(no subject)
We've decided were going to put the baby up for adoption. While everyone else in the fucking world is having a wonderful fucking life, Im not. I have no reason to be happy about this baby. Because everything that involves this kid is fucked up. Some people might think its too fucking late to be saying this shit now, but its not. It fucking sucks being jealous of everyone else because they are happy. Ive never fucking felt that way. Why the hell do i cry when i think about Steve Being happy with his baby? Why do i fucking cry when i think about amber and phil getting their own place? Why do i fucking cry when i hear angie and kenny make plans for their life? All these people are my friends and Family that i should be very fucking happy for, but i cant be happy for other people when i cant be happy for myself. Theres nothing to be happy about.
I cant support two kids without help from someone. My own father refuses to help me because him and vicki dont like her. What a great fucking reason to not support your son with bringing your fucking grandchild into the world. Instead they'd rather see me struggle and fucking hurt. All i asked was to let her stay a couple months to get on our feet, but i cant even get that, i had to fight and argue just to let her stay for a few extra days to be here for my birthday before she moved to florida. Her and Justin are so damn miserable down there and i cant do anything about it. All i do is go to work, come home and fucking cry about how miserable my life is right now. And how things just keep getting worse and worse no matter how hard i try. How i cant afford anything, how i cant support them, how i got a baby on the way that im not even there for. There is little to nothing good in my life right now.
Not alot of people i know will know this but having to give up your kid is the worse feeling in the fucking world. And this may sound a little conceited but for this kinda shit to happen to somebody like me is Not Fucking Right. I dont deserve to feel this way End of Story. I get to give up my first child, and everyone is gonna hate me for it. My family, ana's Family, Ana herself is not happy with it obviously, but you know what, nothing can be done about it.
Atleast this way he/she will have a decent life instead of coming into a world where their parents have to struggle just to support them.
Its fucking killing me...its fucking killing me and i wish it would just get it over with.
I cant support two kids without help from someone. My own father refuses to help me because him and vicki dont like her. What a great fucking reason to not support your son with bringing your fucking grandchild into the world. Instead they'd rather see me struggle and fucking hurt. All i asked was to let her stay a couple months to get on our feet, but i cant even get that, i had to fight and argue just to let her stay for a few extra days to be here for my birthday before she moved to florida. Her and Justin are so damn miserable down there and i cant do anything about it. All i do is go to work, come home and fucking cry about how miserable my life is right now. And how things just keep getting worse and worse no matter how hard i try. How i cant afford anything, how i cant support them, how i got a baby on the way that im not even there for. There is little to nothing good in my life right now.
Not alot of people i know will know this but having to give up your kid is the worse feeling in the fucking world. And this may sound a little conceited but for this kinda shit to happen to somebody like me is Not Fucking Right. I dont deserve to feel this way End of Story. I get to give up my first child, and everyone is gonna hate me for it. My family, ana's Family, Ana herself is not happy with it obviously, but you know what, nothing can be done about it.
Atleast this way he/she will have a decent life instead of coming into a world where their parents have to struggle just to support them.
Its fucking killing me...its fucking killing me and i wish it would just get it over with.