A Bad Idea (or, No Means Yes)

[meunda]

If Zoro had to figure out how he had gotten here he supposed that he would have started by pointing out that it’d been a very long day. It’d been one of those days where absolutely everything seems to go wrong, where the weather attacks them, where other pirates attack them and where Luffy’s boundless enthusiasm and lack of common sense attacks them.

As it was they were on a beach. The Thousand Sunny was docked out in the ocean, well, it was somewhere between docked and shipwrecked on the rocks. The damage wasn’t great but the ship clearly wasn’t going anywhere for a while and Sanji and Usopp had concluded that they could do nothing to the ship until morning when it was light and they could properly assess the damage. So the entire crew had abandoned ship temporarily, taking supplies with them and setting up camp on the beach.

They’d all taken their own things, Usopp and Franky had brought their tools, Sanji had apparently brought half the kitchen and Nami and Robin had compromised and brought each other seeing as neither of their pass times, map making and reading respectively, coped well with being submerged in water on the way to land and Robin couldn’t swim. Zoro had brought his swords of course, but he had also brought booze. It was on his second trip back to the ship after escorting his swords and his idiot captain safely to land that he brought the booze. He had slipped into the kitchen and found Sanji there.

The entire ship including the kitchen was tilted at a steep angle, forcing people to walk tilted to avoid falling over and sliding across the room. He’d actually been impressed that the kitchen was still so neat, all the cupboards were shut and very few things had fallen on the floor. But then again Sanji was a seafaring cook and Zoro shouldn’t have been surprised that Sanji had proofed his kitchen against storms and shipwreck.

He’d walked over to the cupboard containing the booze and carefully opened it so nothing fell out before piling all of the various kinds of booze into a giant sack. He’d expected Sanji to say something, but he’d not expected Sanji to look at him, nod and say:

“Good idea.”

He supposed that precise moment was where he’d say that the whole thing had started. With the fact that there was booze and Sanji wasn’t being a little bitch for once.

As a rule Zoro didn’t usually get drunk. He’d trained himself against it and improved his already solid tolerance against alcohol. However, not getting drunk required some concentration, especially if one wanted to walk that line of pleasantly buzzed between drunk and sober. He wanted to be not sober but still able to fight.

Tonight however he was just so ticked off and so tired and so not in the mood for anyone else’s shit that he’d allowed himself to start getting drunk. Sanji’s food had helped cushion the blow of the booze but he was still sitting under a palm tree in the moonlight getting drunk alone.

As much as he loved his nakama he’d had enough of them for one day, it was Luffy’s own stupidity that’d gotten them shipwrecked in the first place. And on top of that the last thing he wanted to hear was Nami screeching about how Luffy shouldn’t have been steering and definitely shouldn’t have been steering when he couldn’t take simple navigational instructions from her. He didn’t want to hear Franky and Usopp whining pitifully over the ship, he didn’t want to hear Usopp telling lies to Chopper or any of Brook’s stupid jokes. He just wanted some peace and quiet and lots of booze.

As such he’d been a little put out when Sanji had flopped down on the sand against the palm tree with him. He’d picked that palm tree because it was both comfy and an awful long way away from the others so he wouldn’t be disturbed with things that he didn’t want to deal with. And the list of things that he didn’t want to deal with right now completely included arguing with Sanji.

But Sanji didn’t say anything dumb, he didn’t say anything at all in fact. He just took another swig from the bottle of wine in his hand, apparently having abandoned the frilly pretence of wine glasses, and sighed and closed his eyes.

Zoro had paused at that, he couldn’t quite believe that Sanji could be anywhere near him without being an ass and shouting at him. But they did have rare moments like this of quiet and peace, so he wasn’t going to push it. So he leant back against the palm tree with Sanji and drank.

After that things got a little… fuzzy.

At some point he felt the world tip sideways and his head hit something hard and pointy. Which, as it turned out was Sanji’s shoulder and collarbone.

