Fan Fic: Universe and U 1/1
Title: Universe and U.
Author: Metriosity
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: One shot. Callie and Arizona spend a weekend away from Mark. (Set after the Baby Shower coming up)
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, though I wish I did.
Shonda and ABC are the lucky ones with all the rights, claims and ownership.
Callie's stomach felt like lead and it had nothing to do with the baby growing inside. Arizona had been quiet during the long drive out into the mountains in Northern California. Callie had volunteered to drive but Arizona had insisted on it. The Latina knew it was a way for Arizona to distract herself from having to talk too much. As she stared out of the window at the majestic Redwoods lining the twisty mountain road Callie tried not to think of the Mighty Oak that was wedging its way between her and the woman she loves, but it was hard not to. She was feeling more attuned to its every move every day and she wished that Arizona could share that feeling, maybe it would make her more at ease with the situation, but no one except Callie would feel the shifts and needs of this child in its earliest stages.
Callie hated the silence. It was deafening. She had hoped that by giving Arizona this gift of a weekend away from everything tension would ease and Arizona would feel more of the love she was craving. After their night on the sofa where Arizona had declared that this was not her dream, Callie felt an overwhelming disappointment spread through her. It wasn't in Arizona. It was in herself. She had once chastised Arizona for not bending for her. For not validating her Dream. Here she was moving ahead with her's with no real regard for Arizona's. She felt like a hypocrite.
The baby shower had just fueled the notion that Arizona was becoming the third wheel in a relationship where Arizona should have been Callie's co-pilot. Mark had called everything that Callie wanted, Arizona had stood ashamed and Callie could tell, humiliated, that she had not known what Callie wanted. It wasn't Arizona's fault. The Callie she loved wasn't a pink and fluffy baby shower person. The Callie that Mark knew was a fickle and attention needy baby shower demon. Arizona couldn't have guessed that. Look at their apartment. Arizona had nicknamed it the Batcave for its industrial starkness. Callie had berated her for wanting color in there and yet the baby shower looked as though Dora the Explorer had exploded around the room. Arizona was being thrown curve balls left and right without any warning that they were coming. Callie felt guilty for expecting Arizona to make so many adjustments and smile through it. To Arizona's credit, she had.
This was going to be a couple of days for them to reconnect. For them to feel that they were a couple again. Callie missed the closeness. Not just physically but emotionally too. It was hard to see Arizona's eyes dull and lose the sparkle that she loved, all because she felt like the outsider, no matter how hard she tried to be included.
Callie's thoughts were broken by the sharp turning of the car. The road gave way to a gravel driveway and the GPS announced "You have arrived." Arizona was pulling into a space beside a large log cabin. Callie was momentarily stunned by the cuteness of it all. It was just what the brochure had shown and she was relieved. She had been thinking they would show up and it would look like something from a horror movie, but this place was serene and picturesque. Perfect.
Arizona was already opening Callie's door by the time Callie realized the driver was absent. As she slipped from her seat, groaning a little as her back protested and her bladder suddenly became aware of movement, Arizona took her hand and lifted her from the car. Beautiful blue eyes gazed at her and a smile so radiant that Callie held her breath, spread over Arizona's features. "This is nice. Very cute." Callie couldn't help it, leaning forward she captured Arizona's lips in a slow, tender kiss. Arizona shifted forward and pressed Callie against the door, gently, intensifying their embrace. The baby decided that it wasn't happy with its current position, resulting in Callie breaking away from Arizona in a sudden movement and rushing for the door of the Cabin. As she opened the door she glanced back to see Arizona clutching the roof of the car and hanging her head in disappointment. Callie felt it too but more pressing matters needed her attention.
When Callie re-emerged from the bathroom, Arizona had already brought in their bags and was filling the refrigerator with their supplies. For the first time since the pregnancy, with Mark so far away, Callie caught a glimpse of how it should have been. Just the two of them, with their baby on the way. It sent a pang of regret through her and took all her will not to let the emotion bring on tears.
"Arizona come here a second." Arizona looked up from the refrigerator, a look of concern on her face.
"Are you ok? Is something wrong?" She was walking towards Callie, but her eyes were fixed on the bump where their baby now slept soundly.
"Yes something is wrong. You were too far away." Arizona rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around Callie's waist. It was getting harder and harder for Arizona to get her hands to meet at the small of Callie's back. "You are getting further away, the bigger I get."
"Well I can't help that. You are becoming a small house." Callie wrinkled her nose at the description but Arizona lay a soft kiss on her cheek affectionately so as to remove all insult from the comment.
"I don't mean physically. I mean... Well its like the further along I get, the more distance you need from me. I don't know how to fix it." Callie was leading Arizona to the sofa but could feel the resistance in Arizona's movements. It was like Arizona was done talking and wanted to avoid all words. Callie wasn't going to let that happen. She knew that if they were going to work they would have to talk to one another. Instead of everyone else talking to them.
"Look Callie, I..."
Arizona's words were cut off as Callie raised a finger to the blonde's lips. Arizona raised an eyebrow but didn't protest.
"Ok, here's the thing. This isn't your dream. I get that. Its mine. Sort of." Callie furrowed her brow and looked away for a moment before continuing. "I wouldn't have picked Mark as the dad. Great friend, not so great Guy all round. And I see how this is torture for you. If it was the other way around and Mark had knocked you up..."
"Never would have happened. If I was going to sleep with a guy I would have made a sounder decision than Mark Sloane... But continue."
