(no subject)
Another day....
The other night, I was wanting to spend time with Kody. Seriously all I wanted to do was spend time with him. I feel like he does the pity thing, you know where someone knows you like them and they just talk to you cuz they dont wanna be mean. Although he has been mean to me...quite a few times...AND I PUT UP WITH IT...as everyone knows me. I dont deal with that. I dont know what makes him so different. He does not like affection. I live for that. Hes so confusing..Why do I want him. honestly tell me..I would LOVE if it would just stop nagging at me. Im positive nothing will ever come between us because I want it so bad and things like that dont happen to me...I saw on a movie once...there are people that good things happen to..and then theres the rest of us...well whats me...yea i know quite pessimistic view..but its like what the fuck. Rick turned out to be a total fucktard and I honestly havent wanted anyone like I want Kody, like I did Rick. I even told greg...after greg told me many times to stop talking to Kody, I cant, I just fucking cant.
ANYWHO, I was drunk the other night cuz I really wanted some Kody time. Almost like feeding an addiction. And I had worked my ass off that morning...so I just wanted to go to his place and sleep. And its obvious all i wanted to do was sleep with all the damn bruises on me from moving those boxes. I just wanted to run my fingers thru his hair...and fall asleep..He said no I couldnt come up...yes i was pissed off...So I went to Greg...cuz hes my brother...the person I turn to..we were just gonna watch a movie at his house. But me being me...I was like greg I look fucking cute, lets go do something..so we went to Diversions...I got drunk off of wine...I didnt want to even hear from Kody, but he HAD to text me...in which i just got mad...I wanted to be left alone. I dont remember what I said to him...But i know I got like 5 texts from him...and it just made me even more mad with each one I got. I dont know why he does this to me. I think he knows he has ahold of me and loves fucking with me...But I think ive even said this before. Because its a stereotype and alot of stereotypes are true....Hes bisexual...and the one thing bisexual men are only in for is sex...I honestly cannot see Kody in a relationship with a guy...it seems like it would be too much work for Kody. and he doesnt seem like a ill take a challenge type... I mean when we were well having sex...he asked to be FUCK buddies...cmon now...that ties into the whole stereotype...Moving on...now Kody is ignoring me..For whatever reason I dont know...cuz hes moody and its obvious from past conversations..He LOVES to hold things against people which is a bitch move to do but whatever cant do anything about it....SO im being ignored...and Im hating every minute of it...yes its driving me nuts...I look forward to talking to him on an almost daily basis..Fuck for the longest time...Kody gave me that butterfly feeling in my stomach, cant get him of your mind feeling. I dont know..Im depressed about him..and everything that goes with it...I feel like im just an object to him...that he can play with. Are my feelings hurt....I dont know...a little...i just dont know what to do....
Last night went off like this...I waited for greg to get off work. And then we went to subway to meet Ben. Ben yea...the 17 yr old..Which I kinda have reservations about. I can honestly say. I dont know what to think about him...He likes me Im sure of that..But I dont think I want to go for that..while everyone says do it...Im fucking thinking of Kody...UGH!..anyways...we all meet up at subway...and wait for Erin..who looked dashingly dance teacher like. anyways, we go to Christys and theres like no one there....and not only that but it was like 11 something and they had started drinking at 9ish...cmon now...not cool... So we say ok we are going to the Den to get some Den pops...and then come back....and we do that...I gave 10 bucks to Christy for the castillo which i didnt even drink most of mine. but i paid for me and greg....Tina ended up tagging along....we lost Ben cuz he had to go home...and we gained tina lol...Greg got the call from his American Eagle coworkers....and bam we were off the to AE party. Which there were alot of people...for this small apartment...I met alot of the AE people..the floor was moving cuz of the dancing lol..I played beed pong, Tina was my partner. The guys we were playing were fucking HOT...and the one I thought was cutest....kept eyeing me...trust me...had the oppritunity presented...I would have jumped that shit...by the end of the party I prolly had 35 jello shots...a beer..some pop and captain morgan..castillo...ok so I was drunk...REALLY DRUNK...I guess when im wasted I have the *drunk smile* and I had that going...I met two girls which one kept yelling my name..STE-VAAAAAAAN.....some reference to Laguna Beach but i met her husband? and this other chick and her bf im guessing..and they stole me away from the party went to another apartment...and I got a bottle of arbor mist peach LOL...i drank that whole thing...anyways, we went back to the party and I was talking to the ste-vaaaan girl...and I said to her..I think im the only gay person here...and this guy was like..no youre not...see this guy right here...hes right up your alley..this guy was HOT...and i guess he was gay...but most of all he was HOT....anyways we decided to leave cuz things were starting to die down..we went to this other party..which I must say I wasnt feeling, cuz the people were a bit odd..but i gave this girl a hug I didnt know her...I was peeing in the bushes and greg was like stop peeing...and im like i cant...hes like theres some cops...soo i forced that shit out...and buttoned up..lol...we left cuz the cops broke that party up..Next thing me and Greg needed to sober up...so we went to east hall..and before we get out of the car gregs like lets try to get into east hall...so we walk up...and the fucking door is WIDE OPEN...greg was like a kid in a candy store..He has such a fascination with that building...soo what do we do...we go in...And this building has such a weird feel to it..personally I was creeped out...by the 103 yr old building..We walked all over that building...and we heard people...we quietly walked around..and we just HAD to go the darkest area which was the basement...yea we walked into there..and it was the hottest damn thing ever...I instantly started sweating..and it was completely dark..and just creeeepy..we went back and heard people talking again...and we knocked on the door and inside were two graduate art students..the one had to be in her 40s...she was fucking talented...I was creeped out..but definately drawn in by one of her paintings..a naked chick...lost...like in water, like she was floating...it was just amazing..she had one painting that went for 10 grand...OUCH...lol...well me and greg talked to them..then went outside. and looked at beautiful kalamazoo..we talked a bit...I asked if he wanted to see another view...and we went to the radisson parking ramp...and that was also another good view...I hadnt been up there since prom night when we all wnet up there and sat for a while...anyways...we looked around..then went to steak and shake....
A big thanks to Erin for being the amazing person she is....I appreciate it so much...