“You’re bony.” He’d muttered, and drank some more. Sanji just snickered at that and took another swig of wine from what was at least his second bottle as there was another lying empty at Sanji’s bare feet. He didn’t move from Sanji’s shoulder on the basis that it required effort and he was too drunk and too tired to bother with that. He looked up at Sanji to gauge his reaction but the man’s eyes were hidden from view by that stupid fringe. But the man’s mouth looked relaxed so Zoro guessed that Sanji wasn’t about to kick him senseless.

He thought that perhaps Sanji was looking at him, not that Zoro could see through the thick blonde hair. But he knew that Sanji could see to some extent through that mop, and his head was tilted slightly in Zoro’s direction. But Sanji said nothing so Zoro shrugged and let it go and drank a little more.

Now, had Zoro been sober he might have considered this a bad idea, or at least tempting fate for things that are definitely a bad idea to occur. But Zoro was not sober.

He’d flopped out on the sand at one point, he’d taken his shirt off because he was hot and he was in the process of trying to take his belt with his swords on off without getting up again, which involved him lifting his hips off of the sand and trying to shimmy the damn twisty belt undone.

His haramaki had been getting in the way so he’d taken that off as well and thrown it over by Sanji and the palm tree where his shirt was currently resting too. Had he been sober and not so occupied with the triumph of successfully removing his belt and swords he might have recognised the expression on Sanji’s face as one that should be reversed lest bad decisions happen. But he was not sober. He went to take another swig of sake but found nothing left in the bottle, his last bottle in fact.

“I’m out of booze.” He’d whined at the sky and anyone within earshot, which at the moment was just Sanji.

“How terrible.” Sanji had said in a strange voice and took another gulp of his wine.

“Get me some booze?” He’d asked, looking up at Sanji pleadingly in a way that he’d have been too proud to do when sober.

“No. We’re out of sake anyway, you drank it all.” Sanji said definitively with a look that suggested that whilst he was too mellow at the moment to be angry about that he would be sober enough and hung-over enough tomorrow to be very angry at Zoro about that.

“Well, do we have anything else good?” Zoro asked, trying to remember what other booze he’d brought with him.

“I’m not getting up to get you booze.” Sanji said flatly. He threw some half assed insults at Sanji but he was too drunk to think right about them and apparently calling Sanji ‘dart-cook’ just made him laugh instead of offending him. He tried again and ended up with the nonsense insult of ‘love-brow’ which produced a howl of laughter from Sanji.

He should have been annoyed at Sanji but he actually liked the way that Sanji laughed when he wasn’t being mean or laughing at things that the girls said that weren’t funny. So he just smiled and stretched out languidly on the warm sand instead.

“You can have some of my wine.” Sanji offered after a moment.

“Wine tastes like piss.” Zoro responded because it was quite frankly true.

“Then you don’t get any. I was going to drink it all myself anyway.” Sanji retorted and Zoro could hear him downing the last of the bottle. He heard the soft sound of the glass bottle hitting the sand and then the shuffle of Sanji moving.

Sanji’s face appeared above him and it took Zoro a moment to realise that Sanji was on his hands and knees above him, one of Sanji’s knees was at Zoro’s hip and the other was between his legs. Zoro’s arms were up by his head anyway so Sanji’s hands were buried in the sand by Zoro’s armpits and all Zoro could think is that Sanji is remarkably close and actually in his own sneering way with shitty facial hair, is kind of beautiful up close.

“What?” Zoro asked with a little less irritation in his voice than he’d originally intended.

“Shut up.” Sanji had muttered before swooping down and pressing a kiss to the edge of Zoro’s mouth. Before Zoro’s brain had even caught up with what had happened he’d turned slightly and kissed Sanji back, full on the mouth.

