(no subject)
It seems like it's been a while. Probably has. I used to update this damn thing constantly.
The idea of moving doesn't terrify me as much as it used to. And, god, how it terrified me, to the point that I honestly couldn't say for sure that I was even convinced that I could do it. But I've become a good deal more acclimated to the concept; we'll see how the reality pans out. What's really struck me lately is how much skin Birmingham is shedding - a lot of my friends have left, and more are planning to. It's endemic of cities like Birmingham - small cities, faced with taxing economic challenges and a small town attitude towards innovation, often find themselves staring down a brain drain every few years. Cultural advances hit every now and then and move the city towards a brighter light, but the people responsible for that either move on and find a new life in bigger, more challenging city, or they petrify. I've been scared for years of stagnating, and Cave9 made it feel like I wasn't. Cave9 lent my staying here a certain degree of legitimacy, because I believed (and still do, to a degree) that it was an honest shot at changing the way this city thinks - you affect the youth, and you give them something to have hope in with this city, then they'll stay here and make Birmingham what it ought to be when they get up and out. But I don't have that anymore. Nor do I have my own academic pursuits holding me here - I'm done with those, for the time (and place) being. I have a job that keeps my bank account overdrawn, a band that's good but hasn't had a steady line-up the entire time I've been with it, and an ever-closing circle of friends. I have a history that works in my favor with some people, and works against me (in that it's not specifically positive) with others. I have a somewhat negative view of the prevalent attitudes here, despite how much I tend to adopt them. As Josh told me, if I stay here much longer, I will become an artifact. I'm not ready for that yet. So, it feels like now is the time to go.
The cushion for all of that is how easy it is to say "I can always come back." There's a definite precedent set by plenty of people that left before, and god knows that there's a certain comfort about Birmingham that I haven't seen elsewhere. Part of that is how easy it is for me to offend people though - as weird as it sounds, the friction that comes with having my opinions in a city that is often diametrically opposed to them is kind of exciting. It probably won't be in ten years, though.
The idea of bouncing around has been really appealing lately. I miss tour, a lot, but I think going to different cities (and hopefully, countries) for artist-in-residence programs could be a lot of fun, and a great way to get my art out in the world more. And they're cheap, usually, or pay you to be there. They are super competitive, though, so it's a big risk.
Ultimately, this city is too small for me right now, but the thing that makes that such a horrible conclusion to reach is how much I love a few specific people that have made this city their home, and I hate - abhor - the idea of not being able to hop in my car and go see them at a moment's notice.
The idea of moving doesn't terrify me as much as it used to. And, god, how it terrified me, to the point that I honestly couldn't say for sure that I was even convinced that I could do it. But I've become a good deal more acclimated to the concept; we'll see how the reality pans out. What's really struck me lately is how much skin Birmingham is shedding - a lot of my friends have left, and more are planning to. It's endemic of cities like Birmingham - small cities, faced with taxing economic challenges and a small town attitude towards innovation, often find themselves staring down a brain drain every few years. Cultural advances hit every now and then and move the city towards a brighter light, but the people responsible for that either move on and find a new life in bigger, more challenging city, or they petrify. I've been scared for years of stagnating, and Cave9 made it feel like I wasn't. Cave9 lent my staying here a certain degree of legitimacy, because I believed (and still do, to a degree) that it was an honest shot at changing the way this city thinks - you affect the youth, and you give them something to have hope in with this city, then they'll stay here and make Birmingham what it ought to be when they get up and out. But I don't have that anymore. Nor do I have my own academic pursuits holding me here - I'm done with those, for the time (and place) being. I have a job that keeps my bank account overdrawn, a band that's good but hasn't had a steady line-up the entire time I've been with it, and an ever-closing circle of friends. I have a history that works in my favor with some people, and works against me (in that it's not specifically positive) with others. I have a somewhat negative view of the prevalent attitudes here, despite how much I tend to adopt them. As Josh told me, if I stay here much longer, I will become an artifact. I'm not ready for that yet. So, it feels like now is the time to go.
The cushion for all of that is how easy it is to say "I can always come back." There's a definite precedent set by plenty of people that left before, and god knows that there's a certain comfort about Birmingham that I haven't seen elsewhere. Part of that is how easy it is for me to offend people though - as weird as it sounds, the friction that comes with having my opinions in a city that is often diametrically opposed to them is kind of exciting. It probably won't be in ten years, though.
The idea of bouncing around has been really appealing lately. I miss tour, a lot, but I think going to different cities (and hopefully, countries) for artist-in-residence programs could be a lot of fun, and a great way to get my art out in the world more. And they're cheap, usually, or pay you to be there. They are super competitive, though, so it's a big risk.
Ultimately, this city is too small for me right now, but the thing that makes that such a horrible conclusion to reach is how much I love a few specific people that have made this city their home, and I hate - abhor - the idea of not being able to hop in my car and go see them at a moment's notice.