Fucked up shit from 2 days ago
eremy has the right idea. Why worry about it, why get close to someone, why get attached, why have feelings? Love is a crock of shit, not that I was in love, but everytime i get close to someone something happens and it get fucked up. Things are over with Shane and I. We had the most fucked up conversation ever last night! It went something like this, Maria "so you like me right?" Shane, "Not really." I was just floored. I just expected him to be like yea kinda. He said we are friends, when 3 days ago he said that we were dating, not bf/gf but none the less dating. Then he flipped out on me saying that I am pressuring him and that I'm too attached. I didn't know asking was pushing for a relationship, and I never said I wanted to be his girlfriend (even though I thought that was where it was going). I don't get it he totally freaked on me. Then he started going on about how he feels like he has to explain to me where he's going, what he is doing, who he's with. I told him I had never asked him to and I'm sorry he felt that way. His response was "good bc i'm not gonna explain myself to you bc we're not dating." YOU JUST SAID WE WERE 3 DAYS AGO!!! Its just totally fucked up.miaco02 (6:17:38 PM): i just feel like it was all negative miaco02 (6:17:53 PM): it was just suppose to be a simple conversation iamway2slick (6:18:05 PM): i told you were friends right now iamway2slick (6:18:13 PM): what more do you expect me to say?miaco02 (6:18:16 PM): nothing miaco02 (6:18:29 PM): see it got negative miaco02 (6:18:36 PM): where did it (the conversation) get negative iamway2slick (6:18:46 PM): because youre trying to make me feel like shit miaco02 (6:18:50 PM): no i'm not iamway2slick (6:19:01 PM): because i dont feel for you the same way you feel for me iamway2slick (6:19:05 PM): thats what this is all about miaco02 (6:19:11 PM): no its not miaco02 (6:19:26 PM): and i'm not trying to make u feel like shit
THEN THE JUST LEAVES OUT OF NO WHERE!!!See he freaked on me!!! I don't get it! Maybe I am a stupid girl. Maybe I am naive maybe I am a "stupid girl" to match my profile song, maybe I read into things to much. I just thought.... I dunno holding my hand, taking me on dates, kissing me, telling me he misses me, having sex with me.....I guess it's all just stuff I read into to much! O, and then he says I've only known you 3 weeks!!! So what is there a time limit on how long you have to know someone before you can "like" them, because I didn't know there was. I mean I wasn't expecting him to say I'm totally in love (even though he blurted out "i love u" during sex, that kinda made me think he liked me as more than friends to, even though i know he didn't mean the "I love u") with you or something like that because that would be ridiculous, but I think I kinda expected a "yea, i like you." and that's really all I wanted to hear, and that should have been the end of the conversation. Its like I allow myself to get close to someone and then they go and disprove that they're worth it. I dunno what to do anymore. I guess just say BYE to Shane. This little episode just puts me back into the place where I am not willing to be close to anyone. I let myself open up to this guy and it causes me nothing but trouble.
On another note, ****I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH**** this entry is set to prefered which means I want you to read this sooooooo please don't tell Shane any of this if you know him. If I wanted him to know all of what I am saying he would be on my prefered list, so he could read it. Don't tell him I am mad at him nothing. Say anything I will have no choice but to delet you off my list. You are on my prefered list bc I love you and trust you, and this entry should just be between us.
First Michael, then Mike, the Jeremy (not bass), Jason.....ANY OTHER MEN THAT I RESPECT WANT TO DISPROVE THEMSELVES LET ME KNOW!!!! SiGh........ I wish I was a lesbain sometimes, then I realize I like dick to much!
THEN THE JUST LEAVES OUT OF NO WHERE!!!See he freaked on me!!! I don't get it! Maybe I am a stupid girl. Maybe I am naive maybe I am a "stupid girl" to match my profile song, maybe I read into things to much. I just thought.... I dunno holding my hand, taking me on dates, kissing me, telling me he misses me, having sex with me.....I guess it's all just stuff I read into to much! O, and then he says I've only known you 3 weeks!!! So what is there a time limit on how long you have to know someone before you can "like" them, because I didn't know there was. I mean I wasn't expecting him to say I'm totally in love (even though he blurted out "i love u" during sex, that kinda made me think he liked me as more than friends to, even though i know he didn't mean the "I love u") with you or something like that because that would be ridiculous, but I think I kinda expected a "yea, i like you." and that's really all I wanted to hear, and that should have been the end of the conversation. Its like I allow myself to get close to someone and then they go and disprove that they're worth it. I dunno what to do anymore. I guess just say BYE to Shane. This little episode just puts me back into the place where I am not willing to be close to anyone. I let myself open up to this guy and it causes me nothing but trouble.
On another note, ****I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH**** this entry is set to prefered which means I want you to read this sooooooo please don't tell Shane any of this if you know him. If I wanted him to know all of what I am saying he would be on my prefered list, so he could read it. Don't tell him I am mad at him nothing. Say anything I will have no choice but to delet you off my list. You are on my prefered list bc I love you and trust you, and this entry should just be between us.
First Michael, then Mike, the Jeremy (not bass), Jason.....ANY OTHER MEN THAT I RESPECT WANT TO DISPROVE THEMSELVES LET ME KNOW!!!! SiGh........ I wish I was a lesbain sometimes, then I realize I like dick to much!