There had been a certain amount of groaning between the two of them and that kiss had quickly become very open mouthed and Zoro found that he didn’t mind if Sanji’s tongue tasted of wine and perhaps wine didn’t taste so bad.

When his brain catches up to the situation however Zoro feels a flash of panic and this is the moment that everything up until now had been leading to and he’d just been to dumb to see it. It’d all started with that stupid booze.

He remembers why he never gets drunk, firstly because it dulls his fighting and secondly because the rest of him stops going along with the rules that his brain has set based on what is and isn’t a good idea. And kissing Sanji is not a good idea. However right now he can’t remember why.

He sits up trying to get away from Sanji so he can get a second to think but Sanji just straightens up along with him and now he has Sanji’s ass in his lap and the cook is carding his fingers through Zoro’s green hair and kissing along his jaw. This, Zoro finds, is unproductive to thinking clearly. He tilts his head back and groans and he can feel the flash of Sanji’s smile across his skin before the blonde ducks down and starts kissing and nipping Zoro’s neck.

He tries to focus.

He shouldn’t be doing this with Sanji. Not that he’s not thought about it before because, God, he’s thought about this a lot. But his imagination has done no justice to what it’s actually like to have the skinny long-legged limber Sanji squirming in his lap in an attempt to ravish any exposed skin that Zoro has.

But he shouldn’t be doing this. He and Sanji are nakama and he can’t go about wrecking his relationship with any of his nakama because it’s too damn important. Aside from how close he is to Luffy he made the man a promise and Luffy made him one. He needs to be on Luffy’s ship to fight Mihawk because the odds of him running into Mihawk again outside the Grand Line are so impossibly small that it’s not even an option. If he stops being nakama with anyone on the Sunny then he loses his one chance at fulfilling his dream and his promise and he can’t do that. And on the list of things that can potentially ruin that whole deal is getting into a messy situation with Sanji.

So he should really- oh god, Sanji’s licking his scar now. He glances down to see Sanji working his way diagonally down his chest following the line of gnarled flesh that is Mihawk’s mark on him. That really shouldn’t be as hot as it is but he can’t help but moan and fall back on his elbows, giving Sanji a better angle to work his way down his scar. His mind helpfully offers up the knowledge of how far down that scar goes, plunging right down past his hipbone, and the thought of Sanji’s mouth anywhere near his hips or groin in general sends a bright white flare of heat through his belly.

No, no, no! He needs to focus and not have his hands tangled in Sanji’s hair. This is a bad idea, he and Sanji barely get on at the best of times, adding sex to that would be a bad idea.

His brain hangs for a while on the idea of sex with Sanji. This obviously has enough of an effect on him for Sanji to notice because he feels the smile against his skin and certainly feels the obliging roll of Sanji’s hips that makes Zoro’s mind go blank again.

Sanji’s hands sneak below the loose waistband of Zoro’s trousers, unhindered by the belt that Zoro had obliviously removed earlier. It’s only when Sanji’s long thin oh-so-precious fingers find their prize that Zoro’s brain is kick-started back to reality with a lightning spark that runs right from his cock up to his brain. He needs to stop this, and soon. This is most definitely a bad idea, even leaving the whole ruining their relationship as nakama aside he has no idea how drunk Sanji might be and how potentially furious Sanji might be about this in the morning. He’d get the blame for not putting the breaks on Sanji and rightly so.

He focuses on that and balances on one elbow to free the other arm up to push Sanji back. This fails fantastically, he forgets sometimes that Sanji is practically as strong as he is and Sanji is right now incredibly determined to get his hands down Zoro’s trousers and into his pants and being quite successful at it too.

“Sanji, Sanji.” Zoro tries, his voice coming out breathier than he’d like.

“We can’t- no.” He continues, and pushes against Sanji’s chest again in an attempt to get his message through.

“We can’t what?” Sanji rumbles, his voice deep and husky in a way that makes Zoro twitch. Sanji lurches forward suddenly and latches his mouth onto Zoro’s ear, the one with the earrings.

