what you make of it - part 2
Once he left Allen’s room, Ed realized that, like a genius, he hadn’t asked anyone where he and Al were supposed to sleep. So he had to track down Lenalee, which wasn’t easy, and then she made him swear to talk to her brother in the morning before she’d show him the room. Still, she did him the favor of not asking any awkward questions. Classy of her; Ed appreciated that. Then again, from what he’d heard, her brother might have everyone’s rooms bugged, in which case why bother asking questions?
It took Al two more hours to make it to the room, which didn’t bode well for Allen’s mental state. But he’d totally be doing his scary, brittle imitation of just fine by morning, Ed was sure. That was his style.
Which made it a real surprise to walk into the dining hall the next morning and find Allen single-mindedly nagging Kanda instead.
“Knock off the interrogation, beansprout,” Kanda snarled, trying to elbow Allen out of the way so he could get to the food.
“It’s not an interrogation.” Allen actually sounded pissy like a normal person. Amazing. “I just asked if you were healing okay!”
“It’s got nothing to do with you.”
Oh, yeah, that. Wrong. Wrong answer, Kanda Yuu.
“Actually, it does,” Allen said, going from irritable to ice cold in under two seconds. “We have to work together, remember.”
“I don’t report to you.” Kanda was refusing to register the change of mood. Ed almost had to admire that level of bullheadedness. “So fuck off.”
“Of course, Kanda. I’m sorry for taking up your time, Kanda,” Allen said, light and polite and pure evil. “By all means, continue pushing everyone away so you can die alone in peace.”
Kanda slammed the tray of food he’d finally managed to acquire down onto the nearest table and stormed out of the dining hall. Apparently nothing was worth doing unless it was worth doing with loud, dramatic flair. Not that Allen was any better. Ed turned just in time to see him spin on his heel and march to his room, slamming the door behind him. It was shockingly un-Allen. Cross would laugh and laugh.
The dining hall maintained ominous silence for a very long thirty seconds or so, then someone coughed, someone laughed nervously, and conversation resumed.
Really, Ed should’ve figured something like this would happen-or Al should have, anyway. Because the thing was, Allen was lousy at guilt-witness the whole Mana debacle. And now he knew this big secret about Kanda that he didn’t have permission to know, and he felt bad for Kanda, and he felt bad about knowing. Plus he was having a meltdown about his own shit while pretending he wasn’t. Of course he was being a dick. Soon enough, he’d admit to knowing about Kanda’s mess, Kanda would punch him in the face, and Allen could feel outraged instead of guilty. Then he’d mellow the hell out. In the meantime, though, pointless misery everywhere.
“Okay,” Ed said. “This is actually kinda sad.”
“Go after Kanda, brother.”
“What?” Ed stared incredulously. “No way! Why? I don’t even know him!”
Al gave him a tragically disillusioned look, and Ed was up and walking toward the door before he’d consciously registered a response.
Someone really needed to get Al under control. Some days-and it was totally traitorous to think this-but some days, he was worse than Allen.
Okay. Fine. So Ed had to talk to a random, pissed off guy he didn’t know, but nobody’d specified what he had to talk about. Right? Right! And Ed knew from maddening personal experience that, when you were dying to throttle Allen Walker, the last thing you wanted was some asshole coming along and telling you that actually Allen was a great guy. There was something very wrong with a world in which Ed was thinking of being that asshole, anyway.
And there was Kanda, lurking at the end of the hall. Hadn’t made it far, had he? Right. Showtime. No pressure.
“Hey! Kanda, right?”
Kanda whirled on Ed and stalked toward him because he wanted to rip Allen’s throat out and Allen wasn’t there, so the nearest bystander was just gonna have to do. Ed knew how this felt from the other side, but he’d never realized how freaking disturbing it was from this side. Note to self: less taking it out on bystanders in the future. It wasn’t their fault Allen was a dick.
“What?” Kanda snapped once he was firmly within Ed’s personal space and acting like he might draw a sword on him.
Think fast, Edward Elric. The subject of Allen Walker is five kinds of taboo right now, so what to say, what what? Shit, Al’s gonna kill me…
Oh, hang on.
“Sorry to bug you, but, uh. You know where the labs are?” Sure, Allen had said that Ed couldn’t see them, but was Allen here? No.
“I don’t have time to show brats around.”
