A Conversation With CPD, or, Why I Am Up At This Shitty Hour

Jul 04, 2006 07:34

COP 1: Excuse me, sir. I hate to disturb you at this hour.

ME: Okay, well, you did. What can I do for you?

COP 1:Do you know who lives in 2315?

ME: I do.

COP 2: Is he home now, sir?

ME: I don't know. And it's a her, not a he. I'm the only guy who lives in this building.

COP 1: Oh, well, we're looking for a guy in 2315.

COP 2: Is this apartment just on this floor, or does it go upstairs as well?

ME: I don't know. Ask her.

COP 1: What is your name sir?

ME: Chris Spinato.

COP 2: Do you have ID?

ME: It's 5 am, and I'm answering the door in my boxers. Do I look like I have fucking ID?

COP 1: Sir, without ID, how do we know you're not lying?

ME: What? What the fuck? It's 5 am, and you woke me up. How do I know you're not a child molestor?
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