“What, Zoro?” Sanji breathes against Zoro’s ear.

And he’s just opening his mouth to tell Sanji exactly what they can’t do when Sanji somehow gets Zoro’s earlobe and all of his earrings in his mouth and runs his tongue along the line where metal meets flesh. But when Sanji swallows with his earrings still in his mouth Zoro practically melts. All his brain can come up with is the idea that Sanji doing that would feel even more fantastic with Sanji’s mouth around his dick. All he can do is moan nonsense vowels and arch his back into Sanji.

Sanji releases his earrings with a self-satisfied sounding pop and moves back down to Zoro’s scar, apparently satisfied with Zoro’s non-verbal answer.

“No, no.” Zoro repeats now that his treacherous brain has returned back to him. He curses himself for drinking so much, if he was sober he’d be able to think of a way to talk himself out of this. Mind you, if he was sober he wouldn’t have got anywhere near this situation at all.

“I can’t do this- I- oh god.” Zoro yelps as Sanji’s nails scrape down his spine.

Sanji looks up at him one blue eye visible with its pupil blown out with arousal, that along with the flush on Sanji’s face and the tips of his ears is almost enough to short circuit his brain.

“What?” Sanji purrs, “you don’t know how? I can show you.”

Zoro feels a flash of irritation, he’s not some goddamn virgin, he knows what to do. Hell, he could make Sanji beg if he wanted to. Which he does want to, so so badly, but he can’t.

He’s about to open his mouth to say as much when his mind finally hits on something useful. Sanji doesn’t know whether Zoro’s done this before, he doesn’t even know if Zoro is that way inclined. Which he is of course, but Sanji doesn’t need to know that.

“I’m not into… not… with men.” Zoro lies somewhat incoherently through his teeth and drops his hand which was working its way up Sanji’s shirt as it rather contradicted his statement.

Sanji just arches an eyebrow at that and straightens up so that he can look Zoro in the eye. He settles his muscled behind right where Zoro both wants him and does not want him right now, Zoro is absolutely certain that is not an accident on Sanji’s part.

“Oh really?” Sanji says, the disbelieving tone evident in his voice.

Zoro can only bring himself to nod and bite his lip to hold back this hiss of pleasure as Sanji rolls his hips against Zoro as if to prove the falseness of Zoro’s statement.

Okay, he thinks, this line of reasoning has at least halted Sanji. He just needed to make that lie a little more believable. Although how believable he could make a lie to Sanji that he’s not attracted to him when the man himself is sitting on Zoro’s raging hard-on is questionable.

He squeezes his eyes shut as Sanji grinds into him again and desperately tries to hold back all the sounds that movement elicits from him. He frantically searches his brain for something anything to say. What had anyone said to him ever that had made sure that he’d never find them attractive again? His mind lands on a memory, ah, that certainly made him never want to go near that person again. He snaps his eyes open and looks at Sanji who is quite clearly wearing an expression that says that he’s not going to do anything until Zoro stops his ridiculous lie, except perhaps torture him with his body into admitting it.

He stands up suddenly and shoves Sanji off of him hard. Sanji had quite obviously not been expecting that and falls ungracefully on the sand. Zoro shouts the words verbatim and with all the venom that he’d first received them.

“Get off of me you fucking fag!” He yells forcing his frustration and his want into rage in his voice.

Sanji stares up at him from the sand wide eyed and shocked. Zoro forces himself to ignore that the spread of Sanji’s legs and the tight fit of his trousers is making his mouth water.

He mentally nods to himself and stomps off to the side to grab his swords and discarded clothes when Sanji comes to his senses and grabs Zoro’s arm.

“What the hell Zoro?!” He yells, quite justifiably in Zoro’s opinion but Zoro keeps the scowl on his face anyway.

“You want this as much as I do, I can tell! And it’d be one thing if you just didn’t want me but don’t lie about yourself!” Sanji snarls.