“That’s funny, because you were standing over there in the corner muttering to yourself, so I figured-hey, get a fucking grip!” Crazy asshole really was drawing his sword. “I know he’s a jackass! I know you want to choke him to death! It’s not my fault, okay? I had to live with the shit-for-brains for three years, so don’t feel like you can freak out on me of all people!”
Kanda narrowed his eyes menacingly, but his hand moved away from the sword. Ed chalked it up as a win. “What is it you want?”
Ed heaved a sigh of relief. “The labs.”
Kanda turned and walked off without a word. Behavior like this, Ed imagined, must drive Allen right up a wall. Ed just trotted after Kanda and wondered if he’d’ve turned out similar if he’d died and been brought back and then had to kill his best friend.
Shit, no way. If it’d been Ed? He’d have ended up a monster, and somebody would’ve had to kill him, too, to put him out of his misery. Probably that would’ve been Allen’s job, cuz Allen’s life was crappy like that.
Although there was a horrible possibility that Allen actually was Ed’s best friend, in which case Allen would be dead already, which meant the only one left to kill Ed would be-who? Al? God, that would suck.
Okay, this was some gratuitous brooding bullshit right here, and it needed to stop. Like as if Ed didn’t have enough real problems.
“So, hey,” he said, mostly to distract himself. “Will you stab me if I tell you some keeping-yourself-from-killing-Allen tricks?”
Kanda gave him the side-eye, but he didn’t go for the sword again, so Ed figured, what the hell. “Al and me, we just go ahead and give him the answer he wants as often as possible. You can always tell what he wants you to say, so just, you know, say it. He’ll work out how full of shit you were later, but he respects a good lie, so. You get less of that how-could-you face. And who needs that face, right?”
“I won’t lie to him.”
“Uh.” Oh, whoa, what? He wouldn’t lie to Allen Walker, Mr. Bullshit himself? Why not? Man, this guy and Allen shouldn’t even be allowed to share the planet, let alone the same HQ. Jesus Christ, I won’t lie to him, what the…
Oh, right. Riiiight, this was the guy who drove Allen to using bad words. Meaning he got to Allen. And hey, Allen’d always had a thing for dead people, and Kanda was about as close to dead as you could get without actually fucking a corpse.
Ngh.
“What?” Kanda demanded, hand straying to his sword. That thing was totally his comfort blanket, wasn’t it?
“Nothing, nothing. Train of thought derailed is all. Right, fine, don’t lie to him. Don’t say anything, just glare death instead. I bet you’re a natural at that. But don’t say the exact thing he doesn’t want to hear, because whether it’s true or not, he’ll think you’re saying it to make him mad.”
Kanda snorted in total disgust. Ed kind of agreed. “Because he’s crazy,” Ed elaborated. “You have to remember that. He is seriously insane; he figures lying is a favor you do for other people. He doesn’t get the point of the whole ‘truth’ thing.”
And the response to that was stone-cold silence. Ed was going above and beyond on this thankless fixing-Allen’s-relationships crap; Al had better be happy.
Kanda stopped abruptly and gestured left, apparently giving up on Ed as a bad job. “End of the hall,” he announced, about-facing and marching away without further ado. Ed could hear him muttering, “They’ll love you,” as he turned the corner and disappeared.
* * *
They did love Ed. And it was mutual, which even Ed could tell was kind of scary.
Well, Johnny and Ed and Tapp were best buddies in under five minutes, anyway, but the Reever guy kept lurking around suspiciously like he was just waiting for Ed to start blowing stuff up. What was that about? Did Ed have I blow stuff up written across his forehead? He wouldn’t put that past Allen. Or Al, come to that.
Whatever-couldn’t make everybody happy.
“It keeps you awake how long?”
“Seventy-three hours!” Johnny said proudly. And Ed was, he had to admit, pretty impressed.
For a second, until he remembered what he’d learned about these people so far. “And…are you like. Remotely functional toward the end of that?”
“Oh no,” Johnny said, horrified. “No, no-you’re mentally incapacitated from the moment you take it. And aggressive, too.”
“It makes you violent and crazy,” Tapp clarified. “And then it gives you the strength of ten men to do your crazy with.”
Ed nodded, because yeah. That seemed about right.
“The theory was genius,” insisted a sulky voice from the doorway. Reever rolled his eyes, and Ed turned to check out the latest mad scientist. Who said, “I’m Komui Li. You must be Edward. Lenalee has been telling me all about you and your brother.” He grinned. It was weirdly menacing.
