(no subject)
I have been crying for an hour 1/2.
I wish it would stop.
im so sad.
But i feel bad to bother anyone.
Im almost possitive I anoy Eric and he doesnt really care much. .so in a way it just makes me feel worse.
I tried to write in a diary this morning But it made me feel worse.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone cause I just bother them and they pretend they care.
Eric tells me to find something to do Instead of sitting here But the only thing that makes me feel better is not being here and being with him or someone that seems to care.
But my mom won't let me out today cause she just says she wants me to stay inside.
I can feel myself getting worse each day.
I keep feeling like I should die.
A part of me wants to hide in a courner and sit there till i rot away But then I stop myself from actually attemping to kill me cause I know id hurt other people.
He tells me not to blame being so depressed on my mom or anyone else
And I know he's right so I can't help but to blame it on myself.
I want to call Shannon because sometimes It seems like she really listens and she tries to understand.
But I don't want to bother her or ruin her day.
So even though it seems impossible to suck all this in And when i try, my heart just feels more pain.
I will sit here and shut up and tell myself ill be ok.
I dont know whats going on. I wish I knew why im feeling this way.
Eric,
Im sorry im so senative lately And that I take everything so litterally.
Im sorry if you dont have much fun with me anyone.
I wish I could change all of it.
But I dont know who I am. If this is myself.
I dont remember much of if I ever was.
I pitch myself to hope I wake up.
But I can't even feel it.
I wish it would stop.
im so sad.
But i feel bad to bother anyone.
Im almost possitive I anoy Eric and he doesnt really care much. .so in a way it just makes me feel worse.
I tried to write in a diary this morning But it made me feel worse.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone cause I just bother them and they pretend they care.
Eric tells me to find something to do Instead of sitting here But the only thing that makes me feel better is not being here and being with him or someone that seems to care.
But my mom won't let me out today cause she just says she wants me to stay inside.
I can feel myself getting worse each day.
I keep feeling like I should die.
A part of me wants to hide in a courner and sit there till i rot away But then I stop myself from actually attemping to kill me cause I know id hurt other people.
He tells me not to blame being so depressed on my mom or anyone else
And I know he's right so I can't help but to blame it on myself.
I want to call Shannon because sometimes It seems like she really listens and she tries to understand.
But I don't want to bother her or ruin her day.
So even though it seems impossible to suck all this in And when i try, my heart just feels more pain.
I will sit here and shut up and tell myself ill be ok.
I dont know whats going on. I wish I knew why im feeling this way.
Eric,
Im sorry im so senative lately And that I take everything so litterally.
Im sorry if you dont have much fun with me anyone.
I wish I could change all of it.
But I dont know who I am. If this is myself.
I dont remember much of if I ever was.
I pitch myself to hope I wake up.
But I can't even feel it.