(no subject)
Title: Here I Am
Pairings: Lochte/Phelps
Rating: NC-17 for hot man on man sex
Disclaimer: Although I may wish it was real, it's not!
Notes: You have been warned, there is quite a bit of sex! Kizzy7 and Wonderjessi, you two are the best! So this is the obviously the end *tear* although if my muse encourages me enough there might be a sequel!
~Chapter 3~
Eight and a half months. Babies were born in eight and a half months. Entire countries could crumble in eight and a half months. And what had Michael done for the past eight and a half months since Ryan walked out of his life? Nothing. Nothing but wallow in my own depression.
Nothing wasn’t exactly an accurate description of what Michael had been up to. He’d been training day in and day out. He’d been spending time with his family and so called friends. Most importantly, Michael completed a great deal of soul searching. He had to come to terms with the fact that he was gay. He didn’t like girls (even though he may have fucked them). He liked boys, well one boy in particular. No, “boy” wasn’t the right description for him. Ryan was a man. He was a man that offered security, love, comfort, and an undying faith in Michael’s ability to accomplish his dreams.
It all seemed so obvious to him now. No wonder he’d never felt sexually satisfied with any of the girls he’d brought home in Michigan. No wonder he’d always found himself staring just a tad too long at Ryan’s lips. No wonder he’d catch himself jerking off to images of fellow swimmers in their speedos instead of Carmen Electra. No wonder... Even his own mother condemned him for ignoring the obvious facts about his sexuality. That conversation made for an awkward Christmas.
How could he have pushed away someone that offered him so much; his own best friend? The answer to that question was pretty easy to find. Michael was scared. Not only of the commitment Ryan’s eyes were practically pleading for that afternoon, but of the pure contentment he was sure to find waking up every morning next to the older man.
He’d never really been happy before. Sure, he’d felt joy and accomplishment with each race he won, but every victory came with a price. He’d given up a normal life. He wasn’t free to do whatever he wanted; he couldn’t hang out with his friends past curfew, he couldn’t go on trips lasting longer than a day for fear of throwing off his training schedule. Fuck, he couldn’t even carry on a proper relationship lasting more than six months. How was he supposed to be in love?
“Easy.” Ryan would say. Everything was easy for Ryan, mainly because Ryan didn’t give a shit about what anyone else thought. He was the epitome of easy going and if something felt right to him, if it was something that made him happy, then nothing was going to keep him from doing it. Unless it was his own friend gay bashing him in public; then he’d give up.
Then of course there were his sponsors, the media, his friends, and the rest of the swimmers on Team USA. There was a snowball’s chance in hell that all of them would be on board with the idea that he and Ryan were a couple; that they could be in love and compete against each other. Everyone would always second guess their performances. Were they throwing a race? Were they distracted? Would they end up celebrating in an inappropriate manner on the medal stand? Michael knew that there was no way Ryan or he would ever compromise their swims. They were competitors first and they would always strive to beat each other, regardless of what may go on in the bedroom.
Michael’s thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the alarm going off beside him. It was 6:30 in the morning on the first day of trials for the World Championships and Michael hadn’t slept at all. He knew he’d be fucked in this morning’s preliminaries, but his nerves wouldn’t let him sleep. All he could think about was the first time he’d see Ryan across the pool deck. Each version of their interaction always ended with fists thrown and blood strewn across the clean white warm-ups the swimmers wore.
Thankfully he wouldn’t have to face him until tonight’s final. Event organizers always made sure to keep the two top competitors separate in their heats so as to keep things interesting in that night’s race.
He reached over to the nightstand to turn off the alarm and picked up the piece of notebook paper that had haunted him for the past few months. The folded edges were worn and the corner was torn from wrestling it away from Herman. Michael allowed his fingers to roam over the hand written text.
When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am
Just like every other time Michael read this stanza, he couldn’t stop the tears from sliding down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away with a soft sniffle. C’mon Mike. Get your head in the game. You have to at least make it to the prelim to qualify for the final.
