This continues my procrastination efforts - what paper? I have a paper due?
So, with all the talk of gay marriage and the Supreme Court evaluating and it constitutionally, I thought I would talk a little about my experiences, both growing up and today.
So, for those of you who do not know, my father is gay. My uncle is also a cross dressing gay man, who can walk in 6" stilettos and makes a much better woman than I ever will. I am very jealous of him. I love them both very much.
I learned my father was gay when I was nine years old. My parents divorced when I was about 2-3 years old, because my father was gay. My mother, a very wise and courageous woman, overcame a lot of hurt and resentment and became friends with my father, teaching me the value of forgiveness and love. Each summer my mom would take me down to visit my dad in Virginia. She would stay a week with my Dad, Tony (my dad's partner), and Lorraine (my dad's partner's mother) and I and leave me and come back and pick me up about a month later (give or take). We would all visit Washington, D.C., since they weren't far and my dad worked at the Pentagon.
When I would go and visit, each night we had a tradition where I would go and watch tv in my dads' room next door to mine for an hour or so each night. When my dad decided to tell me (at the age of nine), we were watching "Murphey Brown." The conversation went something like this:
Dad: Brittany, do you know what gay means?
Brittany: Yes.
Dad: What does it mean?
Brittany: Happy.
Dad and Tony chuckle.
Dad: Yes, but do you know what the other gay means?
Brittany: Yes...
Dad: What does it mean?
Brittany: ..... (I did not want to tell them, because kids at school were already talking about that gay and it was "bad")
Dad: Ok, well when a man and man love each other, they are gay.
Brittany: Ok
Dad: Tony and I love each other and we are gay.
Brittany: Ok
Dad: Do you understand?
Brittany: Yes.
Dad: Ok, go upstairs and tell your mom we had this conversation.
I do as he tells me. I knock on my mom's bedroom door. She is asleep.
Brittany: Mom, we had the conversation.
Mom: You did? Huh? OH! That conversation. Are you ok? Do you understand?
Brittany: Yup.
Mom: Ok. G'nite honey.
That is how I learned my dad was gay. I was quite proud of this fact and came back to my small town and told all my friends. The reaction was mixed. I learned at the young age of nine that I should choose my friends based on their reaction. Sometimes it was a confused look of "then how are you here?" "You see...when a man and woman have sex..." was the typical response. Sometimes there was little or no reaction. I liked those the best. And then of course there was the, "you're going to hell" reaction. Those people did not become my friends.
In eighth grade, my fathers, Tony and Dad, decided to have a Holy Union (ie getting married, without the legal binding of it all). I gave them away. My mom was in the wedding, and so was my uncle. It is still one of my favorite memories. Though, of course in their small community there were those against it, which we ran into the day of my dads' Holy Union. We stopped at the local pharmacy, the owners being friends of my dads and there were two older women talking in an aisle. They were talking about my fathers saying "How could they do that? It was immoral and against everything and they were hurting all that was sacred....etc." I walked up to them and told them that they didn't even know these men and how dare they judge them without knowing them. These women were taken aback and asked me how I should even know about these things. I told them they were my fathers and I loved them and God got to make the final judgement and I think he would be ok with it all. They were just taken aback. The owner came over and asked them to leave, which was nice.
Then, in high school things changed a little, people began to decide that I must be gay, because my father is gay. Yes, I had boyfriends in high school, yes people knew. They just chose to ignore it. I learned how to judge my friends even more closely during this time. My senior year, I wrote my senior paper on gay marriage, and there was so little information out there. I had to use the internet to find information, and at that time, we didn't even know how to site internet sources! I also entered an essay contest in which I wrote about my fathers and won.
The first day of my senior year in high school, Tony (my dad's partner) died. That threw me for a loop. I wasn't prepared for that. I loved Tony very much (I still do). I miss him every day. I am so happy that I got to have him in my life. He taught me so much about how to treat people and love people. He instilled in me a lot of life lessons that might have gotten overlooked otherwise. He was a big influence and a larger than life character. Anyone who got to know him, loved him.
Six or so months later, my dad met Glenn, who looked very similar to Tony when we first met him (at my graduation party). Glenn has overcome many obstacles himself and I think he's taught my dad quite a bit. Their relationship ebbs and flows just like any relationship. They love each other, just like Dad and Tony did. They are good together. We can all only be so lucky to have partners and relationships like theirs (both Dad and Tony and Dad and Glenn's)!
As a sophomore in college, Glenn, my mother, and I all worried for my father's safety on 9/11 as he was on his way into work. If he had left a few minutes earlier, he would have been at the Pentagon. Glenn communicated with us by email throughout the morning, as we did not have any word. Finally, close to 1 p.m., Dad emailed. He was ok and was on the metro. It went past the Pentagon instead of stopping like it normally did. If there was ever an emergency at the Pentagon, that was what the metro was supposed to do. He missed it by mere minutes. We were all so lucky, but I will never forget that day and how it played out. I was thankful to have Glenn keeping my mom and I updated. He is my family.
Glenn has been around ever since and they moved back to this area in 2008. I am very lucky to have my family members. I am very lucky to have had these experiences and to get to have two extra stepfathers who have loved me and made me laugh. I can only hope that they feel lucky inheriting a daughter, along with my dad, though both Glenn and Tony said as much at various points in my life.
Not everyone is so lucky. I support gay marriage and have since I was old enough to realize that not everyone was allowed the same basic rights. Everyone should be able to express and show their love and commitment for someone and get the same benefits regardless of age, race, sexual orientation, creed, religion, weight, or any other stupid thing you want to judge someone by.
I hope the Supreme Court makes the right ruling. Equality. It's that simple.
