for.
Part 2
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 14,143 in total
Summary: Kyuhyun finds Zhou Mi 2.0.
Note: This is a sequel to Artificially Human. Please read that one first (and if you skipped the second ending, you need to read it for this to make sense).
Zhou Mi's eyes closed as Kyuhyun pressed the off switch, the android's head immediately slumping to his chest as he shut down.
Kyuhyun's heart fell with it.
Zhou Mi's fist was still tightly clutching his treasured sea shell and, after a while, Kyuhyun pried it open, pulling the object loose and setting it aside carefully on his coffee table before burying his face in his hands. Zhou Mi remained crouched in front of him, frozen and still, and it seemed so wrong, so unnatural.
Kyuhyun rubbed at his eyes. For a moment - a very weak moment - he almost gave in to that voice that said: turn him back on. But he knew it wasn't what Zhou Mi wanted. He had been very clear in that regard. Zhou Mi was intelligent, smarter than any person that Kyuhyun had ever known, and Kyuhyun wanted to respect his wishes. It still hurt though, because even though Zhou wasn't technically alive, it strangely felt like something had just died.
It was weird to think that way - Kyuhyun knew that logically it wasn't true - he could just press that switch and Zhou Mi would be back. Perhaps he could just leave him in the apartment. If Kyuhyun didn't take him to Ryeowook, then Zhou Mi could just stay in hibernation - leaving open the option for him to come back at any time.
But just as he thought it, he found that he couldn't - couldn't leave him here, couldn't turn him back. He couldn't do that to Zhou Mi, not after everything.
Kyuhyun needed to take Zhou Mi to Ryeowook before he lost his nerve.
*
It was easier said than done.
Zhou Mi was a large android, taller than Kyuhyun, and far too sizable for Kyuhyun to carry out to his car. It would no doubt raise suspicions if Kyuhyun started lugging around something that resembled a dead body. He probably should've thought about this before he switched him off, but he couldn't very well turn him back on just to make the transport easier.
In the end he had to leave Zhou Mi on his couch overnight. Fortunately the android's limbs were easily repositioned, although every time Kyuhyun walked into the room he gave himself a small fright. While at work he managed to borrow a wheelchair and, after a fair bit of struggle, maneuvered Zhou Mi into it.
He put sunglasses and a hat on the android, and hoped that he wouldn't bump into any neighbours wheeling him down to the car.
By the time he arrived at Ryeowook's workshop, he was exhausted, all the sweat he'd worked up getting Zhou Mi into the car drying uncomfortably on his skin and making him itch.
Ryeowook was expecting him, Kyuhyun having texted him to say he'd be dropping by. He hadn't given him the reason behind his visit though, feeling that it needed to be said in person, so Ryeowook was surprised when he wheeled Zhou Mi in.
"Did something happen to Zhou Mi?" he asked, jumping out of his chair so he could inspect the android. "What happened?" He removed the hat and sunglasses, cupping Zhou Mi's face and looking over him for any outward problems.
"Yes something happened," Kyuhyun told him curtly. "He asked to be switched off. He wants to be dismantled."
"What? Why?" Kyuhyun could see Ryeowook's hand moving towards the back of Zhou Mi's neck, and he slapped it away furiously.
"Don't."
Ryeowook pulled his hand back. The slap hadn't been hard enough to hurt, but he looked chastened. "What's going on?"
"What was Zhou Mi's purpose?"
Ryeowook took a moment to think about it. "To be like a real person, I think. I wrote it ages ago, but it was something like that."
"To be like a real person, or to be a real person?"
"Maybe…" Ryeowook said hesitantly, "The second?"
"And what do you think would happen when Zhou Mi realised he could never be a real person?" It came out more aggressively than he expected, and he realised he was livid at his friend.
Realisation dawned on Ryeowook's face. "I didn't think -- I didn't think that far ahead." He looked down at Zhou Mi sympathetically - guiltily. "I screwed up, didn't I?"
He had, but… while Kyuhyun didn't want to admit it, it wasn't all Ryeowook's fault. Would Zhou Mi have ever realised if Kyuhyun hadn't been so firm - so stubborn - in his insistence that Zhou Mi wasn't real? He was at fault here too. He slumped into a free chair. "Zhou Mi wants you to dismantle him. Wipe him completely and dismantle him. Please."
Ryeowook seemed like he was ready to argue, but at the expression on Kyuhyun's face he swallowed whatever he was going to say. He pulled the wheelchair closer to his workbench, reaching over for his laptop and a cable. He gently pushed Zhou Mi forward so he could work his shirt up, plugging the cable into the slot into his back.
The last time Ryeowook had done this, had attempted to access Zhou Mi's database, he'd found that he was locked out and unable to make any changes. This time, however he was able to bring up everything that was Zhou Mi without any problem.
"Are you sure?" Ryeowook asked. "If I do this… I can't recover any of the data. He'll be gone forever."
"Wait." Kyuhyun stood so he could see the laptop screen. He leant over the android, a hand coming up to stroke Zhou Mi's hair, hardly even realising he was doing it. He felt so, so sad - so sure but so sad. He looked at the screen, and wondered how that was possibly Zhou Mi. If androids could have souls - was that Zhou Mi's sitting there? Ryeowook waited patiently, giving him the time he needed, and finally Kyuhyun swallowed the lump in his throat. "Do it."
*
It felt like it should be raining, but as Kyuhyun drove home, the sky remained firmly and resolutely clear. The sun had just set, coloured in shades of pastel purple and pink, and it wasn't fair that it was such a lovely evening.
It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right, and when Kyuhyun stopped at a light he thumped on his steering wheel in frustration. He didn't know who he was more angry at: himself, Ryeowook, or Zhou Mi.
