You
Title : You
pairing : Jessica/Tiffany
rating : PG-15, M (or R? lol you decide it)
disclaimer : like reading a closed book
a/n : this is actually been resting it butts on my darft untouched since... a month ago. i'm just too lazy to write and it takes me forever to finish this story (as always LOL). anyway! it's here now and i dont think this is good enough to start December with kk. but hey, why not reaed it first and shared your thought with me? it'll be sooo much fun ryt? :D ENJOY!!
~*~
It will always this close, this warm and this comfy around her. Feeling her hands that rested on your tiny waist, smelling her oh so sexy scent, or even just resting your head on her chest always makes you wonder how would it feels like to have her as your wife. She has always nice to you, always be a very gentle yet soft person you had ever know in your whole life.
You want her, and you can’t deny it.
“I love you,”
She kissed your crown, pulled you closer onto her and sleeps with you in her embrace. She never tells you how she fell about you. She never shared her thought to you, she was always this quiet if it’s about herself but you found her really care if it’s coming to you. You were always disappointed but you seem don’t bother as long as you have her.
“I hope we can stay like this forever,”
She chuckled and kissed your cheek lovingly. “Wouldn’t it be very cramping if we stay like this forever?”
You laughed quietly as you scooted closer to her and closed your eyes when the tip of your nose touched her neck.
“I don’t really care as long as I’m with you though,”
You kissed her neck and you know she smiles a little. It has always been like that if she likes your compliment or anything that makes her happy; that she always tightened her grasped around you and snuggled closer onto you.
You really like her doing that to you.
But you questioned yourself at why you can’t help but saying such words when you’re confused with your own feeling.
~*~
“And she’s naked now in your mind,”
“Yuri!”
You almost slapped the black haired girl with the microphone you held if it’s not Hyoyeon that hold back your hand in mid action. You don’t realize yourself the hard object that you held was the thing you almost use to smacked Yuri’s head. Yuri watched you in horror before she grinned groggily.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to,”
You continue watching her, laugh as she laugh and smile even more sweet as she turned her attention to you every once in a while. You didn’t realize it though when Hyoyeon and Yuri stood on your both sides and looked at the same direction to where your eyes directed.
“You can always do something intimate with her for a fanservice, it’s not like she will ignore you anyway,”
“Agree,”
But you never did it. It would be very suspicious if you did what Hyoyeon and Yuri told you because you know you can’t handle yourself when you’re with her. It was just hard to act normal with her staring at you and smiling to you. It’s not that you don’t want it, and you also can tell that she also shared the same thoughts about that.
You just can’t stop yourself to not adore her, in any way.
~*~
You are breathless when she kissed you, always shivered under her touch. You want her lips on yours again; feeling how fit it is around your awaiting one. You wanted to stare deep into her dark brown irises, drowning even more when you tried to stop from looking at her.
You want her so bad, but somehow - for you - it doesn’t feel right. It’s not that she is bad at it neither rough during the process, it was just you who feel that way. You feel bad at yourself by how you keep on moaning her name, by always shuddered under her touch, by knowing the fact that you also enjoying this.
You love her didn’t you?
You want her to be with you forever, right?
But why this feeling always came to you?
Haunting you…
You circled your arms around her neck, deepened the kiss as she pressed her body onto you even more. You bucked your hips, wanting to meet with her thigh again. You felt disgusted by how your body reacted without permission from your brain, to transfer every lust you have even before proceed how it would make you even confused than before.
“I love you,” Was not the words you were hoping for to coming out from your mouth. You should be saying stop this instead of I love you. You don’t want it to continue but you also can stop your body to not responding to it.
You loved it and you are far from thinking to stopping it.
~*~
You can’t stop thinking about last night. You can’t stop thinking about her sleeping beside you with her arms rested limply on your waist the next morning; the morning kiss, the sunrays that made her face even more angelic than it already does, or the next round she suggested to be happened in the bathroom.
Her sweating face will always be the one you saw when you close your eyes or even just to blinked for a mere second. To be honest, it did bother you, a lot. It’s not like you don’t want your first time to be with her, but then again, it doesn’t feel so right when you over think it. You were doing it with a girl from your group and she is your very first girlfriend you ever had in your entire life.