*
With Lil’ Wayne pounding in his ears, Ryan took his seat in the waiting room. Why did he have to finish second to Michael’s time? Now he had to sit painfully close to the man racing in the lane next to him for what seemed to be the longest twenty minutes of his life. He couldn’t even bring himself to look over at the subject of what had been the hardest non-break up he’d been involved in. He simply sat in silence, thankful that Michael had also brought his I-Pod to drown out the nerves and emotions he felt prior to climbing onto the starting block.
The final to the 400 IM went by in a blur for both young men. If you asked either of them they probably couldn’t tell you any detail of the race, all they could focus on was beating each other. Not only for top billing when they went to Rome in a month, but more importantly, for the pride that each needed to sure up before their inevitable confrontation out of the pool. Both swimmers finished within .5 seconds of each other, the only difference was that Ryan had the top spot on the results board. He couldn’t believe it, Michael couldn’t believe it, and certainly nobody in the stands could believe it. Sure Ryan had always been Michael’s greatest competition in this event but he had never beaten him.
Michael knew he had to keep up appearances for the TV cameras trained in on his face and he immediately turned to Ryan with a genuine smile of congratulations. He couldn’t have been more proud for his best friend and his accomplishments; it was finally his time to shine. He pulled Ryan into a gentle hug, his hands finding their usual places on Ryan’s body and he could sense a bit of relief emanating from his exhausted muscles.
Ryan slowly pulled back from the embrace and found himself utterly surprised by the next move Michael made. He couldn’t be sure he’d actually felt it. He’d have to see the instant replay on Sport’s Center later that night. Did Michael’s lips really just brush against his own? Did he really for one moment in his life let his guard down and kiss Ryan? It was over so quickly that he couldn’t be entirely positive. That was until he saw Michael’s goofy grin of satisfaction. He did kiss me. The bastard.
Before Ryan could take out his retaliation, they were both quickly escorted out of the pool and to their respective corners for a mini press conference about the surprising defeat. Michael was as gracious as ever, giving as many compliments to his competitor as would seem appropriate. Ryan, on the other hand, was still so stunned by the previous ten minutes of his life that he could barely answer any of the questions thrown his way. But he stumbled through it and offered one of his charming smiles to the bright lights of the cameras and quietly made his way to the warm-up pool.
The silence between the two men permeated through the next several hours as they each completed their cool-down routines and took their respective showers (in separate stalls, on opposite ends of the locker room). They even shared a cab back to the hotel in silence. Neither one of them wanted another public exposure of their relationship.
Ryan quietly followed Michael back to his room without any verbal encouragement. It was obvious to both of them that tonight would be the night they could speak their peace; for better or for worse.
With the quiet click of the door shutting, Ryan turned to stare down Michael. If looks could kill. “You kissed me.”
“Yeah -“
“No. You don’t get to talk right now Michael. You kissed me. In front of everyone! Nine months. Nine months of silence and then you have the balls to kiss me?!”
“I thought you would appreciate the gesture…”
“What did I just say Mike?! Seriously.” Ryan began pacing the floor of the large suite, tying to figure out just what he wanted to say next, which was a first for Ryan since he usually just let the words come out of him without any thought otherwise. “Do you have any idea the hell I’ve been through the past nine months? You’re in my fucking head every day. Every time I wanted to call. Every time I needed my best friend I couldn’t have him because he’d turned into a complete asshole!”
Michael remained in the same spot, waiting for Ryan to finish before he could begin his explanation.
“You can talk now…”
He began his monologue with a soft sigh, his hands shaking so badly that he had to shove them into the front pockets of his jeans. “I’ve been running this whole thing over and over in my mind but now that I’m actually here, it’s probably going to sound like a bunch of rambling but…”
He paused when he saw the look of sheer irritability cross over Ryan’s face. “Okay… I should have know that lame ass attempt at a joke wouldn’t have gone over very well. The only way I can start this is to say I’m sorry. I am so completely and utterly sorry for everything I’ve done to you. I ran away in the only way I knew how. By shutting down, by closing off all emotions and simply pushing you away. You’ve given me so much Ryan and all I did was take it from you without any appreciation. You’ve saved me from myself and I was too fucking selfish to even see that you were doing it. I’ve been surrounded by the silence of the words I couldn’t say to you these past nine months. I was too blind to see how in love with you I was; how badly I needed you in my life.”
