Non scholae sed vitae discimus
A few days ago, a received an email from my dear friend/former landlady Amanda, who's the sister of my lifelong uschooler friend and ex-boyfriend Nick. Nick is graduating from college next week and Amanda's email requested friends send along a "word present" for Nick to be collected and presented to him this weekend.
For whatever reason, this is a common practice within my community of unschoolers and even my family. My father has a beautiful volume comprised of the hundreds of letters friends and colleagues sent a few years ago in honor of his retirement.
I suppose it was with dad's project in mind that I drafted a lengthy, letter-style paragraph for Nick's present which I actually thought managed to capture what I wanted to express...only to then discover that everyone else was submitting pithy one or two sentences anecdotes. I'm a little disappointed--I was excited to have the opportunity to say something meaningful to Nicholas, to whom I owe a tremendous amount. I'm tempted to include it in a personal letter to him--it is his graduation and sending a card would be appropriate--but I also feel a little awkward being so openly adoring and affectionate (though I am) in private correspondence. ( We had a very serious four-year relationship which ended rather painfully for both of us last year.)
What do you think? I'm happy I wrote it. He really is one of the best people I've ever known.
"Since hearing about this present, I've been sifting through my archive of email exchanges with Nick dating back to 2000, sensing that the most apt articulation of Nick's qualities would be exemplified in his own words. Sure enough, within a few minutes I was grinning over one early missive that begins, "As usual I was in the shower, mulling over morality and life..." then progresses into a small treatise on ethics. In another exchange, Nick criticizes those (including the 15-year-old me, by implication) who "live life by the rules and not true convictions." Even as a 17-year-old writing these eloquent emails, he demonstrated a quality I think can be summed up like this: Nicholas lives his life deliberately.
Those who know him can sense that every significant choice he makes is thoughtful, the benefits and drawbacks weighed, the implications considered. But his well-developed system of values is not merely adopted from some established tradition or dogma; Nick cultivates his beliefs by living life reflectively, pursuing knowledge and experience through all his multifaceted areas of interest, and turning his observations into a philosophy. He is uncommonly mindful of other people and always forthright about his principles--and yet Nick remains more often encouraging than condemning in his judgments and always welcomes a different viewpoint.
Such a constellation of noble qualities is rare, but rarer still is the complement of so much personality, humor, and spirit as Nick has. Through fifteen years of friendship I've enjoyed (and been the target of) Nick's dead-on sense of humor and lofty wit, and his autodidactic curiosity and engaging intellect make him one of my favorite conversationalists.
Happy graduation, Nick! Non scholae sed vitae discimus. Best of luck at Columbia--just continue to never let schooling get in the way of your education."
For whatever reason, this is a common practice within my community of unschoolers and even my family. My father has a beautiful volume comprised of the hundreds of letters friends and colleagues sent a few years ago in honor of his retirement.
I suppose it was with dad's project in mind that I drafted a lengthy, letter-style paragraph for Nick's present which I actually thought managed to capture what I wanted to express...only to then discover that everyone else was submitting pithy one or two sentences anecdotes. I'm a little disappointed--I was excited to have the opportunity to say something meaningful to Nicholas, to whom I owe a tremendous amount. I'm tempted to include it in a personal letter to him--it is his graduation and sending a card would be appropriate--but I also feel a little awkward being so openly adoring and affectionate (though I am) in private correspondence. ( We had a very serious four-year relationship which ended rather painfully for both of us last year.)
What do you think? I'm happy I wrote it. He really is one of the best people I've ever known.
"Since hearing about this present, I've been sifting through my archive of email exchanges with Nick dating back to 2000, sensing that the most apt articulation of Nick's qualities would be exemplified in his own words. Sure enough, within a few minutes I was grinning over one early missive that begins, "As usual I was in the shower, mulling over morality and life..." then progresses into a small treatise on ethics. In another exchange, Nick criticizes those (including the 15-year-old me, by implication) who "live life by the rules and not true convictions." Even as a 17-year-old writing these eloquent emails, he demonstrated a quality I think can be summed up like this: Nicholas lives his life deliberately.
Those who know him can sense that every significant choice he makes is thoughtful, the benefits and drawbacks weighed, the implications considered. But his well-developed system of values is not merely adopted from some established tradition or dogma; Nick cultivates his beliefs by living life reflectively, pursuing knowledge and experience through all his multifaceted areas of interest, and turning his observations into a philosophy. He is uncommonly mindful of other people and always forthright about his principles--and yet Nick remains more often encouraging than condemning in his judgments and always welcomes a different viewpoint.
Such a constellation of noble qualities is rare, but rarer still is the complement of so much personality, humor, and spirit as Nick has. Through fifteen years of friendship I've enjoyed (and been the target of) Nick's dead-on sense of humor and lofty wit, and his autodidactic curiosity and engaging intellect make him one of my favorite conversationalists.
Happy graduation, Nick! Non scholae sed vitae discimus. Best of luck at Columbia--just continue to never let schooling get in the way of your education."