Dreaming Through the Twilight (13)
Title: Dreaming Through the Twilight (13)
Fandom: JE
Pairing: PiKame, Akame
Rating: PG 13
Warning: Un-beta-ed.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: “If you can’t live in this world, then I’ll make one where you can live in!” Kame cried out desperately, his voice echoed down the corridor.
Dreaming Through the Twilight
Yamapi/Jin/Kame
Chapter 13
*
Kame was so light in Yamapi’s arms that it felt like he was barely there at all, and Yamapi found himself tighten his hold on the younger boy every time they were together-more than enough to leave bruises, just to make sure that Kame was really there and not a product of his imagination.
Sometimes Kame winced when he did that, but he never flinched away nor said anything to him; he just looked at him with those big soft brown eyes. It was such a neutral gaze those eyes directed at him that it seemed out of place in their situation, and Yamapi felt like Kame actually understood what was going on inside his head at those times.
When Kame looked at him like that, all Yamapi wanted was to just close his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away.
In the end, it was always Kame who closed his eyes first, if only because he couldn’t fight back sleep.
Yamapi found himself thanking God for the small mercy.
*
He frowned.
What the hell was he doing here, again?
He breathed in the cold air, allowing the wind to tousle his hair into a slight mess, and glanced down at his watch. It was past midnight already. Or was it early morning?
He turned to the side where he had parked his car, and looked at it impassively. There was nothing wrong with his car. Then he glanced up at the twenty storey apartment building in front of him. There was nothing wrong with it also. He looked around his surrounding, and frowned again. The street was mostly deserted and quiet, which wasn’t surprising, since it was late and all. But it looked normal.
Nothing was wrong really, except the fact that he had been standing in front of Kame’s apartment building for the last hour, and he didn’t even know how or why he was there in the first place.
Okay, his car was still there, so that solved the ‘how’ question, but still.
He stared at the building in front of him mournfully for the last time, heaving a sigh, and turned to his car.
…only to come face to face with the one and only Kamenashi Kazuya himself.
Whoops.
Kame blinked. “Yamapi?”
Yamapi frowned. “What are you doing here?” he demanded, out of reflex than anything, because, hallo, where was Jin? Wasn’t Kame supposed to be with him right now?
Kame raised an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that should be my line? Since this is my apartment complex and all. And if I remembered correctly, yours is at least fifty blocks away from here.” He shifted then, leaning his weight on one foot and stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets. “So… what are you doing here?”
Hee. Good question. I’m sort of wondering about that myself, actually. He shrugged. “Just around,”
Kame stared at him. “Just around,” he repeated slowly.
Yamapi smiled innocently at him.
Tilting his head to the side a little, Kame regarded him curiously. “Are you alright? You look… flushed,” he said after a moment, softly, almost concernedly, stepped closer to him and pressed the back of his hand gently against his forehead, then his cheek, and Yamapi leaned into the touch reflexively.
“Hmm. Your hand’s warm,” he mumbled distractedly.
Kame snorted. “Of course it is, since you feel so cold. How long have you been out here anyway?” he said, not unkindly. “If you’re waiting for me, why don’t you just wait inside your car? At least you could be warmer there.”
“And why would I be waiting for you?” he asked, puzzled, rather uncomprehending.
“You’re always around,” Kame replied, accompanied by a shrug. He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like it was all the answer there was to it, and it was uttered in a plain, uninterested and careless tone, like it was a sure thing - him being around - like it was something that wouldn’t be questioned, like he was just another part of the scenery.
He was speechless, to say the least. “Wait, are you saying I’m stalking you?!” he squeaked indignantly, spluttering, his tone went up a few notches.
Kame looked at him oddly for a moment in a sort of unblinking way, like he was contemplating something, before rolling his eyes at his direction. “Of course not. I’m merely saying you’re always there when I need you, that you like to take care of me - including reminding me about my schedule, and isn’t that why you’re here?” he said nonchalantly, brushing it off, and there was a light tone in his voice, like he thought Yamapi was only being silly on purpose.
But he wasn’t; he wasn’t trying to be silly, and he definitely wasn’t here to remind Kame of his schedule. Hell, he didn’t even know why he was here in the first place!
…wait a minute.
He frowned again, because somehow it almost felt like - like Kame actually - “did you just make up an excuse for me?” he asked blandly, directly, bluntly, because his tact and wits had already left him for the night. “Why…?” his tone was disbelieving.
The thought of Kame making up a reason, an excuse for Yamapi to be there, to be near him even though there was no Nobuta anymore, even though there was no scheduled Shuji to Akira performance and especially when Yamapi himself didn’t have one felt kinda ironic somehow. Not to mention also disturbing. Really disturbing. In a bad way. Because it would mean that Kame could see through him, and that was something that he could never ever allow to happen.
“Kon,” Kame said, smiling, his fox hand knocked Yamapi’s forehead gently, bringing him back from his stupor. Yamapi blinked. “You must be really tired if you start talking nonsense. Come on, let’s just go back.” And he turned to the direction of the apartment building.
Let’s just go back? Go back where? Hallo, Kame, in case you failed to notice, you’re the one who lives here, not me; so you can’t just say it like that, except if the person you’re talking to lives with you.
There would be permanent wrinkle on his forehead if his frowning didn’t cease soon.
Kame turned back to him when he realized he didn’t follow him. “Yamapi?”
“I - “
It didn’t necessarily mean anything. He always spent his time on Kame’s place after all performances, so it was probably only out of routine Kame invited him over.
Routine.
In fact, that actually could be used as an answer to the ‘why’ question earlier. He was a man of habit, so it would be understandable if he was here only because he had instinctively followed a routine.
…and since when did Kame exactly become a part of his routine?
“Oh, come on,”
Before he could mull over the question, Kame had grabbed his hand and dragged him inside the building, completely taken him by surprise. He stared at Kame’s hand on his. Kame’s hold was firm and sure, but not so hard, and he would be able to shake it off easily if he tried. But his hand was soft and thin and felt delicate and warm on his cold one, and when he tried to hold on, to grasp it back, it was still there - real and solid, and it didn’t disappear like he thought it would.
It seemed a bit surreal, somehow.
He shook his head. Stop thinking.
Kame was there, a warm presence beside him, and he was as real as Yamapi could ever hope him to be; at least for now. Come tomorrow, perhaps everything would change, perhaps this all would turn out to be a dream. But now, but now Kame was there, and he wasn’t alone, and -
He tightened his hold on Kame’s hand.
It was all that mattered. For now.
*
It was in a hot summer day the first time Kame kissed him.
He was lying sprawled on a couch in their dressing room, eyes closed, trying to get some sleep while the others were having lunch. The room was quiet, and the air was filled with heat that clung to his skin even though the air conditioner was on. He thought it would be bothersome and take too much energy to go down to the cafeteria just for lunch, so he let the others go without him.
Some minutes passed, but he was only half-asleep when he heard the door creak open. Then there were some footsteps, light and careful, like whoever it was, they were trying to be discreet.
“Jin? You’re awake?” the person asked hesitantly, and Jin recognized the voice as Kame’s.
Jin didn’t know why, but something - something told him to be still, so he didn’t answer and kept his eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, and waited.
Seconds passed, but Kame didn’t say anything else. Jin was really tempted to just open his eyes, to look at Kame and find out what made him sound so hesitant, but he could be patient when he wanted to, and he was curious, so he tried to keep still.
Then a moment later, he felt a pair of lips pressing against his own softly, and Jin was sure he had forgotten how to breathe properly.
“I think I love you,” Kame said, soft and a little shy. “Do you love me?” and a sigh was heard.
But Kame didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, Jin heard his light footsteps leaving the couch and getting farther away until finally the sound of the door being closed was heard, loud and clear in the quiet room.
Jin released the breath he had been holding and opened his eyes slowly. He was no longer feeling sleepy now. Then he sat up and looked at the spot Kame had just vacated, touching his lips with his fingers in wonder.
Did Kame really feel that way toward him?
He was sure he didn’t love Kame at the time; he liked him, yes. But love? Nah. He had never had someone confessed to him before, so he didn’t really know what to feel. He thought he should be happy, but instead he felt a little panicked and all he could think about was I’m not ready, I’m not ready, I’m not ready for this yet.
It was too sudden, and he didn’t think he was ready for it, to deal with it, but he didn’t want Kame to love someone else either, so he kept him at his side at all times since then. They were already close anyway, so if he tried to get even closer - so Kame’s feeling wouldn’t fade - no one would mention it.