So how is it doesn’t?
You bite your lips before you gulped the thick liquor down to your throat, enjoy the feeling of it went down softly without even a stop and sweep all round your chest with a soft movement. For a moment you close your eyes, you don’t seeing her in your vision.
And somehow it calms you.
“You’re here,”
You feel warm arms lingered on your neck, a body pressed softly onto your back and the scent that you silently waiting to smell all this while bring a smile to your face. She rested her cheek on your head as she yawned cutely - you bet she’s only half sober now. You held the hands that rested limply on your neck before you kissed it lovingly.
“Go back to sleep,”
“No when you’re not there, it’s pretty cold without you,”
You smiled by the cheesy line and you looked up. She straightened her head as she rubbed her eyes while yawning once again. She pulled you up and you followed her behind to her bedroom after you put the wine onto the refrigerator and let the glass placed on the table alone. You closed the door before locking it and joined her on the bed under the shared pink bedcover. She opened her arms waiting for you to snuggle onto her and hug you tight when your breaths tickle her white smooth skin.
Her steady breath was the only sign for you to knowing that she is already asleep once again and now you’re wondering… again. You were always wondering and over thinking when she’s not around, you were always over thinking when everyone leaves you alone. The thought you have earlier haunted you again. You know you love her but you also know that what you’re doing with her for the past one year and a half is indeed wrong. You close your eyes and you exhale softly.
I love her…. Right?
~*~
“I want to make sure myself,” you said as you watched the sugar in your cup blended perfectly with the tea.
Taeyeon was looking at you carefully. Her eyes somehow radiate a soft glow as always when you had a change to have some talks with her. The older girl always been your favorite advice giver after Sunny - both are a perfect combination for a lover you can say.
She locked her eyes on you as if reading your mind if she could. You let out a sighs and slumped your body onto the couch, covering your eyes with your arm.
“I just want to make sure either I really love her or not, that’s it,”
“It’s kinda late though,”
“I know… right?”
You can feel Taeyeon shift her position beside you and you open your eyes, seeing her grabs the tea cup on the table and gave it to you with a slight smile. You drink it slowly as if the warm brown liquid could burn your throat and kill you at the time. The older girl had her arm on the wall, supported her head with her little hand.
“She loves you, and you know that. You shouldn’t feel like this after one year and a half relationship,”
“I know, trust me I know that,”
“And what is it? You don’t cheat do you?”
“No! Of course I’m not! I don’t even-” You sigh again and face the older girl.
“Just don’t hurt her. I trust you. And don’t ever thinking to do something stupid. I know you love her, you needed her. Well, it’s not like you gonna let her touch you if you don’t love her enough,” Taeyeon make a sad smile before she continue. “Come here,”
She scooted closer and hugged you. You hugged her little figure softly, not wanted to make her even worried if you hugged her more than this. You rested your chin on her shoulder and she draws patterns on your back, soothe you.
“Do whatever you wanted, but promise me to not make her cry and you end up broken heart. Both of you are too precious to not end up together forever. Convince yourself, I know you love her maybe more that she does. You just don’t felt it yet,”
The soft smile on her face when she pulled away was the only thing that makes you believe once again that even Taeyeon can see how deep Tiffany’s love for you. And you questioned yourself again at why you keep on thinking otherwise towards the red head. But you trusted yourself enough that you do love her. Maybe it was just you who’s thinking too much until it may cause yourself trouble. Maybe Taeyeon was right; it was just you who hadn’t felt it yet.
But after these eighteen months?
~*~
The smoke, the smell of sweat mixed with strong scent of perfume or even the blasting music that you’re sure enough can damage your eardrums, cannot ease your worries and guilt that building up inside your chest with every time you sweep your eyes into every corner of the night club. This is wrong you know, yet you still have the urge to make sure yourself that Tiffany is the only girl - person - that can turn you on.
So you walked in slowly, trying to not slip with your own foot because you’re so nervous that you could hardly gulp down your own saliva. The view was somehow gave you another thick of guiltiness that pushed down roughly onto your chest until you feel like vomiting and run away from the place you barely come into.