So this was Lenalee’s brother, huh? He reminded Ed of Cross’s friend Hughes, in that he was clearly a nice guy and kind of a goof, and if you let yourself be distracted by that for one second, he would own you. (Hughes got himself killed by an akuma in the end, though, because you can’t manipulate akuma. Unless you’re Cross, who cheats, or Allen, who’s earned the right.)
Ed had really liked Hughes. Rolling with that thought, he gave Komui a lazy salute and said, “So you made the stupid zombie drink? The hell were you thinking?”
“Mm…lost to time, I’m afraid. I’d been awake for a few days when I came up with it, you see.” Komui’s mouth was smiling, but his eyes were dissecting Ed. Definitely Hughes-like. Needed practice, though; if he’d been doing it right, Ed wouldn’t have seen it for what it was on their first meeting.
“Hey, so you’re the boss, right? I mean, technically.”
Reever snorted with laughter, then tried to play it off as a coughing fit. Maybe he and Ed could be friends after all.
“I am,” Komui agreed, casting a wounded look Reever’s way.
“So you can take me to, what, whatever, the thing that keeps the Innocence, right?”
“Hevlaska,” Komui said. “And yes, I can. I’d planned to, in fact. Why do you ask?”
“Would you believe scientific curiosity?”
Komui eyed him. “No.” Suspicious pause, then a shrug. “This way,” he said, leading Ed through a door in the back of the room.
This was why scientists were awesome. Komui knew full fucking well that Ed was up to something, but he was playing along because he wanted to know what it was. Run the experiment, and if it all blows up, hey, think of the data.
Ed adored the science department.
* * *
Hevlaska was a tentacle monster living in a giant tank (pen? cage? pit?) in the bowels of headquarters, sitting on a bunch of Innocence like a brooding hen. The Innocence was humming off-key, like an instrument just out of tune enough to put your teeth on edge. Ed took in the scene and found himself sympathizing with every bad thing Cross had ever said about the Order. It didn’t help that Komui was beaming proudly, like this wasn’t bizarre at all.
Some tentacles took this moment to dive for Ed in an alarmingly purposeful way, and that shit officially crossed the line. “Hey-hey! Whoa, whoa, where d’you think you’re going with those? Get the fuck away from me!”
Komui waved his hands in what was probably meant to be a soothing way. “It’s all right. Hevlaska can-”
“I don’t care, shut up. I mean it, whatever-you-are, get the fuck away or I will cut you.”
“Ed,” Komui sighed, sounding just like Al. But the tentacles did back the fuck off, which was all Ed cared about. “Hevlaska can analyze your Innocence and improve your synchronization. It can only help you.”
“Thanks but no thanks.” Fucking tentacles, what the fuck was wrong with these people?
Komui pouted. “Allen was much more reasonable about this.”
“Yeah, I bet he was.” So Allen got willingly molested by the tentacle monster. Ed would make very sure he never lived that down.
“Ed, I don’t think you understand-”
“No, I don’t think you understand. My Innocence and I get along because we don’t talk. If we did talk, we’d hate each other, because face facts: I’m an arrogant dick and Innocence is a cranky jerk; that’s why Allen and Cross get along with it so well. If my Innocence and I end up hating each other, and we will, I’ll Fall. You got me? So let’s not push it. Look, just, don’t do me any favors. I’ve seen your lab.”
There was a long, awkward silence. Ed occupied himself by reflecting on the fact that he was never such a goddamned liar until he met Allen Walker. He didn’t want anyone screwing with his synchronization, true, but it wasn’t because he was afraid of his Innocence. They understood each other pretty well, actually. The Innocence knew that for all his plans to detach Al from this mess, Ed was in it for the long haul, because the one thing he hated more than God was the Millennium Earl. The enemy of my enemy, whatever whatever.
He was against explaining any of that to third parties, though. For one thing, what if it got back to Al? Al thought Ed was planning to go back to normal, too, and the argument over that wasn’t one Ed was ready for at the moment, or possibly would be ready for, ever.
“I respect your wishes, Edward Elric,” said Hevlaska, sinking back into the depths. That was good. If Hevlaska was okay to back off the Innocence, then Ed was okay to refrain from asking why anyone, of any species, would choose to cage itself in a basement for hundreds of years.
Komui was still pouting, though. The tentacle monster was a better person than Komui. “What did you hope to get out of this visit, Ed?”
