Bark at the Moon
Disclaimer: I do not own the PPC. It was created by Jay and Acacia--the original Assassins. The text below is a review in narrative form and also contains elements of parody/satire. Sanctuary is written by Damian Kindler, Martin Wood, and Sam Egan and is distributed by Tricon Films and Television. The fic, Consequences of the Moon belongs to Anomalie who will kindly keep it. Bark At The Moon is the title of the third studio album and one of the songs on that album by Ozzy Osborne. Only the titles are the same, no resemblance to the song is intended.
Beta: Datajunkie, Caddy-shack, Albatross
Previous appearance: Mission 11: Optional
Bark at the Moon
Cali was in his room. Normally, Miah would be happy that he was relaxing and not attempting to encroach on her side of the RC with his compulsive cleaning, but lately he’d been spending a lot of his time holed up in his room and when he did come out he just didn’t seem to be himself. Maybe she’d done the wrong thing in distracting those Fic Psych folks after he’d freaked out during the mini-fic marathon. And then there was Cadmar. Where Cadmar fit into all this, she had no idea. She sat there, staring at his door for a while longer, trying to decide what to do. Finally, she went and knocked on his door.
After a couple of minutes, he opened the door. It was mostly dark in his room. She could see the glow of a screen, but that was it. She shook her head. It was no use asking him how he could see with those sunglasses on. “We need to Talk, Cali.”
“It’s not a good time for me,” he said trying to push the door closed.
“I just got my nerve worked up here. It’s gotta be n--”
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!
“--ow. Of course. Oh look, another Sanctuary fic! I can show off my new skills,” Miah said. She programmed the portal and checked to see that Cali was ready before opening the portal.
They stepped through the portal into a shower scene.
They jumped back through, now dripping wet.
“How did you manage to open the portal inside the shower?” Cali spluttered. His hair was plastered to his head, making his whole head seem smaller.
Miah tried not to laugh as she adjusted the portal coordinates. Cali grabbed a towel from the ‘clean’ pile on Miah’s hammock as they tried again.
"Emily"
Emily pulled her shower curtain back and peeked out to reveal her friend Mira. "What?" Emily said, water dripping off of her.
"Emily, Helen Magnus is asking to speak with you." Mira said folding her arms across her chest.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! So Emily is naked, but Mira is crossing her arms to cover her chest? I think they got that a bit backwards,” Miah said exaggeratedly.
“Which one do you think is the Sue?” Cali asked.
"Now? What's going on?" Emily asked, shutting off the water.
"Something with their computer system; something about Henry." Mira frowned, "It doesn't sound good."
“Don’t look, Ethel!!” Miah mock-shouted and put a hand in front of Cali’s eyes after Emily had walked out.
Cali gave her a strange look. “What are you talking about?”
Miah sang, “Oh yes, they call her the streak! Boogity, Boogity! Fastest thing on two feet!”
Cali clamped his hand over her mouth and dragged her further into the bathroom, as Emily paused getting dressed to look for the source of the noise. When she didn’t see anything, she shrugged. After she finished getting dressed she thanked Mira, who only then left. Cali let go of Miah before she decided to lick his hand.
“Does Mira seem a bit like a voyeur to you?” Miah asked.
“What, just because she stood there and watched Emily get dressed? Nah!” Cali made a face to show he was kidding.
Emily sat down at her computer and clicked on the active communication between her sanctuary in London and the USA sanctuary. "This is Emily."
“Well there’s a problem. There are at least two Sanctuaries in the US. The New York Sanctuary and the Old City Sanctuary where Magnus works and lives,” Cali said
"Emily, they need you more than we do right now. Pack for at least overnight." Rob said. "I'll take care of things while you are gone." He looked down at the cell phone in his hand. "I will notify Deckland that you will be leaving."
Emily looked over towards her bed, and then back to the screen. "Give me at least 45 minutes, then I should be ready."
“She sure is a slow packer,” Miah commented.
Cali looked around nervously. “I’m wondering who the hells is Rob, and whether we are ever going to see Declan’s name spelled correctly in this fic.”
“Why are you so nervous?” Miah said with a smirk; looking over Cali’s shoulder.
“I’m trying to find Deckland bef--” He was cut off by Deckland, the mini-Steno leaping onto his back and squashing him to the floor where it proceeded to lick the back of his head enthusiastically. Cali’s voice was rather muffled by the floor. “Why?” He began struggling to get the mini off his back. “Why do all these creatures like me so much? With something like Castor being generally loved by animals is cool, but now it’s like I can’t get through a fic without being flattened!” He finally managed to wriggle out from under the creature and get to his feet.
The two agents got back into the shower, which was now, thankfully, not turned on, to hide as Emily bustled around taking forty-five minutes to put a change of clothes and a few toiletries into a bag. Finally, at the right time, Druitt appeared and teleported her to ‘sanctuary USA’.
The agents followed by being dragged along with the narrative.
Cali stepped out of the fountain, took off his boot, and poured water out of it. “This fic hates me,” he moaned.
