if there arent any goodbyes there can never be any hellos
listening to: lovesick [by celebrity]
venting...the lord know my thoughts and what i journal on here.. i need to talk about it...well i dont actually..just pray about it. depression is a tool of the devil...but its so bitter sweet. the beautiful mistake is going to be taking care of rusty for me and the lord is blessing him with money working for his dad now, and then to cali where he will start touring and whatnot. but im still human, and selfish, and i want him to be home, or me go with him. but the lord is teaching a lot, and its totally the lords will. he has laid it before rusty and me so its awesome. i have peace. but its still sad. i have no one to come home to except my family, who dont get me wrong is amazing, killer, slash and vega, but its not my rusty. and wonderful lear as well...but whos hand am i going to hold while i fall asleep, and steel the covers from, and listen to snore...ahh i miss him already and he has only been out of my sight and out of my touch for about 7 1/2 hours. i am so in love with him. let me not ever question your will for us. lord please provide strength for the both of us and make the time apart seem to pass in mere seconds. provide a way for us to see eachother whenever your timing is right. let us draw nearer to you and your love for us while we are apart.
i called off today. too much going through my head. busting into tears every half hour or so BLOWS! and my stomach is all wierd, and i poo in spurts as often as my tears come.i tried sleeping..but in a bed that still smells like him...redic...and arlie comes over to keep me some company..watched mona lisa smile, and i took a small nap during that. then autumn-min shows up, with wild flowers she picked beside the road. im am blessed.
tonight probably lear and autumn-min and i are going to do something. tomorrow, im getting my hairs did. and then the quarry..just like old times.
lord let me focus on you and bless your name..you give and take away let me praise you reguardless. xoxo