Ed propped his elbows on the railing and stared down into the tank, which, still weird. Gotta love the Black Order. Kids in cages, Innocence under glass. “When we were little, Al and I had this theory about Innocence and raising the dead,” he explained reluctantly. “Figured if the Millennium Earl could call back souls, God should be able to. Figured if God could do it, then we could too, if we got our hands on some Innocence.”
Komui cleared his throat. “Yes. I heard about that experiment.”
Ed caught himself rubbing his arm, and forcibly stopped. “Yeah? Cross?”
Komui nodded. “He wanted my advice. It was strange.”
“Cross, right, guy’s kind of known for strange. So’d you give him advice?”
“I didn’t have any to give.”
“The hell’d he want advice on, anyway? It was too late by the time he came along. Shit, but that’s how he is, right? Always shows up a week after you need him. Did it with me and Al. Did it with Allen. Starts to look like a pattern after a while, so I guess he’s either a creep or a fuckup. Or, hey, maybe both.”
“…He came to see if I’d had any success with reassigning Innocence to new accommodators. He knew I was interested in that.”
For Lenalee, Ed realized. God, they were all screwed, weren’t they? “Okay,” he said, “I feel kind of bad for calling him a creepy fuckup now.”
Komui did him the huge favor of just laughing and letting it go. Or pretending to let it go, because guys like Komui never actually let go of anything, but it was decent of him to pretend.
“Anyway,” Ed went on, “After all that, it doesn’t make sense that Al and I are still alive, right? We should’ve Fallen. So we’re curious.” And what Komui didn’t know about the details of their curiosity couldn’t get them jailed by the Order’s high command. “I just wondered if seeing a bunch of Innocence together would make anything click. If I’d see some common thread that would make it all make sense.”
“And do you?”
The Innocence down there was all different shapes and sizes, but it all had the same feel, and it was all humming that fucking annoying hum that only Ed and Al seemed able to hear. It couldn’t be a coincidence, not if Ed was looking at a whole tank’s worth acting the same way. Too bad he didn’t know what the hell it meant. “Nothing I can use.”
Komui nodded thoughtfully, hesitating over asking Ed more, eventually letting it go. Ed had to hand it to the Order: they sure did train their people in the fine art of knowing what not to pursue. “Good luck,” Komui said.
“Yeah, thanks,” Ed answered, mildly depressed by this whole trip. “I’ll need it.”
* * *
The tentacle monster adventure had carried Ed all the way to lunch, so he headed to the dining hall. Allen would definitely be there, and Al would probably turn up, too, because he knew that where there was food, there were also, inevitably, Allen and Ed.
Sure enough, Al and Allen had staked out a whole table and Allen had piled it high with food. Convenient. Now Ed didn’t have to get his own-he could just steal Allen’s. The sniping and bitching was always so fun. Dinner and a show.
Food theft, bitching, and Al peacemaking all proceeded according to plan. It was a nice break, but once the food was gone, Ed figured he’d dodged serious business as long as he could. He took a breath and told himself to man up. “So. Allen. Glad you’re looking less like hell.”
Allen polished off the last of his food, casting Ed a considering look. Ed hated that look. Never had been able to figure out what the fuck it meant. “I’m sorry I worried you.”
Ed shrugged. “Not like it’s your fault. I blame Cross. Plus, you know, God. That asshole.”
Allen laughed. Ed glanced at Al-Ed had made Allen laugh, Ed had social skills after all, take that-but Al was doing his best Sphinx impression. Killjoy.
“People get upset when you say things like that,” Allen informed Ed like he knew from experience.
“People are pansies.”
“Edward.”
“Allen.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
And what was that? What was that? Here they were, having a normal conversation, and Allen had to go and throw something like that right down in the middle of it. “Uh huh. You definitely looked grateful at the time.”
Allen splayed his fingers across the table, studying the mismatched hands. He’d obviously gotten some kind of Innocence upgrade since Ed last saw him, because his arm was way cooler now. Ed was maybe sort of jealous, but he hadn’t asked about it because he wasn’t sure whether Allen would gloat or cry. Either way, Ed couldn’t deal.
“Everyone ends up knowing things,” Allen said softly, “that they wish they didn’t need to know.”
“But they do need to know them,” Al concluded.
Ed hated it when they were depressing and right. “You’re welcome, then. But if you decide to hate us for it later, remember it was actually Al’s idea to tell you.”