“You’re new,”
You looked up to the bartender when you tried to sit comfortably onto the silver elegant chair.
“Pardon?”
The bartender chuckled and you questioned yourself either he showing his perfect set of teeth to you or not, because it looks like he does. The man behind the bar table eyeing you sharply as he smiles, his black jet hair was too shiny and way too cool for a bartender like him. He looks nice though, his white western-style shirt covered neatly with a black vest that buttoned up until below his board chest.
“So why does a hallyu star like you coming here tonight, hm? And I guess you’re coming alone,” He stressed over the ‘hallyu star’ and continue looking around your back to make sure the other eight girls not coming along with you to the club.
“Yes, I’m alone and could you please give me tequila?”
The bartender chuckled again at how cold you’re answering his question.
“Sure ma’am,”
It doesn’t take him long to serve you tequila, just a little bit show off here and there and he is done making you one. The man looks still wanted to ask you questions by the look on his face. He doesn’t seem gonna leave you alone yet.
“Since you’re not answering my question, what are you doing here again, miss?”
You roll your eyes. He doesn’t leave you alone until you gave him answer it looks like, so you give him a short one.
“Relieving stress,”
“So the job of hallyu star is indeed tiring like they always said, huh?” He smirks.
You shrugged, drinking your tequila. “It is,”
“It seems fun though. Share a bit with me?”
He rested both his elbow onto the table and smiling again. You found him a little bit annoying but too much for the coolness on his self. You enjoyed his presence somehow. You place your now empty glass onto the table and pushed it with your finger to the front of the man as you eyeing his nametag. Rick it read, and you smirks without him knowing.
~*~
You were drunk.
Drunk enough to not knowing how you ended up in the VIP room with rick on top of you, kissing your lips like there will be no tomorrow. You have to keep sober to know either he could turn you on or not, either he could stop you for feeling guilty but enjoy the night with him. So you make yourself as sober as you can.
The image of the red head’s face was all over you when the man named Rick started to touching your body. He didn’t pull away from the kiss as if can’t get enough of your mouth, can’t get enough of your taste. He tossed his vest and shirt away and you can’t help but amazed at how his body looks like. You wondered at how long you’ve been seeing girl’s curved body than a man muscle one. You reached out your hand and caress the chocolate abs slowly.
You feel nothing.
He kissed your neck, licking all the way down to your collarbone before he bit on it. You’re not moaning. He unzipped your dress, removing it from your body and tossed it onto the floor. He hugged you as he reached your breast, groped it with your bra still on.
You didn’t moan.
You opened your eyes when he placed his knee in between your legs and started to move it up and down. But you didn’t even get wet and you didn’t shudder at how it moves on your sensitive area. You looked down at him but all you can see is the red head that doing it to you, and by the image of her sucking on your breast, it turns you on.
You moan, her name.
And you realize.
“Rick… Stop this,”
~*~
You came back home when the lights were already off, when Sunny fell asleep while playing game with Taeyeon on her side, hugging the younger girl’s arm. The faint sound from the game doesn’t scare you, but the sound of the door opening was the one that makes you jumped a little.
“Baby!” you hissed. “You scared me!”
The other girl doesn’t smile nor welcomed you as always. Instead, she eyed you from hair to toes. She sense something wrong with you, some scent she doesn’t familiar with bothered her so much that she scoffed at you before going back to her room, but not closing the door for you to enter.
You closed the door softly and the locked it. You turned around just to find her stood in front of you in the dark with her hand folded on her chest. Her shoulder as stiff as her standing and you can sense something bad will happen for the next hours.
“Where you’ve been?” her voice is the one that makes you feel so tiny so you choose to stay quiet and looking down your feet.
“It’s four in the morning and you smell like cigarette and alcohol and sex,”
You gave no answer because you’re too scared, too nervous.
“Where were you going?”
Still no answer from you.
“Answer me!”
You jumped a little by her sudden rising volume. You bite your lips, knowing full that this is your fault and you can’t handle the tears to not going down your face. You’re afraid, not from her, but from the look on her face if you said that you just had sex with a bartender named Rick at the club earlier. She combed her hair frustratingly with her hand before groaned deeply.