His life had been fine without Zhou Mi - just fine. And then he came along, messing everything up, making Kyuhyun question things that he'd never questioned before, and now he was gone and why did it make Kyuhyun feel so fucking sad? He was just a robot, he wasn't even alive, it was stupid that Kyuhyun was feeling this way.
He rubbed an arm across his face as his vision blurred and he choked down a sob.
*
Seohyun wandered into Kyuhyun's office between patient appointments. "Are you okay?" she asked, looking down at him with concern. "You look like your cat died."
Kyuhyun let out a weak, unamused laugh. If only she knew how close - but yet how far - she was.
Seohyun frowned. "Seriously - are you okay? Do you want me to cancel the rest of your appointments?"
Kyuhyun waved a hand at her, shaking his head. "No, I'm fine. I'm okay, it's just been a crazy week."
She didn't seem to believe him, but they weren't really close enough for her to probe further. Finally, she said, "Okay, well… if you do want to talk… or anything."
Kyuhyun looked up, giving her a smile that was halfway genuine. "Thanks. I appreciate it." And he did, really, but it wasn't something he could talk to her about. It wasn't something that he could talk to many people about. She left his office, telling him that his next patient was ready when he was. Kyuhyun double checked the name and pushed himself off his chair to collect them from reception.
He shouldn't dwell on it. It was over.
*
Kyuhyun had just arrived home, tossing his keys in the dish he kept on the hallway console, when there was a knock on the door.
He opened it to find Sungmin on the other side. Even though they lived on the same floor, they rarely crossed paths, and while they were civil they weren't exactly friends, so he was surprised to see him.
"Oh. Hi?"
"Is Zhou Mi here?"
Kyuhyun was so stunned at his question that he stared at him for a bit. It took him a while to recover but he beckoned Sungmin inside, not wanting to have this conversation in the doorway.
Sungmin followed him into his apartment, sitting down when Kyuhyun did.
"He didn't tell you."
"Well," Sungmin replied, "He left me a note, but it was all a bit cryptic. I haven't seen him in days. Have you seen him?"
"I --" Kyuhyun didn't really know how to explain. He shook himself to recollect his thoughts, saying bluntly. "He's gone. Permanently."
Sungmin's forehead creased in thought. "Permanently? Did he move away? He left his passport at my place. He hasn't taken any of his stuff."
"No, I mean… he wanted to be wiped."
The lines on Sungmin's forehead increased. "Wiped? I don't understand?"
"Wiped. Reformatted. Dismantled."
Sungmin looked at him like he was speaking another language. "I still don't understand?" he said, shaking his head in confusion.
According to Zhou Mi, he'd told Sungmin he was an android a long time ago. It had been one of the things they'd argued about - the fact that Sungmin and Mrs Lee could accept the fact that he was an android, and Kyuhyun couldn't. "He told you he was an android, didn't he?"
"Well, yeah, ages ago he mentioned it. I didn't really understand what he meant…" he trailed off. "It was a weird metaphor but I suppose it made sense to him. He was a bit weird sometimes, but hey," Sungmin shrugged his shoulders. "Aren't we all?"
"It wasn't a metaphor. He was an actual android."
Sungmin snorted. "Stop pulling my leg. Seriously - where is he?"
"I'm not joking." God, Sungmin hadn't known, and now Kyuhyun didn't know how to convince him that it was true.
"This is a joke, right? Haha." Sungmin looked around Kyuhyun's living room, like he was searching for the presence of hidden cameras. He stood, making his way to the door. "Look, I'll give you his things. Please tell him that I asked after him."
Sungmin left and returned shortly, giving Kyuhyun a medium sized duffel bag that contained all of Zhou Mi's possessions. There wasn't much in it - the few extra outfits that Kyuhyun had bought him, his cellphone, his passport, keys to a bicycle lock - the bicycle presumably locked up downstairs in the carpark, and the large shell that Kyuhyun had purchased for him while overseas. Now that Zhou Mi was gone, this was all that was left, and it seemed pitiful - no, it was pitiful. It wasn't enough to show the impact he'd had on Kyuhyun's life.
The first seashell that Kyuhyun had given him was sitting on a bookshelf in the living room, and after some thought, Kyuhyun placed it into the bag, zipping it up tightly. He knew that he should throw everything away - Zhou Mi was gone - but he couldn't make himself do it. Instead he threw the whole bag into the bottom of his hallway cupboard, resolutely shutting the door on it and that part of his life.
*
Gradually, life went back to normal and slowly Kyuhyun thought of Zhou Mi less and less. Not that he forgot him, but the loss gradually stopped weighing on him as heavily.
But Zhou Mi had changed his life, and Kyuhyun made further changes afterwards. He spent more time with his parents, trying to be a better son. They were growing older, and he was keenly aware that they wouldn't be around forever. He spent more quality time with his friends. He worked harder, and tried to be a more patient, giving person.
Zhou Mi had changed him. His view of the world, of life - at least, before the end - was that it was wondrous, full of marvels and curiosities, something to be appreciated.
Eventually, Zhou Mi would've just become one of Kyuhyun's bittersweet memories, much like the thoughts of his first love, long gone but sweet at the time.
If it hadn't been for Sungmin.
"I don't know why you didn't just tell me the truth," Sungmin said one day, months after he'd returned Zhou Mi's belongings, when they ran into one another in the elevator one day after work.
"What?"
"All that crap you told me about Zhou Mi. I don't know why you've washed your hands of him, but he was a good friend to me and I'm going to do what I can for him."
Kyuhyun honestly had no idea what Sungmin was talking about and why he was speaking about Zhou Mi in the present tense.
The elevator doors opened. Kyuhyun and Sungmin shuffled themselves to the back to let someone get on.
"What are you talking about?"
Sungmin raised an eyebrow, annoyed. "You're a doctor, why aren't you helping him?"
Him? Was Sungmin talking about Zhou Mi?