Al and Allen grinned at each other for some unsettling reason. Ed didn’t get a chance to worry too much, though, because the door to the dining hall slammed open just then. Ed hoped it was Kanda making another Entrance!
But no. It was some weasel-featured guy, looked like he bit into a lemon in infancy and never recovered. Angry, suspicious, uptight-exactly what you don’t want to see in a guy with power, but he definitely had power. People were scurrying around him in that minion satellite pattern.
If this guy was who Ed thought he was, then Cross’s box of blackmail had a novel’s worth on him. Just what they needed. “Is that a Leverrier?”
Al did a horrified double-take. Allen blinked at them. “Yes? Malcolm Leverrier. He’s some important Central Office…person.”
“Great, fantastic. So that complete douche is your boss?”
“I prefer to think of Komui as our boss.”
Ed rolled his eyes. “Think whatever you want. But Komui has to take orders from the douche, am I right?”
“Yes, but-”
“We’re history, we are gone. Catch you whenever.” Ed shoveled down the last of his food, nodding to Al, who went to ask Jerry for travel supplies. Ed hardly knew Jerry, but already he knew he’d miss the guy.
“Are you running away?” Allen demanded wrathfully.
One of Allen’s problems-one of the many-was a tendency to get attached to places for no better reason than because he’d been there for a while. “Running away from what? Jesus, always with the half empty attitude. Think of all the awesome stuff we’re running toward. And get real, this place is obviously not worth it.”
“You’re abandoning everyone here who’s helped you.”
“Abandoning? Shit, Allen, I didn’t tell them to come here, and I don’t know why they’re staying. But you know what? It’s not my problem. And it’s not yours, either, Mr. Savior of the Universe. We’re off to wipe out akuma, seeing as that’s our job. And you, you feel free to stay here and do…whatever.”
“They can’t just cut ties and walk out! How would they support themselves, how-”
“How did we support ourselves? Tell ‘em to get a fucking job. Or rob an easy mark, if they want to do it Allen style. They can hack it. We did, and obviously the Bookmen did, too. You ask me, those Bookman guys’re just here for the cheap entertainment, and, by the way, there is something really messed up about that.”
“Don’t say that where Lavi might hear. He doesn’t like people to know.”
“We’re pretending we’re not onto his scam so we don’t hurt his feelings?”
“Right.”
“You are such a fucking freak, I don’t even know where to start with you. Point is, people can do fine on their own. Which makes staying here their problem, not mine.”
“You can’t leave.”
“The hell I can’t. Don’t boss me.”
“This is our home.”
Ed’s eyes widened, his jaw tightening. “Don’t you pull that shit with me,” he hissed. “Not you. You wouldn’t know a home if you head-butted the doorframe.”
Allen’s face did a weird angry/sympathetic spasm, but he got it under control quick. “Ed, I’m just learning what a home is now. Don’t ask me to give it up. Please.”
Ed turned away. Fucking Allen. Every once in a while, he came out with something goddamn heartbreaking. “I’m not asking you to do anything, okay? I’m telling you what I know, and you can do whatever you want with it, I don’t care. So don’t. Look at me like that.”
“Are we packing?” Al asked uncertainly, hovering beside them, holding bags full of food.
“Yeah.” Ed pushed back from the table decisively, ignoring whatever tragic waif thing Allen’s face was doing. Allen’s crazy was not his problem.
* * *
“I thought you were here because you wanted the Order’s protection,” Allen said later, when Ed was waiting in the front hall with the luggage while Al tied up loose ends, explained to everyone that they were taking off, all that Al-type stuff.
“Yeah, I figured that, what with the way you threw open the doors for us and locked out the big bad world and everything. That was actually kind of. You know. Thanks. Didn’t need it, but. Yeah.”
“You came to help me.”
“Whatever.”
Allen stared. Apparently the idea of Ed going out of his way to keep Allen alive was messing with his whole worldview. Seriously? Ed wasn’t that much of a dick.
“Hey,” he said, not meeting Allen’s eyes because this whole conversation was awkward. “Don’t go evil. That’d be a pain in the ass.”
“Why?” Allen asked, smiling. “Because you’d have to kill me?”
“No, jackass, because I wouldn’t kill you. Me and Al, we wouldn’t let anybody kill you, you’re ours. But it’d be a bitch, cuz you’d rampage around and cause a global catastrophe. So don’t.”
