Melissa's Story
In mid 7th grade, Melissa came to us and told us a boy in school was harrassing her both physically and verbally. We explained the wrongness of that and gave her permission to tell him we'd take legal action if he didn't leave her alone. After a couple of threats, he finally left her alone. I don't know as we ever found out who he was. Probably a later boyfriend.
Sometime in 8th grade, I overheard one of the kids talking that Melissa and her boyfriend, Andy had started a rumor that they were sleeping together. When confronted, Melissa said she had a reputation of a goody-two-shoes (probably not her words) and she wanted to dispel that. Of course, I was furious my daughter wanted to be known as a ho. Both she and her brother were grounded for that one because Bobby knew and didn't do anything about it. It was always my opinion that even though he was the younger, he was supposed to stick up for his sister and her reputation. He condoned her actions, which meant he was just as guilty. Right? Anyway, they probably didn't stay grounded for long.
Around Christmas break of 9th grade, Melissa's best friend, Balina, informed her she was moving back to Arkansas. Melissa became depressed. Then it was abnormally depressed. Then the headaches started. And lingered. And wouldn't let up.
We put her in therapy, both of us wondering separately if Melissa was in love with Balina, which would explain her extreme negative reaction. I was bisexual, it only seemed natural Melissa might be too. She was young yet, and in a confusing time of adolesence.
When the headaches refused to let up, even with a psychiatrist and psychologist, we found her a neurologist. Between the two doctors, she was soon taking 16 pills a day! This continued for a long time. Most of her emotional problems were under control, either through the therapy or the medication. The headaches persisted.
10th grade. All hell broke loose.
Melissa was two hours late coming home from a friend's house. She went to the bathroom after a short lecture. Bobby went in a little while later. He came to us in shock. In his hand he had a small bit of cellophane wadded up. Enough weed inside for at least one joint. We called up Melissa. She was so stoned she didn't even realize she was two hours late. I called Trudy, her godmother. Trudy had been in my life in one fashion or another since I was Melissa's age. I trusted her to know what to do. She had 5 kids of her own and had run youth education at St. Joe's for an eternity. Surely she would have the answers. Randy called Father Kevin. We were so lost.
We found out Melissa had been smoking pot for nearly a year. About the time of Balina's announcement, the depression, and the headaches. Now she was self-medicating to help her depression and find relief from the headaches.
We put her in rehab. Group twice a week, continued weekly therapy with her psychologist. She failed the first 17-week session. We kept her in group. We did everything we could think of to help her. Made excuses for consistent tardies--medication made her unable to get out of bed. Frequent absenses--her grade were slipping because she was never in class.
Three weeks before the end of the school year, she skipped school. She came to her own defense. I can still hear her say, "Mom, I swear to God I was at school yesterday." I believed her but the school made her prove it. Which she never did. But let me back up a day.
She had group. I rushed home from work to take her only to find our next-door neighbor had taken her. Whew! But then we got a call from group. "Come pick up Melissa. She's high and legally she can't be here." We were livid. But she swore she went to school and got high between the end of school and Libby taking her to group.
That's not how it happened. We went to school. They decided her grade were so good still, instead of expelling her, she was suspended the last 11 days of school which froze her grades. She only had 1 class to make up in summer school.
At 31 weeks of rehab, they told us she'd passed a piss test and they had to let her go. They knew she was still smoking, but they couldn't make her stop. She didn't want to stop. She was self-medicating and as long as it was working for her, she had no reason to quit. We changed therapists. She'd been with him for a year and he never even knew she had a problem.
There was a problem with the new counsellor. Something she said about me not loving her or some such nonsense set Melissa off. She didn't trust her. Didn't want to see her again. I'd been through that once before so I understood what she was going through and we pulled a copy of her records to have for her new counsellor.
I read through her records and discovered not only was she smoking pot, but she was using cocaine. I've never gotten the whole story of exactly what illicit drugs she was using along with her prescribed medications. That bothered me more than anything, not the marijuana by itself or even adding the cocaine. But the fact she was mixing that with her prescribed medications!
Her new doctor was next to useless. She pretty much dropped out of therapy. She'd spent nearly a year with Andy, threatening suicide everytime they had a little tiff. She used drugs as a way to coerce him. She was labeled an addict.
She always claimed, at least until this very moment, that she never used again. As far as I know, she's been clean for 3 years and 3 months. But I seriously have my doubts.
Then came Michael Earnhart. He was a ward of the State, lived in a group home, very smooth talker, I even went to bat for him a couple of times, to my later embarrassment. He was on his last chance. Melissa was supposedly tutoring him twice a week. More like fucking him in the props closet during play practice.
In April of 11th grade, Michael used his last chance and was expelled. Expulsion meant boys' school. After 4th period, he found Melissa and another friend who had a car. They ran from school, emptied his bank account and we had to report Melissa as a runaway. We were sure he'd taken her out of State. Finally, around 8 p.m. we discovered that Michael had abandoned her at Amanda's house not long after emptying his bank account.
The hardest thing I'd ever done was call the sheriff and tell them we had her. They came, put her in cuffs and took her off to holding. Randy and I had to go to the youth center in the middle of the night to pick her up and get some quick counselling. She was not scared straight.