He wasn’t ready, and he didn’t love Kame, but he thought if he tried to, he might be able to love him.
Then some time later, what he called as the Yamapi Incident happened. Yamapi changed, Toma changed, and everything just changed so suddenly that he didn’t know what really happened, or how.
Jin had always been an appreciator of beauty, and he found it strange how one’s attitude could affect their entire appearances. Because right then, he didn’t think Yamapi - being so fucked up already at that point - was beautiful anymore. Oh, his face was still pretty, but his false smile and fake, fake everything else only served to make Jin feel sick and hollow, and his presence only served to make the room look dark and gloomy, even though Jin was the only one who felt that way.
That day, he’d been unfortunate enough to run into Yamapi in one his strangest mood, and that pretty much darkened everything. Then he heard someone calling him, and when he turned, it was as if he’d forgotten how to breathe all over again, just like when Kame’d unexpectedly kissed him some memories ago.
“JIN!” Kame shouted again, running toward him excitedly, waving a baseball around in one hand like some kind of prize, his whole face lit up into a grin, eyes fixated on him, and in that second - in that second, he was the most beautiful thing Jin’d ever seen.
“Jin, guess what? Guess what?” Kame said eagerly after he crashed into Jin.
“…What?” Jin asked distractedly.
“Tokyo won! Just now Tokyo baseball team won the game against Osaka team in Koshien! HA! Take that, Ryo-chan!” he exclaimed triumphantly.
Kame was still talking enthusiastically about the game that apparently he’d heard on his radio, but Jin was too enthralled by the way he looked right then to really notice what he was saying. With Kame’s hair tousled from the running, slightly framing his face, eyes bright, cheeks flushed, grin stretched from ear to ear, looking all happy and innocent and child-like and untouched, Jin felt as though he was looking at the sun - because at that moment, he was just that bright and blinding to Jin.
Perhaps it was because Kame didn’t really know Yamapi and Toma and 4TOPS, thus he wasn’t really affected by what happened, and he didn’t change. Kame was still the same Kame, only now he looked brighter than ever in Jin’s eyes.
And Jin thought, I’m in love.
.
He drew Kame into a bear hug, making Kame let out a small ‘Oof’ in surprise. “Jin?”
“Don’t change; please, whatever happens, don’t change,” he muttered into the top of Kame’s head, drawing him even closer to him. “I’d do anything, but please don’t change.” And he meant it; he’d do anything to protect that smile, to make it stay untainted - even if he had to turn the world upside down in the process.
“Don’t worry,” Kame replied solemnly, “I’ll stay faithful to Tokyo team and won’t change into another team! Promise! You can count on me!”
Jin laughed, because Kame had completely missed his request and mistaken it for something else altogether. “That wasn’t what I mean, but I think that would do, too.” He said again. “Just promise me: don’t change, okay?”
Which was actually just the same as asking Kame to not grow up, because when people grew up and matured, they would be touched by the world, learned that reality wasn’t as beautiful, and they just couldn’t not change. But it was alright, Jin thought, because as long as he was there - and he’d make sure to always be there for him - Kame could keep being childish.
“I promise!” Kame replied, nodding furiously, still high from his team’s winning and definitely not getting what Jin really meant by that.
Jin only smiled and ruffled his hair, messing it up further despite Kame’s protests.
That time, something coiled inside him, saying, I’m ready, I’m ready.
Right then, Jin thought he was finally ready - ready to take their relationship one step further, ready to be something more than just a friend to Kame. He didn’t try to love him though, because he had already loved him anyhow. And perhaps he actually had always been in love with Kame - in love with his hidden beauty and his smile and his laugh and his innocence and possibly every little thing that he did, and he just never realized it before.
He also thought perhaps - in a way - he had to thank Yamapi, because if he didn’t change, then Jin’d never realize just how bright and beautiful Kame really was.
And if one day, one day Kame finally confessed to him again - directly to his face and not just in some stolen moment - he’d be able to say, I love you too.
*
“It’s lonely,” Kame said out of the blue, sitting cross-legged on the table in the middle of their assigned dressing room in Music Station, already dressed in his street clothes, watching Yamapi rummaging through his bag across from him.
“…What?” Yamapi said absent-mindedly, not really paying attention.
“I said it’s lonely, like this.” He replied, still watching Yamapi’s every move. “Don’t you feel lonely too?” He asked.
Yamapi paused. Very, very slowly, he turned to look at him. “Why should I? And what the hell are you talking about?”
Kame tilted his head to the side a little, regarding him curiously. “Because I’ve only experienced it for - what, two or three weeks now? - and I already feel lonely. Yet you’ve done this for the last two years. I can’t imagine how that must feel like.”
“Again I ask, what are you talking about?” he demanded impatiently, leaning against the wall behind him and folding his arms over his chest.
“This…” Kame spread his arms wide before gesturing to the space between them, his eyes calm and his movements deliberate. “…whole hiding inside your own head thing.” When he finished, his eyes were trained on Yamapi’s, as if he was silently daring him to deny it, to counter it, to just react.
Yamapi’s lips formed a thin line, and his eyes narrowed for a split second before he smiled sweetly at the younger boy. “I can’t say I understand what you mean, Kazu-chan. Care to elaborate further?”
Kame smiled back at him, his eyes twinkling, and Yamapi felt rather disturbed at the fact that he couldn’t decide whether Kame’s smile was genuine or not. “Nah, that’s fine if you still don’t want to admit it.” His tone was subdued, almost sad, even. “I guess I just want to let you know that I’ll stop… doing this,” again, he gestured to the space between them with his hand.
Yamapi didn’t say anything, and it took him a while to realize that Kame was looking at him expectantly, waiting for a response. Why, he wanted to ask. But that would be the same as admitting he knew what Kame was talking about, which probably Kame’s intention all along. “Oh.” He managed to reply instead.
Kame looked slightly disappointed, and he actually almost pouted. He didn’t though. “It’s no fun at all. I mean, perhaps it’s safe, because no one can touch you. But on the other hand, being isolated inside your own head, holding back everything - “ a pause. Then, “wait, of course you don’t hold back anything. What’s there to hold back, when you don’t feel a thing?”
Was it just him, or did Kame really insert some sarcasm there?
“Your point?” Yamapi cut him before Kame could utter another word out.
Kame exhaled slowly and looked at him in the eyes, holding his gaze steadily. “It’s okay to be honest every once in a while, you know.” Stop pretending.
Yamapi shifted. Well, he had been guessing where this conversation was heading, but still it wasn’t something that he had expected, and for a while, he could only stare blankly at the smaller boy. The refusal, denial, was already on the tip of his tongue, just waiting to be said, but he bit it back and licked his lips instead.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was that he didn’t know how to. He was too used of living this way that he had forgotten how to not slam his walls up on a moment notice when he heard someone approaching. He didn’t think he could change that at this point. But no one had ever asked that of him before, and he felt… weird. Like, really weird. The kind of weird that felt almost like a worry. Or… fear.
He frowned. What the hell was he thinking?
He zipped up his bag, the loud sound breaking the pregnant silence. “It’s getting late. We better go.” I don’t wanna talk about it.
Instead of answering Kame properly, to rise to the challenge, he chose to back down - something that he had never done before, and also something that Kame didn’t expect him to do apparently, if the look of astonishment written all over his face was anything to go by.
Then he heard Kame sighing audibly in disappointment before he got off of the table and straightened his clothes. “I’ll tell the juniors, then.” He muttered, walking passed Yamapi to the door, and his eyes were accusing when they looked at him for a second.
Really, what was all that about?
He clicked his tongue in annoyance and glared at his own reflection in the mirror. So Kame finally found something that Yamapi didn’t want to talk about, something that could be used against him if Kame was twisted enough to use it at all. Geez, big deal. It was only Kame, after all. What was there to worry about?
Let’s not forget that you’re the one who taught him how to be sneaky.
Well, there was that too.
He sighed and grabbed his bag before following Kame out of the room.
“Kazu-chan,” he called, and tossed a yellow phone to Kame’s general direction when the boy turned, which he caught easily.
“My cell phone?” Kame sounded surprised and mildly puzzled.
Yamapi slung his bag over one shoulder, and started walking backward to the opposite direction of the one Kame was heading. “I don’t need it anyway,” he said, shrugging, purposely not looking at the other boy. There was no point in holding his phone hostage anymore after he met Jin anyway. “I’ll wait in the lobby.” Then he turned and walked away, totally missing the smile Kame sent his way.