“No it doesn’t. The Ironic Overpower hates you,” Miah said brightly. She turned back to watching the gathering of Sanctuary personnel in the foyer.
“That’s worse. Where’s Henry?” Cali said after he poured out his other boot. Deckland decided to help by licking his face.
Emily had just asked the same thing.
"He went to sleep three nights ago and will not wake up." Will said, sounding concerned.
Emily was suddenly very alarmed. "Not waking at all?"
“That would generally be what they mean by will not wake up for three days,” Miah said.
“So they talk everyday, twice a day, and she wasn’t concerned when he stopped communicating for three days?” Cali finished tying his boots.
“Are you going to clean your glasses?” Miah asked, pointing at the water drops all over his lenses.
“Nope.”
Will shook his head. "We've tried everything to wake him. It's like he's in a coma of some kind."
Emily frowned. "Dr. Magnus is he still taking the treatment?"
Magnus nodded. "Yes, as far as I know. He's been trying to wean himself from them."
“Not only is that a self contradictory statement, but it is just generally totally wrong. One: Henry wasn’t taking anything by mid-first season. Two: Magnus is his doctor. There would be no ‘as far as I know’. She would know. Period.” Cali wrung his shirt out.
Emily put her fingertips to her forehead. "First, let's fix your computer problem, then we'll fix Henry."
Magnus nodded and showed Emily the way to Henry's lab.
“What? No! Just. Just, no!” Cali spluttered.
Now it was Miah’s turn to clamp her hand over his mouth and drag him behind better cover. The canons looked around, then shrugged and went back to their assigned roles.
Will turned to Magnus. "How will she fix Henry?"
Magnus bit her lip. "Emily has a lot of knowledge on Henry's abnormality."
“That is just wr--” Cali began angrily.
Miah interrupted. “Stop! I’ve got this one! Magnus is never this unsure, except in the episodes that happen just after she finally admitted that her daughter is dead, and she was looking for a way to end her longevity.”
Emily immediately diagnosed the computer problem, proclaimed that she had already fixed a similar problem in London--apparently without informing Henry of the problem or the fix--and promptly began working on it.
Cali scuffed his feet on the floor. “Yeah. Did you have to steal my tirade?”
“Just showing that I can learn new canon materials,” Miah said with pride.
"We called you specifically because of your extensive knowledge of his abnormality." Magnus said, folding her arms across her chest.
"You mean my first hand knowledge." Emily said quietly.
“She’s stealing a canon character’s role here. Rachel was the canon that had the most experience with Henry’s abnormality,” Miah said.
“I’m more concerned with the fact that she is apparently a HAP,” Cali said. Before he could elaborate, the fic moved on.
Emily nodded. "I do. And I know a possible way to fix him." She hesitated, "Do you notice Henry isolating himself on nights of the full moon?"
Magnus nodded. "Yes, he has done that for a while now. Especially since he has been trying to wean himself from the treatment." She paused, "He says that the treatment helps him stay more in control."
“Oh, so now she knows all about Henry’s treatment, huh? Consistency, please!” Miah emphasized her point with flailing arms.
“What’s with the full moon thing? The full moon has no effect whatsoever on Sanctuary HAPs. It’s more of an extreme emotional distress kind of thing or voluntary,” Cali said.
Emily nodded. "The treatment is somewhat effective. But it has been proven unsafe for use by our kind."
Will looked confused. "So is that why he is going off the treatment? Henry has gained a lot of control over himself in that past few months. I wouldn't think he wouldn't need the treatment at all."
“Diazepam is the treatment, and it was safe for both Henry and all those HAPs in the facility, and had been for many, many years,” Cali said.
“Somehow I get the feeling that she isn’t talking about Diazepam,” Miah said, shaking her head over the canon failing medication mistakes.
"Not complete control yet, not on those nights." Emily said. "Male werewolves have less control over themselves; their urges on a full moon. He knows that he may not be able to control himself. It is very difficult for a male werewolf to control himself around a female werewolf on a full moon night." Emily leaned back in her chair. "It seems to be the night they mate, which we knew already. We just didn't know it was some what beyond their control."
“So. Much. Fail,” Miah said.
“He’s never even met another HAP--ever--at this point in canon. He admits in canon that he has zero love life, so he’s not been mating with anyone.”
“I think you’re missing the big picture here, Cali. She’s saying that the males are going to mate with the females.” She paused briefly. “No matter what.”
“She’s... She’s making all male HAPs into-into rape monsters every full moon?” Cali looked sick at the thought, and watched with hope that the fic would denounce the idea.
It confirmed.
“This is so wrong! Henry is so sweet. This would just crush him if he’s in-character,” Miah said. Cali still hadn’t recovered from the shock of the thought, and was standing there, gasping like a fish out of water.
Emily leaned forward in the chair. "We knew some about it…but yes the information is fairly recent; within the last year or so."
"Emily, you have an infant son, correct?" Magnus asked.
Cali stumbled back and slid down the wall.
