thinking
im sitting here, listening to the cd tim burned me last semester, being his favorite christian cd-its such a good cd too, and im wondering whatever happened to the kid who burned this cd, the guy who spent soo much time talking about and living his family and his religion. whatever happened to the person i talked to for 3 days instead of studying. the guy who stayed after each week and threw away all the trash from our lecture's eatting of pizza. the first guy to use the word fate when referring to me. we seemed to have such...well sort of at least in friendship...a good start.....
did we both just grow into jerks over the summer or something?
he seems so distant, not like on the first day we met when he just happened to sit next to me and we talked about our life ambitions and how we both seemed very impressed by the others goals...what about that guy i ate dinner w or ran errands w (such simple dates yet ...'sadly'....id have to admit that they were the best dates ive ever been on......whatever happened to being comfort around each other.......i mean i know we were-we talked about it......and then something happened.......whatever happened to the guy who gave me such a great goodbye-sooo sincere-so sweet-that's what tim was last year
and this year-so distant-so fake-so momentary-such a social butterfly
did i change?
did he change?
or did i just always have him wrong and he the same for me?
listening to this cd. it just really bothers me. up til now (these last couple days) i would admit and give into that i had tim wrong-that i thought he was someone else and it was my fault for thinking and damanding (in my mind) that he was this other guy that he isn't-EXCEPT he was that guy bc for once i remember, i remember specific moments, w tarpley i spent every moment w him and cherished nothing and looking back i thought maybe i just had maybe up that he was ever that good guy he made me think he was but i never idealized tim or pretend he was someone else and now that i think about i remember how he was....and he seems diff...very diff....still sweet but....only superficially...not that he;s mean....he just doesn't take the time to care
and i know a lot about social butterflies-after living w one for ...20 years its hard not to know....but i don't know tim that well....obviously
did we both just grow into jerks over the summer or something?
he seems so distant, not like on the first day we met when he just happened to sit next to me and we talked about our life ambitions and how we both seemed very impressed by the others goals...what about that guy i ate dinner w or ran errands w (such simple dates yet ...'sadly'....id have to admit that they were the best dates ive ever been on......whatever happened to being comfort around each other.......i mean i know we were-we talked about it......and then something happened.......whatever happened to the guy who gave me such a great goodbye-sooo sincere-so sweet-that's what tim was last year
and this year-so distant-so fake-so momentary-such a social butterfly
did i change?
did he change?
or did i just always have him wrong and he the same for me?
listening to this cd. it just really bothers me. up til now (these last couple days) i would admit and give into that i had tim wrong-that i thought he was someone else and it was my fault for thinking and damanding (in my mind) that he was this other guy that he isn't-EXCEPT he was that guy bc for once i remember, i remember specific moments, w tarpley i spent every moment w him and cherished nothing and looking back i thought maybe i just had maybe up that he was ever that good guy he made me think he was but i never idealized tim or pretend he was someone else and now that i think about i remember how he was....and he seems diff...very diff....still sweet but....only superficially...not that he;s mean....he just doesn't take the time to care
and i know a lot about social butterflies-after living w one for ...20 years its hard not to know....but i don't know tim that well....obviously