"It was only chance that I saw him," Sungmin continued, but the rest of his words were lost when Kyuhyun realised that Sungmin was talking about seeing Zhou Mi. He grabbed at his arm as the other occupant of the car reached their floor and left.
"You saw him? You saw Zhou Mi?"
"Yes," Sungmin huffed, shaking off Kyuhyun's hand. "Who else would I be talking about?
They finally reached their floor and Sungmin shouldered his way ahead of Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun raced after him - it couldn't be true, could it? He needed to be sure.
"Tell me exactly what you saw, exactly," Kyuhyun said urgently, rushing his way in front of Sungmin to block his front door. Sungmin glared at him but Kyuhyun wouldn't budge. "This is really important - please. Who did you see and when?"
And maybe it was the plea in his voice, but Sungmin finally relented, telling him the full story. He'd started running in the past year, going for a quick job in his lunch break. Normally he took the same route, but yesterday he tried a different direction and had been running through one of the local park when he'd noticed a familiar figure.
"And it was Zhou Mi?" Kyuhyun interrupted.
He got an eyeroll in response, but Sungmin agreed. "Yes, I called his name and he looked up. So I stopped to talk to him, but he didn't recognise me at all. Like he has amnesia or something?"
"Wait, he responded to Zhou Mi? You're positive it was him?"
"Yes," Sungmin repeated again, obviously getting annoyed at all the questions. "It was him. But like he said - he didn't recognise me."
Could Sungmin be right? Had it been Zhou Mi?
"Take me to him," Kyuhyun demanded. "Take me to where you saw him."
"He might not even be there now -"
"Take me to him."
*
They took Kyuhyun's car, parking on the street and then heading into the gardens on foot. They didn't talk. Sungmin was still miffed at Kyuhyun, and the gravel crunched underneath their feet as they walked up the path.
"I saw him around here," Sungmin finally said. They rounded a corner, coming to a clearing, and standing there was a tall lean figure. And just like Sungmin said - it was Zhou Mi. Kyuhyun didn't realise he had stopped, hand coming up to his chest, as he stared at him.
It shouldn't be possible, but it was undoubtedly him. That face that Kyuhyun remembered so well - the long nose, the full lower lip, those eyes that used to be filled with curiosity. Except, these ones weren't. They were blank and empty.
"Oh my god, it's actually him," he gasped. He hadn't quite believed it when Sungmin had told him, thought perhaps he had been playing a joke on him, but there was no doubt that standing there was his former android.
"Zhou Mi!" Sungmin called, and again - just like Sungmin had said - Zhou Mi reacted to his name, turning to them. He stared at them, no recognition on his face, no spark, nothing at all.
"Hello?" he said softly. "I am Zhou Mi."
Kyuhyun had recovered enough from his shock to start moving again, heading toward him. Up close, Kyuhyun was able to take in more of his state, and he appeared messy. The old Zhou Mi was mostly fastidious about his appearance, his hair neatly combed and clothing put together, but this Zhou Mi had dirt on his cheeks and his shirt was tattered and stained.
"Do you remember me?" Kyuhyun asked, a little frantically.
"No?" Zhou Mi looked at him appraisingly, as if he was trying to place him. "Zhou Mi?"
"What? I --" Kyuhyun stopped, a bit frustrated. How did Zhou Mi end up here? Zhou Mi's attention wandered away from him, and his gaze fell on Sungmin.
"Remember you," Zhou Mi said to him, almost proudly.
Sungmin and Kyuhyun shared a glance, and Zhou Mi continued, "Not Zhou Mi."
"That's right, I'm Sungmin."
"You don't remember me at all?" Kyuhyun interrupted, asking again. This was eerie. It was Zhou Mi, and yet - it wasn't. He looked exactly the same, his voice was the same, he even had similar mannerisms. But the look in his eyes wasn't the same, and he obviously didn't remember Kyuhyun nor Sungmin.
Zhou Mi frowned. "Are you Zhou Mi?"
Kyuhyun really needed to speak to Ryeowook. "No," he replied sadly to Zhou Mi's question, feeling deflated. "I'm not Zhou Mi - you are."
But was he?
"I told you," Sungmin said to him quietly. "He doesn't remember." By now Zhou Mi had lost interest in them both, walking away to stare into a tree. "I couldn't convince him to come with me the other day, he doesn't remember me at all."
"I swear, I didn't know," Kyuhyun told him in response. "I would never leave him like this if I'd known."
There was a long pause, as if Sungmin was trying to assess how truthful he was being. "I believe you. I'm sorry I accused you of not caring." He called out to the android, who turned to them slowly, his movements stiff and sluggish. "You can't stay here. Come with us."
Zhou Mi blinked at them both before giving them a tiny smile that was achingly familiar and yet wasn't. "I am Zhou Mi."
Despite both Kyuhyun and Sungmin's best attempts, they couldn't convince Zhou Mi to come with them. Kyuhyun considered switching him off, but when he came around the back of the android, he saw that there was a hole where his switch had been - as if the button had been pried out.
Eventually, with no other options, they decided they had to leave him there.
"Will you be here tomorrow?" Kyuhyun asked, loath to leave but not really having any other choice.
Zhou Mi gave him a smile, before being distracted by a flock of birds flying overhead. The sun had almost finished setting and it was starting to get dark.
"Bye…" Kyuhyun said, lingering, as Sungmin tried to tug him away.
Zhou Mi didn't respond.
*
After dropping off Sungmin, Kyuhyun drove straight to Ryeowook's workshop, desperate for answers. He caught him as he was in the middle of packing up, about to head home.
Kyuhyun didn't bother with small talk or niceties. He barged in, saying, "I saw Zhou Mi."
Ryeowook lifted his hand to his mouth, unsuccessfully trying to muffle the gasp. "You saw him?" He paused, struggling with something before he blurted, "Where? How is he? Is he okay?"