“Taeyeon told me everything,” you looked at her surprise. “I force her to, don’t blame her,” She continued, answering the question that you had on your mind.
“I supposed you were just had sex with someone else, huh?” she scoffed, her voice trembled. “Just to make sure that you still love me or not,” She laughed in disbelieve. “How brilliant of you,”
“I’m Sorry,” was just a mere whispered that even yourself not sure either the younger girl hear it or not.
“I can’t believe you doing this to me. Why don’t you just broke up with me and end everything from the start? I know you have this uncertainty from the beginning. Why don’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry,” another whisper.
You saw her frown from the light that sipped from the curtain and you cursed yourself for doing such moron things like that. You made her cry and you hate the view of it. You walked closer even so softly before you reach your hand and touch a little bit of her skin before she slapped your hand away.
“Don’t touch me,” she sobs.
You frowned hard and you feel so heavy from the inside of your chest. You are such a brat, such a very stupid person that living on this planet. This girl gave you everything yet you still had this stupid uncertainty that always haunted you. You’re stupid, the very idiot girl from the earth planet that needs to be killed right away. You’re wrong yet again. Everyone can saw how deep the red head’s love for you yet you don’t seeing it. Pitiful, you’re a pathetic being that doesn’t even deserve her.
She sat the end of her bed with her hands covering her eyes, her cries is the only thing you can heard right now. You walked to in front of her and kneeled down. You keep your hand away and fight the urge to not touching her even just a little. You wiped away your tears as you talk.
“I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you,” you looked away, biting your lips. “I am a fool and I’ll always be a fool if it’s comes to you. I’m sorry for stepping in a wrong way to convinced myself, all I thinking was how to make myself sure that you’re the only person that I can turn on to, that I can love. It’s… working though, now I came back here, to come to you again with the thought of you still accepting me after what I did,” You chuckled between your sobs. “How stupid,”
You looked up and saw her looking away with her arm on her thigh to support her hand that covered her mouth. She’s still crying, and your heart feels so hurt by knowing the fact that you’re the one who make her cry.
“It’s okay if you don’t accept me again, if you don’t want me again, if you… if you want to break up… wit-with me,” you can’t hold your own tears when you said that, you can’t seem finding the happiness without her around, without her being your lover.
“I- I can’t… I can’t seem living without you though,” you sobs harder which make her follows you crying even more. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. You- you can do whatever you want to me; you can cheat behind me, you can… you can do whatever you pleased to hurt me, it’s okay, I’ll still be here being your forever stupid girlfriend because you’ll always be my favorite ‘what ifs’ to die for,”
She finally looking at you, not even bothered to wipe her tears that’s on her face. She cupped your face with her wet hands and she kissed you. She kissed you and you can taste her tears from her lips. She pulled away and she pulled you up for a hug, to sit beside her, to feel her warmth again. She hugged you really tight that you’re sure enough you almost cannot breathe, but you don’t mind it. She’s the only person you will spend your life with.
“Don’t! Don’t you dare to leave me after what you just did! You owe me your life and I don’t want to share you with anyone else but me! You’re mine and you know that!” she groaned softly onto your ear and you hold her tighter.
“I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry. All I could see when I did it was your face, your body on top of me. It’s you, it’s always been you. I don’t have any favorite place except beside you. I don’t, and I don’t want to lose you,”
She pulled away softly. The white parts of her eyes were red because of too much crying, her lips formed into a pout and you can’t help but kiss it.
“I Love you,”
She closed the gap between you two by touching your foreheads together before she wiped away your tears.
“I love you more, Jess,”
~*~
Meanwhile, The other side of the room.
“Well at least she figured out something,”
“But it was really an idiot things I ever know by had sex with someone else,”
“I know right,”
“…You don’t even thinking to do things like that, huh Taengoo?
“What!? Of course not!”
~*~
a/n : i was about to make this a very sad ending one but i dont have heart with all the jeti moments lately XDD i'm axcited!!! so how is it? drop a comment! >,< i promise i wont bite