Miah growled. “Yes, let’s make the incredibly sweet and naive Henry into a rapist. Why the hells of all canons not?”
He ignored her. "So you and Henry were together on a full moon; was this before he was taking the treatment?"
Emily nodded. "Yes, it's the reason he started taking the treatment."
“Come on agent, on your feet!” Miah ordered, pulling Cali up. “I was right. She’s invented a new Sue treatment, and the side effects are a bitch. Listen.”
Emily nodded, grateful to be moving away from the subject of her son. "The treatment has proven to have a side effect." Emily paused, "There were a two other male werewolves that came to live at the sanctuary shortly after Henry came to see me. They were brothers."
“And now we’ve got bits that need to be taken care of.” Miah looked at Cali critically. “Are you good?”
He still looked a bit vacant, but he nodded and added notes on the charge list.
"James became affected first. He fell asleep one night and never woke up. He died within two weeks. They kept all of us away from him, fearing that he had something contagious. But they couldn't find anything in his blood work. About a month after James died, Miles fell asleep." Emily shook her head. "Again, at first they kept us away. But finally after Miles had been asleep for a week, they let his girl friend Angela, into isolation to see him. She is also a werewolf." Emily looked up at Magnus. "Miles is still alive."
“Well, at least we have one of them that we don’t need to worry about. If their biology resets to canon after we kill Emily, we might be able to recruit them,” Miah said. Saving bits usually cheered Cali up.
“You notice that this was the first we’d heard about a baby? There were no baby things in her room in London. She didn’t make arrangements for a sitter. She didn’t even go look at him to give him a kiss before she left,” Cali said sadly.
“Charge for her being an uncaring mother, then,” Miah said, still following the conversation of canon breakery.
"Miles was suffering from some sort of severe chemical imbalance. Miles woke up because of the pheromones that a female werewolf gives off on a full moon. It is apparently how they find each other to mate." Emily sighed. "Miles stopped taking the treatment after waking up. He has had no ill effects from "the sleep" as we've called it." She looked from Will to Magnus. "We think that since James 'missed' his window, he died."
Cali began banging his head on the wall. Miah pried him away from the wall and put him in a headlock. She released him a second later when he didn’t struggle. “Here, take a Bleeprin. They actually work much better than beating your head on the wall. I should know. This is some crazy fic premise, huh? Fatal case of blue balls. I’m not sure it could get much more ridiculous.”
"You think if we introduce you tomorrow night, Henry will wake up." Will said.
"That's what has worked before, we really don't have much else to go on. This is a condition that has been created by unnatural means. Maybe it is fitting that it has a natural cure." Emily said sitting back down in the chair.
“I think I need more Bleeprin,” Cali groaned.
“Magnus didn’t know about this. Did you notice that? Henry is not only a very rare Abnormal, which means Magnus would know about any potentially life threatening problems, he is also her patient, friend, and possibly surrogate son. She’d know every medical thing that could effect him,” Miah said. “Oh good grief. Now I sound like you. Why’d you make me watch the show?”
“Because it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen?” Cali said with a grin.
“At least you’re smiling again,” Miah said.
“The Bleeprin helps.”
The scene shift was remarkably smooth, and took them to several hours later. Miah and Cali were left following Will and Magnus as they discussed the situation. Cali looked around for water about to drench him, and not seeing any, shrugged.
"Magnus, don't you think this is a little crazy?" Will asked, following Magnus through the doorway to her study.
Magnus shook her head. "Not really. Emily is correct; it is a natural solution to a hormone and chemical imbalance."
Miah threw her arms out and proclaimed, “Sex cures everything! Did you hear that, Cali? No more diseases to worry about. Sex will fix it all!”
Cali Gibbs smacked her, and she dropped her arms back to her sides, and resumed paying attention.
"Will, I am sure that Emily has her reasons for her secrecy. It may be that she kept the secret of her son's parentage because he is the product of two abnormals."
“Shenanigans! I’m totally calling shenanigans on that BS!” Cali shouted. “Abnormals usually mate within their own species in this canon. Otherwise they wouldn’t be a species.”
Miah patted him on the head. “It’ll be okay, dear.” At this point another mini tackled Cali. While he worked his way out from under it, Miah checked the words and found its name.
“Its name is Kabal, and add lack of capitalization to the charge list, too,” Miah said after Cali had gotten the mini to stop licking him. It joined Deckland, and they put their heads together as if they were comparing notes.
Will and Magnus continued to discuss Henry and Emily’s relationship and how she had managed to hide her pregnancy and son from him. They finally concluded with
"It's kinda messed up." Will said slowly.
Cali snorted. "Understatement of the year, there, Will. So articulate and psychiatrist like of you."
Miah pointed to a place ahead in the words. "It looks like we can skip ahead. There are a few more pages of basically the same scene we just watched, rehashed over and over with different characters. There are five HAPs in the London Sanctuary, counting the Sue. I'm not sure if that is counting her son or not. Then it gets Emily Sue into the room with Henry--with Magnus and Will monitoring their vital signs remotely, and skips ahead after. As painful as it is, I think we better see that one."