It was obvious by Ryeowook's reaction that he wasn't surprised to hear that Zhou Mi was out there.
"Why is he walking around?' Kyuhyun asked, not noticing that he'd tensed up. "I told you to wipe and dismantle him!"
Ryeowook shrunk a little at the barely suppressed anger in his tone. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be angry," he said in a small voice, obviously guilty.
"What did you do?"
"I wiped him, like you said," Ryeowook said quickly. "I did! I formatted him, I promise. But… you know he was the most advanced model I've ever created and I still haven't been able to replicate it with my other androids. I just thought -- I wanted to -- I know I made a mistake with his purpose, and I just thought I'd see what would happen if I reset his programming and tried a different purpose and --"
"And you switched him back on." Kyuhyun was surprised at exactly how livid he felt, and also surprised at how he was able to keep himself from exploding at his best friend. They'd discussed it. He thought Ryeowook understood exactly how cruel it was. Zhou Mi hadn't wanted this.
"It's not him anymore," Ryeowook told him in his own defense. "The Zhou Mi we knew is gone, completely gone, just like he wanted."
Kyuhyun frowned, rubbing the skin between his eyes. There was an ache forming there.
Ryeowook continued, "Just because he's in the same shell doesn't mean it's Zhou Mi. I mean, I kept the same name because it was easier, but he's not the same."
"But how do you know that?"
"Because…" Ryeowook fidgeted, toying with a spare part he'd picked up. "I kept him around for a bit." He shook his head, almost at himself. "He wasn't the same. In fact, the new version wasn't…" He looked up at the ceiling as he tried to find the right words, "He wasn't quite right. I kept trying, I updated his programming several times, but he wasn't like the first model at all, he didn't react properly, didn't seem to learn as quickly, he just seemed… wrong. And then he disappeared."
Ryeowook went on to confess that Zhou Mi disappeared several months ago, to which Kyuhyun took another deep breath - Ryeowook had hid this from him for MONTHS.
"So," Ryeowook tentatively, said after he'd finished. "Where did you find him?"
For some reason Kyuhyun didn't want to tell Ryeowook - as if he didn't trust his friend with the information. So he lied, saying that he saw Zhou Mi by chance. He didn't tell him exactly where, didn't say that he hoped to find him again, making it sound like a once off. The small headache had picked up full force and was now throbbing and pulsing.
"You talked to him? Then you know - right? He's not the same."
Kyuhyun shook his head, feeling a prickling behind his eyes. Zhou Mi wasn't the same - what an understatement. "I don't know what you did to him, but you've broken him. Congratulations."
*
The following night after work, Kyuhyun drove straight to the park. It took him a while to locate Zhou Mi this time, as he'd moved to a different part of the gardens. Kyuhyun found him lying on his stomach on the grass, legs up in the air and humming tunelessly.
Kyuhyun crouched near him. "Hi. Remember me?"
Zhou Mi lifted his head. "Yes," he said. "Not Zhou Mi."
"That's right," Kyuhyun told him, reaching over to pluck a twig out of Zhou Mi's hair, unable to resist tidying him up a little. "I'm Kyuhyun. I'm your friend."
Zhou Mi looked at him guilelessly, eyes clear. "Friend?"
"Do you know what a friend is?"
Zhou Mi shook his head.
"It's --- someone who cares about you. Who looks after you." Someone who wants the best for you. "Do you understand?"
Zhou Mi smiled at him, that tiny little smile that made Kyuhyun's heart hurt because the old Zhou Mi rarely had small smiles. He smiled widely, hugely, joy shining out of his face. "You're my friend."
'Yes. And Sungmin - you remember the guy from yesterday? He's your friend too."
"Okay."
Zhou Mi didn't seem to want to talk, dropping his head back down to stare at the ground. He was watching ants, a steady line of them, crawl through the grass.
"Zhou Mi, where do you spend the night?" It seemed that Zhou Mi spent much of his time in this park, in the gardens, but where did he go to charge himself?
Zhou Mi pulled his gaze away from the insects. "Secret."
Kyuhyun's legs were starting to ache from his crouching position, so he plopped himself down on his butt, crossing his legs. "You know - friends can share secrets?"
"Oh." Zhou Mi idly picked at the grass in front of him. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Zhou Mi is a secret."
"Did someone tell you that?"
He received a noncommittal hum in response. "Hmmm."
"How about -- I'll tell you a secret if you tell me yours." He waited, but Zhou Mi didn't respond, so he continued. "You remind me of someone that I once knew, someone that I miss a lot. And my secret is - I'm lonely without him. No one else knows exactly how much." He thought Zhou Mi was listening but it was hard to tell. "What's your secret?"
"Zhou Mi."
"Yes, you are. Do you want to tell me your secret?"
"I'm Zhou Mi," he said, stubbornly. Apparently finished with the conversation, Zhou Mi pushed himself up until he was standing. "Bye Kyuhyun," he said before he sauntered off.
*
Kyuhyun knew that Sungmin often saw Zhou Mi during the day, on his lunch break. It was unclear whether Sungmin believed that Zhou Mi was an android, and Kyuhyun hadn't brought it up with him again. It didn't matter now, not with Zhou Mi the way he was. As for Kyuhyun, he tried to visit Zhou Mi every night, even turning down plans with his friends to spend time sitting in the park with his former android. Zhou Mi never talked much, was still incredibly simple, but he soon got used to Kyuhyun's presence and seemed to warm to him.
Kyuhyun worried, constantly, whenever he left him each night that something might happen to him. Even though he knew that he wasn't the same Zhou Mi, he still felt responsible for him and he couldn't switch it off. And it was obvious by now that Zhou Mi didn't have a home, didn't have someone looking after him. He seemed to live in the gardens, sneaking away somewhere to charge - or so Kyuhyun assumed. He hadn't managed to get that secret from him yet.
