i don't really even remember what i wrote anymore...
So this is my attempt at becoming a better writer again. I mean it should be a lot of good practice seeing as though I have over four hours to try to get better. “What do you do when you look in the mirror and staring at you is why he’s not here?” -Kelly Clarkson- So, freshman year is over, that’s weird right? I can’t believe I haven’t really written anything since freshman year of college ended. I’m almost exactly half way done my summer. I’ve been having an absolute blast, and I think the real fun is just about to start. I’m on the plane flying out to see Lindsey in Riverside, California for a week. It’s going to be an absolute blast. The movie on the plane is Must Love Dogs, with Tim Allen, he is such a funny actor, but I don’t think this movie is my cup of tea, which is the reason I have decided to write instead. I just recently found out that my roommate is most likely not coming back to school for next year. I’m really upset about it. I don’t want her to know that so much though, because I don’t really want to influence her decision, it’s her life and I want her to be happy. I know that she wasn’t happy at Maryland, I’m pretty sure everybody knew it. It was hard for her to be away from her family, best friends, and boyfriend. I can’t only imagine what it would be like if I had to leave all that behind and didn’t find quick replacements right away. Well, that came out wrong, but I mean I found a lot of close friends in teammates and she just wasn’t able to do the same thing. She got accepted into Mason today, which I was so happy to hear. I’m glad that she has other options. I really didn’t want her to have to settle for something that she would be much better than and now I don’t think she’s going to have to. I’m not sure whether or not she will regret her decision, but that’s all part of life, maybe she’s ultimately regret coming to Maryland at all, it’s all part of living and learning I guess. I just wish her parents were taking it better. Her dad is really upset with her, and I know that she probably hates that, she’s used to being a daddy’s girl, just like Lindsey and I. I’m pretty sure being a daddy’s girl, has something to do with playing softball and all the time you spend with your family, because the more people I meet through sports the more girls I see that are very close with their dad’s. Going back to Amanda and her leaving, it’s going to be so hard. I’m not sure who my roommates going to be. It’s going to be scarier than freshman year in that sense. It was so great coming into school knowing I was going to get along with my roommate. We were actually perfect for each other because we were both very kick back people and weren’t too uptight about anything. We enjoyed the same music, and we both liked to go to bed early during the school week. That could have been partly because of our hectic schedule and us having no power to keep our eyes open past 10 o’clock but either way, it worked out very well. She’s also a great person. She is so sweet, and would do anything for me. I’m going to miss her so much if she doesn’t come back next year, but I definitely want to be supportive in her decision, especially if her family isn’t really being supportive. I know that’s going to be very hard on her, and I want her to be able to be happy, because ultimately that’s the goal in life, to be happy, right? On a good note though Amanda and I are going to be able to spend the rest of the summer together. Yesterday, my dad talked to Mr. Lyddane and they decided that the team would like me to go to GOLD Nationals with them. I am so excited. I am also going to go to the 23U tournament with them, and PONY Nationals to get some experience throwing to their catchers, and learning signs and plays and things like that. I’m very excited because I didn’t think I was going to get the opportunity to play this summer, and now I do. I’m playing for the Vienna Stars, which are coached by Mr. Gore and I’ll be hooking back up with old teammates like Sarah Himan, Brittany Lyddane, Becky Horesky, Shyla Rider, and of course, Amanda. I also just asked Lindsey if she wanted to join the team too and come to GOLD’s with us. She’d be hitting for me because I am not allowed to hit because my dad’s convinced that it would hurt my back. But with Lindsey and I being added to their team I think they’re going to be so much better, so I’m really excited about that. So, once I get back from California I get about four practices before I’m going to be throwing games. It’s going to be interesting to see how well I do in the first couple games, but either way it’s going to be good experience before school starts. I’m also really happy that I’m going to be getting the innings in against competition like this before I have to go back to Maryland and play there. This is going to give me so much more confidence than I had all season at Maryland, and hopefully I’ll be able to carry it over into the season and I’ll have a much better season than I had last year. I hate having people ask me if the reason I had such a rough season is because of my back, because I’m not sure if I can say yes, but I’d love to blame it on that, so I usually do. I’m not really even sure myself why I had such a rough season, I mean a lot of freshman go through it, so it shouldn’t really be a surprise, I just wish I had the answer, so I could make sure I definitely fix it for next season, because I really want to step my game up this year! Another thing I’m really looking forward to for the rest of the summer is spending the time with my dad I missed while I was away at school. I never thought that we spent that much time together, but once we weren’t seeing each other every day, or for that matter even talking to each other every day, it was so different and I really missed him. I like to consider him my best friend and it was sad to not have him there all the time. I mean we’re not the kind of father and daughter that talk about really personal things, but softball wise, and what I want to do with my life wise, that’s where we are great friends and I really value his opinion on things, and he’s run so much of my life that its hard for me to have to totally just lose that. This year we’ve both decided that when I go to school we’re going to talk on the phone more, because it was not the same not having him in a lot of the important decisions I decided to make on my own this past year while I was at school. My dad is such an important person in my life and I kind of shut him out so that I could live life on my own, but I value his opinion too much to cut him out as much as I did, and he even admittedly so, let me. It’s also been nice to hang out with my high school friends. As much as I neglected talking to them while I was at school for whatever reason I did, which is probably just because I hate the phone, it’s nice to finally be able to see them and hang out with them, and just go back to how everything was. Well I can’t completely say that because it’s hard for us to get