The PPC Presents: A Day Off
Kelok gets a day off while his partner is in Medical. He meets fellow agents, becomes acquainted with special features of HQ, receives a visit from a new friend, and has a chat with the Floating Hyacinth. Sounds like a good day, right?
Disclaimer: The PPC was created by Jay and Acacia, the original Assassins. Gen is the owner of Valkyrie and Kalmte. Bronwyn is the owner of Eileen. Thank you for letting me borrow them.
Beta read by Doctorlit
The PPC Presents: A Day Off
There.He had neuralyzed everyone in sight, returned Holmes and Watson--now alive and healthy--and cleaned up the blood in the sitting room. Now he could find out what Unger had done to put himself in Medical.
Kelok stepped through the portal to Medical, still marveling at the way the blood vanished from the black leather of his coat as he slowly wiped the capillary towel over it. While Unger might deserve some worry over his being covered with blood again, Kelok didn't want to risk upsetting his injured partner--at least until he knew exactly how injured Unger was. He’d ask one of the Nurses to check his back before he saw Unger. He didn’t want to remove his coat. He was still particularly protective of his spine ridges since that attack turtle had nearly bitten one off, and he didn’t feel safe outside of his Response Center with nothing on but a thin shirt. He stuffed the towel into one of his coat pockets, and noticed that his hand was still a pale human color. He found the DORKS on his belt and turned off the disguise generator.
A glowing green streak flashed across the edge of his vision a moment before he was knocked to the floor by Homles. The mini-Hound covered his face with slobbery kisses before he could push the little monster off his chest and get back to his feet. Homles yipped and jumped in front of him, so that he couldn’t move forward, and a heat source near his left hand alerted him to Khazad Dym standing next to him too, looking very much in need of a snuggle.
“I’ll take you two back to the RC and stuff you with raw bacon and eggs and give you a good cuddle as soon as I have checked on Unger,” Kelok told the minis as he finally managed hop-step around the over-excited Homles. He wasn’t sure how he was going to stay awake long enough to do all that, but he’d have to manage.
The nurse who had given him the towel stepped out of the Agent Treatment Room. She held her hand out to him, and said, “Lillian.”
He thought the hand out gesture was an invitation to demonstrate mutual lack of aggression, but no, that should be both hands high and the palms out. She was holding one hand at waist level with her fingers pointing at him. He also, wasn’t sure what “Lillian” meant. He was sure that this hand gesture was some form of greeting, but Lillian didn’t translate as anything that he recognized.
He stared at her hand, and tried to make his tired brain understand what he was seeing. When he swayed on his feet she moved the hand to his shoulder to support him. "When was the last time you slept Agent Kelok?"
He shrugged free of her hand and then looked at her stupidly for a moment while he considered her question. "...Yesterday?" He finally ventured, since time didn’t quite move in a straight line here it was hard to tell.
"And you’ve been on two missions since then?" she asked.
He nodded, and noted with alarm as a strand of hair drifted to the floor.
"When did you last take your Nigel?" her voice had become clipped and professional.
He shook his head. "Not sure. I lost track of time." He patted his coat pockets until he found the one with the bottle of Nigel pills. When he fumbled with opening the lid, the Nurse took the bottle from him, opened the lid, and shook two pills into Kelok's hand. Kelok dry swallowed them, and with the magic of mad science, he began to feel better instantly. He was from a place where things were based on science, but during his time in HQ he had learned to accept that many of the things here worked based on something that was not explainable or possible by any methods he had previously understood. He had even had to accept that his science had the element of the fantastic in it compared to the science of the ‘verse known as World One.
The Nurse directed him to a chair with a hand on his back but had removed it before he had time to react to it being there. "You do realize that you still have Watson's blood all over your back, right?" she asked as she held out her had, now covered with tacky red blood.
"I was going to ask if you would mind helping me with that," he pulled the dark red capillary towel from his pocket, and held it out to her.