It was practically dark, and Zhou Mi was sitting cross legged under a tree, back straight and head leaning against the trunk. Kyuhyun had to go home soon, before it got too late.
"So I can't see you tomorrow," Kyuhyun reminded Zhou Mi. Changmin had been nagging at him for weeks, complaining that he hadn't seen him in ages, and Kyuhyun had finally caved and agreed to dinner and drinks. "Will you be okay?"
"Trees breathe."
Kyuhyun looked at him in surprise. Random as it was, it was the first semi-intelligent thing he'd ever heard him say. "They do in a way. Where did you learn that?"
Zhou Mi ignored his words. "Green."
"Right." Kyuhyun knew from all the previous conversations he'd had with Zhou Mi that he wouldn't get much more out of him. "So I won't see you tomorrow, remember?" Sometimes Kyuhyun thought if he didn't come every day that Zhou Mi would forget him, would forget that they were friends.
But this time, Zhou Mi surprised him again, and he nodded once firmly. "Not tomorrow. Bye."
*
Changmin rolled his eyes, softening his words with an arm around his shoulder. "You've been such a drag, Kyu! It's good to finally see your face - I was starting to forget what you looked like!"
Victoria waved at him from the table, and Kyuhyun, finally being released from Changmin's hold, leant over and gave her a kiss on the cheek before sitting down.
"Has everything been okay?" Victoria asked him. "We really haven't seen you in ages."
"I'm sorry, I've been really busy. Work, and I'm doing a bit of study so I haven't had much time," Kyuhyun lied, opening his menu. "How have you been?"
Dinner progressed nicely, Victoria and Changmin chatting away with Kyuhyun even contributing to the conversation. Changmin had been right to bully him into attending - it was nice to see his friends. Perhaps he'd been getting too obsessed with Zhou Mi.
After dinner they left the restaurant, with plans to head to a nearby bar for a couple of drinks. They'd been sitting in the middle of the restaurant for a couple of hours, away from the windows, and then they stepped out it was to a huge storm.
"Wow!"
A streak of lightning lit up the sky, and not long after thunder boomed.
Kyuhyun's thoughts immediately went to Zhou Mi. The original one had hated storms, complaining that the electricity in the air made him feel strange, and Kyuhyun couldn't help but worry about him. He had to go find him.
"Sorry guys, I just remembered something I need to do," Kyuhyun apologised. Changmin frowned at him, and Kyuhyun promised that he would call him and set something up for the following week. "I just really have to go!"
Kyuhyun drove straight to the park. He didn't have an umbrella in his car, and he was quickly soaked in the heavy rain. The lightning and thunder was even stronger, occurring so close together that the strikes must've been landing not far from the gardens.
"Zhou Mi!" Kyuhyun shouted, struggling to be heard above the noise of the storm as he ran around trying to locate the android. He expected to find him huddled somewhere, hiding from the lightning and thunder, which was booming scarily, but when the next strike of lightning lit up the area he found him standing in the open, looking up at the sky.
"Zhou Mi!" The rain and wind was so heavy that he couldn't be heard. He ran up to him, his clothes heavy and sodden, tugging on his arm. "Zhou Mi, come on!" Zhou Mi must've been confused by the storm, because he allowed himself to be pulled along, until they reached the street and Kyuhyun's car. Kyuhyun quickly unlocked the doors, the rain beating down continuously, opening the passenger door and ushering Zhou Mi inside.
The inside of his poor car was going to be soaked, but he couldn't be concerned with that now. Shivering from the rain, he got in himself, to find Zhou Mi sitting there quietly.
"Are you hurt?" Kyuhyun asked, unnerved by his stillness and quietness.
"So bright."
"Did it make you feel weird?" Kyuhyun gently turned Zhou Mi's head towards him, checking for injuries.
"So bright," he repeated, obediently turning his head the other way to let Kyuhyun fully inspect him. Apart from his usual small grazes, which Kyuhyun assumed he received from crawling through bushes in the park, he seemed unharmed. "Place?" Zhou Mi looked around him, but only half heartedly, with none of the curiosity that the old Zhou Mi used to display.
"We're in a car," Kyuhyun told him as he reached over to secure Zhou Mi's seatbelt. "Do you know what that is? We're going to drive to my house."
"House." Kyuhyun had no idea if Zhou Mi understood what he was saying. This happened often. He'd tell him something and Zhou Mi would just nod or parrot his words, without showing that he actually comprehended them. It was disheartening.
Kyuhyun started the car. The original Zhou Mi, when he'd been in a car for the first time, had wanted to know how it worked, had wanted to dismantle it to see for himself. But this version was quiet, his hands neatly in his lap as he looked out the front windscreen.
Ryeowook had been correct - he wasn't the same Zhou Mi. And yet Kyuhyun couldn't let him go now that he'd found him again. He was broken, awfully so, and yet Kyuhyun couldn't help himself, couldn't help but want to look out for him.
He'd already failed Zhou Mi once, after all.
*
Zhou Mi obediently followed Kyuhyun into his apartment. Now that Kyuhyun had him inside, in the light, he was able to see exactly how filthy Zhou Mi was from his time living outside. He was also, like Kyuhyun himself, soaked from head to toe. While his skin was made of an semi-organic material, it didn't contain the same bacteria as human skin, so while he didn't smell bad he was still caked in dirt.
Kyuhyun wondered if Zhou Mi knew how to use a shower, but when he said the word, Zhou Mi just tilted his head and looked at him blankly.
Kyuhyun ran a bath instead. When it was full, he led Zhou Mi into the bathroom. It took a minute or two before he could make Zhou Mi understand what to do - strip and climb in - but eventually he was settled in the warm water, knees pulled up as his legs were too long for the tub.