“When did you know…?” Ryan’s voice was so quiet that he could barely hear the words himself.
“I know it’s going to sound really stupid but ummm… I went out with a couple of friends for dinner and I didn’t have anybody to share a dessert with. Remember how we’d always order different things that we both liked so we could share?”
Ryan couldn’t help but chuckle softly as the memories came flooding back to him. “Yeah, yeah of course I remember.”
Michael took the opportunity to close the space between them, his arms gently sliding around Ryan’s waist as his head dropped forward, foreheads touching, noses nuzzling. “You make me so happy Ryan and I don’t know how to deal with being happy. What if I fuck it up? What if it doesn’t work out? I obviously can’t bear to lose you.”
Ryan returned the gentle affections with his own, sighing contently as he found his arms coming to rest on Michael’s broad shoulders. “Don’t let your insecurities keep us apart Michael. I love you. I will fight for you through anything that stands in our way. But you have to want it too.”
“I do. I couldn’t want anything more badly than this. Than us.” The tears Michael had been holding inside of him for the past eight and a half months were finally set free as several silent drops began rolling down his cheeks. “Tell me you forgive me, please. Please say that you forgive me, I can’t keep living-“
Ryan gently quieted Michael’s words with the softest, most tender kiss he’d ever given another human being. He made quick work of wiping away Michael’s tears, sniffling back his own as he whispered against Michael’s lips. “I forgive you. I love you.”
Those six words were all Michael needed to hear before his lips came crashing into Ryan’s with a soft groan, his tongue begging for entrance into Ryan’s warm and sensuous mouth. He’d been dreaming about what this moment would feel like for so long and now that he was actually living it out, he was pretty certain that this must be what heaven feels like.
Ryan responded with an eagerness that neither of them expected. His hands instantly found the hem of Michael’s shirt and with a whimper of reluctance he stepped back to remove it. Even though Ryan had seen Michael in nothing more than his speedos, the sight of his heaving chest, his mouth open with anticipation, Ryan could do nothing to contain his desire for the younger man. He captured Michael’s already kiss-bruised lips in another heated exchange, eliciting a low groan of pleasure as he pressed his body firmly back against the nearest wall to be used for leverage.
Michael could already feel his mind clouding with pleasure as Ryan rid him of his confining extra large t-shirt. His senses were on overload. Everything seemed brighter, hotter, more intense as he felt Ryan’s lips move from his own across his jaw line to spend time nibbling on his earlobe. “Fuck Ryan….” He couldn’t help but thrust his hips forward ever so slightly, needing some sort of friction on his growing erection. It wouldn’t be enough to just have Ryan teasing his already sensitive skin.
Ryan smirked slightly to himself, sensing Michael’s desperation. Not being one to withhold sexual pleasure, Ryan took the hint and began moving south; licking, biting (lightly enough not to leave any marks of course; they still had three more days of competition) and nibbling his way to the waistband of Michael’s jeans. He spent several moments distracting Michael as he outlined his navel with his tongue while removing the rest of his clothing.
Michael had never been more thankful for the architect that invented walls as he kept his full weight pressed against the one Ryan had chosen for him. If it weren’t for the 2x4s and plaster he would be a pool of mush on the floor. His knees were already shaking slightly and Ryan hadn’t even touched his cock yet. Once his aching member was freed from the imprisonment of his jeans and boxers, he released the nastiest moan either young man had ever heard.
Ryan chuckled softly with a sense of victory at having the man before him in such a state, his own cock straining from the erotic sight; he would obviously have to deal with that later. But for now he was preoccupied with the tattoos on either side of Michael’s pelvis. He’d always wondered what his skin would taste like there and he was pleasantly surprised with the combination of chlorine, Zest and something that was so uniquely Michael.
“Enough with the fucking teasing Ryan…” Michael’s words cut through the soft groans and labored breathing of both men with such intensity that it caught Ryan off guard.
“Tell me how bad you want it baby… mmm beg for it…” Ryan gave him a little encouragement in the form of gentle sucking on the head of his cock, his tongue slowly circling the throbbing flesh.
