(no subject)
This is weird. It's a little like knowing what day I'm going to die. I basically just figured out about how long the 'relationship' I'm in is going to last. I'm kind of bummed, but it's also nice to know ahead of time how it's gonna be. I hope I can still be friends with Megan, I like her. She's intelligent and I enjoy being around her whether or not I'm putting my penis in her. She's the only person I know who admits to having smoked crack. (You wouldn't think so if you met her, she's a cute white girl with glasses from Montclair, not skinny or cracked out or anything. She hasn't done it in months.) But the fact that there's no future in it, that I'm basically being used for sex, makes it seem kind of pointless. I like banging, but I want more. I want to be hopelessly in love; I don't want to be marrying anyone any time soon, but I want to be starting on down that road. I was wondering if Megan was starting to think of us as a couple, cos I have started to think of her as my girlfriend a bit. I guess not. But it's alright. I like her, but I'm not as sappy over her as I am over some dames I could name. I feel like less of an asshole, now, for wishing that she was hotter, that she had a body like Vanessa Whinnery. (To be bluntly honest, she's one of those girls who would be a LOT hotter if her tits were bigger and her waist a bit smaller. Other than that she's a slice.)
I think I want a donut, but I'm not sure. Me and Megan both had one of those chocolate iced creme filled krispy kremes this morning, they were actually pretty damn good. Swear to god, I'm going to have diabetes someday, I eat so much fucking sugar. I wonder if it has anything to do with my ADD, and the fact that I haven't taken my meds in a while. I've read about how kids with ADD and ADHD get basically addicted to sugar. But if I take my meds, I forget to eat altogether and have to consciously force myself to eat, which is a Bad Thing. When I'm on Adderall, I have virtually no interest in food, I'd much rather concentrate on more interesting things, like writing, video games, working on my computer, etc. I can eat, almost as much as normal, I just don't care enough to get off my ass, cook food to completion (at least once i've put a pot of pasta on the stove, then forgot about it, cooking it for half a friggin hour and ruining it), and get it into my stomach. Hence I have to force myself to cook and eat, cos otherwise I'll hardly eat anything all day, and then feel shitty the next day.
I'm thinking I should eat some salad, and if I still want a donut after that, I can have one. (I have a whole pound of salad, I should try and dispose of as much of it as possible before it goes all brown and yucky. I threw out the last of that loaf of french bread, it was getting not so much stale as just dried out.) Mm. Green salad rocks. I eat it right out of the bag, like potato chips. I don't eat it cos it tastes good, but it's a nice light contrast to the food I usually eat, with all that protein and fat and sugar and carbs. Carbs fucking rule.
I think I want a donut, but I'm not sure. Me and Megan both had one of those chocolate iced creme filled krispy kremes this morning, they were actually pretty damn good. Swear to god, I'm going to have diabetes someday, I eat so much fucking sugar. I wonder if it has anything to do with my ADD, and the fact that I haven't taken my meds in a while. I've read about how kids with ADD and ADHD get basically addicted to sugar. But if I take my meds, I forget to eat altogether and have to consciously force myself to eat, which is a Bad Thing. When I'm on Adderall, I have virtually no interest in food, I'd much rather concentrate on more interesting things, like writing, video games, working on my computer, etc. I can eat, almost as much as normal, I just don't care enough to get off my ass, cook food to completion (at least once i've put a pot of pasta on the stove, then forgot about it, cooking it for half a friggin hour and ruining it), and get it into my stomach. Hence I have to force myself to cook and eat, cos otherwise I'll hardly eat anything all day, and then feel shitty the next day.
I'm thinking I should eat some salad, and if I still want a donut after that, I can have one. (I have a whole pound of salad, I should try and dispose of as much of it as possible before it goes all brown and yucky. I threw out the last of that loaf of french bread, it was getting not so much stale as just dried out.) Mm. Green salad rocks. I eat it right out of the bag, like potato chips. I don't eat it cos it tastes good, but it's a nice light contrast to the food I usually eat, with all that protein and fat and sugar and carbs. Carbs fucking rule.