No country for bitter men?
Firstly, I kind of hate to use the tag 'i hate old people' for this post, but it's the only tag I have relevant to senior citizens and this post is definitely about a senior citizen I am a little mad at.
I was tidying up the men's dress aisle today at work when I noticed an old man with a walker who appeared to be struggling to get a shoebox off of a shelf. I said something along the lines of "Can I help you with anything, sir?", choosing on purpose to be neutral, as opposed to saying something like "Can I help you with that" that might imply that I thought older people are unable to do anything on their own. I talk that way --neutrally-- to almost all of our customers (unless I know them personally), and hey, the man did have a walker to bend over, blocking his reach to the Skechers...
Anyhow, the man said no, so I smiled and moved on. Twenty minutes later, I had wandered back to that part of the store. I had assumed that he had left already, so I was surprised that he was still basically where I had seen him before. So I thought that maybe he decided that he needed help with something and no one else had offered to help him (since he was in an out-of-the-way area). Still, not wanting to make him feel pressured or anything, I said, casually, "You doing alright there, sir?" He seemed agitated when he responded, again, that he was just fine and that "this wasn't his first time in here".
After he said that, it clicked: I had encountered him in a similar situation, like, a whole year ago. My coworkers hadn't had a chance to mention to me, at the time, that if you try to help this guy he completely takes it the wrong way and thinks that you're saying 'may I help you' in the way that we might say it to someone whom we're pretty sure is attempting to shoplift. Oh, and that he thinks that we (well, now just me) would only ever suspect him, a seventy-something guy, of shoplifting (which we never have) because he's black. Well, I had made the mistake of trying to help him back then, only to have him ask me to get my manager and then proceed to complain to him that I was being racist. Frankly, when it happened, I felt like crying; one, because I could totally hear him talking to my manager from across the store, and two, no one had ever accused me of doing something as horrible as that before.
So back to today. Something in my mind clicked, and all I could think was 'Oh shit, it's that bitter old man again, isn't it?. A few minutes go by and he summons our new lady manager over and asks to speak to Greg, the manager he had talked to in the past. I could tell from her expression that Nancy had already met the guy, so I wasn't as worried this time. I didn't hear what he said to Greg after that, but after he had left Greg was like "So, I see you met our old buddy again."
Well later this afternoon, after the man came back to return the shoes he bought (I wish I could have sized him so at least he wouldn't have had to walk back from wherever it was he went), and apparently didn't have any qualms about Nancy or Amanda ringing him up, or John (<--all white people, btw) telling him to have a nice day, we got in to talking about him. Evidently, he had been in several times between now and the last time I saw him; Nancy's only been with us for a month or two and she knew him.
I found out that apparently, this guy has actually yelled at Greg (which I find impressive only because Greg is somewhat intimidating to look at if you don't know him, and because Greg would have been nothing less than cordial with the man as per company policy), asked him why I hadn't been fired yet, and why there were only white employees at the store.
Good grief.
First of all, if the man disliked me so much that he thought I ought to be fired, why did he keep coming back to the store? Second, we do have an interracial staff; Bobby --who is black, has worked at the store longer than me, and is Greg's known favorite--goes to school out of town, so only comes to work during the school year once a month. We also had a second black person, Quentin, working for us for a while recently but who quit. I just do not get this man.
As you can probably tell, I still feel very ill at ease just knowing that there is someone out there who is so convinced that I'm a horrible person that they want me fired. I feel bad for him, though, because it must be very stressful and frustrating to feel like every other person is discriminating against you. However, I have been in the market for a new job recently. Now, one part of me is like, 'Well, I hope I can get a new job so then I wouldn't have to feel so uneasy anymore and he wouldn't have to see me again', but another part of me doesn't want him to think that he's "won" and I got fired.
Just, aargh. I really do pity the poor man, but I still can't help but feel a little offended that he's maintained this undeserved beef against me for over a year. I am not a prejudiced person; I do not actively support gay marriage, a free Tibet, and equal rights for women in Muslim countries or study and learn foreign cultures because I hate people who aren't like me. I just wish I could tell him that I never meant to offend him, that I honestly wanted to help him because he obviously was having trouble and not because I wanted to make sure he wouldn't steal something because he's black.
