I know that "things aren't fair", but...

Jan 11, 2011 08:25

Fuck you, world. Fuck you.(ETA: Okay, sorry for the emotional outburst ( Read more... )

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chris_warrior January 11 2011, 13:35:58 UTC
i feel the need to hug you and yet i don't know you. so... sending some good energy. i hope you're OK!

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mewsrissicat January 11 2011, 14:22:24 UTC
Thank you for the kind thoughts, they're always appreciated. Time heals all eventually, though some people in our lives are irreplaceable.

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chris_warrior January 11 2011, 15:04:32 UTC
i've been there... the shock, the feeling like the world lost someone very special. i hope you have time to take the minutes and space you need to mourn them.

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mewsrissicat January 11 2011, 15:22:48 UTC
Trying to balance it and the urgent project that we're right in the middle of at the moment. But yeah, taking time to let this run it's course is a good move. (Maybe a long, hot soak tonight is in order.)

She is. Was.

Astonishingly, in the 30 years that I knew her the meanest thing that I ever heard her say was when we were traveling the NY expressway, headed up to see her father. A pickup truck passed us doing about 80mph, and in the bed of the pickup were three unsecured children. Ann looked at that, smacked her hands together as she always did when she was good and mad, then said, "Well. I suppose that they can always have more."

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chris_warrior January 11 2011, 15:36:29 UTC
and that doesn't strike me as "mean" exactly... more "wryly accepting."

my first boyfriend - and later a good friend - passed away at thirty-seven, and we lost my younger nephew at seven, in 2004. i've started to think that the younger the person, the worse the loss hits us.

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mewsrissicat January 11 2011, 22:42:38 UTC
*nods* I lost my baby brother at 36 to cancer, so I completely understand.

And that's a wonderful way of putting it, too. She weathered all the usual fandom and personal storms by refusing to lower her own standards - even when it involved close friends. It really made you want to be a better person.

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chris_warrior January 11 2011, 22:48:20 UTC
you make me wish i'd known her. :) and, really, there's no better compliment, i think.

in that vein, i'm glad i kind of finally "met" you, through Hope, this past week. if there's anything i can do for you from Upstate East BumbleYouKnowWhat, New York, let me know. *wry grin*

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mewsrissicat January 12 2011, 00:27:46 UTC
Ann was 50% matronly, 50% mischievous, and 100% awesome. If she had nothing good to say, she said nothing at all. EVER. And whatever you said to her in confidence never went anywhere else.

In spite of all that she loved SF and poetry, could talk about either of them for hours at end, and would party-hop at cons with the best of them. She avidly went to panels and discussions at other cons, and if the authors were interesting, she'd introduce herself and invite them to come to our con. Her size 7 shoes are going to be a challenge to fill.

Ann wasn't popular because she was clever (though she really was) - she was popular because she'd mastered the art of listening to the other person's heart.

I'm so glad to know you better, too. H&C have always spoken of you with great love and respect. Someday on my many trips up to the great NE (from Pgh, PA), I'll give you a heads up, and maybe we can have lunch together.

((hugs)) Thanks for being so sweet to someone you barely know. ♥

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chris_warrior January 12 2011, 00:49:32 UTC
Ann wasn't popular because she was clever (though she really was) - she was popular because she'd mastered the art of listening to the other person's heart.

what a very cool sentiment. :) IMHO, it could be helpful to write this stuff out; i know in my case it helped me remember how much awesome the people that i was missing had left with me.

and... *blush* you're very welcome.

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