Cali sighed and nodded. Miah opened the portal to just outside the room.
Henry instantly looked confused. Even more confused when he realized where he was.
"Henry, its ok., I know this is a bit strange, but you fell asleep and didn't wake up. You didn't get off the treatment fast enough. Magnus called me and I came to help. The pheromone exposure from me brought you out of your sleep. Magnus will probably be coming soon to check us out."
Henry, still a bit confused, became concerned when he realized what had happened. "Em, are you okay?" He asked, pulling the blanket up around himself.
"So Henry is pretty in-character, thus far," Miah said.
Cali gave her a dirty look. "He's only been conscious for ten seconds. I hope he's in-character." Cali began beating his head against the wall again as everyone treated the Sue as a victim.
Emily slipped her shirt over her head, as tears streamed down her face.
Magnus brought the blanket away and noticed Emily's tears.
Emily put her hands to her face and began to cry harder.
Magnus pulled Emily in close. She held Emily until Emily wiped her face with her sleeve and took a deep breath.
"Gyah!! She did this! She warped canon into this mockery of itself, and now she gets the sympathy?" Miah managed to tackle Cali and drag him around the corner, before anyone noticed him trying to get into the room.
"Aaaand more Bleeprin for you!" she said with a stewardess smile on her face. "Come on. We have a few hours before the next thing happens. Let's go get some food. I bet they have real ice cream somewhere. All right?"
Cali nodded and let her lead him toward the kitchen.
Once they had each eaten a huge sandwich, the two minis had devoured some steaks, and the agents had gotten a large bowl of ice cream apiece, Miah decided it was time for that Talk. "So Cali. You've been, um, well, you've been rather twitchy lately, and I think we should Talk about it."
"Talk, huh?" He shoved a large spoonful of ice cream into his mouth to avoid having to say anything, and promptly got a brain freeze.
"See? Avoidance is just painful. What's up with you, partner of mine? Is this still over Agent Cadmar?"
He stared at his ice cream for a while. "A little. But not entirely."
Miah waited quietly until he spoke again.
"Do you remember the Sue that we sent to the Keepers?" Cali said, staring at his ice cream.
"Yes," Miah said.
"Remember how I was mad at her for rejecting her family?"
Miah nodded.
"How am I any better?"
"I'm not sure that I understand, Cali," Miah said trying to look encouraging.
"I've been here almost two years and I've not once tried to visit home." Cali put his head in his hands.
"I... didn't realize that you had left a family."
"I didn't really live at home anymore. My mom never really could afford me. She worked all the time, and I moved to a group place for young men. I paid a little rent, and she was able to move to a smaller apartment."
"How old were you?" Miah asked.
"Thirteen. But that's not a bad age for it in my verse."
"I thought a place full of super heroes would be a great place to live," Miah said.
"Not really. If it's full of super heroes, then it's also going to be full of super villains. And sometimes it turns out that the 'heroes' are real jackholes. I thought Captain Amazing was the greatest super hero ever--but then I met him.” Cali grimaced at the memory.
“So life there sucked?”
He shook his head. “I’m making it sound worse than it was. My mom loved me, and always did her best. She was just really busy. When I was growing up, most of the worst villains had been defeated. Captain Amazing was a jerk, but he was good at what he did. I always had food, and nothing really bad ever happened to me.”
“But nothing particularly good either, right?” Miah said after a moment.
“I read a lot of comics. I found other people who liked the same thing I did to hang out with. We even tried to do to hero work sometimes.” Cali gave one of his rare, small, genuine-looking smiles.
Miah squeezed his shoulder. “We’ll find a way to get you home for a visit that won’t worry your mom, Cali.”
He nodded and pointedly focused on eating his ice cream. Miah let him go with it.
After they had finished their ice cream, Miah said, "Looks like we better head upstairs. More stuff is happening." She looked again at the scene they had skipped between Henry and Big Guy. This was all made so much worse by Henry being so in-character. He was miserable with himself. They sneaked into the room while the Sue was still sleeping and hid in the closet just before Henry entered. The two minis squeezed themselves under the bed just in time.
He looked at her; brows furrowed and frowning. "Emily, I'm sorry. That probably doesn't help at all, but I am sorry."
Emily shook her head. "Henry, it was my choice. I knew what was going to happen going into this. You don't need to be sorry." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "I should be sorry."
Miah whispered, "Sure, let's see how we can make this worse?"
Cali smacked her and mouthed, "Ironic Overpower."
"After out last 'encounter' I found out that I was pregnant. Eight weeks ago I gave birth to a baby boy. His name is Marshall." Emily looked up to an awestruck Henry. "He's your son Henry."
Henry was without words.
"I'm sorry!" Miah said when Cali glared at her.
When people ask about who Marshall's father is, I just tell them it was a random fling. I was scared that they would find out that Marshall was the product of two werewolves. I just wanted to keep him safe." Emily drew her knees up to her chest.