Kyuhyun grabbed a soap, shampoo, and a wash cloth, kneeling by the edge of the tub. "I'm going to wash your hair, okay?" He squirted a dollop of shampoo into his hand, lathering it into Zhou Mi's hair. While he worked, he talked, giving Zhou Mi a running commentary on what he was doing.
"Close your eyes," Kyuhyun instructed, tilting Zhou Mi's head back a little so he could pour a cup of water over it to rinse his hair. A small amount of shampoo suds ran down Zhou Mi's cheek, on the edge of his lips, and when he licked it he scrunched up his nose. "I know, shampoo doesn't taste very nice. You can open your eyes now."
Kyuhyun gave Zhou Mi the wash cloth, teaching him how to lather up the soap and clean himself. Kyuhyun helped with his back, Zhou Mi attempting it awkwardly at first before Kyuhyun took the cloth from him.
Once Zhou Mi was clean - Kyuhyun decided he just needed a quick rinse in the shower to rinse off all the suds - Kyuhyun was surprised when Zhou Mi turned to him, saying, "Clean you?"
"Oh! No, it's okay, I can clean myself."
Kyuhyun reached down to pull out the plug, and Zhou Mi leaned forward to inspect the water swirling as the tub emptied. "Can clean myself too," he said decisively.
"Next time you can wash yourself," Kyuhyun agreed. He gave Zhou Mi instructions to give himself a quick rinse in the shower, hovering in the bathroom just in case. When it appeared Zhou Mi was doing fine, Kyuhyun dashed to the bedroom, grabbing some of the old Zhou Mi's clothes, and not too long after Zhou Mi was clean, dry and dressed.
"All done," Kyuhyun told him, and Zhou Mi nodded in agreement.
"Clean."
It was then that Kyuhyun noticed that Zhou Mi's left eye was looking a bit droopy. In the previous model, this indicated that Zhou Mi's battery was running low.
"Do you need to be charged?" Kyuhyun asked in concern. "Where's your cable?"
"Secret."
"I'm your friend, you can trust me with your secret."
"Secret," Zhou Mi agreed again, rather unhelpfully. Kyuhyun had thrown out Zhou Mi's old clothes, and hadn't found a cable in the pockets, and it wasn't an item that he had lying around as Ryeowook had created one that was proprietary. Ryeowook would have several, of course, but Kyuhyun hadn't spoken to him since he'd confronted him with the news of Zhou Mi's existence weeks ago. He was still livid that Ryeowook had disregarded his instructions and Zhou Mi's desires. In addition, he didn't want Ryeowook to know that he'd been seeing Zhou Mi, didn't want Ryeowook to get his hands on the android again considering the mess he'd made of him.
But unless he could convince Zhou Mi to tell him where he'd been hiding his power cable, Ryeowook was his only option. Or, at least, Ryeowook's workshop was the only option.
Technically it would be stealing, but Kyuhyun reasoned that it could be justified. Plus he doubted Ryeowook would call the police on him. That decision made, next he had to decide what to do with Zhou Mi. The android had been following Kyuhyun around his apartment after he'd been bathed, a tall, silent shadow always a couple of steps behind him. Kyuhyun doubted that he could sneak out without Zhou Mi noticing, and he didn't particularly want to leave him alone in any case.
"We're going for a drive," he told Zhou Mi, leading him through to the hallway.
"Car," Zhou Mi agreed, watching as Kyuhyun found a pair of the old Zhou Mi's shoes in the cupboard, placing them in front of him. When Kyuhyun bent down to put his own shoes on, Zhou Mi mimicked his actions, although he had problems tying the shoelaces and needed Kyuhyun to demonstrate.
"Ready?"
Zhou Mi nodded. "Car."
They drove to Ryeowook's workshop, Zhou Mi silent the entire way, although he did look momentarily interested when Kyuhyun turned on the radio. Ryeowook's workshop was located in an industrial area, on a street with different warehouses, and it was empty after night fall. Judging by the lack of lights, Ryeowook had left long ago.
"We're going to be quiet," Kyuhyun told Zhou Mi before they left the car. Not that he really needed to tell him, Zhou Mi was no longer a chatterbox and quietness seemed to be his default state.
Just as Kyuhyun had given Ryeowook a set of his apartment keys for emergencies, Kyuhyun also had keys to Ryeowook's house and workshop, along with the code to his alarm, and he quickly punched it in to disable the security system, before unlocking the door.
Kyuhyun entered, Zhou Mi right behind, and Kyuhyun fumbled for the light switch on the wall, finally locating it.
"Secret," Zhou Mi whispered when the lights came on. When Kyuhyun turned back to look at him, Zhou Mi seemed vaguely uncomfortable, eyes big, particularly when his gaze fell on a headless torso sitting on the bench that Ryeowook was obviously in the middle of working on. Apart from that one item, the workshop was clear of any other androids.
"Do you remember this place?" Kyuhyun asked him, and Zhou Mi gave him a look that seemed blank before he nodded.
"Zhou Mi is a secret," he said gravely, and Kyuhyun noticed that his right eye had also started to droop. They needed to hurry and get him home before his battery ran flat.
"We're just going to find a charging cable for you," Kyuhyun told him as he started to look at the boxes that lined the workshop's shelves. Everything was meticulously labelled, but there were at least a couple of hundred and they didn't appear to be in any particular order, with a box of cogs sitting next to a box of artificial hair, sitting next to a box of computer chips. How Ryeowook found anything was beyond Kyuhyun, but perhaps he had a filing system that was just indecipherable to others.
As Kyuhyun finished reading the labels of just one row of boxes, he noticed there were several thick notebooks squashed at the end. They were hand labelled with names, and there was one with Zhou Mi written on the spine. Kyuhyun wriggled the notebook free - it was tightly packed due to everything on the shelf - flicking through it quickly. The book was filled with Ryeowook's scribbles, diagrams and notes, and appeared to be for brainstorming purposes. He folded it up, slipping it into the back pocket of his jeans, to read properly later.