*
It was silly.
It was silly and stupid and ridiculous and should have meant nothing at all because people did that all the time, yet he was still caught unprepared and left stunned when suddenly Kame grabbed his hand and started running to the direction of the meeting room, saying, “C’mon, we’re late!”
It was just an ordinary gesture, someone holding someone else’s hand, but somehow, that simple gesture was everything that Yamapi ever wanted-not the gesture, but the implication of it, a hidden meaning behind it-a silent promise that he would always be there for him, that he would never let go, that he would never leave him, and Yamapi had held Kame’s hand back unconsciously, trusting him without even aware of what he was doing.
It was so spontaneous that Yamapi didn’t think and just reacted, and his own response actually surprised him.
In that second when Kame came back for him and grabbed his hand, Yamapi felt as though seeing him for the very first time, and he thought he might finally see what Jin had seen in him at the first glance.
It was the fifth day into the filming, and that was when everything started.
*
Yamapi thought it was clearly a sign of something that he found the female personnel at MS infuriating. The girl at the receptionist desk had been not-so-subtly eyeing him out ever since he stepped into hall and sat on one of the couches there. Must be a newbie. Or a trainee. Because MS personnel rules were strict and staring at an idol so blatantly was considered rude and inappropriate and strictly forbidden. He sighed.
What the hell Kame was doing anyway? He had been waiting for the boy for the last fifteen minutes, and still waiting. What would actually take him so long to get the juniors?
He eyed the hall again. There weren’t so many people here; two or three people were waiting for the elevator, some cleaning service, two security guards in the far corner, three people sitting on the other couch who were busy with themselves and paid him no mind, and definitely no fangirl in sight.
He glanced at the receptionist girl, and winked. She blushed slightly, but didn’t look away.
Well, if Kame was going to take some more time, Yamapi could use a distraction while waiting for him. He gracefully rose from his seat and sauntered to the direction of the receptionist desk, slouching his shoulders slightly and carefully keeping his eyes on the ground only to immediately direct their gaze into hers the moment he was right in front of the desk.
He smiled at her. “Hello there. Are you new here? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a beauty like you here before,”
If Horikita was the one at the receiving end of his sweet sugary tone right now, she would have started to sweat in cold. Smart girl, Horikita. He liked her. When she wasn’t overly familiar with Kame, that was.
The girl squeaked. “Hai! I’m still new here! In fact, this is only my second day!” she was still blushing, and her eyes were glazed with adoration.
Figure. “Really? This is only your second day, and they let you watch the receptionist desk?”
“Yes!” she squealed almost happily, like what he said was some kind of compliment to her. There was nothing saddened him more than when people couldn’t get his sarcasm, honestly. He felt like rolling his eyes.
He didn’t though, and leaned slightly on the desk instead. “Well then, Miss…”
“Minako! It’s Katsuki Minako!”
“Mina-chan,” he lowered his tone slightly, “Are you busy tonight?”
“A-a, I‘m, I’m not,” She stammered.
He smiled again, rather suggestively this time. “Then, why don’t we…” his hand made its progress slowly towards hers, which was draped over the desk. She followed its trail with her eyes, something like hope in her eyes, blushing furiously. “…have something fun together?” and leaned even closer to her. “Or… what do you think about… now?” a lick over his lower lip, and she seemed ready to fall over, his hand almost reached hers.
Something that he knew well about the rules in MS was that if you were alone in the receptionist desk, do not, under any circumstance, leave your post until your partner come, because it is strictly forbidden to leave the receptionist booth unattended. And if this girl crossed it, probably she’d be fired. Hee.
Then suddenly someone sat on the desk, right across him and directly beside the girl who was leaning her upper body fully on the desk. That someone instantly took her hand and brought it to their lips as if about to kiss it, but their lips didn’t exactly make any contact with the skin of her hand. “My, what a lovely lady we have here,” that someone said flirtatiously.
And that someone, to Yamapi’s surprise, turned out to be Kame.
The girl squealed and turned even redder.
What the hell indeed.
“I see you’re trying to bond with Yamashita-san here,” Kame said solemnly, his hand still holding hers, and Yamapi’s own hand twitched. “But unfortunately, I have to tell you the truth, for a nice girl like you truly deserves it.” He sighed dramatically, and Yamapi was really reminded of Toma when he did that.
“…what truth?” the girl was practically screeched, her glazed eyes got even more clouded with adoration.
Yamapi didn’t say anything and just watched silently, curious as to which direction this was going to be.
But then Kame leaned closer to her on the desk, and he was practically no longer sitting on it as lounging across it, really, and Yamapi had this sudden urge to snatch him away from there.
“You see, Yamashita-san actually already has a lover waiting for him at home - “
Yamapi’s eyebrows went up. Excuse me?
“- but when he noticed a fair lady like you have an interest in him, he just doesn’t have a heart to refuse you for fear of breaking your fragile heart, because he remembers that a girl’s heart is so delicate and breakable.” Kame finished his speech with a somewhat sad sigh and a dramatic flick of his hair. “He’s truly a noble person, Yamashita-san is.”
Yamapi narrowed his eyes slightly, because he knew sarcasm when he heard one. And Kame was definitely directed it at him. That little brat… what was he playing at?
The girl turned to him then, and he was really disturbed at the multiplied amount of adoration showed in her eyes. “Ohh, Yamashita-san, you’re really kind. I never knew you’re such a kind person. Please forgive me for being rude to you,” apparently she was also really touched by Kame’s words that she looked like about to cry.
Yamapi looked at Kame, but his face betrayed nothing. But something, something in Kame’s eyes made Yamapi pause, and he recognized it as a challenge. Kame was challenging him, he realized. Again. Was he trying to see how far he could push Yamapi’s button before he snapped at him?
Then he broke the eye contact and took her hand in his again, drawing her attention to him once more. “Yamashita-san isn’t available, but I, on the other hand…” he gave her a slow smile, “…am very available.”
He definitely didn’t like this. At all. Well, Yamapi thought, if this was what Kame wanted, then two could play at this game.
He walked to Kame’s side and put his arms around Kame’s waist, his chin propped up on Kame’s shoulder. “Kamenashi-kun, are you trying to sacrifice yourself for me?” he said, voice child-like and laced with sadness. “Because I know you’re not really available, for your heart has already belonged to someone else.” His tone indicated that he actually had a very good idea who was this ‘someone else’.
From this angle, he couldn’t see Kame’s expression, but he thought he might have a guess of how he looked like right now. The girl was still watching them though, and he turned his face just at the same time Kame tried to look at him - which resulted in his lips pressed against the corner of Kame’s mouth.
There was a loud exclamation cry followed by a dull thud. When he looked over, the girl was out cold on the floor, fainted - from ecstasy, apparently. Damn. That way, she’d be claimed sick and wouldn’t get fired for leaving her post. Well, you could never have all you want in life, after all.
He tsk’ed and grabbed Kame’s hand roughly, leading him out of there. “Where are the others?”
“I asked manager-san to get them home first, and they already left.”
He only nodded distractedly and fastened his pace, and Kame had to run a little to catch up with him. Once they were in front of his car, he slammed Kame against the side of the car, making him wince. “What the hell was that?” he hissed.
“What?” Kame stared up at him confusedly.
“Just now - the stunt you pulled on that girl? Just what were you thinking?”
“I should be the one who ask you that! What were you thinking? Were you trying to make her cry, just like that assistant girl some time ago?”
“That,” he said slowly, “Wasn’t what I was trying to do.” And it was the truth. This time, he was trying to get her fired, not making her cry; it was different, although it was practically the same thing.
“Right.” Kame replied dubiously, clearly disbelieving.
Yamapi made some kind of distressed noise in the back of his throat. “Look,” he said, making sure Kame was looking at him, “That’s not the problem. What I wanna ask is, what’s with that flirty attitude just now?”
“What?” Kame said defensively. “What’s wrong with that?”
Yamapi gave him a Look.
Kame pouted. “I wasn’t flirting; I was just trying to… counter-flirt you.”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, if you can make a girl cry by flirting, surely I can fix what you did by flirting too. And it actually worked; no one cry in the end just now.” He frowned at him then. “Besides, why would you show me how to do it if I’m not allowed to use it?” And it was definitely a sulk he heard in Kame’s voice. “And you do that all the time, too.”
Because I want you to learn how to manipulate people, dammit, not to flirt with them! Besides, he didn’t know why, but it always annoyed him every time Kame was in close proximity with other people and getting overly cozy and familiar with them. Of course, he couldn’t just say it out loud, could he?
