home!
I am home... Home, where my thoughts escape me, home do do do do do do... Yeah I don't know the rest of the words to that song, but you get what I mean. It was a long trip home after getting less than two hours of sleep on Thursday night and awaking at 6 a.m., only to drive over five hours here. Ugh, that was a long, groggy ride. But, I made it. Had a GREAT! GREAT! Thursday night/techincally Friday early morning. It was tons of fun to go out with the guys and we had a blast. Things went better than expected, let's just leave it at that. I thought there might be more tension, but like most things in life, after a little bit of booze, it was all good! Alcohol: What Can't It Do? It was great. Then there was last night. We hit up the Cornerstone to have my FAVORITE wings in the free world. Jude, Mom, Dad, Dede, Eric... the whole fam damily. Another situation I am sure that was eased by the presences of alcohol. Not that after so many years my divorced parents are still cut-throat, but I still thought it would be more weird than it was. But, after a few pitchers and talk of selling one's testicles for $100,000, we were all laughing, hysterical and having a blast. The night, as usual, did not end there. We rounded it off with a trip to The Vets, The TT and then to a bonefire (well at least for Jude and me - those old parents can't always be expected to keep up). It was great. Following a fire, Jude and I walked home the long way, taking an extra trip around the block just to talk a little longer. I miss him so much. We don't see each other nearly enough, and it is nice to get some one-on-one time when we do get together. We had some good talks about life, relationships and mistakes. It was good. I am glad I have such a great family that loves me so much and that I am so close to. It is good to know I can always talk to them. I feel good. I was thinking on that long drive here about happiness, and how, right now... at this moment in my life, I am happier with my life and myself more than I have been in quite some time. I am no longer living a lie, a fake front for the world to see. I think being totally upfront about my mistakes, feelings and regrets has been liberting! I love that it is all on the table, it is all in the open. I am happy. I realize a lot of people were hurt in the process, and for that I am sorry, but I do NOT regret any decisions I've made in my life, because if I went back and changed just one tiny thing, it all may have ended differently and I wouldn't have gotten to be the me I am now. And, I like me now. I was digging through a box of memorablia/memories today while cleaning. Man did it bring back some memories: both good and bad, people I loved and hated, things I've done. And, besides feeling that if the me now met the me of high school, she'd kick her ass for being such a fucking goody two shoes, perfect, overachieving bitch, it was awesome to remember some things that were in the deep file cabinets of my mind. It is fun to dust those files out sometimes. At the same time, it is good to move on and live in the now. And, now, I AM A HAPPY GIRL!