the end. the beginning. the in-between: a trilogy.
PART III: The in-between.
I guess it's the right time to finish this trilogy. I've been stuck in the in-between for a long time now.
06-10-08.
School started today. For a lot of people I know, it did. But for others, today was just another one of those days that remind you, "You're neither here nor there." For others like myself.
The trouble with the cliche, every end is a new beginning, is that it doesn't consider the part where you've already ended yet haven't really begun. That grey area.
School ended for me a long time ago. One month and fourteen days to be exact. The rest of what I call "life" should be starting soon. How soon? That I have yet to figure out.
It's not just the time. It's not just the realization that things aren't what they used to be or that they aren't what you expected them to be. It's the feeling of not knowing. That cluelessness, that uncertainty. The feeling that says, "What now?"
Isn't it amazing how you get from here to there without realizing that you even moved? A long time ago, I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I had things figured out. But that was a long time ago. Something slapped me and suddenly I don't know what I want. And worse, I don't even know why.
More than a week ago, I saw my blockmates again for the first time since graduation. For a quite a while during that meeting, we talked about the "bum life". We shared stories of staying home, sleeping, watching DVDs, and completing a series in one sitting. And then we moved to the topic of paychecks, careers, bank accounts, and life plans. It wasn't a quick jump, but somehow it still surprised me. It said, "Hey, things are different now. Some people are in a different place already."
More than that, though, it said, "People have moved on. So should you."
I don't dislike change. In fact I'm excited with how some people I know are in places and situations we just used to think about. But see, that's exactly the thing. They are now where they always thought they'd be. Some of them at least. I, on the other hand, don't know where I am, don't know where I should be, don't know where I want to be.
I just pray every night that the grey area will soon turn into white or black. Either way would be fine.
06-10-08.
Today school started. Meanwhile I was in the 6th floor of a building in Ortigas, waiting in line for a job interview. Others were in their armchairs in a classroom. I was on a couch in a lobby.
Today, I went to my one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eighth job interview since I graduated. Tomorrow, I'm going to my ninth. I swear. Just like what a friend said, if going to all these interviews has a corresponding paycheck, I'd have a happy bank account by now.
So, what happens after tomorrow? Again, grey area. I guess I'll have to PRAY and see.