"Why don't you just take your coat off."
He felt his face flush with embarrassment. "Its-uh-my spines are...vulnerable...turtles?" he looked up, hoping that she understood.
She had a look on her face that he interpreted as concern, and said, "Ah, yes, turtles. Of course I'll give you a hand. You should stay out here a few moments to allow the Nigel to fully enter your system before you see your partner anyway.”
She took the towel and began to rub the back of his coat with it. The feel of it almost brought a sound like a purr from his throat, before it began reminding him of his Sue, and he tensed up. He tried to distract himself by thinking about how to write up the report from his last mission.
The meaning of the Nurse’s earlier gesture suddenly came to him and he exclaimed, “Lillian!”
She stopped scrubbing at his back with the towel, and said, “Yes?”
“That’s your name.”
“Ye-es.” The look she was giving him now was definitely one of concern.
He grabbed the towel from her hand and retreated into the treatment room. Unger was on a bed with a sheet pulled up to his underarms. He had bandages on his upper arms, and some kind of blinking electronic device on his forehead. Other than the rise and fall of his chest, he was completely still. Kelok had never actually seen him so still before.
“Is he going to be okay?” he asked as he heard Nurse Lillian enter.
“That’s a delta-wave inducer/isotropic restraint that DoSAT rigged for us. It keeps the patient asleep and still. I was going to turn it off before you came in here.”
“ Why does he need it?”
“ Mostly because Dr. Fitzgerald doesn’t trust him not to start another fire,” she said, flipping a switch on the side of the device.
Unger immediately began to shift and move, but he didn’t wake up. Kelok let out a sigh of relief; this was how he was used to seeing Unger. He started to shake Unger awake, but paused and looked to Lillian for approval. She nodded.
“Unger. Wake up!” Kelok said as he shook the half-elf.
“Kelok?” The boy sounded groggy. He blinked, and recognition of his surroundings entered his expression. He clutched at Kelok’s shirt with one hand, and said frantically, “It wasn’t my fault!”
"What wasn't your fault?" Kelok asked, disentangling his partner from his shirt.
"I didn't put anything in it that would explode. It wasn't my fault," Unger said, letting himself fall back on the bed. "How did I get to Medical?"
Nurse Lillian stepped up beside him. "Your mini-Balrog and Agent Cali risked their lives to drag you out of the fire."
"Cali... Cali... The guy with blue hair? I remember him saying something about shooting me."
"The one threatening to shoot you was probably his partner, Agent Miah. She shot Cali when they first met."
The names sounded familiar to Kelok. They finally registered for him. "Miah and Cali are the agents that recruited me."
"Yeah, the blue-haired guy said something about that right before the explosion. I wasn't even anywhere near the fire when it went off. It couldn't have been my fault."
"Yes, but how did it start?" Kelok asked.
"Well. See, the paper was starting to turn brown next to Khazad Dym, and I couldn't find Homles, so I was getting all discouraged, you know. And seeing the papers curl up made me think about how everything is better with fire... and..."
"So, basically, the same way all your fires start?" Kelok wasn’t angry. He was too glad that Unger seemed to be in such good spirits and overall health.
"Yeah, pretty much." He looked around the room, and at the bandages on his arms. "So can I leave now?"
"No.” Nurse Lillian said. “You nearly died. Your lungs were seriously injured by the heat and smoke, and you will require several more treatments before you can leave. In fact, you need to rest now. It is time for Agent Kelok to leave."
"But I'm not sleepy," Unger protested.
"Their magic is really strong, remember? They'll make you sleepy."
"Okay, half-orc," Unger said as he made himself comfortable on the bed. "You'll come and see me?"
"Every day."
"And make sure you keep Homles on a leash. He's really fast! And he needs one of the mushrooms that Kelemen Totth gave me in the Supply Depot bags or he'll quit glowing."
He stilled, and Lillian had started to flick the switch when he sat back up. "The Supply Depot bags! I left them in the Lounge."