Callie couldn't help but smile at Arizona's defiance. Her lip was set and her nose raised slightly in the air with indignation at Callie's suggestion. "Ok, well if it had been you pregnant by... A guy... I can see that I would be slightly pissed off. And yes, we were broken up but now we aren't and I have been expecting too much of you. Expecting you to just be ok with everything."
"Callie where is all of this coming from? We talked, I got it out of me, its done. We are having a baby and while I regret that Man Whore Mark is the father, well the baby can't be blamed for that. I'll love this baby as my own. I will." Arizona was trying again. Callie could see the earnest desire to be this baby's mother burning in Arizona's eyes.
"I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this all came crashing down on you and I'm sorry that you are being put under the pressure you are. I also wanted you to know that you are this baby's mother. If it makes you feel any better I was thinking about you the whole time when it was being conceived." Callie smiled and ran her hand over her belly.
Arizona looked as though something smelling like wet dog and mold had drifted under her nose. "Uhm. No, that doesn't make me feel better. But I appreciate the gesture." Callie's smile dropped instantly and was replaced with an apologetic grin. "Look, Callie, I'm trying. Its just I know how it is for the Mother who isn't THE Mother. I see it all the time. 'Yeah! We co-parent! Its all good!' But as soon as something happens, a decision needs to be made, suddenly you aren't the mother. You don't know how it feels to carry the baby for nine months. You don't have any idea what they went through... Biology is a big factor. I will try. I will. And I know I will love this baby. I already do. But you can't promise me that there will never come a point where its thrown back at me that I am not this baby's biological parent. And it weighs on me. Its like being the water boy for a team and being told you are integral, but when the trophies come around you have to sit back and watch the key players take the gold."
Callie sat stunned. She hadn't thought about it from that perspective. The baby would grow up with two mommies, but Arizona would always be the one at Parent night as 'The other mom.' or at Graduation as a plus one. Arizona no matter how much she would love this child, would for ever be the extra. The additional note on the consent forms. If something, god forbid, were to happen to Callie and Mark, Arizona would have no legal rights. The unfairness of the world slapped Callie in the face and all she could do was see the pain multiply in Arizona's eyes. Callie was asking so much from Arizona and Arizona was prepared to give it, while accepting that her place would never be as high as Mark and Callie's. She was prepared to take that burden for love and Callie finally saw it. She couldn't speak. Shifting herself she did her best to be as close to Arizona as she could. The enormity of what their lives were becoming was dawning on her and it was bigger than she imagined. Tears were steadily falling down her cheeks onto Arizona's shoulder. Fingers slipped through her hair and Arizona's breath touched her cheek.
"Don't cry. I'm a big girl and know what I'm doing. I just need you to let me have my moments sometimes. Let me have them and don't judge me for it. Let me feel my regret. Its my punishment for walking away. But I promise, this baby... Our baby, will never ever feel my pain. It will only see me loving it unconditionally." Callie couldn't tell if it was the hormones or the depth of Arizona's words, but her tears increased. They held one another for what seemed like hours until Callie had no more tears to cry. It was getting dark outside and Arizona insisted on turning the lights on. She didn't like the woods too much, especially after watching Wrong Turn.
Dinner was made with a team effort. Namely Arizona cooked and Callie sat at the counter telling her what to add next. There was an ease about them now which could only come from understanding one another. Arizona knew how much this baby meant to Callie and so it meant the world to her too. And Callie saw now the hurdles that Arizona would have to overcome in the world just to be accepted as this child's mom. There was no telling when the next problem would arise but for the moment they were content. It was like a private little world where nothing but the three of them mattered. Callie could see why Arizona liked pretty little bubbles so much.
After dinner, Arizona insisted on doing the unpacking so Callie could relax. There was no TV up there so Callie turned on the antiquated radio on the counter. Turning the dial she found a song which brought a smile to her face.
"You know there's no need to hide away,
You know I tell the truth,
We are just the same.
And I can feel everything you do,
Hear everything you say,
Even when you're miles away.
Coz I am me, the universe and you..."
Arizona's arms were around her waist as the chorus faded into the next verse. They were swaying together, clinging to the perfect moment. Arizona was singing to Callie, something that she rarely did and Callie adored every word that slipped from Arizona's lips. Soon they were singing together, gazing into one anothers eyes and trailing their fingers across each others burning skin as the song drew to a crescendo and began to fade. Callie's heart was racing against Arizona's palm as Arizona drew in to lay a fiery kiss on Callie's lips. It was heaven. Their tongues danced around one another as effortlessly as they had been dancing moments ago.
Callie backed away suddenly with a gasp. "Oh god, you have to pee again right now?" Arizona's look of exasperation brought a grin to Callie's lips.
"No, but our baby seems to want to say hi to you." Arizona was looking confused. But as Callie took her hand and placed it over her swollen belly, Arizona realized the moment they were about to share. "Feel it?" Arizona nodded, a slightly dazed look in her eyes. "I think she is dancing." Arizona smiled warmly and knelt down to press her ear to Callie's stomach.
"Your Mommy thinks you will be a girl. I hope so too. Keep the numbers up against your daddy." As Arizona spoke Callie could feel the baby move.
"Keep talking. Like me, she loves to hear you."
Arizona looked up into Callie's eyes and stood slowly. Her hand still pressed to Callie's belly. "I love you." She leaned down and pressed her lips to the spot where she had felt the kick. "Both of you."
Callie closed her eyes and smiled. Arizona was a good man in a storm.