Steamed Hams
Superintendent Chalmers: Well Seymour, I made it, despite your directions.Seymour Skinner: Ah, Superintendent Chalmers, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.[Chalmers enters and puts a bottle of wine on the table. Skinner walks into the kitchen to see smoke billowing from the oven. He opens the oven, and the roast bursts into flames.]Seymour Skinner: Oh, yegods, my roast is ruined![Skinner looks out the kitchen window at the Krusty Burger across the street.]Seymour Skinner: But what if ... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ho ho ho ho ... delightfully devlish, Seymour.[Skinner begins to climb out the window but stops when Chalmers enters the kitchen.]Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour!Seymour Skinner: Superintendent, I was just ... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?Superintendent Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?Seymour Skinner: Oh, that isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmmm, steamed clams.[Skinner runs aross the street to Krusty Burger, and returns to the dining room with a tray of hamburgers.]Seymour Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering hamburgers.Superintendent Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.Seymour Skinner: Oh, no, I said steamed hams. That's what I call hamburgers.Superintendent Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?Seymour Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.Superintendent Chalmers: Uh-huh. What region?Seymour Skinner: Uhh ... Upstate New York.Superintendent Chalmers: Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase 'steamed hams.'Seymour Skinner: Oh, not in Utica. No, it's an Albany expression.Superintendent Chalmers: I see.[Chalmers bites into a steamed ham.]Superintendent Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.Seymour Skinner: Oh ho ho, no. Patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.Superintendent Chalmers: For steamed hams ...Seymour Skinner: Yes ...Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.Seymour Skinner: You know I- One thing I sh- Excuse me for one second.[Skinner walks into the kitchen and returns to the dining room.]Seymour Skinner: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.Superintendent Chalmers: Yes, I should be- Good lord, what is happening in there?Seymour Skinner: Aurora Borealis?Superintendent Chalmers: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?Seymour Skinner: Yes.Superintendent Chalmers: May I see it?Seymour Skinner: NoAgnes Skinner: Seymour, the house is on fire!Seymour Skinner: No, Mother. It's just the Northern Lights.Superintendent Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say you steam a good ham.