"Peace. I’ll get them on my way to the RC." Unger lay back on the bed and Nurse Lillian flipped the switch before he could move again. For just a moment, Kelok could see that he was awake, but unable to move. Then his eyes slid shut and he was asleep.
Kelok walked back out to the waiting area. Khazad Dym was still looking anxious, but Homles was bouncing and yipping and pawing at his leg again. He sighed, and found the leash that had been removed from Homles' collar. He attached the lead, and left Medical before anything else could happen.
They had wandered for a long time when they finally came to the stinking ruins of the HQ Lounge. Kelok took in the soggy, sad looking remains of furniture. He might not be truly angry at Unger, but he wouldn't like to meet any other agents right now.
He spied the supply depot bags in the corner of the room. They were open, and things had been knocked from them. Kelok bundled them back up and tied them shut, then moved around the disaster of the lounge. Fire retardant had covered most of the surfaces, leaving them sticky and slick at the same time. How they managed to be both, he didn’t know and wasn’t sure he wanted to.
He started shoving at the mess, trying to at least contain it to a corner. He picked up the trashcan and started scooping bits of paper into it, only to straighten up a few seconds later, trying to remove a scrap of paper from his hands. He pulled it from the finger of one hand, only to find that it was then stuck to his other hand. This went back and forth several times, until he finally resorted shaking his hand frantically in a desperate bid to free the paper. It finally fluttered down, missing the trashcan by a few inches. He tried again. He was in luck; this time when he managed to shake the paper loose from his hands, it fluttered down into the trashcan. He looked at the rest of the room. There were hundreds of pieces of paper.
Homles whined from the edge of the mess. "You hungry, Homles?” He pounced on the excuse to leave. “You must be. I should come back to this later. Let's go." He stepped away from the trashcan, or, at least he tried to. It followed him. He took another step, and the trashcan followed him again, as it was stuck to his pants leg.
Kelok reached down and tried to pull the trashcan away from his pants leg, which was precisely when the slick part of the contrasting nature of the glop took over. His feet slid out from under him, and he fell on his butt. Of course, when he tried to get back up, the sticky inevitably regained control.
He heard harsh cackling laughter, and looked over to see a humanoid woman with large white wings and claws for feet and hands. She nudged a tall, blue, furry humanoid whose features reminded Kelok of a cat. The cat man carried a long spear. “Look Kalmte! The spider is stuck in his web.” She gave Kelok a less than friendly look. “Or are you the fly?”
Kelok stopped struggling and tried to make sense of what the strange female was saying. “Spider?” he suggested, when nothing else came to mind.
She stopped for several seconds, with a look of disbelief on her face. Then the look morphed into one of vindictiveness. To Kelok this made her look very much like a Wraith queen, which triggered in him the deep seated instinct of the male Wraith to react submissively.
“Are you just hatched?”
He wasn’t sure how to respond. The character he should have been had been spawned more than 10,000 years ago, but he only had real memories of his own that extended to less than two years.
She seemed to dismiss his lack of response, and instead said to her felinoid friend, “Look at that; he’s so ugly the trashcan threw up on him.” The felinoid didn’t say anything.
The look on her face changed, ending her resemblance to a queen. He pushed aside the instinctive reaction, and tried again to free himself from the sticky mess.
“I think the couch must have set itself on fire to get away from him,” she cackled. Her blue friend smiled and nodded.
Homles growled at her. She turned to examine the little monster. “Somebody brought snacks! This is turning out to be an entertaining day.” She took a step toward the glowing puppy. He bayed. The woman shuddered, but took another step toward him.
Kelok had had enough. It didn’t bother him for her to make rude remarks about his current predicament, but he was not going to allow her to eat Unger’s mini. He concentrated on the two humanoids and projected ghosts at them.
The woman screeched and stopped advancing on Homles. The felinoid was standing his ground and holding his spear at the ready. Kelok made the ghosts rush the pair. The feline found the path that Kelok had left open, and shouted, “Valkyrie, this way!”
