(no subject)

[mewithoutyou186]

so lately ive been feeling more and more anti-social, i dont really hang out with any of my old friends, and i cant sleep, and when i do i dont want to. i feel more and more like im becoming insane. my thoughts have been really mixxed and crazy. christmas is coming and it doesnt even excite me the least bit, i know what im getting from most people and its nothing really..... exciting. ive lost just about all faith in what i used to believe in and i cant reemember the past. i mean ask me what i did last week. i dont know, worked and hung out with lisa, dont remember details or conversations on my own. im always looking over my back thinking theres someone there, its starting to creep me out. thoughts and what not are becoming harder to ignor and forgot. i think im going blind. for awhile there i had bad eyes but out of know where the last month or so its getting worse, fast, at an alarming rate. i wish i could say i dont feel like the person i used to be, insted i have to say im not the person i once was. im different, its hard for me to say what it is. i just know that im not the same. lately ive only been able to think about how i cant think of anything. and when i do think about things the meaningless bits of information that dont do anything for anyone. im a real extream thinker, often think to hard about things and tend to make my self really sick and uncomfortable. one thing i think about alot, pretty much daily is, "if i were to die today tomarrow next week, what whould be all the good things people would have to say about me at my funeral?".

i really dont know where im going with this entry, i guess it just me getting things off my mind. if anyone has anything to say about this entry and how i feel, good ro bad, leave a comment, maybe it will help me re-analize some of my thoughts and feel alittle bit better about things.