Ah. He’d not thought of that. In reality going with ‘yes, Sanji, whilst I am into men you specifically are not my type’ would have been more believable though no less untrue. But he was stuck with his earlier lie now.

He repeats his previous insult exactly, lacking the conviction behind the words to come up with anything original. He punches Sanji in the face for good measure and runs off into the forest.

He is a little ashamed to admit that he hides in the forest for two days, killing and badly cooking his own food, just so that Sanji doesn’t murder him. He figures that Sanji is angry, he would be. He was when he’d had that said to him, and the bastard that spat those hateful words at him hadn’t even let him go as far as he’d let Sanji. Goodness only knows how confused and angry Sanji must be, but it was all for the best, Sanji would be mad at him but they’d still be nakama. So he figures that two days to cool off is probably a safe bet. And the island isn’t that big anyway, Sanji could find him if he really wanted to.

He strolls out of the forest after taking considerably longer to find the camp than he thought he would. Usopp sees him first and freezes in a way that makes Zoro suspect that something is very wrong. It turns out that the something in question is him.

“Zoro! You’re alive!” Usopp whispers when Zoro walks up to the group. Zoro notices the others giving him equally worried and wary looks.

“Of course I’m alive. Why wouldn’t I be?” He asks because honestly he’s not been able to understand half of the things that Usopp thinks for a long time and he has no idea why the sharpshooter is whispering

“We thought that Sanji might have killed you.” Franky points out also in a whisper.

“Yeah, he came storming back the other night with this massive black eye and he was so angry. I’ve never seen him so mad.” Usopp confirms quietly.

“What the hell did you two fight about? He’s not said a word about it and he’s furious! You’d better go apologise or he might just kill you.” Nami hisses glaring at him.

“Are you two going to be okay Zoro?” Chopper asks, looking up at Zoro with big worried eyes.

“It’s fine Chopper.” He insists patting the little reindeer on the head. The others look at him worridly. He closes his eyes and rubs his forehead, he can already feel a headache building there. The others don’t need to know the details of their fight, and from the sounds of things Sanji has told them nothing. He doesn’t want his nakama to worry after all.

“It was nothing, really. It was just a stupid fight, I was drunk, it didn’t mean anything.” He answers and opens his eyes. The only person looking at him is Usopp and his face is so filled with fear that it almost confuses Zoro. It takes a second before Zoro senses the presence behind him and turns. The thought suddenly occurs as he is turning, that the others might have been whispering because Sanji wasn’t far away.

Sanji is right in his face and Zoro’s brain helpfully notes that Sanji is actually slightly taller than him, not by much but Sanji is using all of that height and rage to tower over Zoro. Zoro spots what is in fact a really nasty looking shiner on the cook’s one visible eye which is helpfully open so that Zoro can see the fury burning in it, he must have iced it so it didn’t swell. Sanji is shaking with barely contained rage and Zoro actually feels intimidated by him.

“Zoro.” Sanji says in a voice so dark and hateful that it seems almost unholy. It contains more venom than any other thing that Sanji has ever said to him, and it’s not even an insult, it’s his real name. Zoro actually flinches back from that voice and that stare and his body and self preservation instincts take over and he steps aside out of Sanji’s way as the cook storms past, not even sparing him a second look.

Everyone else skirts out of Sanji’s way and the cook grabs up two large boxes of cooking supplies and about faces and storms back past them again.

Sanji is almost out of sight, heading back to the small now repaired boat to the also apparently repaired ship before anyone speaks.

“That didn’t look like just a silly fight to me.” Robin says, her voice cold.

Zoro realises that he’d been frozen where he was, like some sort of scared rabbit. He snaps himself out of it and straightens himself up with an embarrassed cough.

“It’ll be fine. I’ll just… stay out of his way for a while.” Zoro mutters, as much to himself as to the others.