Kelok concentrated on chasing them down a couple of hallways, before he released his concentration and stopped projecting the images. Homles whined at him, and he looked over at the creature. Khazad Dym stood nearby protectively. An idea of how to change the properties of this glop suddenly occurred to him.
“Khazad, please heat up the edge of this stuff. See what happens to it.”
Kelok watched as the mini-Balrog stepped up and cautiously held his hand near the stuff. It puffed up and became set foam, which crunched when the mini touched it.
“Oh, thank Eru! Come get me out of this stuff!”
It took an hour, as near as Kelok could tell, for the mini to slowly work his way to Kelok and heat the stuff up enough for him to be able to stand up. The mini was so tired that Kelok was able to pick him up without immediate burns.
He rummaged through the supply depot bags until he found the magically still-cool raw bacon. He tossed a few pieces to Homles, who wolfed them down amid great slobbering gulps, and several pieces to Khazad Dym, who, after swallowing the first few pieces nearly whole, took the time to carefully and neatly chew the rest.
He tossed Homles a glowing green mushroom, which the mini-Hound ate much the same way he’d eaten the bacon. The little monster’s glow brightened immediately, and it was only then Kelok realized that it had dimmed considerably. He picked up the bags and offered to carry Khazad Dym, who clambered up into his arms. He allowed his mind to drift over everything that had happened since he’d woken up.
“Kelok?” a loud voice exclaimed from directly in front of him.
The voice startled him, and he almost dropped Khazad Dym. He looked up blearily, and saw Agent Eileen, the mad scientist who had concocted Nigel for him.
“Yes?” he said.
“You’ve walked past the door of your RC three times now.” She bounced on the spot. “That is if you were assigned to 1729. There was no answer, and I was about to leave when I saw you. Then you kept walking, so I finally got directly in front of you. What happened to you anyway?”
“What?” He looked at himself and saw that he was still coated in gloppy goo, hard foam, pieces of paper, soot, and even a few spots of blood that he had missed earlier. “You don’t want to know,” he said at last. “Why were you coming to see me?”
“Oh! You’re past due for a check-up on your Nigel treatments, and you didn’t answer the message I sent you, so I decided to come and check on you.”
Kelok opened the door to the RC. “You can come in, if you like. I’d really like to get cleaned up before talking, if that’s alright with you.”
“Sure, that’s fine.”
They stepped inside the room.
Giggle. Giggle. Scuttle.
Kelok groaned. He looked at his backpack and saw that there was a hole in the pocket that had held the button creatures.
“What was that?” Eileen asked.
Giggle. Giggle. Scuttle.
He walked over to the door of the bathroom and began pounding his head on the door frame.
“I take it, then, that you know what makes ‘giggle, giggle, scuttle’ noises.”
He nodded. Then continued banging his head.
“That’s just going to give you a headache. You need Bleeprin, if you want something that will really help,” the mad scientist said reasonably.
He stopped banging his head to say, “Not allowed to use Bleep products. Doc Freedenberg thinks they will make the canon memories I have even harder to access. He says that that until I figure out how to properly use the memories I’ve got, I can’t have any.” He resumed banging until he was so dizzy that he couldn’t tell which of the door frames in front of him he was supposed to aim at.
“Thash better,” he slurred.
Giggle. Giggle. Scuttle.
He checked. Yep, still couldn’t tell which one he needed to aim at to continue banging his head.
“Blasted button creatures. Should have known they would have escaped by now.”
He swore he could hear the excited expression that lit up Eileen’s face as she said, “Button creatures?”
“Badfic creation from our last--no, the mission before the last. The Words described the buttons as alive and doing independent actions, so they grew arms, legs, and faces, so that they could carry out the actions as described. It was nearly impossible to catch them the first time, then they got loose in Medical... “ He drifted off. “ Unger was supposed to be fetching something from the supply depot to contain them. Then a mission came in, and I went on it without checking on him.”
