*I Miss Him Already*
Holey Shit...
Been A While Hasn't It? Yeah...well, I figured now's a good time to update I guess. I have WAY too much on my mind. Well...G00 (my brother) leaves in about...16 hours. And HOLEY SHIT am I ever gunna miss him. There's just SO much to say about it ya know? I mean, it's funny how, when ur really little, ur all like "my brother's the COOLEST I wanna be JUST like him and do everything he does!" (Even tho he finds u so super annoying) And then, u get a little older and it's like "EW MOM I HATE MY BROTHER!" then he thinks he's "too old and too cool" for you so u get ditched. Then, once you both get older, you realize "hey...maybe he's not so gay afterall...he's actually pretty cool at time". And then...when u start to get close and become 'friends'...he's gone. Off to college where ur not gunna see him for MONTHS at a time. And then u start to think...think about how all these years, you've HATED having him around all the time. And how you've taken such advantage of your time together. I mean, it's not the end of the world but WOW. You know? I don't get to have that time with him like I used to. No more street hockey when we were little, no more Simba&Nala with Legos, (don't ask), no more fighting over the phone or computer, no more spaZZing out in the truck BLARING country music on the way home from school :'(. Fuck, I'm gunna miss all that SO much! Everything's changed now. I feel like I'm losing a friend ya know? I mean yeah...he's gunna be back and stuff but...it's still not going to be the same. No more guys sitting at my table before football games eating subway as I walk out in a towel not knowing they're there...no more 50 random people at my house for poker. "The Guys" are all moved on...I'm no longer known as "Perry's little sister" to half of the uPPerclaSSmen. I mean WOW...I'm acutally going to have FOOD in my house! And be able to sleep in and walk around half-dressed all the time. No more Halo :'( no one to run around screaming with me at 1:30 in the afternoon. No more "FUZZY" and "Wanna pet it?...It's Soft Like A Puppy" *Reaches Hand Out* "UR NOT SUPPOSED TO WANNA PET IT!" I'm gunna miss my FatFuzzyBrown! WHO AM I GUNNA WATCH GARFIELD THE MOVIE WITH? "JOHN...HE'S IN MY SEAT!" lmao that's our favorite part...Who the fuck is gunna beat me up now? God damn...And I don't get to up with him tomorrow either :'( Cuz I have STUPID basketball! There's Just SO MUCH to say and not enough words to describe it ya know? I mean DAMN...I didn't expect it to hit me this way ya know? I mean, if u read down and stuff it mentions how he's leaving soon and stuff but...now that it's finally time for him to go...and for me to be all alone, it just doesn't even seem like it's real. Like, he's just goin away for a day and then comin back home and goin back to Howell High...but he's not...He won't be there for me when I'm gunna need him :(. He won't be there to run to when my mom's drunk and on one of her rampages...All these Ryan's been my escape...the person I run and hide behind like a little girl. Expecting big brother to deal with her and all those problems. But now, he won't be here to calm me down, or help me handle her...he just won't be. It's just me...all by myself...I mean...I definitely didn't expect to get so upset or emotional about it ya know? I mean, it's just college but...just to think that how everything's been for 15 years of my life...will never be the same. ...EVER again... God I'm seriously about to cry just typing all this and thinking about it. I don't wanna sound like a stupid wuss who's makin a big deal out of nothing but...when you've gone through what I have...it's kinda hard to not get this way. He's...well...MY BIG BROTHER! Who sticks up for me when I need it, Beats my ass whenever he fEEls I need me, and helps me out with our family issues. But now, big brother's not gunna be right in the next room to run to. Who am I gunna talk to about this stuff now? I can't come home and talk to him about my day, and act all stupid trying to recreate that funny thing someone did today. I don't get to see all the guys anymore...no more football games with him, no more watching him and the rest of the boys PLAY football. I mean GODDDDD it's just so...eye-opening. And yeah...this is prolly good for both of us but still...Bottom line...since this is getting really long and NO ONE wants to read this...
I MISS HIM SO MUCH ALREADY AND HE'S BARELY EVEN GONE! :'(
*Peace Out NegrO!*
^What We Always Say When We Say Bye
*~*mexXxii*~*