“I’m allowed to because I’m older and wiser and can differentiate between bad things and good things.”
Kame blinked. “That doesn’t make any sense. And you make me think like you’re talking to a four-year-old kid, which I’m not.”
“Not everything’s supposed to make sense! Besides, why‘d you care about my flirting around?”
Kame pursed his lips at him. He looked like about to say something, but apparently thought better and didn’t say anything. And now he stared at him with a look that clearly said I-know-you’re-hiding-something-and-I’m-going-to-find-out-just-you-see.
“Then let’s make a deal, shall we?”
Yamapi’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of deal?”
“I won’t flirt if you don’t; it’s as simple as that.” Kame said with a nonchalant air.
Yamapi frowned. “And why would I exactly want to make that kind of deal with you? Just who do you think you are?”
Kame raised an eyebrow at him. “Oookaaaay,” he said slowly, dragging every syllable. Then his eyes swept over the parking lot, searching for something before they spotted a formal looking girl walking toward them. Kame tilted his head to the side a little, seemingly considering something, and Yamapi definitely didn’t like the glint in Kame’s eyes when he turned back to look at him, because he had a very good suspicion where this was leading.
“You won’t be able to do that. You’re never good with women.” He said flatly.
“I am not, but Shuji is. And you know I can play Shuji’s character really well.” And it was definitely a challenge he saw in Kame’s eyes.
“You won’t dare,” he said, disbelieving, but a bit of uncertainty slipped through.
Kame smiled felinely at him, his eyes twinkling. “Watch me,”
Yamapi watched as Kame turned, took a deep breath, and started walking toward the girl. Something, something seemed different in the way Kame walked, and Yamapi realized it was the way Kame walked when he was in Shuji-mode: brisk, but looking effortlessly graceful. And even if he couldn’t see his face, he was sure Kame was smiling that slightly crooked smile.
He clicked his tongue, looking at the pavement, then to his side, bit his lip for a second, looked up at the sky, then back to his side before sighing in annoyance. “Fine! Alright, dammit, Fine!”
Kame halted, then slowly, very slowly, turned to look at him, that damn twinkle still in his eyes. “Fine what?” Kame said with the air of someone who had won and knew he had won and wanted to rub his winning in the face of his loser rival, practically rubbing salt on the wound.
He wouldn’t say it. Never! “You heard me.”
“Yes, but fine what?” Kame repeated, slouching on one foot, stuffing both hands into his back pockets, looking overly smug in Yamapi’s opinion. “I don’t think I understand what you mean, Yamashita-san.”
Yamapi pursed his lips and crossed his arms over his chest, eyes narrowed.
Kame smiled charmingly at him, the one that made his dimples show and his eyes disappear and he practically looked like an innocent little kid that Yamapi started to think he actually wasn’t.
Ha! Like something like that would actually work on him! He was the one who invented that look, dammit! It didn’t work, wouldn’t work, and definitely couldn’t work against him. Definitely.
…it actually worked.
“Fine! I swear I’ll never flirt around again!” he gritted out through his teeth. “Satisfied?!” almost barked, really.
“Very,” Kame said, his smile still on although it had taken a decidedly less innocent edge now.
Yamapi glared. “Now get in the car so I can kill you properly.” He snarled and threw the passenger door of his car open.
“Right away, sir!” the smaller boy replied, two fingers raised to his temple in mock salute before he climbed in and Yamapi closed the door after him.
He never thought there would be a day where his own technique was used against him, by Kame of all people, and he actually lost. He knew he was the one who showed Kame how to do it, but still. Besides, how come he just craved in to the other boy’s demand like that? Why?
Oh yeah, now he remembered: he didn’t like to see Kame with other people.
He sighed.
Jealousy was truly a bitch.
*
“Wait! Hold up!” Kame shouted, and lucky for him, the person inside the elevator heard him and pushed the button so the door opened again, and Kame entered just before it closed, panting heavily from the running he did, and he bent down to catch his breath. Fortunately, the elevator was quite empty save for one person.
“Yo, Kazuya.” Someone greeted him. “In a hurry?”
Kame looked up, and his eyes widened. It was Toma. He quickly stood up straight and bowed down. “Ikuta-san! Long time no see! How do you do?”
“Really, such formalities. We’re friends, right? No need for that. It’s me as your senior who is supposed to greet you, you know.” He chuckled, the corner of his mouth turned up and formed a half smile.
Kame blanched. “I’m sorry!”
Toma rolled his eyes. “This isn’t going to end if this keeps on. Come on, stand up.”
“Ah, hai!”
The elevator didn’t move, and Kame realized none of them had pushed the buttons. He turned uncertainly to Toma, who was leaning against the wall of the elevator, and asked, “Ikuta-san, where are you going?”
“It’s To-chan! To-chan! We’re friends, so no formalities, okay?”
“Ah, hai! I’m really sorry, Tou…ma - san…” Kame finished lamely. He just couldn’t bring himself to say it like Toma wanted. It seemed rude somehow, even if Toma himself had given him permission.
Toma sighed dramatically. “I guess that will do for now. Fifth floor, please.” He said, and Kame obligingly pushed the button with number five on it. Fifth floor was reserved for NEWS and KAT-TUN, so perhaps Toma was here to visit Yamapi? Kame shrugged.
They felt the elevator moved, and it was silent for a while, with Kame standing right in front of the door and Toma leaning against the back wall, until Kame saw Toma dial some numbers on his phone and take a deep breath, like he was bracing himself for something before putting his phone to his ear.
Feeling it was rude and impolite to stare at other people, Kame quickly shifted his attention from Toma to the upper corner of the elevator and watched as the digit on the little black screen there slowly changed from 1 to 2, then to 3, then to -
“HELP! I’M DYING! SAVE ME! I’M TRAPPED INSIDE THE ELEVATOR! HELP…!”
Kame accidentally stumbled forward. And blinked. What…?
After recovering from the initial shock of the sheer volume of Toma’s shout, Kame turned to Toma in alarm, and blinked. Again.
Toma didn’t appear like he needed help or anything. He looked just fine to Kame. “Well, that should do it,” Toma said, flipping his phone off and smiling in a satisfied kind of way. When he noticed Kame staring at him, he promptly winked.
A prank…?
Kame turned back to face the door and shook his head. Jin was right. Toma was really weird. He wondered who was the poor soul on the other side of the line. He glanced at the little black screen again, and it showed number 5 now. They’d arrived.
“Kazuya,” Toma called suddenly. He was standing straight and no longer leaning against the wall. And he definitely wasn’t smiling.
Startled, Kame turned to look at him. “Yes, Toma-san?”
“I’m sorry.” He said solemnly, seriously, and before Kame could ask what he meant by that, Toma pulled him to the side, backed him up against the wall and kissed him full on the mouth. Kame’s eyes widened, but he was too stunned to react.
Distinctively, he heard the elevator open with a soft cheerful jingle and from the corner of his eyes, he saw Yamapi standing in front of the elevator, frozen to the spot, holding his phone to his ear.
Yamapi. It was Yamapi that Toma called just now.
One of Toma’s hands was on his nape, fingering the area until he found the mark that Yamapi left on the spot where his neck met his shoulder, and when his finger pressed on it firmly, Kame gasped.
The next thing he knew, Yamapi’d pulled Toma off him and tossed the older boy to the other side. Then Yamapi turned to face him, and Kame realized Yamapi looked so… so… lost. Like, like he actually didn’t know what to do and asked him for help, like he was confused, and felt… betrayed? “…Pi-chan?”
But before he could do anything, Yamapi grabbed him hard by his arm and shoved him out of the elevator, making Kame fall on his side from the force. Kame could only watch as the elevator slowly closed in front of him, obscuring a rather blank-faced Yamapi and a slightly smirking Toma from his view.
The elevator slid down, and no matter how many times Kame pushed the button frantically, it wouldn’t open.
Kame didn’t know what had just happened, but if there was something he understood well, it was that a blank-faced Yamapi was never a good sign. And then there was Toma. Kame knew they were close, but there was no telling what Yamapi would do in his current state.
Panicking, Kame immediately took the stairs and ran as fast as he could. He didn’t hear Jin calling him from behind, didn’t hear Jin shout at him to stop; the only thing in his mind was how to get to Yamapi and Toma as quickly as possible and that he wouldn’t be late to stop whatever it was that was going to happen.
*
Hee. To the next part?
