The Mindless Babble of a Man at the End of his Rope...
You know, I'm not even sure what the point of this post really is. Is it just for me to let out all the negative energy built up within me? Maybe, but I'm not sure that even works anymore. I can't quite explain why my depression is getting so bad; other than my stress level, there's no reason for it to be this bad. I'm working five nights and one day a week now, all consecutively, which makes it really hard to study for class, but I need the money too desperately to let go of any hours I'm working. I have no car, so I'm at the mercy of the DART bus or my friends to get places, and that bothers me. I hate having to depend on other people for any reason. They say they don't mind, since I'm their friend, but how long is that gonna last? Besides, I'm twenty-one years old, God damn it. I should be able to take care of myself by now. Most of the people I graduated with are about to graduate from college or technical school within the next year or so, or they are working, trying to make it in the world without the security of living with their parents. I, on the other hand, am still living with my parents, still don't have a car (or a license, for that matter), and I still have at least 3-4 semesters left to go in community college. Am I the only one who sees a problem here? Am I not fit to become a respectable part of society? I can't even look my parents in the eye without feeling my gut wrench in agony. My friends and family say that I'm such a good person, but what the hell do they know? I'm a failure, a piece of charcoal in a diamond mine, a waste of talent and potential. I know my friends and family care about me, but I don't see why, and I certainly don't deserve it. I guess you could say that I could be attributed to fool's gold: pretty to look at, but not worth a god damn thing. Ever heard the old insult "The best part of you ran down your mama's leg?" Sometimes I wonder...