Allen frowned. “If I’m taken over by a Noah, I’ll want you to kill me. And what do you mean, I’m yours? No, never mind, it doesn’t matter, I am asking you to kill me.”
“Right, like I’ve ever done a thing you said. I won’t kill you. Global catastrophe. All your fault.”
“Ed, what if I can’t-”
“I’m saying you’d fucking better.”
“Fine. It doesn’t matter. Kanda will kill me, if it comes to that.”
Man, he really was stuck on Kanda, wasn’t he? Necrophilia, gross. “Kanda and I made a deal. He won’t kill you, either, and he won’t let Lenalee or Lavi or anybody.” That wasn’t strictly true, but Allen didn’t know that, and Kanda wouldn’t tell him.
“What!?”
“Yeah, uh-oh. What’re you gonna do now? Oh no, you’re gonna have to live! Asshole.”
“It’s not entirely up to me, you-kill me.”
“No.”
“Kill me.”
“Fuck you, live forever.”
“I came into this conversation at a very odd moment,” Lavi said, walking over trailed by Al, who was frowning in disapproval. “What are you two talking about?”
“Ignore them,” Al advised. “Brother, Lavi’s taking me to the library to get a map and some books, and then I’ll be ready to go. If you and Allen could wait here for five more minutes without fighting or blowing anything up, that would be great. Any requests from the library?”
“You know which books I’m looking for,” Ed said impatiently. “Seriously doubt if the Order’ll have them.” Al rolled his eyes and turned to Lavi, who reluctantly led the way out of the hall, glancing over his shoulder every few seconds.
“You’ll kill me,” Allen said confidently once Al and Lavi were out of earshot. “You will. You’ll have to.”
“No,” Ed assured him, “I won’t.”
“Yes, you will.”
“Uh, I really won’t.”
“And what about all the people I’ll kill if you don’t?”
“What about them?”
“What is wrong with you?”
“Back at ya.”
“You have no sense of social responsibility.”
“You just figuring that out? And Cross always said you were smart. Guess it must’ve been the man-crush talking.”
“Ed, I’m serious. Do you want people to die?”
“No, dickhead, I don’t. But I want you to die least of all. Well, least after Al.”
“That’s…nice of you. Though not very likely. But fine, say I accept that. If I get taken over by a Noah, I’ll be as good as dead anyway.”
“Says who?”
“I think I’m the expert here!”
“Why? You ever get taken over by a Noah before?”
Allen’s face did that thing where it shut down, totally just-bam-no one home. And then the lights came on and the con was home. Nice Allen rules no longer applied.
Ed grinned. Now they were playing for real.
“I don’t think you’ve thought this through,” Allen said sadly, face mild and concerned. He was such a dick.
“I think I have, actually.” This was gonna turn real ugly real fast if Ed didn’t watch it, but he was pretty sure he was holding more cards than Allen this time. God, he hoped so.
“Oh?” Allen tipped his head and smiled. Creeeeepy. “What if I turn into a Noah and kill Al? Have you planned for that?”
Ed grinned harder. So Allen was planning to throw him off with the brother card and then really hit him, huh? But for once in Ed’s life, the brother card wasn’t gonna work, and that would undermine Allen’s whole attack strategy. Apparently he didn’t know everything. Nice to have proof. “Yes,” Ed said, voice dripping satisfaction. “Yeah, we accounted for that.” Hah! I win, asshole.
The mask cracked; Allen scowled. Ed did love getting Allen’s mask to crack. “What does that mean?”
“It means, smartass, that we’ve been practicing catching Noah. How cool are we? So we’re not really gonna let you stampede around killing people; you don’t have to worry. I was just messing with you. Sort of. It would still be a pain in the ass, so don’t do it.”
“Catching Noah.”
“Right.”
Allen slapped a hand over his face and sat down abruptly on the floor right there in the hall. Kinda worrying. Ed crouched down to keep an eye on him, wondering if he was gonna faint, laugh, or jump up and try to kill somebody. Ed gave the options even odds.
“Brother,” Al sighed, reappearing with maps and books. No Lavi, though, which must’ve taken some doing. “You promised.”
“Not my fault he’s delicate!”
“Catching Noah,” Allen repeated, aggrieved, not moving the hand.
“Yeah, well, obviously. I mean, they can burn the Innocence clean out of you, right? So we thought we’d catch one. Help us figure out how to fix Al.”