*Steps down off my soapbox*
Now this version, wasn't nearly as good as my last one, but it will do.
Toot n Scoot!
So, for those of you who do not know, my father is gay. My uncle is also a cross dressing gay man, who can walk in 6" stilettos and makes a much better woman than I ever will. I am very jealous of him. I love them both very much.
I learned my father was gay when I was nine years old. My parents divorced when I was about 2-3 years old, because my father was gay. My mother, a very wise and courageous woman, overcame a lot of hurt and resentment and became friends with my father, teaching me the value of forgiveness and love. Each summer my mom would take me down to visit my dad in Virginia. She would stay a week with my Dad, Tony (my dad's partner), and Lorraine (my dad's partner's mother) and I and leave me and come back and pick me up about a month later (give or take). We would all visit Washington, D.C., since they weren't far and my dad worked at the Pentagon.
When I would go and visit, each night we had a tradition where I would go and watch tv in my dads' room next door to mine for an hour or so each night. When my dad decided to tell me (at the age of nine), we were watching "Murphey Brown." The conversation went something like this:
Dad: Brittany, do you know what gay means?
Brittany: Yes.
Dad: What does it mean?
Brittany: Happy.
Dad and Tony chuckle.
Dad: Yes, but do you know what the other gay means?
Brittany: Yes...
Dad: What does it mean?
Brittany: ..... (I did not want to tell them, because kids at school were already talking about that gay and it was "bad")
Dad: Ok, well when a man and man love each other, they are gay.
Brittany: Ok
Dad: Tony and I love each other and we are gay.
Brittany: Ok
Dad: Do you understand?
Brittany: Yes.
Dad: Ok, go upstairs and tell your mom we had this conversation.
I do as he tells me. I knock on my mom's bedroom door. She is asleep.
Brittany: Mom, we had the conversation.
Mom: You did? Huh? OH! That conversation. Are you ok? Do you understand?
Brittany: Yup.
Mom: Ok. G'nite honey.
That is how I learned my dad was gay. I was quite proud of this fact and came back to my small town and told all my friends. The reaction was mixed. I learned at the young age of nine that I should choose my friends based on their reaction. Sometimes it was a confused look of "then how are you here?" "You see...when a man and woman have sex..." was the typical response. Sometimes there was little or no reaction. I liked those the best. And then of course there was the, "you're going to hell" reaction. Those people did not become my friends.
In eighth grade, my fathers, Tony and Dad, decided to have a Holy Union (ie getting married, without the legal binding of it all). I gave them away. My mom was in the wedding, and so was my uncle. It is still one of my favorite memories. Though, of course in their small community there were those against it, which we ran into the day of my dads' Holy Union. We stopped at the local pharmacy, the owners being friends of my dads and there were two older women talking in an aisle. They were talking about my fathers saying "How could they do that? It was immoral and against everything and they were hurting all that was sacred....etc." I walked up to them and told them that they didn't even know these men and how dare they judge them without knowing them. These women were taken aback and asked me how I should even know about these things. I told them they were my fathers and I loved them and God got to make the final judgement and I think he would be ok with it all. They were just taken aback. The owner came over and asked them to leave, which was nice.
Then, in high school things changed a little, people began to decide that I must be gay, because my father is gay. Yes, I had boyfriends in high school, yes people knew. They just chose to ignore it. I learned how to judge my friends even more closely during this time. My senior year, I wrote my senior paper on gay marriage, and there was so little information out there. I had to use the internet to find information, and at that time, we didn't even know how to site internet sources! I also entered an essay contest in which I wrote about my fathers and won.
The first day of my senior year in high school, Tony (my dad's partner) died. That threw me for a loop. I wasn't prepared for that. I loved Tony very much (I still do). I miss him every day. I am so happy that I got to have him in my life. He taught me so much about how to treat people and love people. He instilled in me a lot of life lessons that might have gotten overlooked otherwise. He was a big influence and a larger than life character. Anyone who got to know him, loved him.
Six or so months later, my dad met Glenn, who looked very similar to Tony when we first met him (at my graduation party). Glenn has overcome many obstacles himself and I think he's taught my dad quite a bit. Their relationship ebbs and flows just like any relationship. They love each other, just like Dad and Tony did. They are good together. We can all only be so lucky to have partners and relationships like theirs (both Dad and Tony and Dad and Glenn's)!
As a sophomore in college, Glenn, my mother, and I all worried for my father's safety on 9/11 as he was on his way into work. If he had left a few minutes earlier, he would have been at the Pentagon. Glenn communicated with us by email throughout the morning, as we did not have any word. Finally, close to 1 p.m., Dad emailed. He was ok and was on the metro. It went past the Pentagon instead of stopping like it normally did. If there was ever an emergency at the Pentagon, that was what the metro was supposed to do. He missed it by mere minutes. We were all so lucky, but I will never forget that day and how it played out. I was thankful to have Glenn keeping my mom and I updated. He is my family.
Glenn has been around ever since and they moved back to this area in 2008. I am very lucky to have my family members. I am very lucky to have had these experiences and to get to have two extra stepfathers who have loved me and made me laugh. I can only hope that they feel lucky inheriting a daughter, along with my dad, though both Glenn and Tony said as much at various points in my life.
Not everyone is so lucky. I support gay marriage and have since I was old enough to realize that not everyone was allowed the same basic rights. Everyone should be able to express and show their love and commitment for someone and get the same benefits regardless of age, race, sexual orientation, creed, religion, weight, or any other stupid thing you want to judge someone by.
I hope the Supreme Court makes the right ruling. Equality. It's that simple.
*Steps down off my soapbox*
Now this version, wasn't nearly as good as my last one, but it will do.
Toot n Scoot!