(no subject)
I had a terrible dream that I witnessed the murder of my friends and then when the man turned to me with the gun and began to shoot at my arms and legs, I simply looked at him and said, "No... shoot here" and gestured to my heart. He shot me; I fell to the floor; watching him exit the room, leaving my friends and me alone to die, I suddenly -- with terrible regret and confusion -- wondered why I hadn't tried to fight back, run, or beg for my own life. I didn't even cry in pain or realization that I was going to die. I just laid on the floor watching the stairs turn to darkness, wishing I had done it differently.
::
Eric and I are in Louisville. We have been moving his things back and forth for a few days now. In a couple of days we'll be leaving here to go to Minnesota, spend four days there, and head home again. He'll drop me off in Bloomington, and be on his way to his new home here. sigh. I've been much more emotional than I thought I would be. Poor Eric has had to comfort me the last five nights in a row while I've been begging him to just... not leave. I know I am going to be lonely without him, but I am looking forward to having time to do things I've been wanting to focus on lately -- like painting more and finally getting that guitar.
I have been thinking a lot lotely about school. I might go back to IU, but that just doesn't fulfill my hunger for a big location change. If I had the guts, I would just fly to Seattle, find a school there, go to class during the day, and serve coffee all night. I think I would be happy then. Or maybe I'd be sad -- but in the happy, lonely way. That doesn't make sense, huh?
Studio Art and Journalism. That's what I want to major in. I'm a year and a half behind now and officially a much bigger loser than I ever thought I would be (which -- for the record -- is a pretty big loser). But I guess you can't just wait that kind of thing out, can you? Time only moves forward and it seems to do so too rapidly.
Oh well. It's hotter here than at home, but at least it's not as humid. You can almost breathe when you're outside, and it's actually possible to enjoy a breeze.
I hope everyone is well. I am going to get some sleep. <3
::
Eric and I are in Louisville. We have been moving his things back and forth for a few days now. In a couple of days we'll be leaving here to go to Minnesota, spend four days there, and head home again. He'll drop me off in Bloomington, and be on his way to his new home here. sigh. I've been much more emotional than I thought I would be. Poor Eric has had to comfort me the last five nights in a row while I've been begging him to just... not leave. I know I am going to be lonely without him, but I am looking forward to having time to do things I've been wanting to focus on lately -- like painting more and finally getting that guitar.
I have been thinking a lot lotely about school. I might go back to IU, but that just doesn't fulfill my hunger for a big location change. If I had the guts, I would just fly to Seattle, find a school there, go to class during the day, and serve coffee all night. I think I would be happy then. Or maybe I'd be sad -- but in the happy, lonely way. That doesn't make sense, huh?
Studio Art and Journalism. That's what I want to major in. I'm a year and a half behind now and officially a much bigger loser than I ever thought I would be (which -- for the record -- is a pretty big loser). But I guess you can't just wait that kind of thing out, can you? Time only moves forward and it seems to do so too rapidly.
Oh well. It's hotter here than at home, but at least it's not as humid. You can almost breathe when you're outside, and it's actually possible to enjoy a breeze.
I hope everyone is well. I am going to get some sleep. <3