Oh, this is so much fun, enormously entertaining. Your Hal is just hilarious--you really capture the idiosyncrasies of Otacon in such a humorous context. He really stands out and is immediately recognizable here. This was so great:
which caused something in the back of his mind to start jumping up and down and waving its arms for attention
Ocelot's last demand--Where's my hat?--was so great. Your knowledge of the MGS series is really impressive and I think the setup of this story just has so much potential. Ocelot's confusion, his reaction to Snake-who-is-not-his Snake, Hal's wonderful mental commentary, your snappy dialog--there is just so much to look forward to. Very cleverly done.
One nice thing about going back to an old story like this is that time provides perspective as to what omissions need rectifying. There's an opportunity for a lot of "what-the-hell-is-going-on-here" dialog coming up that I'm really not sure why I didn't take the first time.
Again, thank you for the revew =) Feedback is a lovely thing to get, especially when it's detailed.
There's a lot of people who don't like Otacon, but he and Ocelot v1.0 are two of my favorite characters in the series. I'm very glad that amethyst_wolf provided the idea to put them together.
Ah, see, I didn't realize it was an older story that you are expanding. There was a small comment at the end of this last section to that effect that I didn't understand at the time but which makes sense now. I haven't been in the community for very long, so I haven't read the stuff that was posted before I joined. I've just been concentrating on keeping up with the new stuff, so for me, this is a brand-new story.
Anyway, I think you portray Otacon very well. I just started replaying MGS 2 so I got a lot of the Otacon-and-Snake banter during the tanker segment, which was very funny. You do a really good job with the humor, which actually isn't easy to do, I think, because "funny" is such a subjective thing. I'm looking forward to the "what-the-hell-is-going-on-here" part!
Yeah, it was a one-shot originally (like everything I do, heh). It's in the memories somewhere.
I love the Tanker chapter for just that reason. They're such an old married couple. Make sure to save a lot ;) The frog-in-the-well proverb is my personal favorite.
See, I read the original thang so it's hard for me to comment much at this stage. ^_^; But still lovin' it, if that's any aid to ye! They're all slightly dorky in the writing (yes, including Snake and Ocelot) which I adore - in the games: WHOOSH, BANG, heroism! Perfectly delivered lines! - in this fic: "oops, I pressed the red shiny button". And it's still in-character. It is a marvellously entertaining thing therefore.
So hurry up with the next bit. This PWNshimashita'ed the first time around.
*Insert obligatory mention of curiosity and the demise of felines*
One of the things I loved about MGS3 was Ocelot's occasional moments of dorkiness; jamming his gun showing off, or setting it into the holster backwards, then surreptitiously flipping it around. He's trying really hard to be badass, and most of the time he pulls it off, so it's just so goddamn adorable when he doesn't.
See, I read the original thang so it's hard for me to comment much at this stage.
Nah, that just means you can tell me how the overall effect is changed in expansion! ^_^
The next part is one that I really didn't put enough time or effort into the first time around, so it's much different. Should be up sometime in the next couple days.
Could 'pwn' be a -nu verb? No, 'pwn suru' makes more sense. I don't remember passive form very well...'Watashi wa LAMER ni PWN saremashita'? Oh god I need to go to sleep.
The muffled crackle like distant lightning. The padding steps of a dog's departure. The gun barrel jabbing into the small of his back, and the man's voice snarling at him in Russian.
Wait.
That fucking killed me ded. Because, you know, except for the gun barrel, I've had that exact same thing happen to me. Of course, in my case it was just my boyfriend, but I feel his pain XDDDD
I've read this when it was a oneshot, and thought it was funny and cute. I like the boyish brattiness of your Ocelot, so I'm curious to see what you do with the expansion.
I love the competence in this part of the story. It just seems more real that Snake & Otacon would have emergency standoff positions all worked out by now.
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which caused something in the back of his mind to start jumping up and down and waving its arms for attention
Ocelot's last demand--Where's my hat?--was so great. Your knowledge of the MGS series is really impressive and I think the setup of this story just has so much potential. Ocelot's confusion, his reaction to Snake-who-is-not-his Snake, Hal's wonderful mental commentary, your snappy dialog--there is just so much to look forward to. Very cleverly done.
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Again, thank you for the revew =) Feedback is a lovely thing to get, especially when it's detailed.
There's a lot of people who don't like Otacon, but he and Ocelot v1.0 are two of my favorite characters in the series. I'm very glad that amethyst_wolf provided the idea to put them together.
Reply
Anyway, I think you portray Otacon very well. I just started replaying MGS 2 so I got a lot of the Otacon-and-Snake banter during the tanker segment, which was very funny. You do a really good job with the humor, which actually isn't easy to do, I think, because "funny" is such a subjective thing. I'm looking forward to the "what-the-hell-is-going-on-here" part!
Reply
I love the Tanker chapter for just that reason. They're such an old married couple. Make sure to save a lot ;) The frog-in-the-well proverb is my personal favorite.
Reply
So hurry up with the next bit. This PWNshimashita'ed the first time around.
Reply
One of the things I loved about MGS3 was Ocelot's occasional moments of dorkiness; jamming his gun showing off, or setting it into the holster backwards, then surreptitiously flipping it around. He's trying really hard to be badass, and most of the time he pulls it off, so it's just so goddamn adorable when he doesn't.
See, I read the original thang so it's hard for me to comment much at this stage.
Nah, that just means you can tell me how the overall effect is changed in expansion! ^_^
The next part is one that I really didn't put enough time or effort into the first time around, so it's much different. Should be up sometime in the next couple days.
Could 'pwn' be a -nu verb? No, 'pwn suru' makes more sense. I don't remember passive form very well...'Watashi wa LAMER ni PWN saremashita'? Oh god I need to go to sleep.
Reply
Wait.
That fucking killed me ded. Because, you know, except for the gun barrel, I've had that exact same thing happen to me. Of course, in my case it was just my boyfriend, but I feel his pain XDDDD
I've read this when it was a oneshot, and thought it was funny and cute. I like the boyish brattiness of your Ocelot, so I'm curious to see what you do with the expansion.
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Brattiness - heh, yeah, that's a good way to put it. It's easy to forget how young Ocelot is sometimes.
Thanks for reading!
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He is young. While I tend to chalk up a lot of his missteps as intentional, he's definitely got an outraged side when things don't go his way.
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Yay for Schrödinger's Kittens, too!
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I'm not sure if they've planned for Batman, though.
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