"Like Henry said, 'We don't use the 'W' word here.'' Cali said. “Even the Oldham bunch didn’t use it. They called themselves lycans.”
"Also, again with the not understanding what a species is. I think this is up to complete Biology Fail." Miah motioned for Cali to write the charge.
Henry sat silent for a few moments. "Em, I'm not sure why you felt you couldn't trust me. I would have kept the secret." He shook his head, "This is a huge deal."
Emily suddenly got the urge to run away. She began to get up when Henry caught her arm. At that moment, Emily knew he wasn't going to let her run from him. She burst into tears, covering her face with her hands. Henry, of course, comforted her.
"I just want to hug him. Why make him still be so Henry over this?" Miah said.
"You're going to try glomping him, aren't you?" Cali asked, eyeing her suspiciously.
"No! It's not like that! He just makes me want to take care of him--like a lost puppy or something."
Cali patted her on the head condescendingly, and she stuck her tongue out at him. They were stuck waiting for what seemed like forever until the Sue stopped boohooing. Finally the scene shift took them to Henry's lab. Somehow the shift caused the minis to land on Cali, flattening him to the floor. They took it as a sign that he needed a tongue bath.
He shoved them off just before Emily Sue knocked on the open door and invited Henry back to London to meet his son. Henry told her that he wanted to be with her and his child.
"Again with the in-character Henry. He'd want to do the right thing and provide his child a loving family, especially since he grew up without one," Cali said
Emily said she wanted time and space away from Henry, and that they didn't need to be together--or even on the same continent apparently--to successfully raise a child.
"Emily you changed things when you came here and told me I was a father. You changed the rules." Henry said, taking a small step towards Emily.
"Damn right she did!" Miah said loudly enough that the characters paused and looked for the source. When they didn't see anything, they shrugged and went back to their conversation.
"I didn't want to hurt you Henry."
"Hurt me?" Henry was irritated now. "Emily you have stitches in your back because of me."
"You know that's not what I meant." Emily said, taking a step back to give Henry some room.
Henry pushed past her and stopped at the door way. He stood, clenching his fists.
Emily came up behind him and stood waiting quietly.
Tears formed in Henry's eyes. He turned around to face her. "I am so messed up."
Cali wrote in a charge for emotionally torturing a canon character. Henry managed to pull himself together and told the Sue she should get her things together, since she was leaving soon. Then he returned to work.
Miah portaled them all to a point just outside the gate. And watched a very awkward goodbye where Henry mostly looked sullen, but he had shown up. Then Emily stepped outside the gates.
"Son of a Sue! Now we have a teleporter to get rid of!" Miah slapped the wall in annoyance after Emily and another new bit character, Peyton disappeared.
The scene shifted them to the kitchen where an annoyed looking Sasquatch was serving up leftovers to Kate and Henry. He was probably trying to figure out who had been snacking in his kitchen without permission. Henry was telling Kate and the Big Guy that he was the father of Emily's baby and that she had never even told him she was pregnant.
Kate shook her head. "I don't think I like her." She said, taking a drink of her soda.
Miah and Cali cheered for Kate.
Kate took the last drink of her soda. "Is she going to let you see him?"
Henry put his hand up to his forehead and closed his eyes.
Cali looked a bit pale. "Wow, I hadn't thought of that. She's kept the baby from him for this long, she doesn't really want him to go with her, she could totally keep the baby from him."
The Big Guy gave Kate a dirty look for pointing out such cheerful thoughts.
Kate looked at Henry. "I'm sorry Henry. I got a little carried away. I just don't like to see my friends hurt."
"I knew there was a reason I liked Kate so much," Miah said getting her neuralyzer out. Kate excused herself, saying she had errands to run. When she entered the hall, Miah flashed the neuralyzer and said, "You've never heard of Emily. There are no werewolves living in the London Sanctuary, and Henry did not just find out that he is a father. You can go on with your errand for Magnus now."
Kate nodded absently and continued down the hall.
Meanwhile, the Big Guy had counseled Henry to take his time and make a wise decision. Then he had left for the kitchen, while Henry was left sitting at the table looking miserable, not eating. Miah and Cali hurried after the Big Guy to neuralyze him before the end of the scene.
They made it just before the scene change dragged them all back into Henry’s lab where Magnus was talking Henry into going to see the Sue.
‘Yes, because it is so in-character for Magnus to do the counseling, and then to do it so badly. I can’t see her telling Henry to go chasing after Emily so soon after what happened. I could see her echoing what the Big Guy said about waiting and taking it slowly, but not this,” Miah said.
Cali finished writing up the charge list. “You know this could have been a good story, if it had been done a little differently. Let’s see. Henry and Erika were a bit more ‘involved’ than they were in canon. After they broke up, Erika found out she was pregnant, but didn’t tell Henry--a bit OOC for her, but not as bad as this blue balls premise. Then something happens that brings her back to the Sanctuary and he finds out and copes with it. That would be worth reading and allow Henry to be a dad.”