“I can’t fucking take it Ry… I need you. I need you inside of me, please….” Michael’s voice was hoarse with lust and pure animal need.
It was becoming obvious to Ryan that he was going to have to give Michael more than what his mouth could offer. Ryan slowly stood up, pressing his chest firmly to Michael’s, his erection grinding against the exposed and throbbing cock opposite him. “Do you want me to make love to you Michael?”
All Michael could do was to nod in response. He’d never wanted anything more in his entire life than to feel the man he loved buried seven inches deep inside of him. He reached up to tangle his fingers into his friend’s -now lover’s- soft curls to bring him closer for a kiss, not of passion, but of pure and complete love. It was the only way he knew how to express all of the emotions he felt in that instant without the bumbling mess of the English vocabulary.
A single tear rolled down Ryan’s cheek when he felt the intensity of Michael’s kiss, he knew that tonight couldn’t be a rushed fuck. It would certainly rank in the category of three adjective sex (replacing the dirty, raunchy and nasty with loving, gentle and compassionate) but it would also be healing. The past several months had taken a toll on both of them and now it was time to patch up the wounds.
Ryan stepped back from the kiss and took Michael’s hand within his own, leading him back to the bed that practically consumed the entire room. While Michael found a comfortable position, Ryan made quick work of removing his clothing, blushing slightly at the look of sheer awe on Michael’s face as he took in the sight of Ryan’s cock in all of its glory.
“Can I touch it?” Michael didn’t intend to sound so naïve but he also didn’t want to do something Ryan didn’t want.
“Yeah… C’mere.” Ryan took Michael’s hand firmly in his own, guiding it to his cock, moaning his lover’s name softly as he finally found a source of release. “Fuck that feels good…”
Michael had never felt so intimidated in his entire life. Ryan seemed completely at ease touching another man, pleasing another man. While Michael, well Michael was awkward and unsure as he tried to focus on touching Ryan in the ways he’d always wanted to be touched. His fingers lightly stroked over the flesh of Ryan’s cock he knew would be particularly sensitive while also tightening his grip, simulating what he assumed it would feel like to be inside of him.
“Baby… baby, stop.” Before Michael could retreat to a place of insecurity, Ryan dipped down to kiss Michael lovingly, whispering, “I don’t want to cum yet…”
“Oh… right…” Michael let out a nervous laugh, biting his bottom lip as Ryan reached into the top drawer of the nightstand, smirking when he found what he’d been looking for. Sporting event coordinators, particularly those taking care of male swimmers, always made sure that hotel rooms were stocked with condoms and lubricant. Perhaps they were granted with an omnipotent power mere mortals could only dream of.
Ryan took his time preparing Michael for such an abrasive intrusion to his body. He applied adequate lube to his tight entrance, stretching the anxious muscles with his long fingers, making sure to stroke the small bundle of nerves to remind Michael of how good anal sex could be.
Once Ryan had the condom on and positioned himself at Michael’s entrance he leaned down to whisper against the younger man’s lips. “Tell me if it hurts, okay? You have to tell me and I’ll stop right away.”
“I trust you Ryan. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” Michael groaned softly as Ryan sealed his promise with a kiss. His moans of pleasure quickly turned into winces of pain as Ryan pushed past the first ring of tight muscles. It took a few moments to adjust and Michael gave Ryan a quick nod of encouragement to continue, holding back his tears of pain.
Ryan watched Michael’s face with concern. He’d never been on the receiving end of this whole process so he knew he had to be attentive and careful. He could never live with himself if he’d hurt Michael.
It wasn’t until Ryan filled Michael to the hilt that Michael allowed himself a moment to enjoy the feeling of his best friend, his soul mate, making love to him. He reached up to gently brush the curls from Ryan’s eyes before leaning up to kiss him gently. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so much.”
The two swimmers found a slow and contented pace of thrusting; each kissing, grabbing, sighing with pleasure as each man’s bliss grew. Michael practically clung to Ryan’s toned and relatively softer body, intensifying the friction Ryan’s smooth stomach created on his weeping cock, while Ryan took his solace nuzzling into Michael’s neck, breathing his scent in deeply with each thrust.
