she said, you're right, i don't wanna fight, i just like the fire and the flashing lights
Strange couple of days. Feels nice to type, except nothing to say.
It would be nice to return to something as if it were comfortable. I tried listening to Live today and it just made me angry that I listened to what I didn't know were thinly veiled religious metaphors when I was a teenager. And this house feels a bit like my enemy when I'm alone. Everything is foreign. Home is where the heart is? More like heart is in the memories. And each memory takes a bit of it away until there's not much left to give to new ones.
I thought Whistler was a happy memory. Now I don't even think of it. If I do, it's more like, "oh, that happened". Like I watched a movie I didn't like nor dislike.
I want to be excited about something. I want to think sex is this scary beautiful mysterious thing like I did before. I want to read a book as if there's no way it's going to let me down. I want to have a conversation with someone that just flows and felt like it was just a matter of time before I had one like that. I want to have a feeling about something which won't let me doubt it or explain it. I have a few songs that I listen to when I want that but I'm afraid of wearing them out. Fuck, I hate that I'm saying the following, I want to feel something real.
Or maybe that's only possible when you're a teenager.
I don't want to be an adult. I want to be scared of things unexplained not things explained.
It would be nice to return to something as if it were comfortable. I tried listening to Live today and it just made me angry that I listened to what I didn't know were thinly veiled religious metaphors when I was a teenager. And this house feels a bit like my enemy when I'm alone. Everything is foreign. Home is where the heart is? More like heart is in the memories. And each memory takes a bit of it away until there's not much left to give to new ones.
I thought Whistler was a happy memory. Now I don't even think of it. If I do, it's more like, "oh, that happened". Like I watched a movie I didn't like nor dislike.
I want to be excited about something. I want to think sex is this scary beautiful mysterious thing like I did before. I want to read a book as if there's no way it's going to let me down. I want to have a conversation with someone that just flows and felt like it was just a matter of time before I had one like that. I want to have a feeling about something which won't let me doubt it or explain it. I have a few songs that I listen to when I want that but I'm afraid of wearing them out. Fuck, I hate that I'm saying the following, I want to feel something real.
Or maybe that's only possible when you're a teenager.
I don't want to be an adult. I want to be scared of things unexplained not things explained.