Fandom: JE
Pairing: PiKame, Akame
Rating: PG 13
Warning: Un-beta-ed.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: “If you can’t live in this world, then I’ll make one where you can live in!” Kame cried out desperately, his voice echoed down the corridor.
Dreaming Through the Twilight
Yamapi/Jin/Kame
Chapter 13
*
Kame was so light in Yamapi’s arms that it felt like he was barely there at all, and Yamapi found himself tighten his hold on the younger boy every time they were together-more than enough to leave bruises, just to make sure that Kame was really there and not a product of his imagination.
Sometimes Kame winced when he did that, but he never flinched away nor said anything to him; he just looked at him with those big soft brown eyes. It was such a neutral gaze those eyes directed at him that it seemed out of place in their situation, and Yamapi felt like Kame actually understood what was going on inside his head at those times.
When Kame looked at him like that, all Yamapi wanted was to just close his eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away.
In the end, it was always Kame who closed his eyes first, if only because he couldn’t fight back sleep.
Yamapi found himself thanking God for the small mercy.
*
He frowned.
What the hell was he doing here, again?
He breathed in the cold air, allowing the wind to tousle his hair into a slight mess, and glanced down at his watch. It was past midnight already. Or was it early morning?
He turned to the side where he had parked his car, and looked at it impassively. There was nothing wrong with his car. Then he glanced up at the twenty storey apartment building in front of him. There was nothing wrong with it also. He looked around his surrounding, and frowned again. The street was mostly deserted and quiet, which wasn’t surprising, since it was late and all. But it looked normal.
Nothing was wrong really, except the fact that he had been standing in front of Kame’s apartment building for the last hour, and he didn’t even know how or why he was there in the first place.
Okay, his car was still there, so that solved the ‘how’ question, but still.
He stared at the building in front of him mournfully for the last time, heaving a sigh, and turned to his car.
…only to come face to face with the one and only Kamenashi Kazuya himself.
Whoops.
Kame blinked. “Yamapi?”
Yamapi frowned. “What are you doing here?” he demanded, out of reflex than anything, because, hallo, where was Jin? Wasn’t Kame supposed to be with him right now?
Kame raised an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that should be my line? Since this is my apartment complex and all. And if I remembered correctly, yours is at least fifty blocks away from here.” He shifted then, leaning his weight on one foot and stuffing his hands into his jeans pockets. “So… what are you doing here?”
Hee. Good question. I’m sort of wondering about that myself, actually. He shrugged. “Just around,”
Kame stared at him. “Just around,” he repeated slowly.
Yamapi smiled innocently at him.
Tilting his head to the side a little, Kame regarded him curiously. “Are you alright? You look… flushed,” he said after a moment, softly, almost concernedly, stepped closer to him and pressed the back of his hand gently against his forehead, then his cheek, and Yamapi leaned into the touch reflexively.
“Hmm. Your hand’s warm,” he mumbled distractedly.
Kame snorted. “Of course it is, since you feel so cold. How long have you been out here anyway?” he said, not unkindly. “If you’re waiting for me, why don’t you just wait inside your car? At least you could be warmer there.”
“And why would I be waiting for you?” he asked, puzzled, rather uncomprehending.
“You’re always around,” Kame replied, accompanied by a shrug. He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like it was all the answer there was to it, and it was uttered in a plain, uninterested and careless tone, like it was a sure thing - him being around - like it was something that wouldn’t be questioned, like he was just another part of the scenery.
He was speechless, to say the least. “Wait, are you saying I’m stalking you?!” he squeaked indignantly, spluttering, his tone went up a few notches.
Kame looked at him oddly for a moment in a sort of unblinking way, like he was contemplating something, before rolling his eyes at his direction. “Of course not. I’m merely saying you’re always there when I need you, that you like to take care of me - including reminding me about my schedule, and isn’t that why you’re here?” he said nonchalantly, brushing it off, and there was a light tone in his voice, like he thought Yamapi was only being silly on purpose.
But he wasn’t; he wasn’t trying to be silly, and he definitely wasn’t here to remind Kame of his schedule. Hell, he didn’t even know why he was here in the first place!
…wait a minute.
He frowned again, because somehow it almost felt like - like Kame actually - “did you just make up an excuse for me?” he asked blandly, directly, bluntly, because his tact and wits had already left him for the night. “Why…?” his tone was disbelieving.
The thought of Kame making up a reason, an excuse for Yamapi to be there, to be near him even though there was no Nobuta anymore, even though there was no scheduled Shuji to Akira performance and especially when Yamapi himself didn’t have one felt kinda ironic somehow. Not to mention also disturbing. Really disturbing. In a bad way. Because it would mean that Kame could see through him, and that was something that he could never ever allow to happen.
“Kon,” Kame said, smiling, his fox hand knocked Yamapi’s forehead gently, bringing him back from his stupor. Yamapi blinked. “You must be really tired if you start talking nonsense. Come on, let’s just go back.” And he turned to the direction of the apartment building.
Let’s just go back? Go back where? Hallo, Kame, in case you failed to notice, you’re the one who lives here, not me; so you can’t just say it like that, except if the person you’re talking to lives with you.
There would be permanent wrinkle on his forehead if his frowning didn’t cease soon.
Kame turned back to him when he realized he didn’t follow him. “Yamapi?”
“I - “
It didn’t necessarily mean anything. He always spent his time on Kame’s place after all performances, so it was probably only out of routine Kame invited him over.
Routine.
In fact, that actually could be used as an answer to the ‘why’ question earlier. He was a man of habit, so it would be understandable if he was here only because he had instinctively followed a routine.
…and since when did Kame exactly become a part of his routine?
“Oh, come on,”
Before he could mull over the question, Kame had grabbed his hand and dragged him inside the building, completely taken him by surprise. He stared at Kame’s hand on his. Kame’s hold was firm and sure, but not so hard, and he would be able to shake it off easily if he tried. But his hand was soft and thin and felt delicate and warm on his cold one, and when he tried to hold on, to grasp it back, it was still there - real and solid, and it didn’t disappear like he thought it would.
It seemed a bit surreal, somehow.
He shook his head. Stop thinking.
Kame was there, a warm presence beside him, and he was as real as Yamapi could ever hope him to be; at least for now. Come tomorrow, perhaps everything would change, perhaps this all would turn out to be a dream. But now, but now Kame was there, and he wasn’t alone, and -
He tightened his hold on Kame’s hand.
It was all that mattered. For now.
*
It was in a hot summer day the first time Kame kissed him.
He was lying sprawled on a couch in their dressing room, eyes closed, trying to get some sleep while the others were having lunch. The room was quiet, and the air was filled with heat that clung to his skin even though the air conditioner was on. He thought it would be bothersome and take too much energy to go down to the cafeteria just for lunch, so he let the others go without him.
Some minutes passed, but he was only half-asleep when he heard the door creak open. Then there were some footsteps, light and careful, like whoever it was, they were trying to be discreet.
“Jin? You’re awake?” the person asked hesitantly, and Jin recognized the voice as Kame’s.
Jin didn’t know why, but something - something told him to be still, so he didn’t answer and kept his eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, and waited.
Seconds passed, but Kame didn’t say anything else. Jin was really tempted to just open his eyes, to look at Kame and find out what made him sound so hesitant, but he could be patient when he wanted to, and he was curious, so he tried to keep still.
Then a moment later, he felt a pair of lips pressing against his own softly, and Jin was sure he had forgotten how to breathe properly.
“I think I love you,” Kame said, soft and a little shy. “Do you love me?” and a sigh was heard.
But Kame didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, Jin heard his light footsteps leaving the couch and getting farther away until finally the sound of the door being closed was heard, loud and clear in the quiet room.
Jin released the breath he had been holding and opened his eyes slowly. He was no longer feeling sleepy now. Then he sat up and looked at the spot Kame had just vacated, touching his lips with his fingers in wonder.
Did Kame really feel that way toward him?
He was sure he didn’t love Kame at the time; he liked him, yes. But love? Nah. He had never had someone confessed to him before, so he didn’t really know what to feel. He thought he should be happy, but instead he felt a little panicked and all he could think about was I’m not ready, I’m not ready, I’m not ready for this yet.
It was too sudden, and he didn’t think he was ready for it, to deal with it, but he didn’t want Kame to love someone else either, so he kept him at his side at all times since then. They were already close anyway, so if he tried to get even closer - so Kame’s feeling wouldn’t fade - no one would mention it.