Eileen looked around the RC. She was starting to get a bit concerned about Kelok. As his ability to serve in HQ was the result of one of her more successful experiments, she always felt somewhat proprietary when it came to his well-being. After all, it was her experiment that had created the Nigel, which allowed him to gain sustenance from food, instead of only through feeding on humans. “Where is Unger?”
“Oh, well, you know Unger. He set fire to the lounge; nearly killed himself. Khazad Dym there--” he pointed at the mini-Balrog-- “and Agent Cali had to save his life. He’s in Medical. They said he is going to be fine, in a few days.”
Eileen started to ask more, but was interrupted by:
Giggle. Giggle. Scuttle.
Kelok risked picking the wrong door frame, and started banging his head again.
“You know, I’d be happy to catch the button creatures and take them off your hands.”
Kelok stopped and looked at all three of Eileen. “You’d do that? Really?”
They all three nodded.
“Check those supply depot bags. There should be something in there. They seem to be able to be reasoned with; I talked them into the pocket in Medical. There are six of them.” He quickly stood up, braced against the door so he didn’t fall down, and shut the door to the bathroom.
He stuffed his clothes in a bag. He didn’t want to touch them after he was clean. He took a long time in the shower--not only because it was relaxing and felt good. He nearly had to scald himself to get the remains of the goop to solidify enough to be able to peel it off. Once he was finally clean and dressed, he stepped out into the RC amid a cloud of steam.
Eileen was cooing at something in a large, rectangular glass tank. Homles was chewing on a leather boot on a large dog bed, and Khazad Dym was curled up in his nest of fireproof blankets sound asleep.
“Where did that stuff come from?” he asked pointing in the direction of Homles.
“Oh, I took the liberty of putting away the stuff in your bags. This tank was, of course, at the bottom of the second bag I looked through. Aren’t they precious?” he saw that she was pointing at the tank.
Kelok looked at it and saw a little village of huts made out of what could possibly be bits of his old coat. The whole thing was built on a sock. Eileen had apparently slid a sheaf of old mission assignments under it and transferred it intact into the tank. A button creature was waving at him, while holding a tiny button its arms.
“Is that?”
Eileen nodded excitedly. “It’s a baby button creature! I can’t wait to get these back to the lab. You come by tomorrow for a check up on the Nigel. And don’t forget to take a dose tonight.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” he said
Eileen took her tank full of buttons and left. Kelok rummaged through a drawer until he found a pair of glopsnerch ear plugs. He was already in trouble. He didn’t care if he ignored a Beep. He wasn’t going anywhere until he got some sleep.
It seemed as though he had just closed his eyes when a heavy weight thumped into his mid-section.
“Oomph! Wha?” Before he managed to get his eyes open something large and wet started trailing over his face, leaving swaths of drool in its wake.
He shoved Homles off to the floor and wiped his face on his blanket before opening his eyes to glare at the mini-Hound. He saw that the mini’s head was thrown back in what looked like a howl, but he couldn’t hear anything. Oh. He still had the glopsnerch earplugs in. He pulled one out, and immediately wished he hadn’t. Homles was howling in his spine-tingling mini-Hound way, the console was at full volume, Khazad Dym was screeching while holding his pillow over his head, and someone was pounding on the door.
He stumbled to the console and pressed the acknowledgement button. It stopped the ear-splitting, non-stop Beep, but blinked ominously. Homles stopped howling and Khazad Dym stopped screeching. The pounding at the door continued.
He stumbled over and yanked the door back to reveal a small human female with bright primary red hair, blue eyes, and a armful of pamphlets. Kelok fumbled for a weapon with the hand that was out of sight on the assumption that this was a Sue.
She tried to scoot under his arm into the room. He held the door fast and didn’t let her pass.
“I’m with the Sunflower’s Witnesses. I am here to spread the good word of the real Sunflower Official.”
