The Madness Within
Title: The Madness Within
Author: freakinwinky
Rating:PG-13
Prompt: Heart’s desire
Word count:Ficlet; 920
Warning:A bit of violence implied. Nothing too graphic.
Summary: “Men have wasted away in front of it; even gone mad…” Remus encounters the mirror of Erised. (HBP era)
Genre: Angst
There it is. Starring, taunting, tempting.
You know what this mirror is and what it is not. It will not give you what you want. No one can give you that. It can not be. Never. Now turn away, do what you came here to do.
Can’t leave. There is a magnetic force behind this mirror, I am certain.
It is not real. You know it is not real. Now turn away and let her be. Live the life you have been given. Do not dwell on possibilities dreams. Go. Now.
Dumbledore chose this spot. Did he realize? It doesn’t matter. The mirror is here. I am here. I can see her there, standing behind me. Her hair is pink, her arms are thrown across my neck.
She would not. She might think…but you know better. Be a man, turn away. Save her, give her life.
Her hands stretch across my chest, making soothing circles. Her eyes are dark and pooled, her smile is beautiful, hypnotic. Her cheeks are flushed. She whispers…
No. She can not. You know that. Listen to me. I know what is best, I have always known.
…Into my ear. I can not hear her, I can not feel her. My mirror image closes his eyes wearing a look of intense pleasure. She moves her hands downward. She seems to beckon me. I take one step forward.
What are you doing, you fool? Move back, find Dumbledore, give the report, get away…
She is smiling at me. My mirror image leans back against her body. The scene is amazingly calm. No war, no chaos, nothing to fight against, nothing to fight for. So content, so peaceful, so indulgent, so…
Far greater Wizards than you have been…
…Free. I press my hand to hers. She smiles. I feel cold hard glass. I move my hand to stroke her hair. My mirror image does the same and she closes her eyes, looking like a sweet kitten. I can imagine the contented purring noise she would make. Perhaps if I closed my eyes I could…
…driven to madness…
…Yes. Yes, I can almost hear her hum of satisfaction. If I try I can feel her hair against my finger tips. If I strain my eyes further I can see other shapes. I see a skinny, dark haired boy, smiling and free, standing beside his parents. Happy and peaceful.
…By this very mirror.
I see his friends beside him laughing. I see his Godfather, young and handsome with no ancient eyes. I see every one I have ever known, starring at me. Smiling and laughing at me. Beckoning me, taunting me, tempting me. Here it is good. Here there is peace and harmony. Here there is no war, no death…
You will die…
She strokes my sides and I can feel her now. She is warm, soft, comforting. I will stay here and live in her. I will relish in her touch and remain in a place where there is no right or wrong. No good or evil. I strain my eyes further and see other images. I see Greyback’s head mounted on a platter. There is blood plenty of blood. It is a mixture of his and mine. I have killed him. I have killed him in the most basic, instinctual, primal way. His body is ripped and torn to shreds. Set afire.
No! Horrible!
I laugh. It is good. It is what is meant to happen. What should be. He has tortured me. I torture him. She laughs with me. Greyback is gone and she is mine. Yes. If this is madness…
Listen!
…then it is what I desire.
“Remus?”
“Headmaster!”
I am startled. I turn. The spell is broken.
Thank you.
“I’m sorry.”
As well you should be.
“I…”
“Please. It is I who should apologize. I fear I have become absent minded in my old age. If I had remembered what this room contained, I would, of course, have suggested another location.”
I turn away ashamed.
Have you become so self absorbed that you can not hold your sanity against a mirror?
“Desire is not a sin, Remus”
It is for you. What right do you have to desire such things? You are nothing.
“In fact, it is one thing which makes you all too human.”
You are an animal. He knows that.
“Now I believe we should take our meeting else where.”
Wolf. Lycanthrope. If he only knew your true desires. All that was in your heart…
“Of course. Lead the way.”
Dumbledore gives me a knowing smile and walks toward the door.
I want to turn back to the mirror. I want to see.
How dare you? After all that you have done on the underground; all you have stolen, destroyed; you dare to dream that you could be worthy of her? That she would still want you?
I turn to the mirror. She smiles.
“Remus, come.”
Dumbledore calls. It is not a request. I turn from the mirror and follow through the door.
Finally seeing sense. You know that what is in that mirror can never be. Not for you. Leave this room, forget that mirror and all the madness it brings.
I leave the room. Forgetting the madness is another matter entirely.
