(no subject)
Ive been kinda wierd lately. Its scary when you break it down, and think about how your future is completely up to you. whether you live the life that they want you to life, or if you live the life you want to live, or if you live at all. sometimes the weights of school, family, parents, work, everything get a little off balance on your shoulders, and it makes you do/think some kinda scary shit. sometimes i wish i could just take off some of those weights, but, unfurtunatly, i cant. i guess its better that way. im not quite sure. now that i think about it, its not that scary knowing your future is completely up to you. its not like some god is deciding it, you are, yet, its still not completely under your control. i guess that is because other people have such a great affect on your life, and you cant control other people, so it ends up affecting you-either a bad thing or a good thing. sometimes its easy to let myself let a blade take over my fate.
tonight i filled up our bathtub with water, and layed in it. then, i turned on the shower thingy, and layed in the water, while being sprayed with water, and imagined i was floating in a lake when it was raining. it was fun. that was after i masturbated-i felt like adding that for some sexual appeal, you know how sex-apeal sells these days!
im on my second pot of coffee. i love coffee so much. Im talking to shannon about how we should celbrate the lives of dead people that we love. i told her i would play good music at her death-party if i outlive her. i really hope my friends throw a party after i die. and i dont want anyone sitting around crying, or lementing, or sulking, or anything like that, im not sure if anyone would really care or not. but, anyways, i want there to be this big party, with tons of rootbeer kegs, and tons of kickass mix tapes being played, and people banging on things, and strumming guitars, and singing and dancing, and being totally positive, and having a blissful time. i hope i give people something to celebrate for though.
me and justin broke up the other week. that was like the straw that broke the camels back, or whatever that saying is. but, it was a mutual thing, so, in the end, i think it was for the best. i still really like him. but i think we should both find someone closer to us and closer to our ages. i really miss him though.
GSA is getting started up nice, with 40 kids showing up at the latest meeting! how awesome is that?! i am really proud with the GSA, and i am so happy for all the work that Jeanine is putting into it. and im glade that so many kids are showing up.i really hope it takes off, and is a kickass club.
damn, when i sat down to write this, i had so much more i wanted to say, but, i cant remeber half of it! time to go polish off the rest of this coffee
xoxo
tonight i filled up our bathtub with water, and layed in it. then, i turned on the shower thingy, and layed in the water, while being sprayed with water, and imagined i was floating in a lake when it was raining. it was fun. that was after i masturbated-i felt like adding that for some sexual appeal, you know how sex-apeal sells these days!
im on my second pot of coffee. i love coffee so much. Im talking to shannon about how we should celbrate the lives of dead people that we love. i told her i would play good music at her death-party if i outlive her. i really hope my friends throw a party after i die. and i dont want anyone sitting around crying, or lementing, or sulking, or anything like that, im not sure if anyone would really care or not. but, anyways, i want there to be this big party, with tons of rootbeer kegs, and tons of kickass mix tapes being played, and people banging on things, and strumming guitars, and singing and dancing, and being totally positive, and having a blissful time. i hope i give people something to celebrate for though.
me and justin broke up the other week. that was like the straw that broke the camels back, or whatever that saying is. but, it was a mutual thing, so, in the end, i think it was for the best. i still really like him. but i think we should both find someone closer to us and closer to our ages. i really miss him though.
GSA is getting started up nice, with 40 kids showing up at the latest meeting! how awesome is that?! i am really proud with the GSA, and i am so happy for all the work that Jeanine is putting into it. and im glade that so many kids are showing up.i really hope it takes off, and is a kickass club.
damn, when i sat down to write this, i had so much more i wanted to say, but, i cant remeber half of it! time to go polish off the rest of this coffee
xoxo