Kelok paused in his groping for a weapon. “What?”
She smiled--an expression that reminded Kelok of a predator closing in for a kill. “The real Sunflower Official was brutally murdered by the other Plants and the Assassins. They replaced him with a pod person puppet version that is controlled by the Daisy. You know how it has always wanted power.” Her voice had grown more and more shrill as she spoke, until it was nearly ear piercing.
Kelok tried to shut the door, but the woman had managed to insert herself between the door and jamb. “I think it is time for you to leave, now,” he said reasonably.
“Oh no! I have leaflets! See. Look. The drawings show how the SO was killed, and here’s a picture of the pod. And... ” She waved the leaflets in his face. They appeared to be stick figure style drawings done in crayon.
He started pressing the door closed slowly with the idea that she would move rather than get squashed. She continued babbling. “I have evidence! The real SO would never have allowed TARDISes to be issued. And--”
“Really, I insist that you allow me to close the door now,” Kelok interrupted.
The girl never missed a beat, “Sue Soufflé? You know the real SO banned all Sue consumption! All of us that remember the good works of the one true Sunflower Official must band together to defend against this im--”
Kelok finally managed to get a weapon in his hand. It was one of Unger’s axes. He brandished it in the woman’s face and said, “I really must insist that you allow me to close my door, now.”
“--poster! You see! This spread of violent tendencies among the agents is a symptom of the imposter. The real SO wouldn’t have stood for threats against those who spread his good word. He--”
Kelok put the head of the axe against the woman’s arm and shoved, trying to dislodge her from the door. “The Sunflower Official has not been replaced! Go away!” There was no way he was going to believe this crazy Sue-looking girl over all the sensible sounding people like Nurse Suzine that he had ever heard mention the leader of the PPC.
“Oh, you poor thing! You have been taken in by the blasphemy of the imposter! You must repent!”
Kelok gave her a mighty push, which finally dislodged her for a moment. He slammed the door as she rushed it, shouting, “Repent, or the spirit of the real SO will smite thee!”
Kelok leaned against the door and let out a sigh of relief.
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
Kelok covered his ears with his hands and made his way to the console. Khazad Dym screeched, and Homles howled again. Muffled shouts of “Repent!” and “Blasphemer!” could be heard from the hallway.
Kelok pressed the button again, and sat to read his messages.
Agent Kelok. We have been more than generous in allowing you to sleep. You are now overdue in both Medical and the Department of Research and Experimentation. You are to report to DRaE immediately. Then collect your partner from Medical and report to my office. The Floating Hyacinth
The message appeared to be a few hours old. He was in so much trouble. He grabbed his backpack and stuffed everything he might need for a mission in it, including his capillary towel. He grabbed the bag of his clothes from the night before. Maybe Laundry could get them clean. If it didn’t lose them. It didn’t have a good reputation.
He felt rather vulnerable without his coat. He started to leave without one, but changed his mind and found his old one, which now had even more holes in it where the button creatures had harvested the leather for their village. He put his backpack on, which at least covered up the holes where he had been shot and the attack turtle had bitten him.
The screams in the hall had grown quiet, and he hoped the strange woman had left. He would have left without feeding the minis, but they blocked his path. He gave them both generous portions, and stuffed a handful of energy bars in his coat pocket for himself. He decided at the last second that he should take Unger’s mission supplies with him, just in case. He dragged the bundle out from under the bed, and stuck it under one arm.
He opened the door, and was immediately set upon by cries of, “Repent! Out evil of disbelief!” which was followed by a blow from a heavy satchel bag, and accompanied by the fluttering of papers.
He turned and gave the woman the full angry Wraith treatment. He snarled with his best menacing expression, and drew his feeding hand back as if he was about to slam it into her chest. “Madam,” he said with The Voice that Wraith use to interrogate prisoners. “Do not strike me again.” Being a male Wraith, his Voice wasn’t nearly as scary or persuasive as that of a Queen, but apparently it was enough. The woman stammered, and then turned tail and ran.
