love and marriage.
i've spent most of the last few weeks on an emotional rollercoaster. trying to figure out dshs....kinda late in the game...but i was kidding myself thinking we could continue to pay out of pocket for kaiser once i went on maternity leave. i love luke's daughter but i wish washington didn't take half his pay to supplement her no-good, jobless, section-8 mother's ass. why is it that people who don't even fucking TRY to better themselves easily get all the fucking handouts, when luke and i (and people like us) are working so hard just to keep our heads above water. thank god for luke's mother for being so incredible in helping us out...we'd be so fucked without her.
christmas morning though was one of the best days of my life. luke proposed. not that we weren't "engaged" already, but now that it's happened to me there's something to be said for being asked with a ring in hand. not to mention the diamond in my ring has been in his family for nearly 100 years. at one point it was pawned in the depression, and then bought back. his great grandparents watched from a picture frame as he put thier family stone on my finger. i cried and of course...said yes :)
samson could come any day now, and i've kind of just accepted that no matter what i do or don't do im never going to feel ready. physically im ready to not be pregnant anymore...but that's about it in the "ready" department. hospital bags are semi-packed, nursery is near completion, im pre-registered at SW, and i've got a head spinning with enough advice to fill the grand canyon....the rest will just have to fall in to place i suppose.
hmmm...the direction our lives take us while we're living them. i couldn't be more suprised with mine. pleasantly suprised, but suprised nonetheless.