He wasn’t ready, and he didn’t love Kame, but he thought if he tried to, he might be able to love him.
Then some time later, what he called as the Yamapi Incident happened. Yamapi changed, Toma changed, and everything just changed so suddenly that he didn’t know what really happened, or how.
Jin had always been an appreciator of beauty, and he found it strange how one’s attitude could affect their entire appearances. Because right then, he didn’t think Yamapi - being so fucked up already at that point - was beautiful anymore. Oh, his face was still pretty, but his false smile and fake, fake everything else only served to make Jin feel sick and hollow, and his presence only served to make the room look dark and gloomy, even though Jin was the only one who felt that way.
That day, he’d been unfortunate enough to run into Yamapi in one his strangest mood, and that pretty much darkened everything. Then he heard someone calling him, and when he turned, it was as if he’d forgotten how to breathe all over again, just like when Kame’d unexpectedly kissed him some memories ago.
“JIN!” Kame shouted again, running toward him excitedly, waving a baseball around in one hand like some kind of prize, his whole face lit up into a grin, eyes fixated on him, and in that second - in that second, he was the most beautiful thing Jin’d ever seen.
“Jin, guess what? Guess what?” Kame said eagerly after he crashed into Jin.
“…What?” Jin asked distractedly.
“Tokyo won! Just now Tokyo baseball team won the game against Osaka team in Koshien! HA! Take that, Ryo-chan!” he exclaimed triumphantly.
Kame was still talking enthusiastically about the game that apparently he’d heard on his radio, but Jin was too enthralled by the way he looked right then to really notice what he was saying. With Kame’s hair tousled from the running, slightly framing his face, eyes bright, cheeks flushed, grin stretched from ear to ear, looking all happy and innocent and child-like and untouched, Jin felt as though he was looking at the sun - because at that moment, he was just that bright and blinding to Jin.
Perhaps it was because Kame didn’t really know Yamapi and Toma and 4TOPS, thus he wasn’t really affected by what happened, and he didn’t change. Kame was still the same Kame, only now he looked brighter than ever in Jin’s eyes.
And Jin thought, I’m in love.
.
He drew Kame into a bear hug, making Kame let out a small ‘Oof’ in surprise. “Jin?”
“Don’t change; please, whatever happens, don’t change,” he muttered into the top of Kame’s head, drawing him even closer to him. “I’d do anything, but please don’t change.” And he meant it; he’d do anything to protect that smile, to make it stay untainted - even if he had to turn the world upside down in the process.
“Don’t worry,” Kame replied solemnly, “I’ll stay faithful to Tokyo team and won’t change into another team! Promise! You can count on me!”
Jin laughed, because Kame had completely missed his request and mistaken it for something else altogether. “That wasn’t what I mean, but I think that would do, too.” He said again. “Just promise me: don’t change, okay?”
Which was actually just the same as asking Kame to not grow up, because when people grew up and matured, they would be touched by the world, learned that reality wasn’t as beautiful, and they just couldn’t not change. But it was alright, Jin thought, because as long as he was there - and he’d make sure to always be there for him - Kame could keep being childish.
“I promise!” Kame replied, nodding furiously, still high from his team’s winning and definitely not getting what Jin really meant by that.
Jin only smiled and ruffled his hair, messing it up further despite Kame’s protests.
That time, something coiled inside him, saying, I’m ready, I’m ready.
Right then, Jin thought he was finally ready - ready to take their relationship one step further, ready to be something more than just a friend to Kame. He didn’t try to love him though, because he had already loved him anyhow. And perhaps he actually had always been in love with Kame - in love with his hidden beauty and his smile and his laugh and his innocence and possibly every little thing that he did, and he just never realized it before.
He also thought perhaps - in a way - he had to thank Yamapi, because if he didn’t change, then Jin’d never realize just how bright and beautiful Kame really was.
And if one day, one day Kame finally confessed to him again - directly to his face and not just in some stolen moment - he’d be able to say, I love you too.
*
“It’s lonely,” Kame said out of the blue, sitting cross-legged on the table in the middle of their assigned dressing room in Music Station, already dressed in his street clothes, watching Yamapi rummaging through his bag across from him.
“…What?” Yamapi said absent-mindedly, not really paying attention.
“I said it’s lonely, like this.” He replied, still watching Yamapi’s every move. “Don’t you feel lonely too?” He asked.
Yamapi paused. Very, very slowly, he turned to look at him. “Why should I? And what the hell are you talking about?”
Kame tilted his head to the side a little, regarding him curiously. “Because I’ve only experienced it for - what, two or three weeks now? - and I already feel lonely. Yet you’ve done this for the last two years. I can’t imagine how that must feel like.”
“Again I ask, what are you talking about?” he demanded impatiently, leaning against the wall behind him and folding his arms over his chest.
“This…” Kame spread his arms wide before gesturing to the space between them, his eyes calm and his movements deliberate. “…whole hiding inside your own head thing.” When he finished, his eyes were trained on Yamapi’s, as if he was silently daring him to deny it, to counter it, to just react.
Yamapi’s lips formed a thin line, and his eyes narrowed for a split second before he smiled sweetly at the younger boy. “I can’t say I understand what you mean, Kazu-chan. Care to elaborate further?”
Kame smiled back at him, his eyes twinkling, and Yamapi felt rather disturbed at the fact that he couldn’t decide whether Kame’s smile was genuine or not. “Nah, that’s fine if you still don’t want to admit it.” His tone was subdued, almost sad, even. “I guess I just want to let you know that I’ll stop… doing this,” again, he gestured to the space between them with his hand.
Yamapi didn’t say anything, and it took him a while to realize that Kame was looking at him expectantly, waiting for a response. Why, he wanted to ask. But that would be the same as admitting he knew what Kame was talking about, which probably Kame’s intention all along. “Oh.” He managed to reply instead.
Kame looked slightly disappointed, and he actually almost pouted. He didn’t though. “It’s no fun at all. I mean, perhaps it’s safe, because no one can touch you. But on the other hand, being isolated inside your own head, holding back everything - “ a pause. Then, “wait, of course you don’t hold back anything. What’s there to hold back, when you don’t feel a thing?”
Was it just him, or did Kame really insert some sarcasm there?
“Your point?” Yamapi cut him before Kame could utter another word out.
Kame exhaled slowly and looked at him in the eyes, holding his gaze steadily. “It’s okay to be honest every once in a while, you know.” Stop pretending.
Yamapi shifted. Well, he had been guessing where this conversation was heading, but still it wasn’t something that he had expected, and for a while, he could only stare blankly at the smaller boy. The refusal, denial, was already on the tip of his tongue, just waiting to be said, but he bit it back and licked his lips instead.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was that he didn’t know how to. He was too used of living this way that he had forgotten how to not slam his walls up on a moment notice when he heard someone approaching. He didn’t think he could change that at this point. But no one had ever asked that of him before, and he felt… weird. Like, really weird. The kind of weird that felt almost like a worry. Or… fear.
He frowned. What the hell was he thinking?
He zipped up his bag, the loud sound breaking the pregnant silence. “It’s getting late. We better go.” I don’t wanna talk about it.
Instead of answering Kame properly, to rise to the challenge, he chose to back down - something that he had never done before, and also something that Kame didn’t expect him to do apparently, if the look of astonishment written all over his face was anything to go by.
Then he heard Kame sighing audibly in disappointment before he got off of the table and straightened his clothes. “I’ll tell the juniors, then.” He muttered, walking passed Yamapi to the door, and his eyes were accusing when they looked at him for a second.
Really, what was all that about?
He clicked his tongue in annoyance and glared at his own reflection in the mirror. So Kame finally found something that Yamapi didn’t want to talk about, something that could be used against him if Kame was twisted enough to use it at all. Geez, big deal. It was only Kame, after all. What was there to worry about?
Let’s not forget that you’re the one who taught him how to be sneaky.
Well, there was that too.
He sighed and grabbed his bag before following Kame out of the room.
“Kazu-chan,” he called, and tossed a yellow phone to Kame’s general direction when the boy turned, which he caught easily.
“My cell phone?” Kame sounded surprised and mildly puzzled.
Yamapi slung his bag over one shoulder, and started walking backward to the opposite direction of the one Kame was heading. “I don’t need it anyway,” he said, shrugging, purposely not looking at the other boy. There was no point in holding his phone hostage anymore after he met Jin anyway. “I’ll wait in the lobby.” Then he turned and walked away, totally missing the smile Kame sent his way.