“That would be pretty good, Cali, but its not the way this one went. Let’s get Magnus and Henry, and then go find Will.”
"Henry, she left her baby to come and help you on a moments notice. She did something that required a huge amount of trust. She knew that you needed her and she put all of her fears and feelings aside." Magnus sighed
Miah stepped into the room. “You sure have a great set of lungs to be able to sigh all those words. Look at the birdy!”
FLASH!
Cali stepped in and said, “Henry, you have never heard of Emily. You have never met another HAP, although you are searching. You are not a father. You are not trying a new experimental drug therapy, and you are not effected by the full moon.”
Miah cut in. “Magnus, you are Henry’s doctor. You know what he is taking. You know all the medical research from all the Sanctuaries concerning his Abnormality. And this is called Old City Sanctuary, not Sanctuary USA--that sounds like a theme park--I feel like I should be looking for the Schmoo! The two of you were discussing security measures.”
The two agents ducked back out of the room, and headed for Will’s office. After they had neuralyzed him, they portaled to the London Sanctuary.
They wandered around for a while, Cali carefully avoiding any source of standing water in case the fic decided to soak him again. They finally spotted a plot hole in the director’s office.
Miah smacked her forehead. “Of course there would be a plothole in Declan’s office. He never actually appeared in the fic. Deckland, here was the only one ever mentioned,” Miah said scratching the mini’s head behind the ears.
Cali reached into the plothole and waved his arm around, until he felt a hand grasp his own. He yanked and Declan came out of the plothole with a pop, knocking both himself and Cali to the floor.
“Who are you, and what has been going on around here!” Declan said, quickly extricating himself from the agent and taking a defensive stance.
“If you will look at me, I can explain everything,” Miah said. He glanced up.
FLASH!
“You were never imprisoned in a strangely glowing plothole. This has been a dream. You work too hard, and fell asleep at your desk. You should go to your bed, now.”
“Huh. By the time we did all this searching, it is about three in the morning here, now isn’t it? Leaving at about six in the evening from the west coast of North America, wasn’t very convenient of her,” Cali said picking himself up from the floor. This mission really had it in for him.
“Not really, no. Peyton was up until two in the morning to do that teleport.” Miah waited until Declan had cleared the room to reach in for more plotholed characters.
First came a middle aged woman wearing an infant in a baby carrying sling. While Miah helped another woman and two men get free Cali helped everyone get seated on or near the sofa. They were all a bit dazed from extended plothole exposure and lack of direction from the fic.
“What are we going to do with these people? We’ve got a total of five werewolves and a teleporter to deal with.” Cali looked over his notes to find the names. “Let’s see.” He pointed to each as he called off their names. “Peyton the teleporter, Henry’s baby--Marshall, Sue’s mother, and these must be Miles, and Angela. Then Emily the Sue makes five.”
“Hmm. Well, we’re going to kill Emily, so she’s gone. We can neuralyze Miles and Angela, tell them to behave like proper HAPs, and drop them off to be bit characters in Oldham. The baby has to come with us, because he is related to a canon character.” Miah stopped to think. “What about the Sue’s mother? I guess she could go to Oldham, too.”
“But the baby is used to her taking care of him. What if we asked her to come work in the Nursery back in HQ? Then the little one gets to keep his primary caregiver,” Cali said.
“That’s a good idea, Cali. I guess we’ve got to recruit Peyton, also, if we don’t want to kill him.”
‘Hey, uh, yeah, crazy people? I don’t, uh, I don’t want to die, just so you know,” Peyton said.
Cali elbowed Miah. “They’re listening to us.”
Miah nodded. “Right, you two go with him,” she said pointing at Miles and Angela. Having the least characterization and fic time, the two simply nodded and followed Cali out the door.
“Right, now don’t worry, we’re not going to hurt them. We’re going to send them to live in a ‘werewolf’ safe house. They’ll be very happy there. Ma’am? Do you have a name?”
The Sue’s mother seemed to think about it for a while, and finally said, “I think it should be Carol Phillips.”
“Good, now, Mrs. Phillips--”
“Carol is fine, dear.”
“Now, Miss Carol, you can go live in the safe house, too. There are plenty of your own kind there, but Marshall can’t go with you.”
“You can’t take my Marshall! He’s my reason for living!” She clutched the baby in his carrier more tightly to her chest.
Miah nodded. A convenient caregiver for the baby probably was the only reason Miss Carol existed. “Well, you could go with us. We--Peyton--this is important for you too. We are agents from the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. It is our job to stop people like Emily from destroying worlds like this one. Now, you might not realize it, Miss Carol, but Emily has warped the way you ‘werewolves’ function biologically, until everything is just a twisted shadow of itself. And you, Peyton, only one person in this verse has the ability to teleport, and he’s living proof that it is a very unhealthy thing to be doing in this world. You can’t stay here anymore than little Marshall can.”