Allen removed his hand, took a deep breath, and held it, counting to ten instead of giving Ed the umpteenth lecture on how burning the Lord’s grace out of a person in no way equated to ‘fixing’ anything.
Ed begged to differ, which was why they’d had that fight maybe a hundred times. It went like this: Ed argued that he hadn’t Fallen yet, so he couldn’t be too wrong, Allen hissed that it would be way too late once Ed had Fallen, Ed insisted that you couldn’t live if you were always sweating the small stuff, Allen made cutting allusions to things Ed’s lack of forethought had cost him in the past…aaaaand fistfight. Wasn’t that Ed didn’t have a reply-technically he could deal that lack of forethought card right back at Allen and make it hurt worse on the return-but that was where it crossed the line and made violence the safer option for both of them.
Allen was turning kinda purple. Apparently ten wasn’t a high enough number.
“Allen.” Al was alarmed by the purple face; Al was easily alarmed. “God, you two. Is this what were you talking about before? When you were arguing about killing Allen right in front of a Bookman?”
“He said we have to kill him if he turns Noah, I said no way we’re killing him, he freaked out. I’m right.” Ed folded his arms belligerently. Allen gave up on the whole controlling his temper idea and gasped for air before starting in on a rant.
“He said he was going to let me go on a killing spree, then he said you two have been practicing catching Noah. And that I shouldn’t worry.” Allen stared at Al, accusing.
Al shrugged. “Well, it’s a moot point. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to lose.”
Allen started laughing, jagged and out of control, and Tim swooped in to bite him on the ear. Tim disapproved of hysterics, which had gotten Ed in trouble a time or five. He actually had a few tiny curved scars in the shape of Timcampy’s teeth. Vicious little bastard.
“Allen, you are not going to lose to a Noah.” Al also disapproved of hysterics. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Ed smirked and scooted back so as not to get in Al’s way. Best to leave this one to the pro.
“I’m not going to lose,” Allen agreed, still wild-eyed, still crashed out on the floor. “But if I did-”
“You’re not going to,” Al repeated patiently.
“But you should plan for-”
“No.”
“Al-”
“Can you talk to him?”
“…What?”
“Can you talk to the Noah in your head?”
“I…haven’t tried. I mean, I didn’t even know what it was until yesterday. But how…?”
“Well, you should try. Maybe you two can work out a deal. You know, share your body.”
“Has that ever worked for anyone?”
“You’re not really like anyone else,” Al answered, neatly sidestepping the question. Allen cast him an approving look for that one, and Ed laughed out loud.
“Hey,” Ed put in, “even I think you can do it, and you know I wouldn’t lie about that to cheer you up or whatever. I’d be more, I dunno, following you around with a pre-carved tombstone, holding a chisel, ready to add in the end date.”
“All right,” Allen said, standing up and brushing off. “Fine. I’ll try to talk with the Noah in my head, even though that’s exactly opposite what anyone with common sense would tell me to do. But first, I’m going to talk Kanda out of this…deal you’ve talked him into.”
“Good luck with that.” Ed stood too, grinning at the thought of all the silent staring in Allen’s future. Maybe Kanda would even tell him there was no deal, which Allen obviously wouldn’t believe. He’d think Kanda was lying to him to protect him. Ed was a genius for setting this up.
Allen’s eyes narrowed. “You realize this means you have to stay alive. Because if I do go on a rampage and Kanda refuses to kill me and you’re not around to catch me, I’m going to be very annoyed.”
“Yeah, I’ll worry myself sick about that when I’m dead.”
“Brother,” Al murmured with self-righteous disapproval that he promptly undermined by kicking the shit out of Ed’s shin. “We’ll be careful, Allen. You be careful, too.”
Allen nodded, then strode off out the side door without any hesitation or a single glance back, because that was what being trained by Cross did to you. Tim buzzed Ed and Al one last time before following Allen.
“He’ll be okay, won’t he?” Al asked, suddenly sounding his age. He did that sometimes, possibly just to freak Ed out.
“What? Yeah! Jeez, he’ll be fine, don’t be stupid. He can totally handle this.”
Al nodded, calming down, as well he should. Obviously Allen could handle this. If a jerk like Hohenheim could work something out with the Noah in his head, Allen could do all that and take over the world on the side.
Ed was almost looking forward to it.
back to Part 1