*
It was silly.
It was silly and stupid and ridiculous and should have meant nothing at all because people did that all the time, yet he was still caught unprepared and left stunned when suddenly Kame grabbed his hand and started running to the direction of the meeting room, saying, “C’mon, we’re late!”
It was just an ordinary gesture, someone holding someone else’s hand, but somehow, that simple gesture was everything that Yamapi ever wanted-not the gesture, but the implication of it, a hidden meaning behind it-a silent promise that he would always be there for him, that he would never let go, that he would never leave him, and Yamapi had held Kame’s hand back unconsciously, trusting him without even aware of what he was doing.
It was so spontaneous that Yamapi didn’t think and just reacted, and his own response actually surprised him.
In that second when Kame came back for him and grabbed his hand, Yamapi felt as though seeing him for the very first time, and he thought he might finally see what Jin had seen in him at the first glance.
It was the fifth day into the filming, and that was when everything started.
*
Yamapi thought it was clearly a sign of something that he found the female personnel at MS infuriating. The girl at the receptionist desk had been not-so-subtly eyeing him out ever since he stepped into hall and sat on one of the couches there. Must be a newbie. Or a trainee. Because MS personnel rules were strict and staring at an idol so blatantly was considered rude and inappropriate and strictly forbidden. He sighed.
What the hell Kame was doing anyway? He had been waiting for the boy for the last fifteen minutes, and still waiting. What would actually take him so long to get the juniors?
He eyed the hall again. There weren’t so many people here; two or three people were waiting for the elevator, some cleaning service, two security guards in the far corner, three people sitting on the other couch who were busy with themselves and paid him no mind, and definitely no fangirl in sight.
He glanced at the receptionist girl, and winked. She blushed slightly, but didn’t look away.
Well, if Kame was going to take some more time, Yamapi could use a distraction while waiting for him. He gracefully rose from his seat and sauntered to the direction of the receptionist desk, slouching his shoulders slightly and carefully keeping his eyes on the ground only to immediately direct their gaze into hers the moment he was right in front of the desk.
He smiled at her. “Hello there. Are you new here? I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a beauty like you here before,”
If Horikita was the one at the receiving end of his sweet sugary tone right now, she would have started to sweat in cold. Smart girl, Horikita. He liked her. When she wasn’t overly familiar with Kame, that was.
The girl squeaked. “Hai! I’m still new here! In fact, this is only my second day!” she was still blushing, and her eyes were glazed with adoration.
Figure. “Really? This is only your second day, and they let you watch the receptionist desk?”
“Yes!” she squealed almost happily, like what he said was some kind of compliment to her. There was nothing saddened him more than when people couldn’t get his sarcasm, honestly. He felt like rolling his eyes.
He didn’t though, and leaned slightly on the desk instead. “Well then, Miss…”
“Minako! It’s Katsuki Minako!”
“Mina-chan,” he lowered his tone slightly, “Are you busy tonight?”
“A-a, I‘m, I’m not,” She stammered.
He smiled again, rather suggestively this time. “Then, why don’t we…” his hand made its progress slowly towards hers, which was draped over the desk. She followed its trail with her eyes, something like hope in her eyes, blushing furiously. “…have something fun together?” and leaned even closer to her. “Or… what do you think about… now?” a lick over his lower lip, and she seemed ready to fall over, his hand almost reached hers.
Something that he knew well about the rules in MS was that if you were alone in the receptionist desk, do not, under any circumstance, leave your post until your partner come, because it is strictly forbidden to leave the receptionist booth unattended. And if this girl crossed it, probably she’d be fired. Hee.
Then suddenly someone sat on the desk, right across him and directly beside the girl who was leaning her upper body fully on the desk. That someone instantly took her hand and brought it to their lips as if about to kiss it, but their lips didn’t exactly make any contact with the skin of her hand. “My, what a lovely lady we have here,” that someone said flirtatiously.
And that someone, to Yamapi’s surprise, turned out to be Kame.
The girl squealed and turned even redder.
What the hell indeed.
“I see you’re trying to bond with Yamashita-san here,” Kame said solemnly, his hand still holding hers, and Yamapi’s own hand twitched. “But unfortunately, I have to tell you the truth, for a nice girl like you truly deserves it.” He sighed dramatically, and Yamapi was really reminded of Toma when he did that.
“…what truth?” the girl was practically screeched, her glazed eyes got even more clouded with adoration.
Yamapi didn’t say anything and just watched silently, curious as to which direction this was going to be.
But then Kame leaned closer to her on the desk, and he was practically no longer sitting on it as lounging across it, really, and Yamapi had this sudden urge to snatch him away from there.
“You see, Yamashita-san actually already has a lover waiting for him at home - “
Yamapi’s eyebrows went up. Excuse me?
“- but when he noticed a fair lady like you have an interest in him, he just doesn’t have a heart to refuse you for fear of breaking your fragile heart, because he remembers that a girl’s heart is so delicate and breakable.” Kame finished his speech with a somewhat sad sigh and a dramatic flick of his hair. “He’s truly a noble person, Yamashita-san is.”
Yamapi narrowed his eyes slightly, because he knew sarcasm when he heard one. And Kame was definitely directed it at him. That little brat… what was he playing at?
The girl turned to him then, and he was really disturbed at the multiplied amount of adoration showed in her eyes. “Ohh, Yamashita-san, you’re really kind. I never knew you’re such a kind person. Please forgive me for being rude to you,” apparently she was also really touched by Kame’s words that she looked like about to cry.
Yamapi looked at Kame, but his face betrayed nothing. But something, something in Kame’s eyes made Yamapi pause, and he recognized it as a challenge. Kame was challenging him, he realized. Again. Was he trying to see how far he could push Yamapi’s button before he snapped at him?
Then he broke the eye contact and took her hand in his again, drawing her attention to him once more. “Yamashita-san isn’t available, but I, on the other hand…” he gave her a slow smile, “…am very available.”
He definitely didn’t like this. At all. Well, Yamapi thought, if this was what Kame wanted, then two could play at this game.
He walked to Kame’s side and put his arms around Kame’s waist, his chin propped up on Kame’s shoulder. “Kamenashi-kun, are you trying to sacrifice yourself for me?” he said, voice child-like and laced with sadness. “Because I know you’re not really available, for your heart has already belonged to someone else.” His tone indicated that he actually had a very good idea who was this ‘someone else’.
From this angle, he couldn’t see Kame’s expression, but he thought he might have a guess of how he looked like right now. The girl was still watching them though, and he turned his face just at the same time Kame tried to look at him - which resulted in his lips pressed against the corner of Kame’s mouth.
There was a loud exclamation cry followed by a dull thud. When he looked over, the girl was out cold on the floor, fainted - from ecstasy, apparently. Damn. That way, she’d be claimed sick and wouldn’t get fired for leaving her post. Well, you could never have all you want in life, after all.
He tsk’ed and grabbed Kame’s hand roughly, leading him out of there. “Where are the others?”
“I asked manager-san to get them home first, and they already left.”
He only nodded distractedly and fastened his pace, and Kame had to run a little to catch up with him. Once they were in front of his car, he slammed Kame against the side of the car, making him wince. “What the hell was that?” he hissed.
“What?” Kame stared up at him confusedly.
“Just now - the stunt you pulled on that girl? Just what were you thinking?”
“I should be the one who ask you that! What were you thinking? Were you trying to make her cry, just like that assistant girl some time ago?”
“That,” he said slowly, “Wasn’t what I was trying to do.” And it was the truth. This time, he was trying to get her fired, not making her cry; it was different, although it was practically the same thing.
“Right.” Kame replied dubiously, clearly disbelieving.
Yamapi made some kind of distressed noise in the back of his throat. “Look,” he said, making sure Kame was looking at him, “That’s not the problem. What I wanna ask is, what’s with that flirty attitude just now?”
“What?” Kame said defensively. “What’s wrong with that?”
Yamapi gave him a Look.
Kame pouted. “I wasn’t flirting; I was just trying to… counter-flirt you.”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, if you can make a girl cry by flirting, surely I can fix what you did by flirting too. And it actually worked; no one cry in the end just now.” He frowned at him then. “Besides, why would you show me how to do it if I’m not allowed to use it?” And it was definitely a sulk he heard in Kame’s voice. “And you do that all the time, too.”
Because I want you to learn how to manipulate people, dammit, not to flirt with them! Besides, he didn’t know why, but it always annoyed him every time Kame was in close proximity with other people and getting overly cozy and familiar with them. Of course, he couldn’t just say it out loud, could he?
