i've got a crush
i'm trying to figure it all out. someone asked me today if i could think back to when i was "ok."
she asked if i knew who i was inside...deep down underneath the pain, trauma, frustration, anger, doubt, and fear. the only thing i could say was that i know i'm strong. and that i'll never lay down and die.
i had a zillion thoughts today. and yet, i didn't write a single one down. they were all pretty negative. i hate who i see in the mirror. i wish i could appreciate the good. i always appreciate the good. why am i so sad? where did this come from? will i ever be ok again?
i don't know how much longer he'll put up with me. i can hardly put up with myself. he's unbelievably incredible. and i feel so undeserving. i ruin a lot. i don't know how. but i do. and i think i may be setting myself up for failure once more.
i have enough faith to let the positive overpower the negative. i've always been so upbeat and positive. lately, i just wait for bad. i still can't cry. i tried really hard earlier this evening. i got a little tear out...then i caught glimpse of myself and got pissed for being sad.
i need a hug. and i need to let go.
i miss myself. i should be so happy right now. i have more than anyone should. i'm trying. and i know i'll get there.
KIR
she asked if i knew who i was inside...deep down underneath the pain, trauma, frustration, anger, doubt, and fear. the only thing i could say was that i know i'm strong. and that i'll never lay down and die.
i had a zillion thoughts today. and yet, i didn't write a single one down. they were all pretty negative. i hate who i see in the mirror. i wish i could appreciate the good. i always appreciate the good. why am i so sad? where did this come from? will i ever be ok again?
i don't know how much longer he'll put up with me. i can hardly put up with myself. he's unbelievably incredible. and i feel so undeserving. i ruin a lot. i don't know how. but i do. and i think i may be setting myself up for failure once more.
i have enough faith to let the positive overpower the negative. i've always been so upbeat and positive. lately, i just wait for bad. i still can't cry. i tried really hard earlier this evening. i got a little tear out...then i caught glimpse of myself and got pissed for being sad.
i need a hug. and i need to let go.
i miss myself. i should be so happy right now. i have more than anyone should. i'm trying. and i know i'll get there.
KIR