It's not getting better.
I don't know what all to share here, but the gist of the story is that I am almost 43 and I have no idea what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I am currently unemployed and I am struggling to find a new job. The biggest hurdle is that I don't have a formal education or any sort of training for anything other than the same kind of jobs I have always had. I have HATED every job I have had and nothing brings me any sense of joy or meaning. But hey, that's life, right? No one likes their job, so stop being a baby.
I have passions or interests that could be made into a career and even though my fiancée wants to support me in finding a job I'll like, I know she is tired of hearing me complain about my job. I can't make anyone understand me in this respect. I ultimately feel completely alone because I either feel like no one wants to hear my concerns or that those concerns aren't even valid. What business do I have, thinking I deserve a job I won't absolutely hate? Especially in today's world, especially when I haven't done anything to actually be eligible for anything more than factory work or warehouse work? I am nothing special.
Not that this makes me feel any better about applying for jobs outside my comfort zone. I have no idea if I will like anything else and there is no fucking way of knowing unless I try. So, let's say I try something new, something I am probably not going to enjoy, but tried anyway and still found myself unhappy? I guess I just keep floating from one job to another for the rest of my life, like a fucking idiot?
I can't be happy, I can't make others happy. People get mad if I am unhappy and complain about it. People get mad if I am unhappy, but keep it all buried inside. I have no opinions, no passions, nothing inside that is me, because for whatever fucking reason, I have never felt supported by anyone. I have never been motivated to do anything beyond what others wanted from me. I have nothing that is me. I am dead inside. I have no reason to be this way, but here I am. Until I die.