Kelok sighed with relief and ran his fingers through his hair. It was a tangled mess, as he had not taken the time to brush it. He focused on getting the tangles out as a distraction. He was at Eileen’s lab in very little time. He wasn’t sure if this speedy trip was just luck or if the Flowers were somehow influencing things to get him in the Floating Hyacinth’s office sooner.
*O*O*O*O*
Kelok finally entered Medical. He was still faintly sore all over, as he always was after going through Eileen’s scanners and machines. He was wearing his new coat, which was now scrupulously clean. Apparently, having had a hand in creating the fire extinguishing glop that covered his clothes, and being very pleased with the gift of the button creatures, Eileen was perfectly able to get the glop off.
He found Unger anxiously waiting for him. Nurse Lillian was there holding out a small bag marked Medical.
“You two should have been in the Floating Hyacinth’s office hours ago! [Unger is being released for whatever it is that the Flowers have in store for you.] Here,” she pulled a clear pipe-like device out of the bag. “This is a medicine spacer tube. You spray this,” she pulled a canister from the bag, and demonstrated what she was saying, “into the chamber. Five sprays, then cap it here. Unger is to breath through this pipe for two minutes. Do this three times a day for three days. Then come back for a check-up. Understood?”
“What is it?”
“It’s a weak bacta mist, it will help to finish repairing the smoke and heat damage he did to his lungs. There are extra bandages in the bag. The ones on his arms shouldn’t need to be changed unless he gets them wet or very dirty.” She shooed them toward the door. “Good luck.”
Once in the hall way, Kelok stopped to put the package in his backpack and give Unger his mission supplies. As Unger strapped his axe and shield to his back, Kelok observed his partner. He was a little pale, but considering he’d nearly died yesterday, he looked good.
They began the trip in silence, each providing their own internal distractions.
“Hey, Kelok, I’m sorry I snapped at you yesterday. I shouldn--”
“Don’t worry about it. At least not right now. We’ve got to get through this meeting with the Flowers that Be.”
Unger looked like he was going to argue the point, but stopped. “Is this it?” he asked, pointing at the door.
Yes. This is 'it', Agent Unger. Both of you enter this instant!”
“Ow. Owowowow. Ow.” Unger moaned, holding his head with his hands, as Kelok opened the door and they entered.
Kelok was fairing better, being a member of species whose primary communication among their own kind was telepathic. However, the fact that the Floating Hyacinth felt female in its communications, and that it always held such authority in its tones, meant that it triggered his male submissive reaction. He was therefore bowing and projecting compliance and a desire to please before he was even aware of the reaction.
Oh, do stop that, Agent Kelok. While I do expect respect from my agents, I am not about to eat you, especially not in that vulgar, 'feeding' manner which you are envisioning. Agent Unger! Kindly stand up straight and look this way.
Unger immediately removed his hands from his ears and stood as straight and tall as he could manage.
Much better. Agent Unger, you should by rights be sent to the Department of Geographical Aberrations, where your pyromaniac tendencies could be put to good use. However, your lack of ability to read severely restricts your usefulness to this agency, and they didn’t want you.
Unger looked worried and appeared ready to say something at this, but a rustle of leaves silenced him.
As Agent Kelok has been able to compensate for your deficiency during missions, you will remain partnered with him. However, I will not have an agent in my Department who displays such disregard to the property and assets of the PPC. As the two of you have been somewhat successful in dealing with badfic from the Sherlock Holmes continuum, the Foxglove Official has agreed to take the two of you on in the All-Purpose Department, Sherlock Holmes Division. A suitable mission to demonstrate to you that you do not wish to earn a repeat of this conversation has been selected. Here is the report.
Leaves rustled and pushed a sheaf of papers toward Kelok. He took them and started reading. He looked up, confused. “What are zombies?”