Melissa was expelled. Tom Allen had done everything he could, mostly because he liked Bobby. "She's got more credits that most of my graduating seniors." "If she put half the effort into doing things right that Bobby puts into weight lifting, she would be an excellent student and human being."
TBC
Sometime in 8th grade, I overheard one of the kids talking that Melissa and her boyfriend, Andy had started a rumor that they were sleeping together. When confronted, Melissa said she had a reputation of a goody-two-shoes (probably not her words) and she wanted to dispel that. Of course, I was furious my daughter wanted to be known as a ho. Both she and her brother were grounded for that one because Bobby knew and didn't do anything about it. It was always my opinion that even though he was the younger, he was supposed to stick up for his sister and her reputation. He condoned her actions, which meant he was just as guilty. Right? Anyway, they probably didn't stay grounded for long.
Around Christmas break of 9th grade, Melissa's best friend, Balina, informed her she was moving back to Arkansas. Melissa became depressed. Then it was abnormally depressed. Then the headaches started. And lingered. And wouldn't let up.
We put her in therapy, both of us wondering separately if Melissa was in love with Balina, which would explain her extreme negative reaction. I was bisexual, it only seemed natural Melissa might be too. She was young yet, and in a confusing time of adolesence.
When the headaches refused to let up, even with a psychiatrist and psychologist, we found her a neurologist. Between the two doctors, she was soon taking 16 pills a day! This continued for a long time. Most of her emotional problems were under control, either through the therapy or the medication. The headaches persisted.
10th grade. All hell broke loose.
Melissa was two hours late coming home from a friend's house. She went to the bathroom after a short lecture. Bobby went in a little while later. He came to us in shock. In his hand he had a small bit of cellophane wadded up. Enough weed inside for at least one joint. We called up Melissa. She was so stoned she didn't even realize she was two hours late. I called Trudy, her godmother. Trudy had been in my life in one fashion or another since I was Melissa's age. I trusted her to know what to do. She had 5 kids of her own and had run youth education at St. Joe's for an eternity. Surely she would have the answers. Randy called Father Kevin. We were so lost.
We found out Melissa had been smoking pot for nearly a year. About the time of Balina's announcement, the depression, and the headaches. Now she was self-medicating to help her depression and find relief from the headaches.
We put her in rehab. Group twice a week, continued weekly therapy with her psychologist. She failed the first 17-week session. We kept her in group. We did everything we could think of to help her. Made excuses for consistent tardies--medication made her unable to get out of bed. Frequent absenses--her grade were slipping because she was never in class.
Three weeks before the end of the school year, she skipped school. She came to her own defense. I can still hear her say, "Mom, I swear to God I was at school yesterday." I believed her but the school made her prove it. Which she never did. But let me back up a day.
She had group. I rushed home from work to take her only to find our next-door neighbor had taken her. Whew! But then we got a call from group. "Come pick up Melissa. She's high and legally she can't be here." We were livid. But she swore she went to school and got high between the end of school and Libby taking her to group.
That's not how it happened. We went to school. They decided her grade were so good still, instead of expelling her, she was suspended the last 11 days of school which froze her grades. She only had 1 class to make up in summer school.
At 31 weeks of rehab, they told us she'd passed a piss test and they had to let her go. They knew she was still smoking, but they couldn't make her stop. She didn't want to stop. She was self-medicating and as long as it was working for her, she had no reason to quit. We changed therapists. She'd been with him for a year and he never even knew she had a problem.
There was a problem with the new counsellor. Something she said about me not loving her or some such nonsense set Melissa off. She didn't trust her. Didn't want to see her again. I'd been through that once before so I understood what she was going through and we pulled a copy of her records to have for her new counsellor.
I read through her records and discovered not only was she smoking pot, but she was using cocaine. I've never gotten the whole story of exactly what illicit drugs she was using along with her prescribed medications. That bothered me more than anything, not the marijuana by itself or even adding the cocaine. But the fact she was mixing that with her prescribed medications!
Her new doctor was next to useless. She pretty much dropped out of therapy. She'd spent nearly a year with Andy, threatening suicide everytime they had a little tiff. She used drugs as a way to coerce him. She was labeled an addict.
She always claimed, at least until this very moment, that she never used again. As far as I know, she's been clean for 3 years and 3 months. But I seriously have my doubts.
Then came Michael Earnhart. He was a ward of the State, lived in a group home, very smooth talker, I even went to bat for him a couple of times, to my later embarrassment. He was on his last chance. Melissa was supposedly tutoring him twice a week. More like fucking him in the props closet during play practice.
In April of 11th grade, Michael used his last chance and was expelled. Expulsion meant boys' school. After 4th period, he found Melissa and another friend who had a car. They ran from school, emptied his bank account and we had to report Melissa as a runaway. We were sure he'd taken her out of State. Finally, around 8 p.m. we discovered that Michael had abandoned her at Amanda's house not long after emptying his bank account.
The hardest thing I'd ever done was call the sheriff and tell them we had her. They came, put her in cuffs and took her off to holding. Randy and I had to go to the youth center in the middle of the night to pick her up and get some quick counselling. She was not scared straight.
Melissa was expelled. Tom Allen had done everything he could, mostly because he liked Bobby. "She's got more credits that most of my graduating seniors." "If she put half the effort into doing things right that Bobby puts into weight lifting, she would be an excellent student and human being."
TBC