together anymore without alcohol involved. That really makes me upset and some days I find myself staying home because I’m not okay with only being able to be friends with them and hang out with them, or have something to do just because alcohol is involved. I think it’s because I get a very different thing out of drinking than most people do, and I think that’s partly the reason I didn’t start drinking until I got to college. I have never been the type of person that needs alcohol to have fun, and I’m not saying my friends are either. But I have always been the one that is able to just go out and make a complete fool of myself and not care. I think that if I’m having fun that’s what’s important and a lot of people do not have that kind of mentality. This is totally off topic, but this little kid behind me keeps kicking my chair, and it’s really starting to annoy me, I do not understand why his mother is not yelling at him to stop, because it is a very inappropriate thing to do. Also, I got really lucky and have the seat next to me empty, which worked out so well, because I have been able to like spread out a little bit. I mean as much as you can spread out on a plane. But, it is the only seat on the plane that is not filled, so it worked out really well! However, I would also like to say that planes are ridiculous anymore because they don’t really even offer you a drink option. I have been sitting on this plane for close to three hours and I have no even been asked if I’d like a beverage. I am paying far too much to not even receive a beverage and a tiny bag of pretzels. Luckily, I brought snacks; I just finished some chips and starbursts, thanks mom! Oh also I’m sitting in the second to last seat on the plane by the window and on take off I followed where we were for awhile and saw a lot of the area around where we live, I thought that was pretty cool. We also went through the most turbulence I have ever been through, people on the plane were acting like we were in a movie and the plane was crashing, like that’s how bad it was. People were screaming, luckily I actually was okay with it, Normally I don’t like it because I hate that feeling in my stomach when it drops, which is why I hate rollercoaster’s, but it really wasn’t that bad, I mean I ended up gripping the arm rests but other than that I really didn’t think it was that bad, the people around me however acted like this was their last day on earth. I started reading “The Five People You Meet In Heaven” as we got on the plane and in about an hour I finished 75 pages of it, which I think is pretty impressive for the slowness of my reading skills, and its really good, but I got a little tired of reading, I’m trying to do a bunch of different things so that I don’t get too bored in my five hour flight, but its kind of hard. I bought a Sudoku puzzle book in the airport before I got on the plane so I could do that too, and I already finished two puzzles, and made two friends while waiting to get on the plane because of it. I finally just got two mini bags of pretzels, SWEET! Back to my friends there was this man who was from the UK who was so confused as to how the puzzles worked and had me explain it to him and watched me do my first one, he was also thinking about getting the book for the plane, it was really cute. He was like it’s getting so popular I see it all over the UK, which I thought was really funny. And then another lady that was sitting by me with her two cute little boys asked me how it worked because she had seen a lady earlier in the day on a plane working on them but didn’t get a chance to ask her how it worked, so I explained it to her too, she was so sweet and told me good luck on the rest of my puzzles. People are so friendly. I really appreciate that. I was hoping I would be able to meet a friend on the plane, but since there is no one sitting next to me, I haven’t been able to, but that might be for the better because now I am able to do things I normally don’t get the chance to do like write, and read and listen to my music and do Sudoku. I don’t really have much else to say. I feel like I’ve written not so much in almost three pages, but I’ve basically run out of things to say. Oh wait, I’ve thought of one more topic I can write about…Jeffrey. The weekend of my birthday I came home and brought Lindsey and Brittany with me. I guess that’s not really important, but we ended up going down to Delaware and Mike and Jeff and Jim were there to, so we met up with them, and partied with them. Well, more so, tried to find a party with them. It was so hard to find something to do, and every time I go there I am so happy I didn’t even apply, I would have hated it there. But anyway, Mike ended up leaving we went to some shady party in a garage, it was actually pretty cool but I didn’t know anybody so it was just weird. Lindsey and Brittany didn’t have any fun and I felt really bad, but I also wanted to have fun because it was my birthday weekend, so I told Jeff he couldn’t leave me, cause I knew he would dance with me, so he ended up giving me his cup and then we danced for awhile, one thing lead to another and we started making out. Then before I left he was like I’ll call you tomorrow and then he kissed me again and yeah so that was pretty much that. But, then he called me the next day and had been talking like over text message until the summer started. He’s Mike’s friend so like anytime I see Mike I hear about Jeff, so one night he asked me what I was doing and I ended up going over there. I was going over there and hooking up with him like at least once a week for a while until like last week. I don’t know what’s going on with us. I really like hanging out with him, and not just the hooking up part, he’s so different from me and I really like to talk to him about stuff I don’ talk to other people about. He has aspirations to be in the Olympics and he’s really into his family, which I think is really sweet. Him and Mike are also best friends, which is really cool, and I like getting to hang out with both of them at the same time and then getting to just hang out with Jeff when Mike goes away. We’re not dating or anything, and I wouldn’t want to be anyway. I like that we can be friends with benefits, but I also hate that I’m not the only one he’s able to do that with. I would really like someone I like to like me back for once. Mike hates when I say that, but that’s because he doesn’t know what it’s like to not have everyone want you, I mean he’s Michael Miller. I’m glad we’re friends because I really like his perspective on things. He looks at things differently than most people. That’s really all I had to say about that, so I don’t really have anything else to say. I’m going to try to document all my days out in California because I think it’ll be fun to go back and remember and read it later so I’m going to start now. So, that was my attempt at becoming a better writer, I’m not sure it worked because I didn’t talk about anything meaningful, but at least I got out a lot of what I’ve been up to recently.