hello antisocial
i know that nobody reads this so i'm just writing in here to make myself feel better.
I miss my Brother and ernesto... The thoughts of dying are haunting and the concept seems to make more sense with every breath.
I cough out my lungs...
I feel like i'm crashing from a 5 month trip.
i don't have any friends anymore. other than Adi, i don't have any friends. it's my own fault, i know.
Tonight has been a night of missing.
i miss my mom. i miss the smell of shalimar, i miss the red lipstick, i miss watching gilmore girls and singing with the windows down, i miss her smile and her pretty eyes and the christmas that we spent together. i miss the gifts she always gave me that had something to do with barbies because she didn't want me to grow up. i miss her laugh. i miss her trying to throw away my cigarettes.
i miss watching her cook and hoping i would be as beautiful as her one day. i miss baking pies just to throw them away because i added too much chocolate. i miss going to disneyworld with her and riding space mountain 18 times in a row. i miss her voice and her 80's hair, i keep thinking about how she looked when the recruiter picked me up -- bags under her eyes, poorly dressed and still stunning.
i miss my Ernesto. i miss his humor, the way he always made me laugh, the way he always listened to me and confided in me. i miss how we used to play "scary hide and go seek" when were kids and he would put shoes under the curtains so we thought he was there. i miss watching him play the trombone. i miss his stupid jokes about me being a unfashionably aware, i miss him being absolutely stunning. i miss his fast driving. i miss riding on rollercoasters with him. i miss the he loved me uncondionally without expecting anything in return but love.
I miss my brother.
but i cant go into it... Or i'll surely die right now.
this was all a waste of time poorly written and for nothing.
There's no easy way to say goodbye. I split my lip open somehow.
I don't know how or when....exactly. It hurts. What do I do?
I eat grapefruit. Take that, ouch.
I don't fully understand anything.
There's a large bird, tapping at my door.
In a stupid girl's world everything is connected to everything. Look at the descriptive sticker sign on the window of that rice burner car, It must mean that he's watching over us. My perplexity nearly overtakes and undoes me. That's life for you. Isn't it? Am I wrong, the whole world, am I wrong? Is it nonsense yet? Make it go. Slide down this fun zone whirligig into the mouth of a train station. Hop on up. enjoy the ride while it goes. Fuck Nicholas Cage. Such a crime drama. Anyone order a secret agent? We won't ever get off this thing. we're still there. Under the watchful eye of the dark and lonely passenger.
Only a matter of time.
Time
time
time
time
time to be
____________un
___________________________rav
_______________________________________________eled.
I saw a man smoking a cigar and winking a merry wink. He has the raider key and it's a damn good thing too. Because the fellow unlocks his treasure chest and swims in penny coins.
If only I could be an anime girl.
I miss my Brother and ernesto... The thoughts of dying are haunting and the concept seems to make more sense with every breath.
I cough out my lungs...
I feel like i'm crashing from a 5 month trip.
i don't have any friends anymore. other than Adi, i don't have any friends. it's my own fault, i know.
Tonight has been a night of missing.
i miss my mom. i miss the smell of shalimar, i miss the red lipstick, i miss watching gilmore girls and singing with the windows down, i miss her smile and her pretty eyes and the christmas that we spent together. i miss the gifts she always gave me that had something to do with barbies because she didn't want me to grow up. i miss her laugh. i miss her trying to throw away my cigarettes.
i miss watching her cook and hoping i would be as beautiful as her one day. i miss baking pies just to throw them away because i added too much chocolate. i miss going to disneyworld with her and riding space mountain 18 times in a row. i miss her voice and her 80's hair, i keep thinking about how she looked when the recruiter picked me up -- bags under her eyes, poorly dressed and still stunning.
i miss my Ernesto. i miss his humor, the way he always made me laugh, the way he always listened to me and confided in me. i miss how we used to play "scary hide and go seek" when were kids and he would put shoes under the curtains so we thought he was there. i miss watching him play the trombone. i miss his stupid jokes about me being a unfashionably aware, i miss him being absolutely stunning. i miss his fast driving. i miss riding on rollercoasters with him. i miss the he loved me uncondionally without expecting anything in return but love.
I miss my brother.
but i cant go into it... Or i'll surely die right now.
this was all a waste of time poorly written and for nothing.
There's no easy way to say goodbye. I split my lip open somehow.
I don't know how or when....exactly. It hurts. What do I do?
I eat grapefruit. Take that, ouch.
I don't fully understand anything.
There's a large bird, tapping at my door.
In a stupid girl's world everything is connected to everything. Look at the descriptive sticker sign on the window of that rice burner car, It must mean that he's watching over us. My perplexity nearly overtakes and undoes me. That's life for you. Isn't it? Am I wrong, the whole world, am I wrong? Is it nonsense yet? Make it go. Slide down this fun zone whirligig into the mouth of a train station. Hop on up. enjoy the ride while it goes. Fuck Nicholas Cage. Such a crime drama. Anyone order a secret agent? We won't ever get off this thing. we're still there. Under the watchful eye of the dark and lonely passenger.
Only a matter of time.
Time
time
time
time
time to be
____________un
___________________________rav
_______________________________________________eled.
I saw a man smoking a cigar and winking a merry wink. He has the raider key and it's a damn good thing too. Because the fellow unlocks his treasure chest and swims in penny coins.
If only I could be an anime girl.