"Power," Zhou Mi said from behind him. Kyuhyun hadn't been paying him any attention while he'd been searching amongst the boxes, but when he turned back Zhou Mi had a power cable in his hands.
"Where did you find that?" Kyuhyun asked, heading over to where Zhou Mi was standing by the bench.
"Secret," was the response, and Kyuhyun resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
"Of course."
Cable located, Kyuhyun ushered Zhou Mi to the door, locking up and resetting the alarm on their way out. They drove home, and once back in the apartment, he asked him, "Do you want me to help you with the plug?"
Zhou Mi took the cable from him without a word, shuffling himself into the living room and lowering himself to the floor by the TV. He hiked up his shirt, plugging himself in and inserting the other end into the wall socket. He sat with his legs drawn up, chin resting in the V created by his knees, and arms wrapped around his shins. His eyes were open, but empty and unblinking, as he stared blankly forward.
From his experience with the previous Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun knew that it would take him several hours to reach full charge. He could operate normally in the meantime, abet restricted by the length of the cord, although the old Zhou Mi liked to shut down most of his processes and use the time to do some cataloguing.
"I'm going to bed," Kyuhyun announced, wondering if Zhou Mi could hear him. "Stay here, okay?"
Zhou Mi blinked once.
"Good night," he said after a moment, and then he was still again.
*
Kyuhyun didn't sleep well that night, interrupted by vivid dreams that kept him half awake and restless. Nightmares haunted him: in one, Zhou Mi's disembodied, severed head yelled at him, accusing him of awful, horrible, terrible crimes.
In another, Kyuhyun was chased by an army of faceless, featureless androids, their bodies eerily smooth. They were intent on ripping him open, wanting to expose his heart to see how he worked.
When his alarm finally sounded, yanking him from his latest nightmare, he was almost relieved. Sweaty and exhausted, but relieved.
It was quiet in his apartment, and he sprung out of bed to check on Zhou Mi, finding him in the same spot by the TV. It appeared that he hadn't moved.
"Good morning."
"Good morning," Zhou Mi parroted. He was obviously at full charge but didn't look like he was going anywhere, so Kyuhyun left to take a quick shower and get dressed.
Kyuhyun had to go to work, and just like the previous night he didn't want to leave Zhou Mi alone in the apartment. He crouched down to talk to him.
"I'm going to work now - do you want to come with me?"
Zhou Mi blinked at him. "Car?"
"Yes, we'll go in the car." He got a tiny smile in response, just a small upwards twitch of Zhou Mi's lips.
"Car."
*
The medical practice where Kyuhyun worked was in a fairly well heeled part of town. The practice itself was in a well kept Victorian building, double fronted, single storey, and free standing. It had a large front garden with a large tree in the corner, a wooden bench underneath, manicured hedges, rose bushes, and even a bird bath. Kyuhyun figured that Zhou Mi could spend the day out in the garden, but first he took him inside to see Seohyun.
She was seated behind her desk in reception, giving Zhou Mi a bright smile when she saw him. She knew the old Zhou Mi of course, and Kyuhyun quickly spoke before she said anything.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked, drawing her away. Zhou Mi stayed where Kyuhyun had stopped him, just inside the front door. "He's not the same," he told her. "He had an accident - he won't remember you. He doesn't remember much of anything. I've brought him in today because I don't want to leave him alone."
Her expression turned to concern. "Oh. That's why you've been so… You should've told me. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Is it okay that he's here? Obviously he can't be in my office when I'm seeing patients - I thought he could just spend time out in the garden. He seems to like that. I don't need you to watch over him or anything."
Kyuhyun only felt able to bring Zhou Mi here because the Practice Manager was rarely in attendance - most days it was just him and Seohyun. She placed a hand on his upper arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "It's fine. I'll check on him when I can."
Kyuhyun called Zhou Mi over, introducing him to Seohyun. "Zhou Mi, this is Seohyun. She's a friend."
"Friend. Seohyun is a friend."
"Hi Zhou Mi," she said. Her eyes were soft but sad as she took him in, his unnerving blankness and stillness. Kyuhyun had had time to get used to it and it was no longer strange to him, but he could tell that it shocked Seohyun. The old Zhou Mi had been bright, full of vitality, so - ironically enough - alive: everything this version wasn't.
After the introduction Kyuhyun took Zhou Mi back outside. "I need to work now," he told him as they walked down the few steps from the porch, Zhou Mi's attention already somewhere else. "You can go anywhere in this garden, but don't go outside the gate, okay?"
Zhou Mi reached out to one of the rose bushes, running a petal through his thumb and forefinger. He made no indication that he'd heard and understood what Kyuhyun was saying.
"Zhou Mi? Do you understand? Don't leave the garden - you can come inside and talk to Seohyun, but don't go further than the front fence. Okay?"
Zhou Mi finally responded. "Not outside."
Relieved, Kyuhyun finally felt able to leave him. "I'll come and see you on my break. Ask Seohyun if you need anything, okay?"
"Kyuhyun is my friend." Then Zhou Mi walked off, in the direction of the tree, leaving Kyuhyun with a fuzzy feeling in his chest.
Kyuhyun's morning was full of appointments, but on his first break he went looking for Zhou Mi. Surprisingly, he wasn't out in the garden, but sitting calmly in a chair in the corner of the reception area, looking intently at a colourful children's book.
"Did you bring him in?" Kyuhyun asked Seohyun, who shook her head in response.
"He just came in and sat down."
"And the book?"
"Oh, a patient's child gave him to him." Zhou Mi turned the page, before dragging his finger across the surface of the paper. "He's been looking at it for 20 minutes." Seohyun sighed softly. "Will he ever recover?"
Recover? Perhaps there was nothing to recover - maybe this was all that the new Zhou Mi would ever be. "I don't know."