Carol Phillips had been very quiet since Miah had started talking about warping biology. “You’re right, agent.” Cali motioned to Peyton who walked into the hallway. Miss Carol continued, “This isn’t the way we are supposed to be. What happened with Miles and Angela and-and Emily and that young Henry Foss, fellow, is not how our kind has ever worked before. How-how did I produce such a monster that could create such wrongness?”
“Wake the baby and let me see his face. Look at me. I can fix this,” Miah said softly.
FLASH!
“Carol, you never had a daughter. This baby is from a girl you had only recently met, whose name was Emily. She insinuated her way into your life, and used you for free baby care. He’s already like a son to you. Also, you are both HAPs-Hyper Accelerated Proteans. You are in complete control of when you want to shift, and when you do you are still in complete control of that form. The full moon has no effect on any members of your species”
Miah heard Cali telling Peyton that Emily was not Miss Carol’s daughter. She smiled. He would make sure that no one would have to know beyond the two of them.
Marshall began to cry, and Miss Carol shook herself back to awareness. “He has to leave this world. Why?”
“He is the son of an important character. A character who does not have a son right now. He’s the evidence of Emily’s tampering with the world, and for things to truly go back to the way they should be, he can’t be here,” Miah said
“Where will we stay if we go with you? How will we live?”
“Well, you certainly are good with babies. Agents rescue babies from bad situations like this all the time. There is always a need for more help in taking care of these babies. You’d be able to officially adopt Marshall and take care of him and a lot of other babies in need, too.”
The ex-mother of a Sue smiled. “I’d like that very much.”
Peyton and Cali came back into the room. “Dude! Cali here has been telling me all about this PPC you work for. Sounds awesome. I can’t wait! Where’s the portal?”
Miah started to open the portal when a whine from behind the desk reminded her that they still had Deckland and Kabal with them. “Peyton, Miss Carol? These are mini-Stenos. They need to go through the portal with you, so we don’t have to worry about them when we go deal with Emily. See? They are very friendly.”
“Too friendly!” Cali said, as the two minis jumped on him and began licking his face.
“Aww! Who’s a cute little mini-Stenopelhabbilis?” Peyton said, luring first Kabal and then Deckland to him. “Sure, I’ll keep an eye on them for you. What do we do when we get there?”
“Grab a snack, play video games, watch movies, read a book. Just don’t go out into the hallways until we get back,” Miah said, opening the portal.
“And don’t step on any minis!” Cali called after them.
“Hey, you guys are going looking for Emily, right?” Peyton asked before stepping through.
Cali nodded.
“She should be in Rob’s office. Third hallway on the right, fifth door on the left. Good luck,” he said just before the portal snapped shut.
After trying the fifth hall on the left, third door on the right, the two agents ended up at the fifth door on the left of the third hall on the right.
They lined up on either side of the door. “You ready for this?” Miah asked. “In 3...2...1!”
She turned the knob and flung the door open. Cali leaned in and fired a zat at the Sue. His shot went wide, the electricity arcing along the desk. Rob returned fire with a Sanctuary stunner. The shot ionized the air between the two agents. Miah grabbed the back of Cali’s vest and pulled him back into the hall with her. Rob fired again. Miah felt the spine tingling, jaw clenching jolt of electricity that came from a stunner graze. Cali shook in her hands and suddenly dropped to the floor dead weight that her numb hand couldn’t hold.
Miah pulled herself tight against the wall beside the door, and tried to clear her head. She blindly stuck the zat around the door frame and fired, aiming high. She heard scrambling inside the office, but no more shots were fired her direction yet. Her vision fully cleared in a few seconds, and she fired a couple more shots before grabbing Cali’s leg and pulling him further out of the line of fire. More stunner blasts zinged into the door frame above her head.
“Tesla grenades. Got to get some of those,” she muttered as she fired blindly around the corner again. “Just roll the thing in, and be done. No. I’ve got a zat that I can’t even aim at them in case I hit them twice.” She fired at the ceiling again.
“You don’t seem to be intent on harming us. If you surrender now, we’ll not harm you,” Rob called from the office.
Miah swore in every language she’d ever heard swearing in.
“Make your decision!” Rob shouted.
“Magnus sent us!” Miah grimaced. That was the best she could do? Seriously?
“What are you blathering about?” a woman said. Miah thought it was Mira.
“Yeah. Magnus sent us to protect Emily!” She shook Cali, and muttered, “Come on partner. Any time now. I’ve got a crazy ass plan that won’t work without you.”
“Protect me? You shot at us!” Emily shouted indignantly.
“There...there was a piedmont on the desk! If I hadn’t stunned it, you’d all be dead now!”
“There is no such thing as a Piedmont!” Rob said.
“We just discovered it today. They are intelligent! If they had any warning to what we were going to do, we’d have lost them. My partner has special glasses that allow him to see them. You’re all still alive, so we must have gotten it before you shot him. That or it’s biding its time. Unconscious prey doesn’t struggle after all.” Cali began to stir. Miah clamped a hand over his mouth, and shook her head.
There was a few moments of intense whispering before the characters inside the office spoke to Miah again. “Toss in the glasses. If we see a Piedmont, we’ll know you are who you say you are,” Rob said.
