(no subject)
My new thing, that is completely unintentional, is that I wake up in the middle of the night, and think about how much everything isnt working out for me and i stay up and think and think and think, and can never get back to sleep. I really dont understand. I really dont. And thats why Im so upset. Well no. I know why Im so upset. I just was convinced this was going to work. If all else failed this was going to work. And now its completely destroyed. But i really dont think its my fault. Maybe partially. But Ive done everything on my end. I just cant do it all. I cant be 2 people. And I cant make someone feel a way they dont. Even though I wish I could. This is painful. Im starting to lose faith for people that come into my life. Everyone I have ever felt like i could trust has done some thing to leave and prove they really dont care. Its painful. I dont know what to do. I just want to be really really happy about everything going on and lose this feeling that I want to dissapear for ever and press reset on my life. Being here makes me sad. I cant be around you, I cant not be around. I keep thinking I dont then after careful consideration I'm back where I was. But I dont think it will ever be the way I want it. There are too many distractions. I just want you to be crazy about me.