“I’m allowed to because I’m older and wiser and can differentiate between bad things and good things.”
Kame blinked. “That doesn’t make any sense. And you make me think like you’re talking to a four-year-old kid, which I’m not.”
“Not everything’s supposed to make sense! Besides, why‘d you care about my flirting around?”
Kame pursed his lips at him. He looked like about to say something, but apparently thought better and didn’t say anything. And now he stared at him with a look that clearly said I-know-you’re-hiding-something-and-I’m-going-to-find-out-just-you-see.
“Then let’s make a deal, shall we?”
Yamapi’s eyes narrowed. “What kind of deal?”
“I won’t flirt if you don’t; it’s as simple as that.” Kame said with a nonchalant air.
Yamapi frowned. “And why would I exactly want to make that kind of deal with you? Just who do you think you are?”
Kame raised an eyebrow at him. “Oookaaaay,” he said slowly, dragging every syllable. Then his eyes swept over the parking lot, searching for something before they spotted a formal looking girl walking toward them. Kame tilted his head to the side a little, seemingly considering something, and Yamapi definitely didn’t like the glint in Kame’s eyes when he turned back to look at him, because he had a very good suspicion where this was leading.
“You won’t be able to do that. You’re never good with women.” He said flatly.
“I am not, but Shuji is. And you know I can play Shuji’s character really well.” And it was definitely a challenge he saw in Kame’s eyes.
“You won’t dare,” he said, disbelieving, but a bit of uncertainty slipped through.
Kame smiled felinely at him, his eyes twinkling. “Watch me,”
Yamapi watched as Kame turned, took a deep breath, and started walking toward the girl. Something, something seemed different in the way Kame walked, and Yamapi realized it was the way Kame walked when he was in Shuji-mode: brisk, but looking effortlessly graceful. And even if he couldn’t see his face, he was sure Kame was smiling that slightly crooked smile.
He clicked his tongue, looking at the pavement, then to his side, bit his lip for a second, looked up at the sky, then back to his side before sighing in annoyance. “Fine! Alright, dammit, Fine!”
Kame halted, then slowly, very slowly, turned to look at him, that damn twinkle still in his eyes. “Fine what?” Kame said with the air of someone who had won and knew he had won and wanted to rub his winning in the face of his loser rival, practically rubbing salt on the wound.
He wouldn’t say it. Never! “You heard me.”
“Yes, but fine what?” Kame repeated, slouching on one foot, stuffing both hands into his back pockets, looking overly smug in Yamapi’s opinion. “I don’t think I understand what you mean, Yamashita-san.”
Yamapi pursed his lips and crossed his arms over his chest, eyes narrowed.
Kame smiled charmingly at him, the one that made his dimples show and his eyes disappear and he practically looked like an innocent little kid that Yamapi started to think he actually wasn’t.
Ha! Like something like that would actually work on him! He was the one who invented that look, dammit! It didn’t work, wouldn’t work, and definitely couldn’t work against him. Definitely.
…it actually worked.
“Fine! I swear I’ll never flirt around again!” he gritted out through his teeth. “Satisfied?!” almost barked, really.
“Very,” Kame said, his smile still on although it had taken a decidedly less innocent edge now.
Yamapi glared. “Now get in the car so I can kill you properly.” He snarled and threw the passenger door of his car open.
“Right away, sir!” the smaller boy replied, two fingers raised to his temple in mock salute before he climbed in and Yamapi closed the door after him.
He never thought there would be a day where his own technique was used against him, by Kame of all people, and he actually lost. He knew he was the one who showed Kame how to do it, but still. Besides, how come he just craved in to the other boy’s demand like that? Why?
Oh yeah, now he remembered: he didn’t like to see Kame with other people.
He sighed.
Jealousy was truly a bitch.
*
“Wait! Hold up!” Kame shouted, and lucky for him, the person inside the elevator heard him and pushed the button so the door opened again, and Kame entered just before it closed, panting heavily from the running he did, and he bent down to catch his breath. Fortunately, the elevator was quite empty save for one person.
“Yo, Kazuya.” Someone greeted him. “In a hurry?”
Kame looked up, and his eyes widened. It was Toma. He quickly stood up straight and bowed down. “Ikuta-san! Long time no see! How do you do?”
“Really, such formalities. We’re friends, right? No need for that. It’s me as your senior who is supposed to greet you, you know.” He chuckled, the corner of his mouth turned up and formed a half smile.
Kame blanched. “I’m sorry!”
Toma rolled his eyes. “This isn’t going to end if this keeps on. Come on, stand up.”
“Ah, hai!”
The elevator didn’t move, and Kame realized none of them had pushed the buttons. He turned uncertainly to Toma, who was leaning against the wall of the elevator, and asked, “Ikuta-san, where are you going?”
“It’s To-chan! To-chan! We’re friends, so no formalities, okay?”
“Ah, hai! I’m really sorry, Tou…ma - san…” Kame finished lamely. He just couldn’t bring himself to say it like Toma wanted. It seemed rude somehow, even if Toma himself had given him permission.
Toma sighed dramatically. “I guess that will do for now. Fifth floor, please.” He said, and Kame obligingly pushed the button with number five on it. Fifth floor was reserved for NEWS and KAT-TUN, so perhaps Toma was here to visit Yamapi? Kame shrugged.
They felt the elevator moved, and it was silent for a while, with Kame standing right in front of the door and Toma leaning against the back wall, until Kame saw Toma dial some numbers on his phone and take a deep breath, like he was bracing himself for something before putting his phone to his ear.
Feeling it was rude and impolite to stare at other people, Kame quickly shifted his attention from Toma to the upper corner of the elevator and watched as the digit on the little black screen there slowly changed from 1 to 2, then to 3, then to -
“HELP! I’M DYING! SAVE ME! I’M TRAPPED INSIDE THE ELEVATOR! HELP…!”
Kame accidentally stumbled forward. And blinked. What…?
After recovering from the initial shock of the sheer volume of Toma’s shout, Kame turned to Toma in alarm, and blinked. Again.
Toma didn’t appear like he needed help or anything. He looked just fine to Kame. “Well, that should do it,” Toma said, flipping his phone off and smiling in a satisfied kind of way. When he noticed Kame staring at him, he promptly winked.
A prank…?
Kame turned back to face the door and shook his head. Jin was right. Toma was really weird. He wondered who was the poor soul on the other side of the line. He glanced at the little black screen again, and it showed number 5 now. They’d arrived.
“Kazuya,” Toma called suddenly. He was standing straight and no longer leaning against the wall. And he definitely wasn’t smiling.
Startled, Kame turned to look at him. “Yes, Toma-san?”
“I’m sorry.” He said solemnly, seriously, and before Kame could ask what he meant by that, Toma pulled him to the side, backed him up against the wall and kissed him full on the mouth. Kame’s eyes widened, but he was too stunned to react.
Distinctively, he heard the elevator open with a soft cheerful jingle and from the corner of his eyes, he saw Yamapi standing in front of the elevator, frozen to the spot, holding his phone to his ear.
Yamapi. It was Yamapi that Toma called just now.
One of Toma’s hands was on his nape, fingering the area until he found the mark that Yamapi left on the spot where his neck met his shoulder, and when his finger pressed on it firmly, Kame gasped.
The next thing he knew, Yamapi’d pulled Toma off him and tossed the older boy to the other side. Then Yamapi turned to face him, and Kame realized Yamapi looked so… so… lost. Like, like he actually didn’t know what to do and asked him for help, like he was confused, and felt… betrayed? “…Pi-chan?”
But before he could do anything, Yamapi grabbed him hard by his arm and shoved him out of the elevator, making Kame fall on his side from the force. Kame could only watch as the elevator slowly closed in front of him, obscuring a rather blank-faced Yamapi and a slightly smirking Toma from his view.
The elevator slid down, and no matter how many times Kame pushed the button frantically, it wouldn’t open.
Kame didn’t know what had just happened, but if there was something he understood well, it was that a blank-faced Yamapi was never a good sign. And then there was Toma. Kame knew they were close, but there was no telling what Yamapi would do in his current state.
Panicking, Kame immediately took the stairs and ran as fast as he could. He didn’t hear Jin calling him from behind, didn’t hear Jin shout at him to stop; the only thing in his mind was how to get to Yamapi and Toma as quickly as possible and that he wouldn’t be late to stop whatever it was that was going to happen.
*
Hee. To the next part?