Think i might die...
Ok so i have this flu like symptom thing going on right now. I won't go into details cause i think i might gross you out but i had rugby practice tonight at 10. now on monday they said it was going to be an easy jog around campus... well when i got there it was a boot camp to hell kind of thing. we did massive stairs, did alot of running, did alot or crunches and push-ups, indian runs, squats the list goes on and on. now i was able to do 1/2 of this thing before i wanted to die. i dont consider myself a failure or anything but its dissapointing to myself that yea okay this guy was insane and was running an jaw dropping practice but i just felt that i should have pushed myself more. i feel that is a big flaw about myself that i just dont have the drive to work out. like the second i get tired i will be like awwww man i should stop now. i dont push through the tiredness and i have been told to my whole life. i should have this drive for so many reasons and i just dont. i should do it so i can get myself into shape and i dont become like my mother and become diabetic, which is only because she is overweight and i just fear that im headed down the same path. I keep on finding more and more stretch marks on my upper torso and im starting to become real self conscious of it. i always seem to find reasons to get out of things that would benefit me when i should just be like lets do this.
On a completly different note i keep on attracting girls that im not attracted to. for instance Asha. now she is a nice girl and all but i just dont like her and i thought i have been dropping hints that i dont like her and i guess it finally went thru her skull cause now her best friend nora wont even say hello to me. then their was christina which completly grosses me out. im not even going into that. the people that i would find myself more attracted to are the girl friends that im close to at home... Nicole and Lauren but i just feel that i wouldnt be accepted if that ever did happen. its just so fucked up like i came to college to get away from all the people from long island cause im sick and tired of all them. all their shit, all of the stuck up jewish princess from their. im just sick and tired of it and i come to college to get away from that and all of it just follows me here. like if it wasnt for mike, matt and Jp then i dont know what i would have done. yea i think that we might get on each others nerves about stupid shit but i can defintily see myself talking and hanging with them in the future.
there is just so much shit going down in my mind and i just ughhhh. like i just dont want to talk about it but on the other hand i have always kept shit on the inside for as long as i can remember and i just feel that it is starting to take a toll on me.
then my fucking roomate is pissing me off. like seriously they're so many things that bother me about him that im just getting ready to explode on him. for one he watches the same fucking reality shows all the time. i want to break his fucking tv. then im just not gettin into it cause it would take me the whole fucking night to explain.
for right thats enough but im sure ill be back on soon discussing more...
On a completly different note i keep on attracting girls that im not attracted to. for instance Asha. now she is a nice girl and all but i just dont like her and i thought i have been dropping hints that i dont like her and i guess it finally went thru her skull cause now her best friend nora wont even say hello to me. then their was christina which completly grosses me out. im not even going into that. the people that i would find myself more attracted to are the girl friends that im close to at home... Nicole and Lauren but i just feel that i wouldnt be accepted if that ever did happen. its just so fucked up like i came to college to get away from all the people from long island cause im sick and tired of all them. all their shit, all of the stuck up jewish princess from their. im just sick and tired of it and i come to college to get away from that and all of it just follows me here. like if it wasnt for mike, matt and Jp then i dont know what i would have done. yea i think that we might get on each others nerves about stupid shit but i can defintily see myself talking and hanging with them in the future.
there is just so much shit going down in my mind and i just ughhhh. like i just dont want to talk about it but on the other hand i have always kept shit on the inside for as long as i can remember and i just feel that it is starting to take a toll on me.
then my fucking roomate is pissing me off. like seriously they're so many things that bother me about him that im just getting ready to explode on him. for one he watches the same fucking reality shows all the time. i want to break his fucking tv. then im just not gettin into it cause it would take me the whole fucking night to explain.
for right thats enough but im sure ill be back on soon discussing more...