“Cum for me baby.” It was the first words either of them had spoken in several minutes. Both of their bodies were slick with sweat and neither of them could breathe adequately given the erotic strain on their bodies. “I want to feel you cum around me…” Ryan mumbled quietly against Michael’s skin as he continued to devour his neck, lapping at the red marks he left behind lovingly with his tongue.
The gentle command was all it took to send Michael over the edge. His entire body tightened before he released several thick ropes of ejaculate onto both of their stomachs and chests, crying out Ryan’s name loudly, digging his fingers into the strong body that kept him grounded to this earth.
Hearing Michael scream out his name only spurred Ryan on further as he thrust into Michael one last time, making sure to hit the other man’s prostate as he filled the slick condom with his own healthy serving of sperm.
“Fuck.” It was the only word Ryan could muster as he collapsed on top of Michael, breathing heavily as he basked in post-orgasmic bliss. He finally had enough sense to lean up and kiss Michael tenderly, leaning back to take in the sight of his friend coming down from his high. It looked a lot like when he’d just finished a race and was gasping for air. I’ll have to remember this.
After cuddling for several minutes, they finally detangled from one another to clean up the mess they had made. Thankfully none of it ended up on the comforter but they rid the bed of it anyway, it was going to be far too warm to sleep with it. Ryan quickly discarded the condom prior to climbing back under the sheets with Michael, snuggling up to him in a familiar pattern.
Michael lazily twisted his fingers into Ryan’s hair, enjoying the comfortable silence the two men shared, before breaking it with a quiet statement. “I love you. I will always love you.”
“I love you too Michael, no matter what.” Maybe The Notebook wasn’t so bad.
~ Epilogue ~
“Have I told you yet how hot your ass looks in these jeans?” Ryan sauntered up behind Michael to wrap his arms around the taller man’s waist and nip at his earlobe playfully. Hooking his chin over Michael’s shoulder he offered the single red rose dangling between his fingers.
The two young men had been through a lot over the past month. It had become very clear to anyone paying attention that the top two male swimmers of Team USA were definitely more than just competitors in the pool. After repeated prodding by various reporters, the two decided to face the press and to the pleasure of most sports fans and fan girls alike the two made their relationship public. Michael of course stuttered through his statement while Ryan came completely unprepared, figuring he would just wing it.
Even though they represented two very different approaches to life, they seemed to work, and every member of the media in the room that day couldn’t deny how much they loved each other. Since then, they’d been approached to do interview for every publication from The Advocate to Sports Illustrated. But time and time again they’d rejected each and every offer. It was their public fight that had almost ended their relationship and neither of them was ready to play with that fire again.
Instead they were content to keep their most intimate details just that, intimate. (Ryan of course would never shy away from telling the world just how amazing Michael was at sucking his cock if asked point blank.)
“Mmmm… no, you haven’t told me that yet today. Perhaps because I just bought them this afternoon…” Michael leaned back into his lover’s embrace, intertwining their fingers as he squeezed Ryan’s hands gently. He enjoyed these little moments, when the two of them could just be together without annoying fans or the even more invasive paparazzi.
“Oh right… was that what you were trying on in the dressing room? I just got so distracted by the outline of your dick in those boxer briefs, which you also looked very sexy in by the way.” Ryan chuckled softly as he nuzzled into Michael’s neck, lightly teasing the healing bite mark he’d left on his skin the night before.
“You’re just saying that because you have to now that you’re my boyfriend….” Michael turned to place a soft kiss on Ryan’s pouty lips, biting the bottom one ever so softly. “Now shush… I’m enjoying the view.”
Both men turned back to face the beautiful sight in front of them. Even though Michael had read about the splendor and magnificence of the Trevi Fountains, he couldn’t believe he was really standing in front of it with his best friend wrapped around him. It was perhaps the most romantic moment of his life to simply admire the sheer brilliance that must have gone into the construction of this masterpiece. He leaned in to whisper against Ryan’s cheek, “Are you happy?”
Ryan purred quietly as Michael spoke against his skin. “Jeah... I couldn’t be happier.”