“No can do. Don’t you think I would have put them on, if they could be passed person to person? They have to be tuned to the wearer and we only had time to make the one,” Miah said, making sure to put plenty of annoyance into her tone.
“Then you are just going to have to toss in your weapons and surrender. We’ll call Magnus and get this straightened out,” Rob said.
Miah put a zat into Cali’s hand and motioned that she wanted him to get the OC group. “Makes sense to me,” she said loudly, and slid two zats from her pack into the room.
“You’re bag too, if you please,” Rob said calmly.
She slid it into the rooms and slowly began easing herself into the room after it.
“Both hands where I can see them!” Mira screamed.
Miah took a large, fast step into the room, firing her zat in Mira’s direction at the same time. She saw Mira go down. She took another step, and swung her zat around toward Emily. She felt all her muscles seize up as Rob’s stunner caught her squarely. She thought she saw Emily go down, but she wasn’t sure, before she blacked out.
Cali saw Miah make her big move, and get Mira. He aimed at Emily and fired at her at the same time that Rob was stunning Miah. Rob paused to look over at Emily and Mira, and that was the opening that Cali needed to finally end the showdown.
He pulled himself up stiffly. Being stunned made his muscles feel like he’d tried to run a marathon. He restrained Emily and dropped her and Miah through a portal to that loft that Druitt had taken Ashley to in the episode The Five.
He disarmed the two OCs and waited with the neuralyzer until they were awake. Once they were sent off to be normal Sanctuary workers, he joined Miah and the Sue.
"Do you have any idea how annoying she is? What took you so long?" Miah whined.
“Yes, yes I do know how annoying she is. Being shot with the stunner hasn’t increased my spirit of good will toward her, either,” Cali said in a menacing tone.
"Oh come on! Do I have to listen to this junk?" Emily had managed to spit out the gag.
Cali pulled out his charge list. "Emily, no last name, of the London Sanctuary you are charged with not knowing how many Sanctuaries there are in the United States, with being the tech person at the London Sanctuary, yet not sharing vital technical details with Henry, with causing Magnus to be a bad doctor and a bad friend, with reducing her confidence, intelligence, and authority to the point that she could not possibly fulfill her canon roles. You are charged with being a 'werewolf' instead of a HAP, even though it is stated in canon that HAPs do not like that terminology. You are charged with altering the biology of an entire species to include susceptibility to the phases of moon, lack of ability to control themselves during the change, and having mating be dependent upon the moon--”
“Making Henry an out-of-control rape monster is enough for me to kill over,” Miah said ominously.
“What? You were supposed to feel sorry for me!” Emily whined.
Miah grabbed her by the throat. “You did that to yourself! If you had left canon alone, that never would have happened!”
Cali pulled Miah’s arm away from the Sue’s throat. “Let me finish charging her, partner. You are also charged with creating a new Sue medical treatment that had a side effect of fatal cases of blue balls. You are charged with being a HAP at a point in canon when there were no other known HAPs, with usurping the role of the canon character Rachel, with psychologically torturing canon character, Henry Foss, by narratively forcing him to be a rapist. You created a non-canon child of a canon character, two mini-stenopelhabbilis, Kabal and Deckland, and a character that duplicated the unique canon power of teleportation. Finally, you are charged with seriously annoying a PPC agent. Any final words?"
"You have no right to not feel sorry for me! I'm the victim here!" Emily shouted.
"You're only the victim, because you CHOSE to be! None of this would ever have happened in canon!" Cali shouted.
Miah shot the Sue, Emily, between the eyes.
"What the--? That was a bit sudden, Miah!"
"She was a Sue and she had been charged. This is what we do," Miah said.
"Yeah, but I hadn't told her what the sentencing was, yet. We usually do that before we kill her," Cali said as they stepped back through the portal into their RC. There was a distinct lack of pandemonium in the RC. Ronan pointed to Cali’s door, as if that explained everything.
Cali cautiously opened his door, and found Peyton playing a video game against Magee and DiNozio. The two mini-Stenos were happily chewing on an extra pair of Cali’s boots.
“This looks entirely too innocent. What did you two do?” Miah said pointing at the two minis.
“Listen toots. We’ve been trying to beat this guy for hours,” DiNozio said.
Peyton nodded. “These little guys are awesome gamers. I’m really going to like it here.” Magee used Peyton’s distraction to annihilate his character. Peyton groaned. “Well, you got me. I guess it’s time to go fill out that paperwork you talked about?”
“We can drop off those mini-Stenos on our way.” Cali turned to Carol Phillips. “Is the baby ready to travel a bit, ma’am?”
“I’ll change his nappie and then we’ll be ready,” she said.
“It looks like you’ve got everything under control, here, Cali. I’m going to the Supply Depot to restock the N-MAC.” Miah said, quickly making good on her escape. Maybe she could get to Maria’s RC to discuss Cali’s need to visit home, before he missed her.
Next Appearance: Interlude 4: Truth or Dare II