Kyuhyun went over, sitting down next to Zhou Mi. "Hello. Have you had a good morning?"
Zhou Mi's eyes lifted off the book before flicking back down, ignoring his question, eyes tracking the words. Kyuhyun wondered if he could even read. He was sure that Ryeowook would have programmed reading ability into him - but surely he programmed many abilities into Zhou Mi that didn't seem to be working.
"What are you reading?" Kyuhyun asked him, and again Zhou Mi didn't respond. HIs finger traced the sentence on the page, so Kyuhyun read it out loud for him. "Today you are you... that is truer than true." Zhou Mi's hand moved to the next page, his eyes flicking up briefly to Kyuhyun's face as if he expected Kyuhyun to continue. Kyuhyun did. "There is no one alive who is youer than you."
*
The next opportunity Kyuhyun had to check on Zhou Mi was at lunch time. He came out to reception, having a slight moment of panic when he didn't see Zhou Mi sitting in the corner, but Seohyun told him calmly, "He's just outside."
Kyuhyun found Zhou Mi watching butterflies as they flitted from flower to flower. He called out to him as he walked down the porch steps. "Hi Mi. I'm going to buy lunch - do you want to come for a walk?"
Zhou Mi took a long pause to consider his question, head tilted as he seemed to process the words in his head, before he nodded. "Walk. No car."
"That's right, no car. We're not going very far and I like to get some fresh air."
They set off down the street, Zhou Mi staying a step behind no matter what pace Kyuhyun set. Even when he slowed so they could walk together, Zhou Mi automatically slowed so he remained behind him. It was only a few minutes to Kyuhyun's favourite lunch cafe, Kyuhyun giving Zhou Mi a running commentary as they walked, saying anything that came into his head so they weren't walking in total silence. As always, Zhou Mi made no indication that he was listening.
Kyuhyun slowed down as they came up to an intersection, Zhou Mi bumping into the back of him. When he looked back to check on him, he found Zhou Mi gazing up into the sky. The sun reflected off his black hair, and his eyes seemed warmer in the brightness.
The pedestrian light changed, sounding to alert that it was safe to cross.
"Okay?" Kyuhyun asked, somewhat pointlessly since he knew Zhou Mi wouldn't respond. He reached back to grasp Zhou Mi's hand to make sure he followed him across the road. Zhou Mi's fingers twitched in his grip before curling around Kyuhyun's hand.
This little action sent an uplift into Kyuhyun's heart, so he didn't let go until they came to the cafe.
It was Kyuhyun's regular lunch spot, and he stopped by most days to buy a sandwich. It was always hectic at lunchtimes, and today it was no different, the small place already packed several people deep waiting to order at the counter. Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi joined the back of the queue, and Zhou Mi seemed overwhelmed by the noise and the crowd - at least, that's what Kyuhyun assumed by the way he was pressed up against Kyuhyun's back.
The original Zhou Mi had also had a childlike phase. When Kyuhyun had first received him, Ryeowook had warned him that he was "young" and he had been in many ways. But Zhou Mi had learnt quickly, building on the information and experiences that Kyuhyun shared with him. This version though seemed stuck - stuck at a childlike developmental point. Kyuhyun wondered if this could change with time.
And if so - how much effort would be required? Did Kyuhyun have the energy for it? How far could his guilt fuel him?
But after buying lunch and leaving the chaos of the shop behind to walk back to the clinic, Kyuhyun felt ashamed for these thoughts when Zhou Mi automatically reached for his hand from behind.
Perhaps it wasn't guilt driving him in that case, just his own sense of right and wrong.
*
"Ahh! Thanks for bringing milk," Yesung rolled away from his front door and Kyuhyun followed him into the kitchen, placing the bottle into the fridge for him. It had been a while since he'd visited his friend, and he had only come over today because Yesung had been particularly demanding.
Currently, Zhou Mi was with Sungmin. It was the first time Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi had been separated in weeks - since Zhou Mi had moved into the apartment - but the android didn't seem put out about being left behind. He didn't seem to care, and had obediently followed Sungmin into his apartment without a backwards look.
Kyuhyun took two cups of tea into the living room. He chatted to Yesung for a while, catching up on his latest news, but there was a gigantic elephant in the room that Kyuhyun did his best to ignore.
Eventually, after the conversation had died down, Yesung shifted a little uncomfortably and finally pointed it out. It took him longer than Kyuhyun expected - he was a little impressed. "So… how long are you going to be mad at Wook for? Are you going to let him apologise or are you just going to continue to give him the silent treatment?"
It was a fair question, really, since Kyuhyun had been continuing to ignore all of Ryeowook's calls and messages. They had had many fights over the years, as friends do, but this was the longest one so far. To Kyuhyun, it felt like this was one of the worst things Ryeowook had ever done, and he was reminded of it every time he looked at Zhou Mi and saw the blankness there.
"He's really sorry," Yesung was saying as Kyuhyun shook his head to clear his thoughts.
"He's not though, he doesn't think he's done anything wrong."
"What is this about, Kyu? Why are you so angry over this?"
Kyuhyun knew the exact reason, but he could barely articulate it to himself, much less to Yesung, although he did his best to. "He lied, he disregarded what I asked for, he disregarded what Zhou Mi wanted. I can't forgive him that easily."
"He disregarded what Zhou Mi wanted?" Yesung said in surprise. "Kyu… you said he was just an android."
Yesung's words made Kyuhyun pause, hands stilling as he moved to place his empty cup on the coffee table. When did he start thinking of Zhou Mi as a real person with real desires, and a right to make his own decisions? When had that happened?
"Maybe I was wrong," he muttered before correcting himself. "I was wrong."
In a darkly funny way though, he wasn't wrong any more. The new Zhou Mi was just an android.
And perhaps that was the thing that Kyuhyun found hardest to forgive Ryeowook for.
Part 2