Challenge Entry- "Changes"

[thylatron]

Title: Changes.
Author: Thylatron
Rating: PG-13.
Pairing: Female!Snake/Female!Otacon.
Word Count: About 800, give or take a few words.
Summary: Just a little try at "realistic" genderbending, with added Femmeslash as a bonus. More cracky than serious.
Warnings: Genderswap, mild Femmeslash and mentions of TEH BEWBIES!

Comments

[athenemiranda]

This fic made me smile but I think you should've read over it more closely before posting, because there are a lot of small grammar/punctuation errors.

Some line-level things:

“Well, whose idea was it to disguise ourselves as FROG troopers to try to infiltrate Liquid’s base easier?” <--I think there's a word or few missing here.

“I didn’t think those Doctor’s would be so…thorough,” <--You don't need to capitalise 'doctor', as it's not a proper noun. You also don't have to use an apostrophe when you're pluralising a word, only when you're using it as a possessive. So "There are two doctors in the Shagohod" would need no apostrophe; "Snake snapped the doctor's neck" would have one, though.

Nano machines <--I know your spellcheck hates it, but in canon 'nanomachines' is one word. Nano doesn't need to be capitalised, either. Neither does 'female'.

Snake paused for a minuet <--You mean 'minute', not 'minuet'. I remember that people have pointed this out to you before - it'd be a good idea to listen to them!

It’s only been a few weeks, but he still managed to knock more things over by sheer breast power alone than he had in his entire life as a male. <--This line made me LOL! Sweet.

[thylatron]

Minuet/Minute is the bane of my writing existence, since the Red Line of Doom doesn't come up because they're both recognized words, plus they look so similar, it slips pass me sometimes. I got to start paying closer attention to that word.

Anyway, I corrected the errors you pointed out, which I thank you for doing :)

[yamitami]

That sort of thing is why you really need a beta. Your brain knows what it says and so it'll ghost over gaps or misspellings, particularly when all the letters are the same. You need someone with fresh eyes to find all the things that Word doesn't.

It's a good not-so-crack fic otherwise. I'm SURE that this would be Dave's reaction eventually.