Author: freakinwinky
Rating:PG-13
Prompt: Heart’s desire
Word count:Ficlet; 920
Warning:A bit of violence implied. Nothing too graphic.
Summary: “Men have wasted away in front of it; even gone mad…” Remus encounters the mirror of Erised. (HBP era)
Genre: Angst
There it is. Starring, taunting, tempting.
You know what this mirror is and what it is not. It will not give you what you want. No one can give you that. It can not be. Never. Now turn away, do what you came here to do.
Can’t leave. There is a magnetic force behind this mirror, I am certain.
It is not real. You know it is not real. Now turn away and let her be. Live the life you have been given. Do not dwell on possibilities dreams. Go. Now.
Dumbledore chose this spot. Did he realize? It doesn’t matter. The mirror is here. I am here. I can see her there, standing behind me. Her hair is pink, her arms are thrown across my neck.
She would not. She might think…but you know better. Be a man, turn away. Save her, give her life.
Her hands stretch across my chest, making soothing circles. Her eyes are dark and pooled, her smile is beautiful, hypnotic. Her cheeks are flushed. She whispers…
No. She can not. You know that. Listen to me. I know what is best, I have always known.
…Into my ear. I can not hear her, I can not feel her. My mirror image closes his eyes wearing a look of intense pleasure. She moves her hands downward. She seems to beckon me. I take one step forward.
What are you doing, you fool? Move back, find Dumbledore, give the report, get away…
She is smiling at me. My mirror image leans back against her body. The scene is amazingly calm. No war, no chaos, nothing to fight against, nothing to fight for. So content, so peaceful, so indulgent, so…
Far greater Wizards than you have been…
…Free. I press my hand to hers. She smiles. I feel cold hard glass. I move my hand to stroke her hair. My mirror image does the same and she closes her eyes, looking like a sweet kitten. I can imagine the contented purring noise she would make. Perhaps if I closed my eyes I could…
…driven to madness…
…Yes. Yes, I can almost hear her hum of satisfaction. If I try I can feel her hair against my finger tips. If I strain my eyes further I can see other shapes. I see a skinny, dark haired boy, smiling and free, standing beside his parents. Happy and peaceful.
…By this very mirror.
I see his friends beside him laughing. I see his Godfather, young and handsome with no ancient eyes. I see every one I have ever known, starring at me. Smiling and laughing at me. Beckoning me, taunting me, tempting me. Here it is good. Here there is peace and harmony. Here there is no war, no death…
You will die…
She strokes my sides and I can feel her now. She is warm, soft, comforting. I will stay here and live in her. I will relish in her touch and remain in a place where there is no right or wrong. No good or evil. I strain my eyes further and see other images. I see Greyback’s head mounted on a platter. There is blood plenty of blood. It is a mixture of his and mine. I have killed him. I have killed him in the most basic, instinctual, primal way. His body is ripped and torn to shreds. Set afire.
No! Horrible!
I laugh. It is good. It is what is meant to happen. What should be. He has tortured me. I torture him. She laughs with me. Greyback is gone and she is mine. Yes. If this is madness…
Listen!
…then it is what I desire.
“Remus?”
“Headmaster!”
I am startled. I turn. The spell is broken.
Thank you.
“I’m sorry.”
As well you should be.
“I…”
“Please. It is I who should apologize. I fear I have become absent minded in my old age. If I had remembered what this room contained, I would, of course, have suggested another location.”
I turn away ashamed.
Have you become so self absorbed that you can not hold your sanity against a mirror?
“Desire is not a sin, Remus”
It is for you. What right do you have to desire such things? You are nothing.
“In fact, it is one thing which makes you all too human.”
You are an animal. He knows that.
“Now I believe we should take our meeting else where.”
Wolf. Lycanthrope. If he only knew your true desires. All that was in your heart…
“Of course. Lead the way.”
Dumbledore gives me a knowing smile and walks toward the door.
I want to turn back to the mirror. I want to see.
How dare you? After all that you have done on the underground; all you have stolen, destroyed; you dare to dream that you could be worthy of her? That she would still want you?
I turn to the mirror. She smiles.
“Remus, come.”
Dumbledore calls. It is not a request. I turn from the mirror and follow through the door.
Finally seeing sense. You know that what is in that mirror can never be. Not for you. Leave this room, forget that mirror and all the madness it brings.
I leave the room. Forgetting the madness is another matter entirely.