I was tidying up the men's dress aisle today at work when I noticed an old man with a walker who appeared to be struggling to get a shoebox off of a shelf. I said something along the lines of "Can I help you with anything, sir?", choosing on purpose to be neutral, as opposed to saying something like "Can I help you with that" that might imply that I thought older people are unable to do anything on their own. I talk that way --neutrally-- to almost all of our customers (unless I know them personally), and hey, the man did have a walker to bend over, blocking his reach to the Skechers...
Anyhow, the man said no, so I smiled and moved on. Twenty minutes later, I had wandered back to that part of the store. I had assumed that he had left already, so I was surprised that he was still basically where I had seen him before. So I thought that maybe he decided that he needed help with something and no one else had offered to help him (since he was in an out-of-the-way area). Still, not wanting to make him feel pressured or anything, I said, casually, "You doing alright there, sir?" He seemed agitated when he responded, again, that he was just fine and that "this wasn't his first time in here".
After he said that, it clicked: I had encountered him in a similar situation, like, a whole year ago. My coworkers hadn't had a chance to mention to me, at the time, that if you try to help this guy he completely takes it the wrong way and thinks that you're saying 'may I help you' in the way that we might say it to someone whom we're pretty sure is attempting to shoplift. Oh, and that he thinks that we (well, now just me) would only ever suspect him, a seventy-something guy, of shoplifting (which we never have) because he's black. Well, I had made the mistake of trying to help him back then, only to have him ask me to get my manager and then proceed to complain to him that I was being racist. Frankly, when it happened, I felt like crying; one, because I could totally hear him talking to my manager from across the store, and two, no one had ever accused me of doing something as horrible as that before.
So back to today. Something in my mind clicked, and all I could think was 'Oh shit, it's that bitter old man again, isn't it?. A few minutes go by and he summons our new lady manager over and asks to speak to Greg, the manager he had talked to in the past. I could tell from her expression that Nancy had already met the guy, so I wasn't as worried this time. I didn't hear what he said to Greg after that, but after he had left Greg was like "So, I see you met our old buddy again."
Well later this afternoon, after the man came back to return the shoes he bought (I wish I could have sized him so at least he wouldn't have had to walk back from wherever it was he went), and apparently didn't have any qualms about Nancy or Amanda ringing him up, or John (<--all white people, btw) telling him to have a nice day, we got in to talking about him. Evidently, he had been in several times between now and the last time I saw him; Nancy's only been with us for a month or two and she knew him.
I found out that apparently, this guy has actually yelled at Greg (which I find impressive only because Greg is somewhat intimidating to look at if you don't know him, and because Greg would have been nothing less than cordial with the man as per company policy), asked him why I hadn't been fired yet, and why there were only white employees at the store.
Good grief.
First of all, if the man disliked me so much that he thought I ought to be fired, why did he keep coming back to the store? Second, we do have an interracial staff; Bobby --who is black, has worked at the store longer than me, and is Greg's known favorite--goes to school out of town, so only comes to work during the school year once a month. We also had a second black person, Quentin, working for us for a while recently but who quit. I just do not get this man.
As you can probably tell, I still feel very ill at ease just knowing that there is someone out there who is so convinced that I'm a horrible person that they want me fired. I feel bad for him, though, because it must be very stressful and frustrating to feel like every other person is discriminating against you. However, I have been in the market for a new job recently. Now, one part of me is like, 'Well, I hope I can get a new job so then I wouldn't have to feel so uneasy anymore and he wouldn't have to see me again', but another part of me doesn't want him to think that he's "won" and I got fired.
Just, aargh. I really do pity the poor man, but I still can't help but feel a little offended that he's maintained this undeserved beef against me for over a year. I am not a prejudiced person; I do not actively support gay marriage, a free Tibet, and equal rights for women in Muslim countries or study and learn foreign cultures because I hate people who aren't like me. I just wish I could tell him that I never meant to offend him, that I honestly wanted to help him because he obviously was having trouble and not because I wanted to make sure he wouldn't steal something because he's black.