1:04 AM
just sitting here thinking, kinda tired, but just thinking. why does everything that i think might happen always turn out not to? i just dont understand this thing we call life. why doesnt anything happen to the good people? or am i one of the bad people. i dont know i just know that no matter how hard i try for things and no matter how close i think i come to getting them, i always get slapped down and it doesnt happen. makes me wonder why i am here, am i just gods puppet? does he like doing this to me? becuase it seems to be a pattern through my life and to me it just seems that my life is just a sick joke for someones amusement. i dont get it and the more i think about it i just dont understand it. sometimes i just want to to sometimes i just want to end it sot hat i would know that it wouldnt happen again. i cant think of anything i cant share how i feel with people. not because they would or wouldnt understand but because i just dont feel like sharing. ive always shared my feelings and everytime i do it comes back to haunt me. it makes things worse for me then they were before and i dont know what to do. i find that my life is just someones cruel game and right now i am losing. no im not losing im getting crushed literally and hypothetically.