hmm
I've been on myspace blog too long. So I thought I would post home also.
as of late this is what's happening.
we've been cleaning and packing like good kids. we move out on the 27th. thankfully. it's just kind of shitty when your days off get to be spent stuck in this stupid effin condo! oh, and cleaning it.
landlady person is showing this place to someone tomorrow. well, two different people at two different times. why? why does it have to be on MY day off! is she even allowed to do that? I mean when we moved in we didn't see the place while it was still occupied. that is BULLSHIT. but whatever. if it helps me to get my deposit back asap then cool. she needs to replace the carpet and paint the walls. lots of things need done to this place. she didn't even paint before we moved in. it looks like the same paint and carpet has been here since 1995. anyhow...I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.
my grandma has lung cancer. so that's even better. I haven't really said too much about it to anyone. no one even called and told me. lol I found out on myspace. how fucked up is that? I'm so beyond tired of my family. moving across the country is going to be a monumental positive change for me. I really need to go see her, but I'm scared. I don't do well with these types of things, but who does? I just don't know what to say or do or anything. I don't even know how I feel. I had a sob or so in the shower the day I found out...but I've been pretty stale since. I should be use to it anyway. I'm sure if you get a drink or two in me you'll find some emotion.
My mom randomly called me. She never fails to have some type of interesting news. This time in the mom enquirer...boyfriend jacked her jaw pretty hard. Left the whole side of her face black and blue. Then he decided to threaten to slit her throat. Her reply? "Do it, slit my throat, put me out of my misery." Mind you a few weeks ago my brother came to my work and told me she was starting counseling because she is suicidal AND homicidal. Double wammy winner for mom this time. What's new. Not the first time she has attempted suicide. So what am I to do? Go try to find her and save her? Do you know how difficult it is to find someone in cincinnati? No one ever knows where she is. She pops up when she wants. Could be weeks, months, years. Whenever she feels like it. So maybe I am a horrid person...I can't help her. I can't give her anymore. I don't have anything to give her. And she pisses me off so much with that, "Oh I want to see my babies...I miss you guys." And then she effin cries! What the fuck is that?? Guilt trip guilt trip. How is she allowed to guilt trip me? I was in a foster home because of her ass. I've gone through a lot of fucking shit because of that woman and she has the audacity to do that. None the less I love her. More than anything in this whole entire world. I just can't afford to help her this time. I can go see her. Even though it will most likely break me emtionally for a while. I'll do it for her. I'm always worried about her. I always think she is probably lying dead in some gutter somewhere and no one is looking for her. It is my biggest fear yet my biggest relief. That is pretty terrible huh? Then so fucking be it.
Oh and the boyfriend is in jail now. This was the third abuse I heard of from this guy...and each time she went back. She always goes back, always. I swear I'll never go back. If anyone ever hit me I would probably fucking kill them.
I feel a little better now. Wow...I should do that more often. I didn't think I had much to say. Surprise surfuckingprise.
as of late this is what's happening.
we've been cleaning and packing like good kids. we move out on the 27th. thankfully. it's just kind of shitty when your days off get to be spent stuck in this stupid effin condo! oh, and cleaning it.
landlady person is showing this place to someone tomorrow. well, two different people at two different times. why? why does it have to be on MY day off! is she even allowed to do that? I mean when we moved in we didn't see the place while it was still occupied. that is BULLSHIT. but whatever. if it helps me to get my deposit back asap then cool. she needs to replace the carpet and paint the walls. lots of things need done to this place. she didn't even paint before we moved in. it looks like the same paint and carpet has been here since 1995. anyhow...I can't wait to get the fuck out of here.
my grandma has lung cancer. so that's even better. I haven't really said too much about it to anyone. no one even called and told me. lol I found out on myspace. how fucked up is that? I'm so beyond tired of my family. moving across the country is going to be a monumental positive change for me. I really need to go see her, but I'm scared. I don't do well with these types of things, but who does? I just don't know what to say or do or anything. I don't even know how I feel. I had a sob or so in the shower the day I found out...but I've been pretty stale since. I should be use to it anyway. I'm sure if you get a drink or two in me you'll find some emotion.
My mom randomly called me. She never fails to have some type of interesting news. This time in the mom enquirer...boyfriend jacked her jaw pretty hard. Left the whole side of her face black and blue. Then he decided to threaten to slit her throat. Her reply? "Do it, slit my throat, put me out of my misery." Mind you a few weeks ago my brother came to my work and told me she was starting counseling because she is suicidal AND homicidal. Double wammy winner for mom this time. What's new. Not the first time she has attempted suicide. So what am I to do? Go try to find her and save her? Do you know how difficult it is to find someone in cincinnati? No one ever knows where she is. She pops up when she wants. Could be weeks, months, years. Whenever she feels like it. So maybe I am a horrid person...I can't help her. I can't give her anymore. I don't have anything to give her. And she pisses me off so much with that, "Oh I want to see my babies...I miss you guys." And then she effin cries! What the fuck is that?? Guilt trip guilt trip. How is she allowed to guilt trip me? I was in a foster home because of her ass. I've gone through a lot of fucking shit because of that woman and she has the audacity to do that. None the less I love her. More than anything in this whole entire world. I just can't afford to help her this time. I can go see her. Even though it will most likely break me emtionally for a while. I'll do it for her. I'm always worried about her. I always think she is probably lying dead in some gutter somewhere and no one is looking for her. It is my biggest fear yet my biggest relief. That is pretty terrible huh? Then so fucking be it.
Oh and the boyfriend is in jail now. This was the third abuse I heard of from this guy...and each time she went back. She always goes back, always. I swear I'll never go back. If anyone ever hit me I would probably fucking kill them.
I feel a little better now. Wow...I should do that more often. I didn't think I had much to say. Surprise surfuckingprise.